WARNING: THIS BLOG CONTAINS BODYCOUNT. HIGH RISK OF SPOILERS. ENTER IF YOU DARE.

Thursday, June 4, 2020

A Drug Trip For Pounded Flesh: Death Walks At Midnight (1972)

Death Walks At Midnight (La Morte Accarezza a Mezzanotte) (Italy, 1972)
Rating: ***1/2
Starring: Nieves Navarro, Simón Andreu, Peter Martell

When fashion model Valentina (Nieves Navarro) volunteers to be an anonymous human guinea pig for a new experimental drug called HDS for her journalist friend Gio (Simon Andreu), she didn't expect seeing a vision of a girl getting her face caved in with a spiked iron gauntlet by a maniac in large shades. Worse even is that Gio didn't stay by his word to keep her anonymous, exploiting her freak out from the vision by taking and publishing pictures of the session, crafting a sensationalized tabloid piece for the city to see and read.

Rightfully angry about his deceit, Valentina confronts Gio about the stunt as it costs her a magazine job, vandalizing his office in the process, but she'll soon learn that something worse is stirring up for her; presumably to cover his tracks, the killer from Valentina's vision begins to stalk her, spiked gauntlet at hand, and has come pretty close to killing her in more than one time. When the police fails to properly recognize her stalker, it's up to Valentina to figure out who this is and stop him for good.

An intriguing labyrinthine plot is always a good expectation to meet from a well-crafted giallo and Death Walks at Midnight certainly delivers on that point; there's no mystery that killer from Valentina's drug trip actually exists, but their identity and motive is what keeps the story going, especially with the twists that the murder she saw was actually committed six months prior and, apparently, a different set of victim and murderer was involved. It's a twisty situation and the increasingly tangling dread subjected unto our lead makes for a good practice of paranoia that heightens the  curious nature of this conundrum, getting further muddled and oppressing the more the plot goes.

Despite the growing strangeness of the story, soon tainted with talks of suicidal women and drug addiction, Midnight impressively keeps a focused direction to all of these set-pieces and revelations, giving us a palpable stream of prowling sequences and an atmosphere of crippling helplessness that sustains the story with enough thrills and haunts to entertain its audience. A drawback here is that it can get too talky with its expositions, force-feeding us one info to the next before we can even properly sink everything in. There's also the matter that the movie nulls over exploring Valentina's relationships from her artist boyfriend and on-off journalist friend to a creepy talker and an inspector who believes she's holding out information from the crime, more often branching the story into character drama territories before kicking itself back into a murder mystery.

Nevertheless, it all ties up neatly at the final act in which the movie shift gear to a hammy action thriller with bad guy monologues, giggling assassins and a drawn-out brawl up at a rooftop in broad daylight. It's also in these parts wherein the kill count starts piling back up, the bloodiest it can get being another spiked gauntlet beating and one hilarious looking drop in which the unfortunate sap's brains get splattered out.

A crafty example of the giallo form, albeit less graphic and sleazy and putting more emphasis on curving plot lines, Death Walks at Midnight works an engaging enough tale that may have spiraled  out of control in some parts, its certainly isn't lacking on blood splatter and vintage cheese to occupy us in the midst of the madness. Rewarding us a fair payoff for sitting through its tricky little devil of a plot (I say fair because I don't even think they bother explaining how drugging Valentina got her seeing visions in the first place), it's an invitingly fun piece of Italian horror/thriller cinema well worth your time.

Bodycount:
1 female beaten to death with a spiked iron glove
1 female found knifed on the chest
1 male found dead with chest wound
1 male found knifed on the chest
1 female beaten to death with a spiked iron glove (flashback)
1 male falls off a building, brains splattered upon impact
1 male shot through the back
1 male shot
Total: 8

Tuesday, June 2, 2020

Bumper Body: Hit and Run (2009)

Hit and Run (2009)
Rating: ***
Starring: Laura Breckenridge, Kevin Corrigan, Christopher Shand 

On October 26, 2001, former nurse aide Chante Jawan Mallard struck a homeless man named Gregory Glenn Biggs with her car while driving under the influence, lodging him into the windshield and leaving him there to die a day or two later. Mallard was eventually convicted for the crime and sentenced to 50 years imprisonment for the wrongful death. 

