An Average Sharp Hand Joe: A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

Rating: **

Starring: Jackie Earle Haley, Rooney Mara, Kyle Gallner

When the 2003 redux of Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) made bank at the box office, the decade went on a "reimagining" craze when it comes to a bulk of its slasher films by redoing cult classic titles from yore into lean, mean, modern horror cuisines with varying results of passes and failures. 

More often than not, these reimaginings simply take the name and concept of the movies they're reworking and create entirely different stories around them, all the while paying tribute to the originals with a few jabs and nods, maybe a famous line uttered here and a familiar kill over there. This, in turn, usually rub a good chunk of dedicated fans the wrong way as they argue that some of these remade films hardly resemble the originals they've known and love so it's no surprise that some titles did try to stick to the source material as much as they could, like this 2010 modernized take on a slasher classic about nightmares and a little Ohio landscape called Elm Street. As you would see, that may pose its own shortcomings as well. 

A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010) opens at a diner where a group of teens witness their friend, Dean Russell (Kellan Lutz), seemingly ends himself by running a steak knife across his own throat. The core cast within the group did take notice of how odd this apparent suicide unfolded, like how Dean uttered at someone that they're not real before the darkly deed was done.

Next to bite the big one is Dean's girlfriend Kris Fowles (Katie Cassidy), who just hours after attending her late-boyfriend's funeral and getting comforted in her room by her ex, Jesse Braun (Thomas Decker), gets sliced across the chest in her sleep by invisible blades while being levitated and hurled from wall-to-wall. Jesse is blamed for the murder and thrown in jail, but he too falls victim to whatever murderous force is picking off the kids one by one. A murderous force burnt like hell, wearing a fedora and a stripey sweater, wielding a glove with knives for fingertips. 

Quickly noticing that their friend group is dropping like flies, our lead duo Nancy Holbrook (Rooney Mara) and Quentin Smith (Kyle Galner) starts looking into a few cryptic clues dropped by the others before they croaked, these including the possibility that they all once knew one another at long-forgotten pre-school and, too, the fact that they all been getting similar nightmares involving a burnt fedora-wearing man lately. It isn't long then that Nancy's mother finally reveals the truth to the two, that they and their late-friends were indeed under the same pre-school class many moons ago and that the school's caretaker, a fella named Fred Krueger (Jackie Earle Haley), allegedly molested them. In an act of vigilante justice, the man was chased into a boiler room and set on fire by mob of angry parents and the kids, somehow, forgot all about this ordeal. 

That is, until recently; somehow, from beyond the grave, Krueger has returned to eliminate all the children from that preschool class by killing them through their dreams, as revenge not only against the folks that roasted his arse, but also against the now-teenage kids who ratted him out. With time running out and Krueger getting closer to killing them, Nancy and Quentin have no choice but to figure out a way to stop and end a killer who only exists in their nightmares.

Now, I wanted to like A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010); it's a shot on making Fred Krueger scary again and, on a certain weight, we did get that as not only the plot tackled the grim characterization of Fred being a child molester and abuser, an idea that was dropped from the original 1984 film for being too heinous, but Jackie Earle Haley also did a fine job giving us a creepy and menacing supernatural killer with his drawl speech and sadistically perverse body language. (Also, I'm probably among the minority who's actually okay with the new look. It strongly implies that he's hardly human anymore) The problem, sadly, is the story and its execution as the movie practically replicates the original to a near tee so there's very little room for creativity and hardly a reason for this to even exist. The only points that set this remake from the original is a new set of teens with updated classes of stereotypes and the idea of micro-naps which, admittedly, works well on the scenes implementing them as it shows the teens slipping in and out of Freddy's reach in real time as they struggle to keep themselves awake. I would also add the little red herring attempt in which we're supposed to question whether Krueger did abused those tykes or not but, let's face it, anybody with common sense would know that he did terrible things to those kids so we might as just well drop that pointless hook. (I mean, again, he's played by Jackie Earle Haley here. Remember Ronnie McGorvey from Little Children (2006)?)

