I Am He That Liveth, And Was Dead: Random Acts of Violence (2019)

Random Acts of Violence (2019)

Rating: ***1/2

Starring: Jesse Williams, Jordana Brewster, Jay Baruchel 

For a long time, indie comic artist Todd Walker (Jesse Williams) has been making a decent living off his series Slasherman, which chronicles the savagery committed by a welding masked maniac, based on the (in-universe) real life serial killings of six that took place between the late 80s to the early 90s. This success, however, isn't doing much for Todd anymore as he's starting to find the work too much for his mind to bear any further, thus he plans to end the series with one last issue, given he gets past his own case of writer's block. 

In hopes of helping Walker find a strong finale for Slasherman's story, friend and publisher Ezra (Jay Baruchel, who also directed and a part of the writers of this movie) comes up with the idea of holding a press tour in the very town where the murders took place, a controversially bold move that may inspire the struggling artist to dish out one more carnal book to end all carnal books. Tagging along is Todd’s aspiring artist assistant Aurora (Niamh Wilson) and Todd’s writer girlfriend Kathy (Jordana Brewster), who is doing a book about the real life Slasherman’s victims, all of them unaware that the trip's bound for the worst when someone who's obsessed over Slasherman comics starts enacting a killing spree around the same town, inspired by the books' violence.

Based on the 2010 graphic novel of the same title by Image Comics, Random Acts of Violence tackles the old arguments of violence in media and exploiting real world horrors for entertainment, which would have been a relevant and insightful topic for a slasher movie to grasp, if only it knows what grounds of the criticism it'll focus on or, at least, build around a fair and strong argument concerning the thoughts. For a good while, the writing and direction of Violence offer scenes of Williams' character being put under fire for creating such violent comics in understandable concern, countered by Walker sharing his own beliefs that media is not always responsible for the creation of sickos, that art is just art and what society’s vile deviants do with it is their own doing. These are again very compelling debates, but by the time we hit the hour mark, the movie shifts its gears to regular exploitation bloodlettings many slashers are known for, ditching the all the argumentative build-up for something cliched, littered with one big plot hole (so big it's kinda amazing) and, yes, chunky red violence. 

Perhaps that's the main idea of the whole movie, that whichever side of the coin you stand on, you will eventually see its shade of imperfections once it's flipped against you. That behind every sense of order and control is raw chaos that inspires it. Whether this is the case or not completely falls into the audience's perspective, but one thing is certain and that's the straight horror elements of Violence are mostly top notch.

There's an atmosphere of near-realism in this movie's early dose of killings, with set-pieces intensely building up to murders that interestingly doesn't shower the movie with much onscreen bodycounting despite the decent number of victims and how brutal they can get. Among the slayings are bloody stabbings, beheadings, eviscarations and, most disturbing of them all, a family massacre, all of which executed in a manner that disparagingly implies their graphic nature without mostly glorify it, leaving us viewers nothing but our imagination to fill in the gaps as the screen cuts to black, or we see our protagonists' faces twist in terror. Tinted lighting and sound design also play a pretty big role in the film's horror scenes and Violence's giallo-inspired cinematography and editing got it covered on that department well enough, especially around the plot's first trio of murders and its artsy climactic reveal.

On note to the movie's twist, Violence, again, drops off the semi-serious tone in time and appears to cheapen its way into the finale by basically pulling a Happy Birthday To Me (1981) - style revelation on us, complete with victims' bodies arranged into sitting on chairs while the villain gives their delusional expositions as to why they're doing this, hammering down the details so we'd definitely understand their point. Admittedly, it is a fun reveal and in par to all the other ridiculously cheesy slasher motivations, dare I say it's pretty unique in the sense the killer's willing to die for the sake of what they believe is the ultimate fanboy move. This may sound like the killer stepping down from a creepily random Bible verse-spewing psycho to a serial killer with a comic book obsession but, by all means, it's not all the way bad. The talent behind the killer even pulls it off quite effectively.

It's clear as crystal that Jay Baruchel wrote and directed Random Acts of Violence as a possible in-depth look into horror media and its relationship with real life tragedies as both an influence and the influenced, doubled as a slasher movie of the partial-meta kind. Should the story kept its focus more on the psychological and ethical aspects touched by the plot, I'm sure Violence would have been an entirely different monster to be reckoned with. But for what it is right now, it's not gonna win every horror fan out there, but I'm sure there are an appreciative bunch out there who will love it for the thrills, the spills and the chills.

Bodycount:

1 male knifed to death, later found mutilated and arranged as a macabre art piece

1 female killed offcamera, later found mutilated and arranged as a macabre art piece

1 female killed offcamera, later found mutilated and arranged as a macabre art piece

1 female had her neck snapped, later found decapitated

1 male shot dead (mostly offcamera)

1 female shot dead

1 boy shot dead (mostly offcamera)

1 male shot on the head with an automatic rifle

1 female hacked on the head with a carving knife, gutted (flashback)

1 female found gutted

1 male repeatedly stabbed with a hunting knife, throat cut

1 male burned to death inside a blazing house

Total: 12

Halloween School Girl Spirits: Pumpkin Night (Part 1) (2016-2020)

Pumpkin Night ("パンプキンナイト") (2016-2020, Part 1 of an ongoing manga series)

Rating: **1/2

Author: Seima Taniguchi

Artist: Masaya Hokazono

Number of Issues: 4 Volumes

So I found out about this manga series after watching a video about it in Youtube, described as your run-in-the-mill cheesy 80s slasher in Japanese comic book format. At least as a start. 