This story would later inspire late director Stuart Gordon to produce and direct Stuck, a 2007 horror thriller that mostly follows the event of the crime albeit with a few minor changes, a darkly comic tone and a happier ending. Stuck (2007) would become a mini cult hit of sorts, even spawning a Bollywood clone in 2009 with Accident on Hill Road, but not a lot of people would know about the other movie that roughly took inspiration from this crime, 2009 's Hit and Run.

Mary Murdock (Laura Breckenridge) was just leaving a New Jersey night club when she hits a bad bump on the dark isolated road while driving home drunk. She wouldn't notice what's wrong about this incident until some time after settling back in her house; it turn out that, in her absolute horror, the bump was actually a man and he's now stuck mangled and impaled on her jeep's bumper. Panicking, Mary overlooks calling 911 and tries fixing the situation on her own, but when the man suddenly attacks her, she seemingly ends up killing him for good with a golf club.

Now burdened with a body, Mary drives out again that night. This time to a nearby forest clearing to bury the man in a shallow grave, wishing nothing more than to forget this nightmare. Unbeknownst to her, the nightmare isn't over. In fact, it just began...

Comparing this to Gordon's Stuck which used the Biggs case as the basis of its story, Hit and Run (2009) is, instead, inspired by it, crafting a more original plot with standardized horror tones, down to the annoying cliche of characters with bad decision making. On that term, it's mostly a situational breakdown of our lead's descent into paranoia as the guilt of her crime starts eating her up, something which actress Laura Breckenridge did fairly with her Brooke character given she doesn't get too overexposed; she's good horror flick eye candy and, frankly, has her moments that aren't outright terrible, but the more the movie dwells into her character's fall into madness and irrationality, the more she hits those off-key acting notes and it can get distracting.

Breckenridge pretty much carries a big bulk of the film this way, getting terrified and discomforted by anything from cryptic pet parrots to TV news segments, until that is the third act happens and gets greatly dominated by TV star Kevin Corrigan as Timothy Emser, the vengeful victim of Mary's vehicular incident. It's around this part that the film sheds away the psychological mind games and heads forth as a road raging slasher albeit bodycount minuscule and gore is near absent. What it does to make up for the splatter shortcomings would be the outrageous set-piece of Emser taking revenge on Brooke, strapping her to the jeep's hood with Christmas lights and taking her out on the road the same way she unknowingly did. 

Characterization for our villain is quite shallow, however; playing the Hollywood mental illness card to give him the excuse to go murder-psycho on anyone that crosses his path, including a random gas station attendant and his own wife, the latter he suspected plotting against him. The only memorable thing about him would be the crazy amount of make-up used to get that mangled zombie-esque look. It's a cheap trick, but it works for what it's worth. 

Looking at it, imagining why this movie didn't catch on isn't hard. The meandering atmosphere for the psychological first act is largely so-so, nearing tiresome for those who doesn't have the stomach and patience for it. Nothing that memorable save for some good acting and an attractive cast, but once Emser appears in his full zombie non-zombie maniacal glory, Hit and Run (2009) packs a mean punch almost immediately, all the way to the chaotic last quarrel and ambiguous final shot. It's an okay watch, especially if you've got nothing else to rent and you're in the mood for something light yet still red. I say give it a go and watch out for homicidal speed bumps!

Bodycount:
1 male murdered, body found buried in a shallow grave
1 male force fed petrol, poisoned
1 female stabbed to death with garden shears
1 male ran over with a jeep (?)
Total: 4 (?)
...Why? How?

Monday, June 1, 2020

How To Erase People From The Face of The Earth: Vlog (2008)


Vlog (2008)
Rating: ***
Starring: Brooke Marks, Denyce Lawton, Skyler Caleb 

Vlogger Brooke Marks (played by, huh, Brooke Marks?) mostly enjoys two things in life: sharing her insipid lifestyle to the rest of the internet world for their enjoyment and a love life in which she can find the right one through a succession of boyfriends ala trial-and-error social experiments. She made mistakes, mainly dating a guy with an annoying quirk or two, but it's mostly problems young adults like herself can handle on their own.

That is until Brooke received videos from an anonymous website, showcasing mysterious recordings of her friends and exes being brutally murdered by someone obscured. Rightfully disturbed, she goes to the cops fearing for her life, but would their involvement be enough to protect her from being the next victim of this random psychopath?

