China Doll Chopping: Bloody Night A Go Go (2005)

Bloody Night A Go Go (Japan, 2005)

Rating: **

Starring: Mitsuru Akaboshi, Maria Kitazawa, Wataru Koga

In just a short span of an hour, Bloody Night A Go Go (2005) shows us what Japanese surrealism could do when merged with the typical teen slasher horror.

Seven teenagers decided to sneak inside a mall after hours to try out its new Summer attraction, an indoor haunted house, just for the fun irony of it all as the shopping center does have a reputation of being haunted by the ghost of a young boy named Kenji. Unbeknownst to the group, Nanako, the youngest of them, appears to have a bit of history with the ghost boy and it's tied to a double murder that deeply traumatized her. Not long after the gang settle in the empty mall and starts canoodling inside the scare house, someone donning an overgrown china doll head, wielding a meat cleaver and dishing out some mean acrobatics begins hunting them down one by one. Could it be the infamous child ghost spooking up the place? Or perhaps it's an actual loon loose inside the mall?

In the meantime, we have an oddly-acted cooking show full of Chinese stereotypes, four girls working at a maid cafe hanging out in an apartment telling ghost stories and a ten minute post-credit rap battle, I kid you not.

Bloody Night A Go Go (2005) flirts its standard bodycount story of doomed kids getting hacked to death by crazed maniacs with the strange and abstract, loaded with candy color lighting, uncanny camera effects and a schizophrenic direction. The resulting show is near-parodic and nonsensical in its structure, assaulting conventional horror tropes with showcases of trippy visuals and overacting talents yet still maintaining a good service of gimmicky deaths and bizarre villains. 

It's practically weird for the sake of weird, playing well into its offbeat execution that isn't without its hammy charms and fair laughs that often dips in the edge of silliness. Admittedly, there are moments where the movie tries to be serious and creepily atmospheric, but the effect is mostly lost within the whacky eccentricities of the tone, especially when you have scenes where the clunky-headed slasher effortlessly teleports and somersaults their way into slaying their victims before striking a mean pose, or when a wad of fermented beans is lethally sticky to the point it can tear someone's face off. So, less of your everyday paint-by-number dead teenager pic and more of a chaotic abstraction disguised as one. 

Without a doubt, Bloody Night A Go Go (2005) is a difficult film to recommend, particularly if one is not in tune with quirky horror done in low-budget unrealism, but if you're are looking for something a tad out of the ordinary for your slasher needs then this one is a fair enough pick to try out. Yes, it can be a bit much, but if you can see the uniquely funny and cheesy side of this short Japanese feature then this little obscurity might be worth at least a viewing.

Bodycount:

1 male and 1 female hacked to death with a meat cleaver

1 male slashed with a meat cleaver (dream)

1 female hacked to death with a meat cleaver (dream)

1 male killed inside a photobooth, corpse photographed (dream)

1 female hacked with a meat cleaver (dream)

1 male gets a mannequin hand stabbed into his face

1 female electrocuted to death with live wires to the groin

1 male had his head vacuum-sealed, suffocated

1 female gets fire extinguisher foam sprayed down her throat, killed

1 male had his face smothered in bean paste and stuck on a locker, torn off by force

1 female had her throat slashed with a meat cleaver

1 female hacked on the face with a meat cleaver

Total: 13

As Real As A Bludgeoning Can Get: Open 24 Hours (2018)

Open 24 Hours (2018)

Rating: ***

Starring:  Vanessa Grasse, Brendan Fletcher, Cole Vigue

It's been two weeks since her release from a mental hospital and Mary White finds herself still suffering from paranoid hallucinations caused by her PTSD from the crimes she endured. As a mean to remediate herself back to society, she applies as an attendant at Deer Gas Market, a remote Missouri gas station. By luck, she's hired by the station's friendly but wary owner and is to start working later that night.