In the first arc of this gory saga (dubbed "Part 1", spanning over a total of 33 chapters plus a side chapter and an epilogue), it follows Naoko Kirino, a heavily disfigured girl who escaped a mental hospital by slaughtering countless patients and staffs. As the now Jack-o-Lantern headed slasher "Pumpkin Night", she methodically stalks, tortures and kills five of her former classmates, bullies who broke her body and damaged her mind after they pulled the one prank that went too far during one Halloween party.

For nineteen chapters, Pumpkin Night (Part 1) is your ultra-violent revenge slasher horror that borderlines into torture porn and splatter flick territory for the gruesome details put to each kill drawn, courtesy of artist Masaya Hokazono. At times, the kills can get pretty disturbing for the amount of brutality subjected to the targets, whether they're alive or already dead, but there are occasions wherein it can get too silly to be taken seriously, particularly on the matter of how some of these deaths can get too cartoonish to be even considered possible. (Like how a pumpkin scooper will be strong enough to scoop off a good chunk of skull!) 

The story accompanying this violence is cheesy and simple enough; it's your classic Slaughter High (1986)-type plot where a bullied teen returns as an insane and utterly sadistic slasher, done in a way that the story goes through loops of cliched characters and plot developments, often ringing in one or two genius moments (Naoko pulling off the ole' switcheroo on a body of a murdered classmate at a hospital, so she could listen in to her victims discussing what to do about the killings), as well as its share of creepiness. (One of the teens finding Naoko, without her mask, all scarred up and grinning, inside a crowded elevator with them) Most of the chapters tend to focus on the build-up of a murder, setting the scene up for a torture porn-esque death trap that, at times, tends to go on forever if not side-stepping into flashbacks that detail what lead to all of this, which more often than not involves Naoko's bullying. 

Around the second half of the story is when Pumpkin Night (Part 1) lags around the idea of political power play and re-introduce side characters as the new main ones. Without spoiling much, one of the major players got seemingly killed off in a gutsy move on the author's behalf around these parts, so the Pumpkin Mask persona evolves from a killer straight out of a bad slasher movie to something like the titular character from The Phantom of Paradise (1974) if Tim Burton had his way designing it. Not a bad turn, admittedly, as these last chapters did still play around the identity of being a slasher film-inspired manga, but it felt rather empty and drags the story away from a quicker and more satisfyingly simple conclusion for the sake of adding more bodies to the count. I mean, I get it, the author probably didn't want Pumpkin Night to always get the upperhand as she's practically slaying people like a kid crushing ants with their thumbs, but its needlessly complicated and prolonged, especially if the end result is still the same overpowered killer knifing and burning armed muscle-bound thugs left and right with ease.

For our trouble's worth, at least this arc's ending has this hilariously over-the-top final kill, with promises of a possibly more supernaturally-inclined (?) continuation at its epilogue. Pumpkin Night, from what it is offering, is no great manga in regards to its cheap and messy story but, so far, it has the B-grade charms of a violent horror movie whose main purpose is to dish out as many graphic (and juicy) kills as possible, regardless the plausibility of it all. If you love slashers like Truth or Dare: A Critical Madness (1986) or, Heaven help you, The Summer of Massacre (2011), then give this cheesy trash reading a try! 

Bodycount:

1 female seen nearly decapitated (chapter 1)

1 male seen with a missing jaw (chapter 1)

1 male seen impaled and disemboweled with a wooden plank (chapter 1)

9 victims seen slaughtered (chapter 1)

1 male found with his skull sliced open, brain scooped out (chapter 1)

1 female had her eyes torn out with a pumpkin scooper, ran over and mangled by a truck (chapter 1)

1 male gets a knife through the head (chapter 2)

1 male gets a metal pole skewered through his nose (chapter 4)

1 female knifed through the head (chapter 5)

1 female gets a metal pipe shoved through her mouth, impaled through head (chapter 5)

1 female knifed in the eye (chapter 6)

1 male has his head slaughtered with a bonesaw (chapter 6)

1 male and 1 female gets thrown surgical tools to the backs, slaughtered (chapter 6)

1 female electrocuted with a live wire (chapter 6)

1 female repeatedly stabbed in the eyes with a syringe, head crushed with a folding chair (chapter 10)

1 male gets his throat sliced with broken syringes (chapter 10)

1 female knifed through the head (chapter 15)

1 male knifed, had his jaw broken off with a claw hammer (chapter 19 bonus comic)

1 male found murdered, body left in a canal (chapter 20)

1 male repeatedly assaulted with a knife, smothered with a pillow (chapter 25)

3 males set ablaze (chapter 28)

1 male flipped unto the pavement, skull cracked (chapter 29)

1 male knifed in the groin (chapter 29)

1 male caught inside an immolated car, burned to death (chapter 30)

1 male had his head cracked with a knife handle and gets a bottle of acid shoved into the wound, decapitated (chapter 33)

Total: 35

A Carver And His Trees: Bump (2007 Comic)

BUMP (2007 Limited Series Comic)
Rating: ***
Author: Mark Kidwell
Artist: Mark Kidwell
Number of issues: 4

Long ago -about a decade or so- after American horror magazine company Fangoria ventured over into producing films, sponsoring conventions and running online TV and radio shows, they decided to branch out to another form of print media and out came Fangoria Comics with two of its first titles debuting in 2007. These were Beneath the Valley of The Rage, a prequel comic to a low budget 2007 zombie movie called The Rage, and the topic of today's discussion, BUMP.