I stumbled upon this movie not really knowing what I'm getting myself into apart that this is might be another one of those "Reality TV"- style slasher flicks like WatchUsDie.com (2001) or Girl House (2014). In a way, I wasn't far off, but unlike those movies, Vlog (2008) focuses on the exploits of a single girl rather than a group and it's mostly done with a mockumentary vlogger direction so it has a lot of distinctive styles going for its many scenes, mimicking the flashy and gimmicky editing of an everyday video blog. That said, it can get a tad dialogue-driven as the first half of the film have Brooke sharing to us her thoughts concerning the men she dates, as well as what she expects the world wanted to see more from her content as a mean to establish our lead's personality, albeit in a very testy way. 

Fortunately, Vlog (2008)'s recognizably short with only an hour and something minutes of running time if we're not to including the ending credits, hasten by a steady and speedy pacing that soon transitions to the shockingly brutal murders that really came out of left field. This last half is strongly the better part of the movie as the effects team really went all out on putting the grue on gruesome, highlights including a slow decapitation and a rather comical-looking explosive-laced bong. The ending is a little hobbled by its twist reveal, though. Something that could actually work better if they didn't dwell on it too much and kept it simple and quick. 

Not too shabby for a horror quickie, Vlog (2008) is an easy viewing sided with a good concept, sleek visuals and juicy gore. It may not make itself to be that great of a title (Like, really. It's another slasher about snuff films and/or internet red rooms. It's not like My Little Eye (2001) hadn't done that already), but it is good. And sometimes good is all you could ask for from a horror movie!

Bodycount:
1 male slowly decapitated with a cleaver, dismembered
1 male electrocuted in a bathtub with a rigged lamp
1 female decimated with explosive chemical powder
1 female knifed on the gut
Total: 4

Dat's Ridikkulous!: Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th (2000)

Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday The 13th (2000)
Rating: ***
Starring: Aimee Graham, Chris Palermo, Kim Greist

Previously on a teen horror movie: local popular girl Screw finds herself getting creeped on by a phone creep who keeps asking her about creepy movies. (Though she seems more interested talking about porn) It isn't too long before the killer reveals himself out of a huge cake (Just. Just roll with it) and a chase ensues! Around the island kitchen. For about a minutes and a half. Until Stacey calls with some juicy gossip and Screw just have to hear about it.

Remembering she still needs to survive, however, Screw does manage to escape only to run straight to towards a bug zapper. Which kills her. Not exactly the killer's finest moment, but that isn't gonna stop him from smoking a relaxing cigarette if only, that is, he remembers to remove the mask first before smoking, thus setting it on fire and melting it down from a hockey mask to a store-bought Ghostface.


Cut forward to the morning after at Bulimia High; literally labeled "New Kid" Dawson arrives and befriends an assortment of random teenagers who happen to be jut around; dyslexic grease monkey Slab, horny nerd Boner (pronounced "Bonner"), preppy popular girl Barbara and lesbian-or-not jock Martina. Word about Screw's murder is getting around and it seems the gang is undecided how to feel about this until they start receiving letters from the killer, letting them know he's aware of what they did last Summer. And last semester. And last Chanukah. And before Barbara's last period.

And curiously Dawson's experience last Arbor day that involves a deer suit, a block of salt lick and a house explosion caused by a redneck's overpowered flatulence. I don't even want to know...


Threatened, the kids decide to hole up in Slab's house at a deserted location for safety and throw a party because, hey, Slab's parents are dead! Who's gonna bother them- oh, right. The killer. Well, at least they have help: all the while this is happening, Barbara's mall cop brother Doughy, initially dismissing the recent murders as a prank(?!), teams up with cable TV reporter Hagitha to uncover the truth behind the killings, as well as maybe snag a date with her. It's only a matter of time before these two to stop this maniacal killer, given that they wouldn't get distracted by 24 hour pizza deliveries, drum solos and a game of strip poker.

On second thought, maybe the kids can fend for themselves. Afterall, it's not like they're dumb or unlucky enough to have themselves killed...


Forgive me, friends, for I have sinned. And the sin in question is sincerely enjoying this film, even more than Scary Movie (2000)! Perhaps it's the nostalgia glasses doing its work since I remember watching this as a tween and enjoying the heck out of it. Perhaps this spoof has a more coherent and structured plotting compared to Scary Movie (2000)'s disjointed and overly chaotic "everything goes" approach to its spoofing, something that goes so well with my preferences. Or perhaps I find the jokes here having more cheesy heart to it than the gross out, overly sexualized and aggressively crude gags of recent parodies, the writing trying its best to be as subtle as it can even if it is tackle the same kind of toilet humor surrounding farts, erections and boobs.