Any attempts for a scare fall dull and cheapened by this movie's use of CG effects for its supernatural elements, as well as jump scares that mostly looked too silly to genuinely frighten. The characters outside of Freddy are also unapologetically bland, basically among the most boring line of victims-to-be which isn't helped by the fact that most of these dead meats were killed off before any worth of development was done for them. The kill scenes, thankfully, are done with a good deal of practical effects with some digitalized enhancements, and some of the visuals that go along with these scenes do echo a familiar vibe of an early Elm Street movie, where Fred is mostly in the shadows and everything around him is grimy and, well, nightmarish. Apart from that, A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010) barely stands out and while not a completely bad film on its own as, again, it still delivers on what we expect from an Elm Street movie, a supernatural kill count committed by a nightmare-woven paranormal killer, it fails to bring any sense of charm or creative grit to make itself a rightfully enjoyable watch. 

Bodycount:

1 male had a knife stabbed and sliced across his throat

1 female slashed down her chest with a razor glove

1 male stabbed though his chest with a razor glove

1 male set ablaze (flashback)

1 female stabbed through the head with a razor glove

Total: 5

Kill For Mother Redux: Friday the 13th (2009)

Friday the 13th (2009 Remake)

Rating: ****

Starring: Jared Padalecki, Amanda Righetti, Derek Mears 

We all know that remaking classic movies can be a really really big gamble. 90s' Psycho was tarnished for being too similar from the original and more or less lacked any real reason to exist, Rob Zombie's Halloween divided attention between praisers and haters, and let's not get started with the Ghostbusters fiasco of 2016. (Which, personally, I actually enjoyed. I apologize for those who are appalled but, live with it.)

The original Friday the 13th is a classic of its own kind and with the reputation of being one of the most well known slasher movie and franchise, as well as one of the many key influences to hundreds of slashers to come until recent times, there is, in turn, no doubt that remaking it for the modern audience would be no easy task. And yet, here it is, one of the more entertaining reboots to come from our generation, hitting our nostalgic side and quenching our thirst for sex, blood and hockey masked backwoods boogeymen.

The film opens with a blast from the past as we see Mrs. Voorhees hunting down the last counselor of Camp Crystal lake, circa 1980s. Blaming the poor girl for the demise of her son Jason, Mrs. Voorhees readies herself to murder the counselor, only to meet her demise instead when the frightened would-be victim decapitates her with a machete. But, lo and behold, Jason wasn't really dead and the boy has the unfortunate timing to see his mum literally lose her noggin and vows to murder anyone entering his woods since.

Cutting forward to the present, we see a group hiking down the same forest for the typical teen slasher sins of gratuitous sex and weed hunting. Two of them, however, decided to venture deeper into the woods instead and end up walking into the abandoned Camp Crystal Lake and, long story short, the now grown Jason spots the group, slaughters them one by one except sweet girl Whitney, who he has taken an interest to as she resembles a younger Mrs. Voorhees.

One very late title card and six weeks later, yet another group of teenagers are visiting the lake, this time staying at their rich snobby friend's dad's lakeside cabin. Coinciding with their fun is Whitney's concerned brother Clay, snooping around the lake and woods in hopes of finding his sister, a feat that caught our second potential final girl Venna's attention and prompts her to join him in his search. Unfortunately for the two and everybody else, what they will end up with rather is a very long night to survive as hulking Jason again arms himself with all things sharp and deadly, to slice and dice these pesky teens and whoever else getting in his way.

Despite the modernized settings and the again mortal (?) Jason Voorhees, Friday the 13th '09 is more or less the classic backwoods slasher plot done not once, but twice (!) in the same movie, as the story, more or less, simply consisted of two "deep in the woods" massacres, each featuring a set wild partying teens doomed to be mince meat by the end of the day (or night). I can't really tell if this is a case of the writers lacking the needed imagination to make their project anymore exciting than any backwoods slasher, or simply them getting in touch with the nostalgic bare-bone slasher formula, but after all of the crazy things the franchise had gone through like having Jason battle a psychic girl (or Freddy Krueger), have the big guy shipped all the way to one part of New York, turned into a demonic slug after being blown to bits, or even have Jason frozen and thawed in a SciFi future, I guess the only problem I have with this reboot is that it hardly tries to be anything else other than the same old shtick we've seen hundreds of times before. But as time flies and occasional viewings were made, I do see the nostalgic effectiveness of Friday the 13th '09 as it strolls through familiar footings and cut open the same wounds we get to love from a slasher flick.