Penned and drawn by Mark Kidwell of Image Comic's zombie series "'68", BUMP follows a dark-and-stormy-night situation where a family of three and a trio of teenagers get stranded in the middle of a backwoods road after a thunderstruck tree causes an accident. Looking for shelter, the six finds a nearby farmhouse occupied by a frail old lady, not knowing this is the infamous Old Dill Farmhouse where, back about 30 years ago, a serial killer named Edgar "Eddie" Dill did his gruesome deeds and was the last place he was ever seen alive at. That night, however, with new fresh victims to slaughter, Eddie returns from the grave and whatever carnage he has planned for these people, he's not doing it alone...

A mishmash of backwoods slasher roots ala Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) and violent supernatural cabin-of-horrors jigs reminiscent of The Evil Dead (1981), BUMP hails a decent concept for both a new slasher and breed of ravenous creatures, but not enough of a concrete story to make more of these beasts other than the big lug has a crusade against dirty girls and that the monsters like to rend and bite. With only four issues to run the story, I'm not really that surprised that this limited series felt like a low-budget B-flick filled with predictable tropes and momentary slow bits to loom around the more otherworldly aspects of the plot, though considering that the story does toy around with the idea of building its characters and the mythos surrounding Eddie and his army, I expected some substantial lore and world building would be at least introduced and followed through.

Truth be told, BUMP instead preferred to keep things mostly in the dark and just get into the meat of the horror as much as possible, may it be a mad slasher with a speech impediment impaling people with carving tools or wooden "Treehuggers" clawing and tearing flesh apart. It delivers on the gory art and monster violence masterfully enough through expressive character designs (Well, somewhat expressive. Half of them often drawn looking dazed for some reason...) and detailed horror sequences but, again, I really believe that the short issue run was what chipped and dented this mini-series down into a standardized but still readable horror comic when it seriously could have been better. Heck, the story doesn't even have a satisfying finale as just when you thought the plot will lead to an interesting reveal or a climatic brawl, Eddie simply stabs and hexes his way into winning at the end so abruptly, it led to a rather unearned cliffhanger that just felt lazy.

I'd heard through the grapevine that (apart that there's a failed plan on adapting this into big screen. Starring SAW series' Tobin Bell of all people) Kidwell did expanded BUMP's story through his own novelization and I do hope I will get my hands on a copy one day. Again, the story has potential to be a fun B-Grade horror piece that I'm earnest will be more enjoyable if its flaws were fixed so here's hoping that the book will be (hopefully is) an improvement. Until then, this is a comic that I could love for its simple entertainment but ironically hate for its shortcuts and wasted opportunities. Nuff' said.

Bodycount:
1 male gutted with a knife
1 boy possessed, mangled from the inside
1 female ran through with an old hand drill
1 elderly female pushed through a window, impaled on the neck with a glass shard
1 male mauled to pieces
1 male mauled apart
1 female caught in a gas explosion
1 male ran through with an old hand drill
1 male possessed, mangled from the inside
1 male killed offscreen
Total: 10

The Slashie Awards: Slashermania (2017 Comic)

Slashermania (2017 Graphic Novel)
Rating: ***1/2
Author: Russell Hillman
Pencils: Ron Joseph, CJ Camba
Inks: Jake Isenberg, Ron Joseph, CJ Camba
Colours: Harry Saxon
Number of issues: 1

If properly handled, slasher movies with gangs of killers are something I could always look forward to. From the child cults of the Children of the Corn franchise and the inbred mountain families of the Wrong Turn series, to the trio of killer clowns of Clownhouse (1989) and the trans-dimensional mutants simply known as the Neon Maniacs (1986), I always find myself marveling at these maniacal groups functioning and identifying themselves as a single entity, or how each of them has their own thing going and, when packed together in a single film, almost always guarantee a collectively awesome hour and a half with their gimmicks and quirks while doing away victims.

It's this mindset that had me looking into a then Kickstarter comic project known as Slashermania, the graphic novel answer to the question "what do you get when you cross Battle Royale (2000), Sleepaway Camp (1983), and $LA$HER$ (2001)?", featuring not one. Not two. Not Four. But ten slashers stalking the woods and cabins for fresh victims! Of course, I was ecstatic both as a slasher nut and a comic book geek. Now, three years later and thanks to a good online buddy, I finally got to read it not too long ago as of writing this! So, did the large cast of masked and not-so-masked killers brought the same gory and brutal delight as, let's say, the 2006 remake of The Hills Have Eyes did as a multi-killer slasher story? Yes. Yes it did....