With this movie being a direct-to-video production, there is no denying its noticeable cheapness from props and special effects, to editing and acting. Hell, I'd even admit that the writing and visual gags are far from comedy gold, knocked down a few steps due it playing safe by avoiding as much extreme expletives and exploitative raunchiness as possible like its catering to an audience of twelve-year olds. But I honestly find a lot of charm from that fact considering Shriek did achieve getting some modest laughs out of me, like watching an old cartoon brought to life with illiterate highschoolers, goofy sound clips, and inept killers who succeed in murdering background characters but not the main ones. 


Seriously, Shriek is perhaps the only movie I know where killers fail to commit major murders and it doesn't get me mad. Instead, the film have accidents and Darwinism play the role of its "killers" and as much as many people out there would find a masked maniac who couldn't do a murder right rather annoying, I chuckle at these wasted opportunities to snuff out at least one of the major players, made even funnier looking at how gruesome and bonkers some of these deaths can get. (One explodes to bits due to an overdose, while another dies from being hit on the head by random debris (with comic-style sound effects visually popping up) only to be somehow electrocuted? Wait, what...?)

Honestly, I couldn't express enough how much this film works for me. It just doesn't feel like its simply poking fun at the two then-hottest slashers Scream (1996) and I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997) by being a satire of a satire, but rather it tries to capture the same kind of random zaniness and misguided deadpan from comedies like the Naked Gun series or the two Airplane! movies, with director John Blanchard (who has some history with comedy/skit television series like Madtv and The Kids in the Hall) understanding enough tropes and cliches of the source as far as they can to mold a joke or two out of them. Some hits. Some doesn't. Some didn't age well. (Ooo eee, ooo ah ah?) Some are simply in it because, well, fun. (Loving the Scooby-Doo esque chase scene with the pop-up film blurbs and the random band The Grown-Ups singing a cover of Pretty in Pink


A mini-cult classic of sorts, Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th (2000) is an affable spoof made probably for those with an open sense of humor. A love-it-or-hate-it affair not without its own funny merits, as well as some odd ones like Prince getting parodied. Again. Like, Scary Movie did it and now this movie did, too. It's so weird. Is there something he had done around this time that caught the attention of both spoof flicks? I'm curious.

Either ways, see you all later! Same Compendium Time! Same Compendium Channel!

Bodycount:
1 female runs face-first to a bug zapper, electrocuted
1 male killed inside a van
3 males seen dead and getting mopped off the floor
1 female taken by killer and murdered offscreen
1 male executed via electric chair (implied in flashback)
1 female dragged into a locker, killed
1 male lassoed away by the killer, murdered offscreen
1 male immolated in a fart-related house explosion (flashback)
1 male choked to death on cheeze-whiz
1 bony remains found lost and forgotten behind shower room walls
1 male repeatedly hit on the head by thrown objects, lands on a Jacuzzi and electrocuted (somehow)
1 female on HIGH platforms walks to a ceiling fan, killed (and no one cares)
1 female gets a falling crucifix to the head
1 female dies from bee sting allergy
1 male explodes into pieces from steroid overdose
1 male shot
1 male caught in a net and sucker punched, presumed dead
Total: 19
This review is sponsored by the Ripped Beans
Association of America.

Saturday, May 30, 2020

Okay, Boomer: Millennial Killer (2020)


Millennial Killer (United Kingdom, 2020)
Rating: *1/2
Starring: Alice Mulholland, Simon Berry, Rishky Patel

So, an hour and eleven minutes of a nameless middle aged real estate agent (or some guy posing as one) luring millennials to see a listing for affordable apartments, only to murder them or, for the case of one unfortunate girl, capture and taunt one into watching some more killings happen right in front of their very eyes.

Not quite the story, to be frank, as that's pretty much everything going on for Millennial Killer (2020). Just a rinse-repeat cycle of this guy finding young adults to kill after promising them a location with a view, punctuated with a kidnapped victim slowly losing their mind as the titular killer continues their assault on both her and his victims.

I am very certain this is a satire of sort. I mean, the title alone has the obvious tone expressing one's disdain towards the young adults of today, but the execution is just cheap. The murders are cheap. (Save for maybe one or two or them) The development for both the killer and his captive is cheap. It doesn't really go anywhere but the same easy-ass twist reveal that someone close to the killer was mugged and murdered by some obnoxious thugs so he's taking it out on the rest of who he perceives as rotten millennials. Heck, even the ending is awfully lacking; just the cops showing up and him committing suicide, then the credits roll.