The film paced itself decently enough that we get to have a fairly bloody murder in between some of the attempted character and/or plot development, which was a fine approach thing seeing not a lot of these teenagers are that likable. A whole good deal of them are your token  stereotypes, beaming with the same rowdy energy as their late 80s/early 90s counterparts, albeit more risque with the plentiful near-softcore sex scenes and copious amount of topless nudity. Drugs are passed, juvenile jokes were cracked (hit or miss, unfortunately), dumb decisions are still made (would you really leave your friends to help a stranger you just met this morning?), it wasn't too long before we are rooting for Jason to come out and put his machete to good use and put it to good use he did! 

I will admit that I did took me some time getting used to another fleshy Jason since I grew up with post-The Final Chapter Friday the 13th movies. I was kinda anxious to see if he will remain as invulnerable as his zombified take and it is kinda cool to see that hardly anything changed for the only man to matter in this movie. Jason is still Jason. Hockey mask, uber-sharp machete, 7 foot stature and all. He is still the silent mass of muscle and hate that we all knew and love, though he did have this one kill that felt out of place in a Friday the 13th flick (those who have seen this flick will know what the roast I am talking about) but this is a minor gripe on my end and so long as the results still show blood red, I'm all for it.

Being a Hollywood production, it is to be expected that the production quality of the film from its lighting and camera work (love the lush darkened woods and the stormy finale), to its soundtrack (sadly, no signature "ki-ki-ki-ma-ma-ma" though. I guess that's another point down) are above (if not simply) average, which is a lot to say about a movie where we are to be entertained by teenagers being hacked to death. It's definitely one of the more polished entry to the Friday the 13th franchise, and one that actually deserves a good watch for not only hardcore Friday fans, but also to true slasher fans as well as behind the glitter and gold is the very same gritty and savage monster we know and love with a few little extra something for our time, so make no mistake on passing this one!

It may be a standalone reboot of a classic it will never beat, it is safe to say that it at least tried and did enough good on its own to recognize its efforts. With this, I say Friday the 13th (2009) stands proudly with and above the rest of its slasher kin, and I myself had and still am having a great time with this simple, yet insanely fun bodycounter.

Bodycount:
1 female decapitated with a machete
1 male had an ear sliced off with a machete, found slaughtered
1 female roasted alive above a campfire
1 male slaughtered offcamera with a machete
1 male hacked on the head with a machete
1 male had his throat sliced with a machete
1 male gets an arrow shot through his head
1 female stabbed on the head with a machete
1 male gets a screwdriver forced into his neck
1 male gets a thrown axe to his back and forced through his chest
1 female impaled unto deer antlers
1 male stabbed through the eye with a fire poker
1 male stabbed through the chest with a machete, thrown and impaled unto rebars
1 female ran through with a machete
Total: 14

Luck of the Irish. Ghetto style: Leprechaun in the Hood (2000) and Leprechaun: Back 2 Tha Hood (2003) Double Bill Review

Death to he who sets a Leprechaun free. Steal his gold, it will corrupt your soul, you see. For many a moon the legend has grown, death toll increases, solution unknown. Beware the evil wanderer in search of his loot, lest you suffer the wrath of his golden flute. Flee while you can, the future's not good- for no one is safe from a Lep in the Hood! 

Leprechaun in the Hood (2000)

Rating: **

Starring: Warwick Davis, Ice-T, Anthony Montgomery

Stepping down from the galactic proportions of Leprechaun 4: In Space (1996) around the new millennium, Trimark Pictures teamed up with Lionsgate to bring back the (in)famous titular Warwick Davis monster back from the dead, back to Earth and into a place where we least expected for him to show up: the hood! 

Why? Cuz he's been to Las Vegas and in SPACE, so I guess Lionsgate just thought "meh, why the f*ck not?" and went with it.

The story, much like any of the other in the Leprechaun franchise, stands on its own continuity and begins with two afro-wearing pimps in the 70s raiding an abandoned building for the Leprechaun's hidden treasure. When they find what they are looking for, one of said pimps, Mack Daddy (rapper Ice-T), appears to be more interested on a tiny golden flute among all the other shinies, so he has his cohort haul up the rest of the loot. 