The shift is bound to be long for Mary as she deals with creepy truck drivers, an overbearing parole officer and the increasingly vivid delusions of murder and corpses. It is soon revealed that Mary's ex-boyfriend, James Lincoln Fields, is the serial killer monikered the Rain Ripper, who abducted and slaughtered a total of 35 women. He forced Mary to watch his kills, knowing she's too afraid for her own life to retaliate but, eventually, Mary had enough and tried ending the nightmare by setting him on fire.

Now disfigured and locked up in the big house, Fields should be nothing more than a dark past for Mary to move on from, but how could she when a creeper starts leaving cryptic messages over the phone and someone in a rain slicker is attacking people with a claw hammer? 

Setting most of the bloodiest acts of bodycounting at the second half of its plot, Open 24 Hours (2018) opted for a direction that focuses first on the frantic decline of the main lead's mental and emotional health as visions upon visions of traumatic horror take a toll on Mary. This plotting fits the kind of tone the movie's aiming for, molding a protagonist with an unreliable state of mind, her projected fear of her murdering former lover returning to end her may or may not be justified as we never really get to tell whether its imagined or not. For all we know, Mary could definitely have snapped at one point in the movie and all of the bludgeoned victims and rain slicker killers she fought was all in her head, and the conclusion this movie went with even toys with this idea. But the film cheekily sneaks in a couple of curveball surprises, both expected and unexpected, to throw us off and I am grateful of that. 

By taking the time to observe Mary's mental state, the movie basically helps itself develop a somewhat intriguing lead for a good while and build upon her a small crowd of likable characters who you hate to die. From a tough parental figure to a beer guzzling bestie to an easy-going co-worker, they get a good share of screen time and written to be earnestly kind people despite their demeanor, but a good slasher isn't a slasher without kills and we need victims. So once we get our reveal and a killer starts wielding a sledgehammer, all formalities are thrown out the window and the film shifts itself to your classic stalk-and-kill flair, rich with bad character decisions and a deceptively strong villain.

Fortunately, utilizing its sleek production value, Open 24 Hours swaggers some striking cinematography and an abundance of practical and special effects for its worth. Though it does take a moment to get to the killings not existing only within the confines of Mary's damaged psyche, the payoff is rewarding enough as the brutal aspects of the kill count meant generous servings of splashy, red and chunked human body parts, often coming after decently fun stalking sequences and chases even if some of them are pretty predictable. If anything, the only drawback that irked me about the movie is how boring the killer can get; yes, they can be savage with the sledgehammer but as a written character? They're the textbook lovestruck slasher killers who just happen to have a fixation with rain, bludgeon weapons, something about souls and nothing else. They're rocking a burn scar, too, but in this day and age, does that even count as impressive trait for a horror movie murderer? 

I can hardly see this movie heading anywhere else but as a fairly decent trip down the podunk slasher trail. Open 24 Hours (2018) certainly got a hand as a psychological thriller and a half-way fun bodycounter, not much to make it gold but still glossy, sharp and ambiguously creepy. Fancy a small slasher that packs a punch? Stop by this movie and give it a ride.

Bodycount:

1 female drowned in a tub, brained with a hammer (flashback)

1 female seen with a bleeding head (vision)

1 female found rotting (flashback)

1 female shot on the head

1 male had his head pulped with a sledgehammer

1 female suffocated with a plastic bag

1 male had his throat ripped with a hammer claw, shot with a shotgun

1 male brained with a sledgehammer

1 male shot with a shotgun

Total: 9

Shop Smart and Drop Dead: Intruder (1989)

Intruder (1989) (AKA Night Crew: The Final Checkout)
Rating: ****
Starring: Elizabeth Cox, Renée Estevez, Dan Hicks

From your friends at the Evil Dead franchise, one of the best late 80s slasher in existence!

It was closing time at the Walnut Lake Market when the fresh-out-of-prison ex-boyfriend of one of the checkers shows up and angrily confronts his gal for leaving him. The argument goes sour and the con went for the hysterics, prompting the rest of the staff to break up the fight, scuffle with the angry jailbird and scare him away. Cops are soon called and, with the threat seemingly gone, the night seems to be going for a calmer note, that is until the store owners break the bad news to their young employees that the store will be sold and they are all going to lose their jobs within a month.