Until the last third of the book.

In this gore-filled comic set in the 80s, a secret show is held by someone going by the moniker Blade Killington where rich individuals pay by the millions to see what is basically live snuff, committed by costumed killers. This apparently have been going on since 1980 and the further the years go by, the larger the number of victims-to-be gets unknowingly roped in and, in turn, the more killers participate. By the end of each show, an award ceremony is held, handing these slashers the "Slashies" for categories such as the Best Male Solo Death, the Best Female Solo Death, First Kill, Biggest Multiple Deaths, and the much desired Slasher of the Year award, all narrated and recapped throughout by two jolly former competitors-turned-host and hostess with an excitement as to match any football announcers.

Long story short, it's the friggin Slasher Olympics!

Our competitors, ladies and gents!

Now it's 1983 and the killing grounds selected for this year's show is a refurbished camp site, where a total of 50 teenagers will be dropped into and be done away by our competitors: former-vigilante-now-psycho Captain Night, silent hulk Franklin Frost, lusty femme fatal Madame Tragedy, the quippy March Hare, powertool-ready Mechanic, gender-confused Sammy, old-fashioned Signor Gialli, the medically deadly Unknown Doctor, torchlight-wielding Usherette and the musically-inclined Virtuoso. As night falls, these hunters will hunt their prey and it soon becomes clear that nothing will stop these mad folks. Nothing, except, a final girl who will soon thirst for revenge...

Story-wise, Slashermania is definitely a slasher story at its best and worst; on one spectrum, I love the quick pace of the story and the satirical take on violence as entertainment, with the latter had me chuckling a bit on how casual the spectators can be as innocent (and not-so-innocent) teens meet their maker in such horrifyingly painful fashion. The whole carnage is treated as a mere sport, complete with guest stars such as psychiatrists and tabloid writers commenting on the events, and too past victors and survivors settling their differences long enough to sit on the same couch to catch up. These "back stage" portions are where most of the rightfully exploitative and witty writing shines, doing a pretty good job building the backdrop behind this twisted event.

When it comes to the teens at the camp prior and in the midst of the carnage, though, this is where most readers will be challenged; for a typical slasher fan who wants nothing more than bodies getting hacked to bits left and right, character building can be optional so long as the resulting death is worth their time, may it be in execution or build-up. The teens in Slashermania clearly lack any further depth apart from being one-dimensional meat for the slashers to kill, most of them characterized similarly as "horny", "gay", "dumb", "stoned" or simply "there", uttering what is technically the same lines concerning how high they are from whatever drug they're smoking or how horny they are for that one guy or gal. Their large number, as well as their lack of focus and development may as well be intentional since the main showcase here are the killers and the gory deaths they will soon bestow upon these children.

And bestowed upon them their gory deaths they did and it just looks fantastic! The overall art looks good for most pages, though I do notice the quick decline on quality around the last act. Until then, the details and coloring strikes a late 80s/early 90s vibe to them, and it sticks pretty close to the exploitative elements of a good slasher with gratuitous sex scenes and full frontal nudity. That being said, the carnage around the first night are some of the better looking ones I've ever laid eyes on, and the quality of the kills are gloriously gruesome enough to make me wonder what some of these cool kills and attacks would look like in live action. It's tame when it needs to be tame, savage when it needs to be savage, inventive when it needs to be inventive (multiple deaths by shower scalding? Genius!), all in the making of a true slasher story.

The killers themselves are mostly a treat, with each being a take on classic slasher villain tropes from the mute indestructible hulk to the limber wisecracker, as well as proto-slashers like the classic black-gloved Italian giallo criminal and even a Norman Bates-inspired crossdresser type. Their designs are pretty great and accurate to the kind of villains normally popping up in slasher flicks, though I will admit some of the better ones were those that were simply mentioned in the background. (The bondage themed Pain/Pleasure Principal? Chemical-themed Biohazard? What the shit?! Those are some of the cooler looking slashers!) Their variations meant that the immense bodycount here are mostly done away with the killer's own shtick (The Virtuoso sings with his target first before bashing their brains in, for example. Or, my favorite, The Usherette wielding weaponized torchlights), but it is nice to see that a bigger deal of the killcount are good old-fashioned brute force and stab wounds.

So it seems Slashermania has both guts and glory on a high mark, but does it last forever? This, sadly, is where the book's biggest flaw comes in and it's gonna be kinda tricky talking about this without giving away much. As mentioned, it was all fun and games for both these slashers and the sick audience watching until one of the survivors decided to get even and, while I normally don't mind a survivor getting back on the killer, this could have been done better. Since the characterization of the teens was stiff, our little avenger could have been anyone and, to be truthful, she doesn't strike as anything remarkable except, I dunno, being street smart? Doesn't really count much for its worth seeing I could point out about two to three other kids in that camp who were street smart given I could recall their names since they all blend in together too well...