Thing is, next to the pot of treasure is the Leprechaun, petrified by the same worn magical amulet from Part 3. When Mack D's partner greedily takes the mystical jewelry off the statue, he unknowingly frees the Leprechaun and gets a hair pick to the throat as a reward. A "fight" then ensues between Mack Daddy and the newly awakened Leprechaun, most of it involving weapons being pulled out of a 'fro and it ends with the dwarf being petrified again by the amulet.

The action then forwards to the present and amateur rappers Postmaster-P, Stray Bullet and Butch are in dire need of cash for some new equipment when theirs fry up during a rap audition. After failing to sell a guitar with a forged Jimi Hendrix autograph, the trio decide to try getting their songs sold the easy way: by performing in front of the now-successful music producer/pimp Mack Daddy and hope their positive take on rap music will fly.

It didn't.

Adding injury to insult, Mack Daddy throws the boys out after telling them that their idea sucks. At this point, Post and his buds agree to repay Daddy by robbing his joint later that night, but makes the fatal mistake of stealing the gold flute and the magic amulet from the Leprechaun statue on display.

As expected, the Leprechaun is free once more and Mack Daddy catches the boys in the act, so that's two troubles for the three idiots. Things head on for the stranger, however, when Post discovers the flute has magic hypnotizing powers and uses it to build up his reputation, all the while running away from both the Leprechaun and one angry pimp. Folks get killed, rhymes are rapped, and the Leprechaun discovers weed. What else is there to say?

Among the two Hood entries of this series, Leprechaun in the Hood (2000) retains the horror-comedy of the first four film, but undeniably cheaper and less lively. The reason for this is that the tone doesn't stay stable; some scenes feel like a horror movie, some look straight out of a ghetto comedy, and the magical element is downgraded to simple telekinesis and mind-control, which is hardly impressive seeing the Leprechaun had done better set-ups like electrocuting robots, tricking people into kissing rotating fan blades and pulling deadly powertools out of nowhere.

It's hard enjoying a movie that doesn't know where to focus on, more over when the jokes are mostly flat or forced, the gore is barely creative, and the acting being mostly atrocious. On the plus side, much like the rest of the Leprechaun films to feature Warwick Davis, this is all under the intention of making a silly cheesy movie; it's terribly dumb, challenging our intelligence, but it's all for the sake of getting a laugh.

Personally, I'm giving this movie a near-passing rating for the efforts the producers made to keep the mindlessness as fun as ever. I'm not saying they did a good job, but it is a commendable one.

Bodycount:

1 male stabbed on the throat with a hair pick

1 male electrocuted

1 male killed offcamera

1 male strangled, later found dismembered

1 male had his throat crushed

1 male blown open

1 male clawed through the back, disemboweled

1 male shot on the head

1 male shot

1 male blown open

Total: 10

Leprechaun: Back 2 Tha' Hood (2003)

Rating: ***

Starring: Warwick Davis, Tangi Miller, Laz Alonso

Three years after Lionsgate terrorized the hood (and our screens) with a rapping Leprechaun, this happened. Interestingly, Trimark Pictures sold the right of the franchise to Lionsgate, which means we're screwed right? Well, sortah, They could have done worse.

We begin the movie with a brief origin; as it turns out, Leprechauns once served a noble king in protecting his treasures from invaders. Once the king's reign ended, the leprechauns returned to their homes in the woods, save one who grew greedy and corrupt for the gold he was sworn to protect. Fast-forward to the present, a pastor is seen burying the Leprechaun's treasure in a construction site, apparently in an attempt to hide away the accursed object and keep the minuscule miscreant from claiming more victims. The tiny terror, understandably, isn't too happy about this and demands padre to give his gold back or die.

The priest chooses to fight back and gets clawed to death, but not before casting the Leprechaun to hell by sprinkling him with holy water laced with four-leafed clovers.

One year later, hair dresser Emily Woodrow and her bestfriend Lisa, stoner goof Jamie and Emily's ex Rory are in financial hell; Emily needs money for college, Jamie needs it to pay off some thugs, while Lisa and Rory just needs it for a better and easier life. So when the Emily stumbles into the Leprechaun's treasure that one time they decided to do some outdoor barbecuing at an abandoned construction site, the group is eager to spend their new found wealth. (And apparently for Emily, forgetting her dream of college.)