Rightfully upset at first, the gang eventually tries to come in terms with the store's fate and the fact that they'll be job hunting soon, continuing with their night restocking goods, cutting up produce, and counting the day's profits. Unknown to them, this might as well be their final night as someone with a large butcher knife is doing his own little bargain hunt, eager to put their weapon through and into places that bleed...

Story-wise, Intruder (1989) is the kind of movie that tries to make something out of the basic slasher formula which, by the time of this film's release in the late 80s, was already struggling to find a strong following as multitudes of direct-to-video titles and big name horror sequels kinda churned the subgenre way too many times to be considered fresh and enjoyable, if not degraded in quality. In a way, the movie does succeed at sparking something worthwhile with its execution, making use of many crazy visual gimmicks and black humor borrowed from the Evil Dead movies, a gory and cheesily fun supernatural franchise in which Intruder (1989)'s director, Scott Spiegel, have been a part of in more ways than one. It's a welcome influence that does the movie good in terms of dishing out popcorn friendly nightmares, focusing on the grim and bloody that fits any slasher from the golden early 80s, all the while tapping in a few late 80s cheese for those extra chuckles.

With some pretty decent character moments during the early parts of the film past the opening angry ex attack, I also like how the movie took time to slow down and catch up with the casts who are enjoyably likeable with their zany personalities. The gang are mostly devoid of the cliched horror victim labels ("mostly" as they constantly break the "don't investigate the weird noise" rule) and they actually act like regular and relatable working young adults, something that adds effect to their cathartic demises once the titular intruder begins their chopping spree and give us some of the best stalk-and-murder set-pieces to be featured along many late 80s bodycounters.

Using gruesome effects that are some parts hammy, many parts practical and overall disturbing, the bloody deaths are also the best reason to see Intruder (1989). There's a sadistic temperament to how these murders are executed and shot, with many of the scenes working on a momentum to keep us anticipating when will the blade strike, if not lingering on candid shots of severed heads being crushed or sliced in half, screaming expressions frozen unto them. It's the kind of gore and shock value that made censors squeamish and many concerned parents shocked by its unrelenting brutality, so much so that even in this day and age, I often find myself in morbid awe with one or two of the movie's head oriented killings.

I knew about Intruder (1989) through my first HorrorHound magazine where the issue talked about their top 20 underrated slasher titles, among many other bodycounting related topics such as a healthy insight into giallo cinema and a retrospective covering John Carpenter's Halloween (1978) and its franchise. Intruder (1989) is one of these underrated titles, so you could say this has a nostalgic impact on me as one of the few titles I managed to see early during my awakening as a full-blooded slasher fan, one that earned my liking for doing a lot of splattery things right on my book. This is still, of course, subjective, as many may not agree with the film's practically basic plotting or slow moments, nor can they all be easily swayed by the movie's crazy camera work (and to personally include my own nitpick, I would have actually given this movie a higher rating if they actually stayed with its cooler working title, "Night Crew: The Final Checkout"), but as I often believe, every movie has its audience and Intruder (1989)'s strong cult following is a fair proof of that and I am dang proud to be a part of it.

As one of the last great slashers to be released in the 80s, Intruder (1989) made a majority of slasher fans proud for trying to breath some life back to the then-dying horror subgenre and it still holds up pretty well after all these years. Should you wish to try and seek out this movie if you hadn't yet, I may warn you about the many cut versions released out there with loads of the gore severed out of the print, but in this day and age, I'm sure you can figure that out and I do hope you have fun with Intruder (1989) as much as I did. If not, well, I do think my band saw hadn't sliced meat for a long time now and it may need new victims...

Bodycount:
1 female stabbed with a butcher knife
1 male had his head chopped with a butcher knife
1 male ran through the gut with a butcher knife
1 male had his head crushed with a hydraulic press
1 had his face shoved to a meat hook
1 male had his head bisected through a band saw
1 male stabbed on the back with a butcher knife
1 male found decapitated
Total: 8

Yep, still a cooler title.