Apart from the bland survivor, I also can't help but feel that the comic's ending was rushed and I can tell from its many plot holes. For instance, for a guy who's supposed to be rich enough to have people back up this blood show with millions of dollars, you would expect better security to, I dunno, prevent one kid from entering the premises and kill them off before any real damage can be done? Also, for a group of serial killers who managed to pile up 50 or so victims for over a day and a half, had it occur to them that they could just, well, pile up on the angry, pissed-off teen and mutilate the kid to death? Heck, one of these freaks even brought it up! Yes, Sammy, why can't you just help Franklin out and tackle the little ankle biter down and chop off their limbs so it'll be easier to finish them off? Numbers, lumbnuts! Use 'em!

Now, I suppose this book is trying to point out the flaw in slasher logic, but damn, that finale was pretty lazy. I expected more stalk-and-hunt survival action between the survivor and the ten to nine remaining killers, but all I got was cheap death porn. And I hate cheap death porn. (Before you point out, yes, I am aware that most of the book is death porn but, until the later bits, the first two thirds of killings were gorgeous, creative and a hell lot better thought out)

Still, I wouldn't let a sour ending ruin a good book. For most, it was a great read and certainly worked up a lot of eye candy for my inner gorehound and love for slasher villains. Definitely not the best slasher comic out there, but Slashermania has its charms and it's worth reading if you're a big fan of dead teen horror flicks who just happens to be craving for some bloody carnage. With sweet art, badass killers and a jet black sense of humor, go grab a copy of this graphic graphic novel fresh off the prints!

Bodycount:
1 male knifed through the gut
1 female gets a dagger through the head
1 female axed between the legs
1 gets a dagger through the neck
1 male gets a metal spike through the groin while being fellated
1 female impaled through the mouth with a metal spike while fellating
1 male seen impaled with a metal rod
1 female seen killed
1 male ran through with a machete
1 female shot on the head with a pistol
1 male decapitated with a kukri
1 male beaten to death with a torchlight
1 female had her throat slit with a razor
1 male set ablaze
1 male and 1 female set ablaze with a thrown burning victim
1 female powerdrilled through the head, exits to an eye
1 male lands head first to a bear trap
1 female brained to death with a guitar
1 male pushed to a bonfire, had a leg axed off
1 female held down in a lake, drowned
1 male vivisected with a machete, lunged ripped out with a hammer claw
1 male had his legs cut off with a machete, brained with a hammer
1 female gets a glass shard to the chest
1 male had his head crushed with fridge door
1 male vivisected with a scalpel
1 female stabbed on the temple with a knife
1 male had his throat cut with a kukri, disemboweled with a chainsaw
1 male and 1 female eviscerated with a chainsaw while copulating
1 female shot on the eye with an arrow
1 female shot through the neck with an arrow
1 male brained with a wrench, dropped back first to a vehicle lift
1 female stabbed on the head with a daggered torch light
1 male stabbed with a daggered torchlight
1 male gets a daggered torchlight through the head, exits to mouth
1 male nearly decapitated with a daggered torchlight
1 male and 1 female gets adouble throat cut with a cane sword
1 female had her throat slashed with a scalpel
1 female dismembered with a hacksaw
5 males scalded to death inside a rigged and locked shower room
1 female brained with a sledgehammer
1 male brained with a sledgehammer
3 females and 2 males caught inside a burning cabin
1 male eviscerated with a chainsaw
1 male and 1 female gets a double gutting with a chainsaw
1 male and 1 female dismembered with a chainsaw
1 female had her face eviscerated with a chainsaw
1 female killed with a chainsaw offpanel
1 male stabbed with a cane sword
2 males and 1 female found poisoned
1 female found shot
1 female shot
1 female shot
1 male shot
1 male and 1 female shot dead
1 female decapitated by an elevator
1 male shot on the head
1 male stabbed to death with trophies
1 male seen shot on the head
1 male shot on the eye
1 female shot on the head
1 male shot
1 male axed through the chest
1 female hacked with an axe
A number of people presumably killed in a fire
Total:79+

Non-Horror Post: Last Wednesday, I chose a side...

And decided to see Captain America: Civil War.

And loved every minute of it!

I'll be honest, after that underwhelming DC mash-up that is Batman V Superman, I was a bit skeptical on seeing another hero-vs-hero movie (and more skeptical now on seeing Suicide Squad when it comes) but Disney/Marvel knows how to make a good superhero movie work!

Where do I begin? I love the thought-provoking realism of this entry and I love the fact that it didn't devolve into mere superhero theatrics at the end with the inclusion of this movie's villain, Zemo. I love the two teams created out of the Avengers. I love the cameos. I love how they'll be slugging each other was perfectly paced for the wait. I love Ant-Man's little distraction. I love that they're hinting a new solo movie for Spiderman. I love that they're hinting a solo Black Panther movie. I love the bromance between Steve, Sam and Bucky. And I love how this movie effectively placed me at the edge of my seat from beginning to end, especially that final battle between Cap, Bucky, and Tony.

I hadn't felt this kind of rush since I saw Jurassic World, Godzilla (2016) and Guardians of the Galaxy, and I am happy to say, waking up 7:00 AM to get my tetanus shot first before walking through an entire town just to see this was well worth it! (I need to get my shots cuz my dog bit my finger for the umpteenth time. Long story for another time...) If you are yet to see this, I will punch a llama for it. I will eat a live rat for it. I will do this and that for it. And I highly recommend it.

