starring: Denise Richards, David Boreanaz and Marley Shelton
"...They'll need dental records
to identify you..."
Jeremy Melton was a young nerdy kid in 1988 who just wanted to dance with the popular girls. The young lad got rejected as he bravely passes through the It group one girl at a time, until he met a plump yet equally posh gal who took his advances in pity. But when they're caught making out by a group of bullies, she tore herself away from Jeremy and called him a pervert. Humiliated, beaten and thrown to a reform school for his "assault", Jeremy vows vengeance...
|Not the kind of "bow and arrow" you want|
in your heart
In terms of gore, there's none; the kills were very basic and most of them occurred offscreen, leaving the film partially dry in comparison to most slashers. Then again, this was the 90s, and gore is technically not the wave back then; instead, Valentine make up for this with some fair murders that stood out for their execution and style (Powerdrill scene anyone?)
As it lost some of the primary critical elements that makes a horror movie watchable, Valentine relied on its cliches and simplicity for entertainment. The whodunit plot had its moments of engagement thanks to an intentionally campy overtone despite an overly serious and mature feel. In fact, comparing to this film's director's (Jamie Blanks) previous slasher Urban Legend, this film was more plotted, rather than being a basic throw of reused story structures that is stalk and kill. There's still stalking, and there's definitely a lot of killing, but it took its time building its suspense that makes the mystery a worthwhile watch, if not all flawed.
|Wrong place at the wrong time|
|One of the highlights of the film: The Powerdrill scene|
I wouldn't say it's a masterpiece, it's more of a flawed gem that attempted to be different, but it's simplistic nature got the better of the film. But it's far from unwatchable; in fact, if you ever felt lonely in Valentines Day, I suggest you rent a copy of this film and just laugh the pain out. I'm sure you'll get your girl/guy next time but until then, have a great Valentine.
1 female had neck cut with knife
1 female shot on the gut with bow and arrow
1 male bludgeoned to death with steam iron
1 male axed on the back
1 female found murdered
1 female thrown through shower window, dropped neck-first to a shard
1 female electrocuted in pool with a plugged power drill
1 male head found
1 female repeatedly shot