Mall Deaths Afterhours: The Initiation (1984)

The Initiation (1984)

Rating: ***

Starring: Vera Miles, Clu Gulager, Daphne Zuniga

My reaction to this title is not something I would make a big deal with as The Initiation is like any other slasher out there. Literally. My first viewing never put me anywhere and it took me two more shots (and slightly outgrowing my immature and shallow bloodlust) before I could at least appreciate what the film offers. Does this make the title any less deserving to be seen and enjoyed? Of course not.

Kelly Fairchild ( Daphne Zuniga) is one of the new meat for the Delta Ro Kai sorority. Her and other pledge's task to get in? Break inside her stepdad's department store during pledge night and steal a night guard's uniform. Easier said than done when a killer has recently broken out of a mental asylum somewhere and Kelly's parents (Vera Miles and Clu Gulager) are rattled enough to keep this from her. True enough, the murderer keeps the death toll in high and they soon breaks into the same department store where Kelly and her friends are staying and, soon enough, dying in.

The first bulk of the movie obviously has a pacing issue as more build-up was made to Kelly's strange condition, which involves her seeing a horrific vision of what looks like her younger self attempting to kill her stepdad (which looked like a carbon copy of Carpenter's Halloween opening), doubling as this film's shrouded little mystery to what happened some years ago when Kelly was just a kid. It lumbers a bit in this direction but once prank night comes, we set on to focus on a more exciting cat-and-mouse game with a derange maniac and nubile teens, inside an empty mall that echoed the same premise for the 1986's robot slasher, Chopping Mall. 

Frankly, I could give a humble kudos to the mystery of killer's identity, being one of the few good reason to see this film as it did pretty well on hiding it within the elusive plot twists. There's a good combination of lighting and cinematography to keep this movie looking sleek and then there's the crazy atmosphere that often shifts back and forth from being cheesy to downright heavy. Acting-wise, the character cast was a big factor to the flow, providing many outrageous moments (check out one dude's costume for a house party) and intrigue to the story. When it comes to the kills though, the special effects department didn't offer anything more elaborate than simple garden tool stabbings, but they're still freshly red enough to satisfy a humble slasher fan.

On the outside, The Initiation is simply another campus slasher that sets out everything you knew and loved about the sub-genre, doing a few extra mile on its part to flesh out a unique story, at least as much as they could. It's not going to work for everybody but its simple B-grade plotting and gradable cheese factor is surely something for the right fan and slasher completists alike.

Bodycount:

1 female stabbed to death with a garden fork

1 male stabbed on the neck with a garden fork, decapitated with a machete

1 male stabbed on the chest with a garden fork

1 male hacked on the head with a hatchet
1 female shot through with an arrow
1 male found with throat cut
1 female knifed to death

1 male shot on the side with a harpoon
1 female murdered offcamera
1 female shot
Total: 10

Short Shear Terror: Doll Boy (2010)

Doll Boy (2010)
Rating: ***1/2
Starring: Ryan Clapp, Sergio Gracida

Sometimes a slasher film doesn't need much to be great. So long as the kill count is sizable, the gore is good and the killer is memorable, a movie of that sub-genre can have quite an impact for its fans and, too, those who can appreciate it.

Bloody Bill Production's Doll Boy (2010) is a short about a group of seven captives (or eight if you'll count that unfortunate toddler whose fate remains ambiguous) getting forced inside an abandoned shopping center by a demented clown. The center, as in turns out, homes the titular Doll Boy, an overweight maniac behind a grungy looking mask and dinky overalls, wielding a sledgehammer.

The story is simple enough as it is; people running around for their lives, splitting into groups as they always do, trying to find a way to get out alive. Of course, some of them either does something entirely stupid or selfish, and they end up bludgeoned to death by the killer. With a running time of 27 minutes, it doesn't leave much for plot or character development, instead going for a straight-forward slasher routine of stalk-and-kill, but at least the fast-pace kept the adrenaline going, a good thing since the attacks and murder sequences were brutal enough for sickening enjoyment.