See it!

GO, TEAM CAP!

Random Art Post: Today I Love...

Guardians of The Galaxy. (Especially Rocket Raccoon)

Is it Blasphemy to say I think this movie is SUPERIOR to The Avengers? Well, maybe. I'll probably get stoned for saying that but meh, I LOVE this movie! Best Marvel Movie Since the first The Amazing Spiderman!

Art (c) Mine. No Stealy Please!

Herman's Top Zombie Moments

I've been doing a lot of slasher reviews in this little blog of mine lately, and I want to spice it up with something different.

For those who doesn't know, I was an avid zombie fan before I rekindled my love for slashers, and I've seen only a few at a young age (twelve...or thirteen) before I get to broaden up my collection as an adult (who somehow retains his original 5'2" height for the last five years...) Til' then, I recall all of the time I present KFC chicken as human hearts and drew my own zombie designs, to the point my parents worry about me. Well, not exactly ashamed but I did get to regulate my obsession, but I think it's best to share my love for these shambling undead with this list!

In here are my fave zombie moments, with no particular order, from a wide array of media from films to comic books to novels; now, be ready with your shotguns, and aim for the head, cuz your brother Hermann is gonna give you (his first, but definitely not the last) list fave zombie moments!

~Return of the Living Dead (1984) Use Brains to Get Brains- Starting our list is the punk-rock zombie classic from the 80s, and one of the few earliest I've seen via video. We often stereotype lumbering and talking zombies as those that hungrily obsesses for brains, but had any of them ever get to the point of using their own to get some? The chemical-tainted ghouls from this film comically exploited this variation by talking over ambulance and squad car dispatchers, fooling whoever is on the other end to "send more cops/paramedics".

Even better? On a certain point of the film, they even learned to ambush their prey by dressing up as cops! Now that's brain food!

~ Dawn of the Dead (2004) It Happened in your neighborhood- The first film to introduce "runners" to my zombie life, this commercially successful remake of a splatter classic of the same name certainly knew how to start a film. While giving us little hints of what could be the beginning of the end, the next morning came with the most chaotic zombie outbreak I've seen in years, with explosive traffic, killer children and (in some version) random nudie shots. Oh, and the gore. Definitely the gore!

~ Day of the Dead (1985) Breached- Lo and Behold, my personal fave George A. Romero zombie flick, and probably my all time underrated fave. Childhood memories had me loving every minute of this film but not as much as the gut-munching climax.

After sacrificing his own life for reasons I've yet to understand, a troubled soldier lead an entire army of the shambling dead into a sealed-off military bunker, leading to every jerks trapped inside being munched away in gleefully gory fashion and deserving survivors fighting for their lives. Showcasing the best of what special effects wiz Tom Savini could offer, this scene wins with no zombies "chocking on anyone" and humans being torn apart.

~ Night of the Living Dead (1990) "Is he Dead?!"- In risk of angering fans out there, I really prefer the remake over the original for many reasons, but let me show you my favorite among said reasons: directed by Tom Savini, this remake's version of Barbara had fully transformed from a traumatized and doomed damsel, to a traumatized yet fully functional gun-totting heroine who may have saved everybody else given that they'd listen to her. ("They're so slow. We could just walk pass by them!")

To even re-initiate this claim further, one scene here had Barbs scream at a panicking girl who doesn't seem to understand that those pale-eyed ghouls are dead, all the while shooting one of them all over the place before giving it a buck shot to the head.

~ Peter Jackson's Dead Alive/Braindead (1992) Dining With Monsters and The Lawnmower Man- Two scenes made this New Zealand cult classic splatstick an instant fave for me, the first being our lead (and wimpy) hero Lionel in his attempt to calm down the growing number of zombies in his household by tying them unto chairs and, dig this, serve them pudding. Funny enough, it kinda worked, but the ghoul's child-like antics is still a hassle.

The second would be an all-time fave for all splatter fans; after completely devouring an entire household of party guests, the zombie population quadrupled in Lionel's home. His solution? Strap a working lawnmower unto his chest and walk through an entire armada of the undead to shred them down into puree'.

~28 Weeks Later (2007) Leaving and Reuniting- While the 28 Days Later is a new age cult classic of its own right, its sequel undeniably bested it at almost everything. Two fave scenes of mine here focuses on family ordeal at its worst; after letting a helpless boy into their cottage, an Irish man, his wife and a group of survivors unknowingly grabbed the attention of some nearby infected, leading to the most intense opening act I've seen in a zombie film. It's chaotic, hectic and psychologically exhausting as a husband is forced to leave his wife behind to save his own arse.

Barely escaping, he spent the next few months preparing for the return of his kids, who were sent away to isolate them from the infection. What he didn't count on was that they'll find out the truth sooner than he imagined as they find her alive, yet unknowingly infected. What should be a tearful reunion instead ends up in bloodshed when a kiss infects one, and then another. And then another...

~Shaun of the Dead (2004) Drunk Mary and Kill the Queen- Perhaps the smartest and hippest "Rom-Com-Zom" to come in existence, a personal memorable scene would be the the time Simon Pegg and Nick Frost's buddy characters first face-to-face encounter with a zombie...though not the way we usually expect it; Mistaking an undead girl as a drunk, the two played with it a little (and even taking a quick snap) before they decided to go "physical" on her, shoving and impaling the girl into a pole, and then watches her get up to her feet as if it was nothing. NOW they get it!