Unfortunately for them, finding the gold releases the Leprechaun from his hellish imprisonment, now vowing vengeance against those who stole his treasure and death to those who gets in the way.

Something about this film works a bit better compared to the first Hood entry; the way I see it, this movie tries to stray from the random obscurities the first five films have by focusing more on the characters and place the villain in a more realistic ground. Incidentally, the film took 30 to 40 minutes before the Leprechaun gets out, spending all that time building its casts by showing their plight, a little bit of drama, and have them visiting mediums just for the heck of it.

Once the lep is free, however, the movie does the most interesting move I've seen in this franchise; by limiting the Leprechaun's magic to plain immortality and strength, the kills are closer to that of a slasher/monster movie with clawing, dismemberment, and impalement among the fatalities featured. What's stranger is that the sizable killcount is mostly made up of bystanders, with little to none of the main cast being killed off; last time I've seen a slasher fill a kill count with secondary casualties was the slasher-action-survival hybrid The Zero Boys (1986) and, like that movie, Back 2 Tha Hood (2003) did just fine.

So the film is closer to a slasher movie with a more workable story. Good? Hard to say; while the new take on the Leprechaun does make him closer to a weapon-wielding slasher villain, I still prefer magical splatter over hand-made kills since this is what made the franchise enjoyable. I'm also not that fond of seeing my favorite killer dwarf be somebody's punching bag just for the sake of showing how indestructible he is, or the fact that he's just so darn serious in this film. (To an extent)

We got comedy but it didn't blend too well as they all come out as random, like how the Leprechaun just decides to smoke a bong with a dude, get high and have the munchies, or a scene where he gives a fat lady a massage just for the heck of it. They even tried doing a running gag where the lep attempts to deliver a scary monologue, only to be cut off coz he's not threatening enough or the victim's too impatient. It would have been funny, but the tone and timing are just off.

Still, I come to like this better than the last Lep in the Hood movie since the positives hold up their own quite effectively. I just wish they worked on the comedy better, or just ditched it halfway as the serious approach was doing fine. Overall, a good flick to remember Mr. Davis' last hurrah as a demonic dwarf!

Bodycount:

1 male repeatedly clawed

1 male impaled with a bong

1 female had her neck broken

1 female clawed on the gut

1 had her jaw torn off

1 male impaled with a police baton

1 male had a leg torn off, killed

1 male had his heart torn out

1 male clawed on the neck

1 female killed, method unknown

Total: 10

BONUS!

Leprechaun: Origins (2014)
Rating: 0
Starring: Dylan Postl, Stephanie Bennett, Andrew Dunbar

WARNING! THIS IS MORE OF A RANT THAN A REVIEW. LOTS OF CUSSING, SWEAR WORDS, AND SAILOR TALK. I DON'T GIVE A SHIT IF ALL THREE OF THOSE MEANT THE SAME THING. TOO PISSED OFF TO THINK STRAIGHT.

Dear Lionsgate,

What the fuck?

Okay, first, WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?! Why buy the rights to a franchise featuring a wise-cracking, demonic killer elf if you're not gonna continue THAT? Why, of all things, would you reboot the series and feature A FUCKING MONSTER THAT CAN BE OUTRAN BY ITS OWN VICTIMS AND ONLY HAD THE CHANCE TO SLAUGHTER THEM CUZ THE FRIGGIN VILLAGERS, WHO, SURPRISE! IS IN THE WHOLE SHINDIG, HELPED?!

Seriously, this is the most basic monster/slasher movie I've seen in my years existing in this plane of reality; so fucking basic I figured the whole thing out in 15 minutes! ANY OTHER MONSTER MOVIE IS BETTER THAN THIS! There are no surprises, there are no thrills, NO FUN! Just random cardboard teenagers being mauled alive by a monster that resembles a naked man with a flat nose, pointed ears, and a misplaced jaw. DID YOU JUST READ THAT? I DESCRIBED THE MONSTER FOR YOU. HOW MUCH DID YOU PAY YOUR CREATIVE TEAM FOR THAT?!