The low budget is pretty obvious, but I applaud the film's creative look despite of it; the premise really helps keep the mood in tone, with all the windows either barred or absent, litter of almost every kind including broken toys, working film projectors and glass shards all over the place, putting the whole film in a state of implied hopelessness for any means of escape. In an even darker tone, mutilated bodies of men, women and children are even found displayed all around in twisted decay, showing a bit of history to the killer's modus. On that note, Doll Boy himself is also another positive element of the film; completely silent, the large hulk hints no reason for his killings, why he is there in the first place, nor does the movie shows his connection with the clown. All we know is that he is there and he's doing what he does best.

Doll Boy (2010) is everything a short slasher film is supposed to be; good scares, atmosphere and gore, it's definitely a labor of love and homage to the sub-genre as almost every trope is present and balanced. Recommended for a good watch!

Bodycount:
1 toddler girl later missing, presumably killed
1 female had her head bashed with a sledgehammer
1 male brained with a sledgehammer
1 female had her face pulped with a sledgehammer
1 male beaten to death with a sledgehammer
1 male hit on the temple with a sledgehammer
1 female beaten to death with a sledgehammer
Total: 7

Thank You, Have a Nice Day!: Chopping Mall (1986)

Chopping Mall (1986) (AKA "Killbots")

Rating: ***1/2

Starring:  Kelli Maroney, Tony O'Dell, Russell Todd                         

A shopping mall can be a dangerous place; apart from large robberies and pickpockets, there are also the rude sales person, the tempting greasy hamburgers dripping with cholesterol, and the occasional bawling babies on the table next to you while you're eating.

Oh, and then there are the killbots.

A new security system is installed in Park Plaza, one that comes with laser-eyed tazer-shooting tank bots and mechanized steel doors to prevent hapless robbers from stealing diamonds and stuff. While violent in their methods, the sales pitcher reassures that the "protector" bots are only programmed to neutralize any apprehended criminals and there's nothing to worry about since nothing can go wrong. Insert Paul Bartel and Mary Woronov from Eating Raoul (1982) as one of the spectators watching the demonstration rolling their eyes in disbelief.

Some nights later, a group of four teen couples decide to stay in the mall after closing hours to party, have sex and, for one couple, watch Attack of the Crab Monsters (1957) like the adorable virgins they are. Unfortunately for them, that is also the same night a freak lightning "storm" hits the rooftop control system of the Protector bots (three times!), causing a massive malfunction and somehow transforming the Protectors into bloodthirsty "Killbots". These newly converted robots make easy first killings out of the two eggheads who were supposed to be monitoring them; soon, the Killbots run their rounds, murdering off anyone their pinchy little steel pincers can grab hold on to!

While the title is misleading as to no actual chopping was done, Chopping Mall (1986) does work as a fun and cheesy scifi slasher about killer robots and teen boys who get aroused from tasting pizza on their girlfriends' mouths. It's no real winner in logic and writing, but its silliness is original enough, its execution well paced to keep it from ever being dull, and it's even successful in blending bad movie funnies with a humorously bad script.

Overall, the clichés are still present; the characters are working class variations of your typical teen victim stereotypes such as the jerk/jock, the born leader, the nerd, the disposable female screamers and the (obviously marked) final girl, all of them still doing things that will eventually lead to their deaths. They are, however, likable enough to be forgiven as they do learn to band together when time calls for it and we end up siding with these guys when shit hits the fan. (In a situation like the one they're in, who wouldn't?)