An obvious micro-budget production, Millennial Killer (2020) has thought, just not enough imagination or wit to make this anymore entertaining or at least interesting enough to invest it our time. If you really want to see a "boomer" go nuts on a "millennial", I suggest seeking out Tone-Deaf (2019). Now that's a murderous generational conflict worth watching!

Bodycount:
1 female dies from her wounds
1 male brained to death with a hammer
1 male brained to death with a hammer
1 male had his throat cut with a knife
1 female knifed to death
1 female had her throat cut with a knife
1 male stabbed on the neck with a pair of scissors
1 female stabbed to death with scissors
1 elderly female beaten, knifed to death (flashback)
1 female stabbed to death
1 male had his throat cut with a knife
Total: 11

Thursday, May 28, 2020

Hell To The Chief: President's Day (2010)

President's Day (2010)
Rating: ****
Starring: Bennie Mack McCoy IV, Lizzy Denning, Nicolette le Faye

Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan, George Washington and now, Abraham Lincoln. What's next? A slasher masked up as Donald Trump? (Wait, I think we already have that last one...)

Lincoln High is in the midst of a campaign election when someone dressed and masked up as Honest Abe, shouldering an axe, starts chopping down candidates for class president like George Washington would to a cherry tree. Caught in this dilemma is Barry (Bennie Mack McCoy IV), a young skateboarding troublemaker who gets smitten by one of the candidates, mysterious new girl Joanna (Lizzy Denning), so he cooks up a plan with his security officer buddy Kennedy (Ryan Scott Thomas) to run as president only for the sole purpose of getting to know her.

Opposing these two budding misfits is posh snob Chelsea (Nicolette le Faye), who believes popularity and manipulation are the keys to winning, as well as a straight-A student, the lovable school mascot, a punky goth chick, a jock acing his way through class by playing hooky with a teacher, and plenty more. But the further the campaign goes, the more these kids start to disappear or killed off and blame is pinned on Kennedy as forged notes with his name are showing up on each of the victims' lockers. Desperate to stop these killings and clear a friend's name, Barry and Chelsea go full amateur snoops in hopes of finding the culprit in time before it's their heads getting the axe edge next!

In its core, President's Day (2010) is basically a fun murder mystery slasher that, while suffering from a shoe string budget, still delivers an enthusiastic tongue-in-cheek direction on a classic campus bodycounter plot and, too, dish out the gooiest and creative murders a limited budget production can afford. All of which with a strong independent spirit that promises crazy fun B-grade entertainment and actually serves it. 

Satirical in its tackling of school set politics and small town killings, the movie does a wonderful job scripting its story with enough wink and nods to play around the conventions and embrace it naturally without being overly self-aware and overdoing the satire. This helps set the mystery angle on sturdy grounds and branch it out nicely the more the plot thickens, even if does have a few plot holes and the set of red herrings like demented janitors who whisper-talk about poisoning the cafeteria food or science teachers with a thing for outdoor hunting aren't exactly the most misleading. (Distracting, yes, but misleading? One or two of them were obvious kill count meat!)

It also helps that another of President's Day's ace in the hole is its likable cast; McCoy IV plays our slacker lead with a whole heart and his natural friendly demeanor, may it be towards his crush, his fellow candidates or his buddy in trouble, makes it easy to root for his survival and for him to be the victorious final boy of his own little misadventure. Denning's Joanna, in turn, is a nice subversion of the new girl archetype for her openness to help out and befriend people despite her intimidating looks and her troubled past. The rest of the characters are a quirky bunch from a bass playing principal to a butterball school mascot beaming with school pride, a chunky cheese-fest of both expected and unexpected tropes that prevents this movie from going too deep into its own rabbit hole and keep the tone light and fun albeit the chopped up limbs and burnt faces.

And speaking of which, it is mentioned that the film ran on a microbudget so there are moments that the special effects and make-up work looked dodgy at the least. But thankfully, Tom Savini School of Makeup graduate Kaleigh Brown often found ways around the budget limit and still treats us grue fans to some inventive juicy kills, the best among these do-it-yourself practical works includes an opening coitus interruptus with an axe, a paraplegic stalked and hacked to death, a nasty paper guillotine beheading and a head crushed with a mop wringer!