Second would be a family favorite. Well, me and my sister's fave (she once watched it with me and loved it); after a fuck-up lured some zombies into the bar, one of them got inside and began attacking Shaun's crew. While there's a conveniently placed gun on the wall, he chooses a safer alternative: whack-a-zombie with pool sticks, all the while Queen's Don't Stop Me Now is playing. Fun times!

~Night of The Creeps (1986) Zombie Cat and Unearthing- A mash-up of scifi and zombies (with one instance of slasher), Creeps was a childhood fave of mine, a first to teach me that not all cats are friendly. Especially if they were ran over by a car and brought back to life by an parasitic slug.

Also, it's the first to teach me as well that in every wooden floorboard lies a reanimated body of a deranged axe murderer.

~[REC] (2007) The Thing in The Room- In this clasutrophobic found footage zombie film from Spain, darkness is your enemy. Not metaphorical darkness. Real darkness. Through the use of night vision imagery, [REC] reminds us effectively that there's still a reason to fear the dark...

~[REC2](2009) Prayers Worked- In a sudden plot twist, this sequel reveals to us *spoiler alert!* that the undead in these films are actually the physical symptoms of demonic possessions. Depending on how you take this, I still find the new angle to be quite cool, especially when a priest shows us a new and more badass use of prayers: as a mean of torture for demonic interrogation.

~Fido (2006) Zombie Saves the Day- In this heart warming tale of a boy and his dog- er, I mean, zombie, set in a 1950-esque world where the undead are sold as either pets or manservants, our lead lad finds himself and his zombie in trouble when a couple of neighborhood bullies try to make themselves look like heroes by binding him to a tree while they tamper on a special collar that keeps his zombie docile. It backfires inevitably, with both boys ending up dead and soon to revive, but Fido remembers his master and tries his best to get them off their current predicament. Not to worry, they did get out in time and the whole scene was just heartwarmingly adorable!

~Land of the Dead (2005) River of the Dead- Ah yes, another one of Romero's impressive follow-up, this time taking place in a more constructed yet ailing future where the living finds a way to wall themselves away from the dead. What they wasn't expecting, however, is that the dead are learning again, finding ways to get their much loved warm meat through any obstacles.

In one scene, in tribute to another horror classic The Carnival of Souls, zombies rises out of a river after learning that they can walk through it with no effect whatsoever. It's an impressive money shot for me, and one that's best remembered for a reason.

~Zombie/Zombi 2 (1979) Shark vs Zombi and Splintered- First scene I like to comment about from this Lucio Fulci classic has another zombie getting soaked. This time in the vastness of the sea, where one zombie somehow found his way underwater and on the prowl of a skinny dipping diver, only to fight for its meal against a shark. While the choreography and continuity with this one is a bit off (hehe, bit off!), it's still a memorable scene for its originality and cheesiness.

The second is another bonafide money shot. You know all this, and this is perhaps the only good reason for the film to market "barf-bags": one zombie grabs a hapless victim by the hair and then proceeds to pull her through the door and into a splinter. Did I mention this is by the eye? Yeah, slow eye gag. Makes you wonder why she didn't bother using her hands...

~Reanimator (1985) Giving a Head- As in literally; In this gory take on HP Lovecraft's short of the same name, a mad scientist by the name of Herbert West murders and then revives a dominating professor in two pieces as an experimental "research", not anticipating for the specimen to get out and goes on a molesting spree on his favorite voluptuous student. Obviously, being raped is a horrible thing, but by a disembodied head? That's new standards.

~ Slither (2006) A Good Reason to Shoot a Deer- "I still don't get the joy of a grown man shooting the face off a poor defenseless deer" Well Parley, now you know...

~ V/H/S/2's A Ride in The Park (2013) "I'm Sorry, were you Eating Me?"- Body language can be a funny thing for a zombie; it's there, but at the same time it ain't. But for a group of zombies in this awesome anthology (one of them we watch through his POV), nothing spells awkward like watching the meal you're munching on get up and stare right back at you with a blank look on his face.

~Army of Darkness (1992) Siege-When an army of the dead rises from the grave due to some moron's inability to memorize some magic words, it has to be the work of one Ashley J. Williams. But never fear, for the man with the steel chin has some tricks up his sleeve, bringing 20th century knowledge to a medieval timeline (which, come to think of it, is a risky move) to battle an army of bones in one epic siege!

~Cemetery Man/ Dellamorte Dellamore (1994) Badass Biker- Now, why didn't Psychomania (1973) had something like this? Returning from the grave after a roadside accident, an undead biker comes back with an entrance: riding the same bike he owned and buried with, to munch on a willing victim and lover. Yep, nothing wrong here, just a zombie eating a love-struck girl~

 

~Pontypool (2008) An Infectious Demonstration- In an imaginative variation of your usual zombie plague, Pontypool introduced zombies that must spread their infection through words. As in once you understood the word these crazies are saying, you might get the bug. One unfortunate girl caught this and shows us what will happen once the infection doesn't spread, in one incredibly tense and the film's bloodiest display.