The idea of killer bots isn't entirely new for 1986; on the same year, Craven released a film about an A.I. chip transplant gone wrong in his scifi, drama/horror hocus Deadly Friend, and two years prior, we have another one hailing from the future to kill off a possible war hero in The Terminator, an action scifi thriller that honestly borrowed a lot of slasher film elements. But what set these two titles from Chopping Mall(1986) is that the bots here look like they fit in; they're not utterly high-tech, but rather clunky, cheap and real robotic-sounding, making them less humanoid and more fun to watch as they slaughter one teen to the next. Although the sleeping darts and tazer are considerable, one may question the necessity for these guys to have steel-cutting lasers to begin with. (It's like the guys who designed these "protectors" were begging for a bloodbath!) They may not be "true" slasher villains in the sense that they're more akin to a commercialized Dr. Who Dalek than a guy in a Halloween mask, but fret not, they still get the job done. (Plus, they're awfully polite. How often do we have killers wishing you a good day? Then again, they tell it to you once you're dead...)

Chopping Mall (1986) is a real treat as an 80s time capsule; big hair, corny lines, a cheesy opening featuring bikini clad models used to advertise stores, electro-synthesizer scoring and a whole lot of shoddy practical effects, it really is a film made to be an enjoyable ride for the decade, despite the low budget and over-the-top premises. The film's really nothing more than an exploitative time waster that's made to entertain and entertain only, so those who're expecting a smarter, deeper horror shtick will surely be disappointed. Then again, this is a movie about robots with lasers hunting down teens in a mall in the 80s. I can't think of anything else you would be looking for in that.

A cult classic of its own right, Chopping Mall (1986) is a must see for all fans of the cheddar, slashers and/or weird horror alike! Get it as a purchase or see it as a rent, just remember: Have a Nice Day!

Bodycount:
1 male gets his throat crushed with robot pincers
1 male had his neck punctured
1 male steps on a wet tazer, electrocuted
1 male had his throat cut with robot pincers
1 female had her head blown off with laser
1 female set ablaze
1 male thrown off  to his death
1 female shot with laser
1 male electrocuted
Total: 9

Once you turn, there's no going back: Hide and Go Shriek (1988)

Hide and Go Shriek (1988) (AKA "Close Your Eyes and Pray")
rating: **1/2
starring:  Bunky Jones, Brittain Frye and Annette Sinclair

Hide and Go Shriek. A slasher entry that I paid no to little attention until I decided one day, out of no reason, to watch it out of the unexplained reason to complete experiencing every 80s slasher title made. The final verdict: mixed results.

The film is about a group of fun loving teenagers hoping to do fun things in the funnest place in the word: a Furniture shop! (Wait, what?) It just so happens that one of the boys in the gang had his dad owning the place, so during closing hours, they snuck in and do what every teenagers in this kind of films do: party, have sex and do every single thing that would mark them as dumb, like, in this film, play hide and seek to split up and have a sex spot all alone for them.

But someone is inside the furniture store with them. Someone angry. Someone homicidal. But who could it be?  One of the boys? one of the girls? The ex-convict hired as a security guard who just so happens to be living in the building's basement? Or maybe its...

Hide and Go Shriek is definitely a late eighties slasher: from giant sized hair to multicolored wardrobes, it all thins down to the film's minimal budget that had everything in this film almost obscure. But thankfully, it's not bad enough to have me ranting about how horrid this picture was since it did come off as entertaining at some places.

It runs slow at first, jam packed with muy macho-sex crazy teen talk and pointless tour scenes that are frustrating to watch, but when the murders starts and people start to die one by one in fairly bloody ways, it kicks off the adrenaline and had us back to our familiar grounds no sooner.

Being a store slasher, Hide and Go Shriek provided a decent premise for a good stalking around a darkly lit place, with plenty of furniture to cast shadows and ornaments to have as murder weapons; the killer even pushed it a little further by having them change disguises to that of what their victim was wearing, fooling everyone. (but us, of course) Sadly, the film's dim-lighted made some of the kills slightly difficult to see, and the minimal budget restricted the film to some pretty cheap effects.

The finale can be a mixed bag of sorts; while I do find the twist clever, though out of the air, some may find it homophobic. It is, actually, but not as shocking or deep as that of Dressed to Kill or Silence of the Lambs.

So is it good enough for a watch? I would say yes, but keep in mind that it ain't all that great either.