There's really a whole lot to enjoy in this little gem but the scope of the product is probably the most admirable considering what the good folks behind the movie have to work with and I can proudly say that their diligence paid off. President's Day (2010) may not be slick, but it is a testament that some good movies can be made for less and independent projects can still surprise us. Genuinely recommended for your slasher collection!

Bodycount:
1 male hacked on the head with an axe
1 female hacked with an axe
1 female hacked to death with an axe
1 male gets a sports trophy shoved down through his mouth
1 female forced face-first to a stove-top, killed
1 female had her nose burnt with a hair straightener, killed
1 male hacked limbless with an axe
1 male stabbed on the back with a broken mop handle, head crushed with a mop bucket wringer
1 dog found mutilated
1 female strangled with headphone cord, eye stabbed out with a pen
1 female beheaded with paper guillotine
1 female found stabbed in the eyes with a pair of scissors
1 male gets a guitar head shoved down his mouth
1 male suffocated with a plastic sheet, later hanged
1 male found murdered, body melted with acid
2 females found murdered, bodies pierced with button badges
1 male hacked to death with an axe
1 female hacked to death with an axe
1 male had an arm lopped off with an axe, bled to death
1 male had his head lopped in half with an axe
Total: 21

Sunday, May 24, 2020

Under Shades As Big As Hatchets: Massacre (1989)

Massacre ("Massacro") (Italy, 1989)
Rating: **
Starring: Gino Concari, Patrizia Falcone, Silvia Conti

The film opens with a guy in large shades enjoying a morning car ride before spotting a hooker in the middle of the roadside. Thinking she scores a lonely dude looking for a quickie, the lady approaches the man in shades only to get a nasty surprise when he produces a switchblade and a hatchet. Off with her head and shift scene to a graveyard at night.

Here we now follow a filming crew busy creating a horror masterpiece (?) but the director isn't feeling any of this. Thinking the production needs to get in touch more with the otherworldly to get the eerie feeling right, he hires a medium and arranges a seance to be held at a local club. His crew, in the meantime, have their own drama and antics to take care of, including the abusive relationship between the producer and his bare-it-all wife, a drag show photo-shoot, and the movie's leading lady Jennifer getting hot and steamy with her boyfriend Walter, a police detective investigating the opening murder which he believes is connected to four others from the last few days.

At the night of the seance, hired medium Madam Yurich attempts to enlighten the crew by beckoning her usual spirit guide, but her session gets interrupted by an altogether different spirit. Something strong enough to knock everyone off their seats and cause a paranormal tremor. The seance is ended no soon after but, little do these people know, a massacre awaits them as they are now marked for death.

Released under a marketing ploy by producers Antonio Lucidi and Luigi Nannerini to have legendary Italian director Lucio Fulci stamp his name over their series of low-budget horror flicks, Andrea Bianchi's Massacre (1989) doesn't quite capture the same level of shock and sleaze many early day Italian giallo titles have. What it is able to do, though, is walk a line between cheesy bodycounting and convoluted murder mystery, only dragged down by a somnolent script where endless hammy dialogue overshadows horror scenes. This have the film hobbling its way through the possible suspects with police procedural and tantalizing character antics bearing little suspense to speak of, but this isn't to say it didn't try to break expectations.

The fact that we get to see the killer's identity as early as the pre-credit murder meant we're up to something a tad different for our mystery, and this is hammered further by a few more twists the further we go. It wasn't until Massacre (1989) reaches its climax that we get some stalk-and-stab action and blood work going, plus some bouncing topless nudity for that exploitation taste, though its somewhat neat ending felt unsuitably hokey with its last reveal and unanswered parting shot.

Nothing much else to speak of, frankly. Massacre (1989) is just too linear to be an old-school giallo, but it's punctuated with enough murders, cheese and curveball in its plot to be a fun occasional rental, or a must-have for Italian horror junkies considering its rarity.

Bodycount:
1 female gets her hand lopped off with a hatchet, decapitated
1 female killed offcamera, body found propped in a merry-go-round
1 female found skewered through a gate railing
1 male knifed to death
1 female had her throat sliced repeatedly with a knife
1 female murdered offcamera, later seen covered in wounds
1 male gets a hook to the neck
1 male repeatedly stabbed on the gut with a pick
1 male stabbed on the gut with a pick
1 male stabbed on the gut with a pick
1 male stabbed to death with a pick
1 male shot to death
Total: 12