~Zombieland (2009) "Is that how you say 'Hello?' "- Okay, not really a zombie zombie moment, but damn, this shit is funny as hell! Taking refuge in Bill Murray's mansion, two of the rag tag group of State-Monikered survivors meet up with a non-infected Murray, who found a way to live through the zombie crowd through the magic of make-up. Hoping to play a joke on the other two, Murray walked in on them in a fake zombified state...

 

 only to get shot.

Yeah, that's...that's just effin' tragic...*snickers*

 ~Trailer Park of Terror (2008) Rocking Roach- It's criminal for this film to be so little heard; with good gore and sick laughs, all we need now is awesome non-CG zombie designs to make it a worthwhile watch and instant cult fave!

And who to deliver that than the one and only Roach, a rock-a-billy undead with a love for drugs, who actually spends a good portion of his screen time  to prove that that rock-and-roll will never die. Literally!

~ Planet Terror (2007) "Cherry Bomb"- Never call a professional Go-Go Dancer a stripper in this Robert Rodrigues zombie mash-up, especially ones that have a high-powered rocket launchers for a leg. And for our viewing pleasure, she showed this through an entire platoon of "sickos", one infected bastard at a time!

~ Warm Bodies (2013) To Feel Alive- One of the few surprising zombie films I've seen that I owe an apology (I judged it as sappy before seeing the whole thing. Still is, but it's the bearable kind of sappiness!) I love the movie's original idea and R is just plain adorable as a zombie who had fallen in love with a living, breathing girl named Julie (Romeo and Juliet?)

In an effort to "protect" her from others like him, he planned on hiding Julie in his little room full of knick-knacks he collected, done through a cheesy montage of these two doing anything to pass the time. It's warm and cuddly, and I friggin luv it! (Plus, I wanted a place to crash just like that!)

~World War Z (2013) Tower of the Dead- Yeah, I don't know about the rest of youse, but I enjoyed WWZ. Yes, it's not a faithful adaptation of the book, but it is pretty darn entertaining as an action flick. The CG zombies actually looked pretty good, too (despite the minor complain about them having "googly eyes".

One scene has to be a standout; attracted by the religious singing of one group (Really? with zombies outside, them morons wanna have a party?), zombies began to pile up on one another until they began to create an impressive tower full of the writhing dead, resulting to a breach. Now if only we get to see that lady who started that singing being munched on by a zombie, this would be a lot better...

~Masters of Horror's Homecoming (2005) A Zombie Votes- A better entries to this amazing series, Homecoming had dead soldiers coming back to life not to feast on the flesh and brains of the living, but to vote!

Yes, vote for a new president in an attempt to stop more soldiers being brought into a war that might not even worth it. Love the political tone in this (even though politics STILL bores the hell out of me) and I just love the plot reveal here involving a rather calm zombie pointing his way into voting. I salute you, fat dude in khaki uniform!

~Treehouse of Horror III: Dial Z For Zombies (1992) "Flanders was a Zombie?"- One of the funniest shit to come out of The Simpsons. Guess in a time where the dead are coming back to life, might as well get rid of your neighbor. In front of your family...

~ Michael Jackson's Thriller (1983) The Undead Moves- If being a zombie means having funk-tastic dance moves, then let these guys munch on me! The King of Pop shows this in one impressively choreographed dance routine, all with its dancers in full costume! Long Live the King of Pop! As a Zombie!

~ Stephen King's Home Delivery (1989) The Thing that was a Husband- Perhaps King's first zombie short, an orbiting clod of worms somehow affected the Earth atmosphere, turning the dead into flesh hungry zombies. The short was an enjoyable read, but I definitely love the part when our narrator, Maddie Pace, recalls her first encounter with one. Chillingly, it was her own husband who had drowned years ago, complete with sea slugs eating their way through the flesh.

art by Skookworks Inc.

~ Stephen King's Cell  (2006)The Signal- Yet again another King work, this time from one of my first few of his novels that I finished. A mysterious phone signal had somehow affected everybody who heard it, turning them into raving zombie-like crazies who mauls anything, including their own. The opening act for this novel has to be the best, just to show that in any typical day, shit can just happen.

 

~ Marvel Zombies (2005-2006) Galactus Falls- Written by The Walking Dead's Robert Kirkman, an alternate reality had all of our fave Marvel superheroes and villains turned into zombies by an alien virus. No one was safe, not even a planet eating space god who kept on boasting that nothing can hurt him.

Well, say that to your disemboweled gut, Gal, which strangely, turns out you have one...

BONUS! FOR A FRIDAY THE 13TH POST!

Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (1986)- Who puts a list of fave zombie moments without including the revival of a horror star?

In a strange luck combining one angry surviving victim, a steel gate railing and a freak lightning strike (twice!), Jason finds himself brought back to life as a supernatural undead, hellbent on murder. Now immortal, the J-Man continues his spree as if nothing, and bringing us back what we loved the most about this freak! Long Live Jason Voorhees! AS A ZOMBIE!

HAPPY FRIDAY THE 13TH EVERYBODY! AND STAY SHAMBLING!