Bodycount:
1 female gutted with knife
1 female drowned in a hand basin
1 male impaled to spikes
1 male mannequin arm to the gut
1 female decapitated on elevator
1 male kitchen knife to the neck
1 male killed
total: 7

No Singing in the Mall: Phantom of The Mall: Eric's Revenge (1989)

Phantom of The Mall: Eric's revenge (1989)
Rating: ***
Starring:  Derek Rydall, Jonathan Goldsmith and Rob Estes

With a title like that, I wouldn't take it against you for picturing this horror flick as a cheap B-movie with terrible ideas and set-pieces. But, I'm here to tell you it isn't all that: B-Movie? Yes. Terrible? No, far from it surprisingly. It's durable and bearable as a small-time pic that you can rent or catch in a midnight's channel surfing. Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce The Phantom of The Mall!

It's the grand opening of a new mall and the small town people are clamoring over it; from ice cream stops to shoe stores, this mall already has itself two new teenage store clerks working for hard cash, one being our lead girl, Melody. Within the mall's ventilators, however, hides a disfigured figure who practices judo, steals clothes and food during closing hours and kills people who ventures near enough his turf or dare harass Melody. This is Eric, the Phantom of The Mall, and he's plotting a big finale for those who are responsible for building this mall. But why exactly? Does it have something to do with the fire that torched down a house some time ago? You know damn straight it is.

Personally, I'm a fan of the Phantom of The Opera, may it be the stage play, the (decent) movies, that one American Manga that I'm sure is based on this play (Svetlana Chmakova? Can you hear me?), the whole kazoo; so slasher-fying this is a wet dream of two faves coming together as one. Curiously about the same year, the Robert Englund-starred Phantom of The Opera (1989) was also released and while that one is a fine class molding of a period film and a gruesomely gory modern slasher that pulled the right strings (making me a BIG fan!), Mall's own take is gladly no stale turkey.

Released very late in the 80s, Phantom of The Mall could have been one tired slasher if it wasn't for its hammy charms carrying a good bulk of the weight. It's one of the few titles out there to take on a shopping mall killing spree with the added flavor of revenge and hokey romance, giving it a mediocre yet entertaining snatch. It's short on logic and realism, but who cares when a guy gets bitten on the groin by a live cobra, or the fact that our killer somehow spent some time away unheard, believed to be dead, only to be found living in the close-quarters of the mall's ventilation system with no explanation whatever? You got to hand the film for its delicious 80s vibe to overlook all this mediocrity thanks to a fine cast of horror/b-flick veterans such as Ken Foree (who is low on profile here as a security guard), Morgan Fairchild (who some may remember from the slasher-worthy Seduction (1982)) as the mall's conniving mayor, and Popcorn (1991)'s own Derek Rydall as the titular maniac.

The kills are your normal, garden-variety murders, only made unique since this is one slasher who practically used the mall as a weapon itself. While most killers would arm themselves with stabby things they could find in stores, Eric here is creative enough to hang and crush necks with an escalator, sic stolen live pet cobras at targets and even using a garbage chute door for a decapitation. Basic, but favorable all the way.

So it's not really anything as big as the stage plays, or the movie adaptations that sticks with the original plotting, nor does it boast a high bodycount, but as a time-wasting good time, Phantom of The Mall (1989) is a worthy watch. Go check it out!

Bodycount:
1 male repeatedly stabbed with screwdriver
1 male forced to a turbine, face shredded
1 male impaled on a forklift and electrocuted against a fusebox
1 male bitten on the groin by a live cobra (!)
1 male lassoed on the neck and gets caught on an escalator, neck crushed
1 male and 1 female burned to death offscreen (flashback)
1 male decapitated on chute door
1 female thrown through window and lands on an ornament, impaled
1 male set ablaze with a blowtorch and immolated by propane tank
1 male immolated in bomb explosion
Total: 11

Cops and Kids. Ozzie style: Dangerous Game (1987)

Dangerous Games (Australia, 1987)
Rating: ***
Starring: Miles Buchanan, Marcus Graham and Steven Grives

When a computer expert and his buddies decide to rob a department store one night just for the kick of it, they weren't expecting a disturbed policeman, who's recently taken out of the force thanks to their shenanigans, would be stalking them inside to get even. With a damaged security system locking them inside, the kids will soon have no choice but to fight back or die trying.