And let's not get started with the gore; HOLY, FUCKING, JUMPING JESUS! MAULINGS? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? MAULINGS? I know you're doing a fresh start but, COME ON! THINK CREATIVELY! Oh look, the monster learned to pushed the head of one of the teenagers inside a fucking hole so her friends would mistaken her for the monster and split her noggin open with a fucking axe! Bravo! More to prove that the leprechaun ITSELF CAN'T DO A DECENT KILL! COME ON!

Y'know, it's a good thing I didn't buy THIS fucking movie! Cuz it ain't worth a damn nickle! HOW LONG DID YOU BASTARDS THOUGHT OF THE STORY? AN HOUR? TWO HOURS? WHOOOOOAAAAA! THAT'S REALLY IMPRESSIVE! BRAVO! ENCORE! ENCORE! NO! NO!!! 

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...

I would rather watch those two fucking Leprechaun in the fucking ghetto movies than this dreck. The serious approach? Not working. Y'know why the first series is so popular? Because it doesn't take itself seriously! I mean, it's a movie about FUCKING LEPRECHAUNS! How can you guys mess this up?!

You guys better get your act straight and give, not just us fans of the original series, but horror fans IN GENERAL something worth remembering. So far, most your recent horror movie releases sucked. No One Lives (2012)? I guess that counts us viewers, too, due to the suicide inducing clichés~! See No Evil 2 (2014)? Who's bright idea to let those overrated Soska Sisters handle the sequel of your better movies? Oculus (2013)? I don't even know what I watched. The Call (2013)?

Actually, The Call (2013) is pretty good. You guys did well on that one! For those who disagree with me, I DON'T GIVE A SHIT!

Bottom line...

Love,

One Angry Admin

Bodycount:
1 male mauled to death
1 female killed offscreen
1 male found impaled on tractor spikes, mauled
1 male clawed on the gut, disemboweled
1 female axed on the face
1 male had his spine ripped out
1 male mauled to death
1 creature decapitated with an axe
Total: 8

The Phantom of Texarkana Strikes Again: The Town That Dreaded Sundown (2014)

The Town That Dreaded Sundown (2014)
Rating: ****
Starring: Addison Timlin, Veronica Cartwright, Anthony Anderson

Though I'm not a very big fan of the original Town That Dreaded Sundown (1976), I do pride myself of seeing that piece of camp history well loved, if not respected, by true slasher fans. It was an odd experience, seeing it during my years when I'm (re)discovering the world of slashers for the first time, that weird mix of psycho-drama, comedic cheesiness and slasher film dread being my entertainment for that one weekend afternoon.

Almost four decades later and this name sake comes along, a surprisingly well-made title that not only acts as a reboot but also a meta-sequel of its own style.

Set in 2013 in the God-fearing town of Texarkana, it appears that the Phantom has returned 65 years since his disappearance at Halloween night, once again targeting young teenagers in an elusive killing spree. With the entire town rattled, law enforcers from both sides of the state and too some religious groups try their best to prevent any more murders but with the killer as cunning as he was before, the death toll continues.

One survivor of the very first night the murders began, a young high schooler named Jami, decided to look into the murders herself seeing that the killer has chosen her over her boyfriend to survive for a purpose, terrorizing her with creepy phone calls, emails and letters. With the help of her new lover, Jami will soon find out the truth about the murders, both in the past and in the present, all the while trying to survive the Phantom's increasingly violent attacks.

As a meta-sequel, The Town That Dreaded Sundown (2014) took elements from the original 1976 Town and crafted them into a series of red herrings and plot points set within an in-world universe that acknowledges the real-life historical killing spree, resulting to a slasher film that's both respectful of the 1976 exploitation title it is based on and an original story of its own. Much of the horror elements of the new Town, in turn, is closer to what can be found in a bonafide bodycounter flick with the sex=death cliché taken to a literal sense with a bit of zealousness, each murder simply cruel, bloody and incredibly intense. I also took notice of the film's tone, which is gritty in an exploitation kind of sense, all the way down to the watered-looking yellow tint picture, the town's oddly 70s inspired backdrop (from the clothes to the vehicles, despite taking place in the 2010s) and stylized retro camera shots, elements that worked quite well for a remake paying tribute to the original.