Psyche flushed down the toilet here

While it resembles familiar shopping mall slashers such as Chopping Mall (1986), The Initiation (1984) and Hide and Go Shriek (1988), Dangerous Games (1987) is actually low on the bodycount, making up for its lack of murders with hard-hitting action and intense chase scenes. Often labeled as the Ozzie version of Die Hard (1988), it has its fare number of gun fights, vehicular action and ambitious scenes (such as a ledge walk all too familiar to The Ledge segment of Cat's Eye (1985)), any horror tropes left are pushed a tad bit to the side and given a fair twist. For one, the film's villain, Officer Murphy, didn't start out completely homicidal. He's disturbed, but not enough to actually want the teens dead and his presence in the mall is more on scaring them in revenge. It wasn't until he accidentally threw a throwing knife to a kid's heart that he goes ape shit crazy - schizophrenic spinning, hot flashes and all.

I'm the disease. You're my victims

The moment he dons the army suit and a mean set of crossbows is also the moment he starts hunting them down. Sadly, as badass as this is, he never really get to kill another victims. Instead, he plans to rid of them and the evidence of his man slaughter altogether through your typical action movie cliché of blowing things up. Not very slasher-like, but the plentiful, beautifully shot stalk-and-chase scenes before this last act are, so the film still has its worth among bodycount fans.

All in all, Dangerous Games (1987) is a nice simple thriller despite the low-brow direction and too low of a kill count. Guess some things are better off easy and straight forward, and I definitely recommend this as a rental!

Bodycount:
1 male gets a thrown knife to the chest
Total: 1

How would you do it? :Cornered! (2009)

Cornered! (2009)
Rating: ***
Starring: Steve Guttenberg, James Duval and Peter Story

In Los Angeles, a serial-killer is targeting convenience store employees and managing to evade capture by stealing the surveillance tapes. The cops, in turn, is struggling to identity the killer, thus offering the public a five hundred grand reward for any info about the maniac.

This news reaches a store that's closing down for the night and its owner, along with four employees gathered there for a fun night of poker, starts discussing what they would do should the crazed fella ever pops in. Some suggestions get thrown around, all the while cards are still being played, but as if talking about the killer invokes them like Madman Marz from Madman (1982) or Beetlejuice from, well, Beetlejuice (1988), the gang of five sound soon find themselves at the mercy of a masked killer who now have broken in to their store, hellbent on murdering everyone.

Cornered! is not really a title I was expecting to enjoy. The action takes a while to start as it goes about an hour of banter between characters, their interactions getting get a tad tedious to watch for how overly mundaneness they can get. Fortunately, there are some likable and funny moments to lighten up the run and the actors playing our casts aren't really bad with their roles. When the murders get going, so does the story and the murders we're treated with come with some inventive kills involving ketchup bottles, circular saws and even ice cream cones (!), all done by the hands of a menacing looking killer with a very simple, yet cool looking get up.

Admiringly, the production quality for Cornered! has a pleasant look to it, with nice camera work, some good creepy moments in its direction and some good laughs along the way in its writing. It's a respectable entre' that's good enough for a watch, so long as you're willing to wait, that is.

Bodycount:
1 male seen stabbed with can opener (opening surveillance video sequence)
1 male seen hacked with crowbar (opening surveillance video sequence)
1 male seen with his legs cut off (opening surveillance video sequence)
1 male seen with a cut neck (opening surveillance video sequence)

1 female seen being garroted with cord (opening surveillance video sequence)

1 male seen in half
1 female gets waffle cone to the eye
1 male repeatedly stabbed with broken bottle, choked on blood
1 male sawed in half with circular saw
1 female decapitated with cleaver
1 male found choked on donuts
Total: 11

And Cue BADASS pose!