Intriguing to note that the fright factor of the original 1976 Town is that it has a sense of realism despite its cheesier parts, thanks to its documentary-like presentation as well as being made and released years closer since the original killing spree. The 2014 Town, comparingly, is clearly a movie made from one's imagination, made to thrill the public and entertain horror fans by relying on suspenseful stalkings and gruesomely gory killings. Not really a bad thing since it did cater enough to stand on its own too feet without relying too much on people recognizing the movie it's both remaking and following-up on; in fact, since the original Town is a recurring artifice frequently shown through out the film, it kinda advertises it and plays around with the notion of what is fictionalized and what is not. The acting delivers a lot better compared to the the original as well, which helped the film drive through parts where it needed to slow down to focus more on the investigations, both amateur and not, albeit dwelling down to a cliched twist ending that could have been a lot longer and engaging but nonetheless satisfying.

The Town That Dreaded Sundown (2014) is a slasher that deserved to be warmly welcomed by fans of the original and those who are looking for a worthwhile remake/sequel these days. Stylized and engaging, a combination that makes any cliched horror movie a fun ride.

Bodycount:
1 male stabbed to death with a knife, face mutilated
1 male beheaded with a knife
1 female knifed to death
1 male shot dead (?)
1 male seen covered in stab wounds, shot on the head
1 male repeatedly stabbed with a knife-attached trombone
1 male and 1 female killed in car crash (flashback)
1 male shot on the eye
1 female knifed to death
1 male knifed into pieces (flashback)
1 male shot on the head
1 female shot on the neck
1 male shot
1 male found in pieces
1 male shot on the head
1 male shot to death
Total: 17

Hello Sidney, It's Woodsboro: Scream 4 (2011)

Scream 4 (2011)
Rating: ***1/2
Starring:  Neve Campbell, Courteney Cox, David Arquette

With modern day cinema's obsession for remaking classic horror films, bringing back Scream after its supposed finale ala trilogy is one way to poke fun at it. Albeit unnecessary.

Neve Campbell returns once again to reprise her role as Sidney Prescott, now an adult, a writer of a bestselling self-help and is currently on her last stop of her book tour, which happens to be her home town of Woodsboro. A night before her arrival, however, a couple of girls were brutally murdered by someone taking the torch as the new Ghostface; Gail and Dewey, married and living a strained life in a small town, were first on the scene and finds out that whoever did it had placed their get-up inside Sidney's car, a mock welcoming gift to celebrate her return and the Woodsboro Massacre anniversary. Once again targeted by a deranged costumed killer, Sidney has no choice but to tag along again and try to stop the killings, which so happens to be targeting her young cousin, Jill, and her friends, with the help of some familiar faces, and too some new ones.

Seems a tad jaded, but Scream 4 is nowhere a bad movie. If anything, it's just plain tired; The same old wheel of poking fun at conventions is done again here, only now they're ripping off remakes (or reboots), crazy franchising and some commentaries on torture porn. (Finally, somebody gets my gripe with that sub-genre!)

I wouldn't really this a re-boot, or a remake, or whatever you call it these days, but it did re-hashed and updated some certain Scream set-up, like the big opening kill, and a hyped-up bodycount that finally embraces cliche. In fact, out of the franchise, Scream 4 boasts the highest and most brutal kill count, going as far as a two digit count and some nasty knife slaughtering. This, however, shows the film's weakness in terms of direction, following a routine of call-show-kill-repeat as targeted victims first receives a call from a killer (or someone pretending to be the killer) before being attacked and gutted alive. Once you get the set-up, you can pretty much tell what's gonna happen next, and with most of these victims even that developed, it's almost empty in comparison to the previous entries.

Still, Scream 4 is still a Scream movie at heart; Kevin Williamson returns to write for this entry after handing it down to another in Scream 3, bringing back the much loved satirical dialogue and name-dropping this series is known for. The entry's decade long hiatus certainly gave it an opportunity to take stabs at every wrong and right about today's horror with much nostalgia from the original, thus the return of another smart script and some well-deserved plot development, done right with oddly placed humor. Wes Craven also sits again as director and surprisingly remains as cool and calculated with the film's flow and direction, a relief seeing how badly messed up his prior work to this was. Seriously Crave, what happened in My Soul to Take? That was horrible!

Casting-wise, while Campbell, Cox and Arquette remains enduring and consistent with their character's personality (well, sort of. Dewey lost some of his awkward puppy-dog charm since the first. Ah, the horrors of growing up), some of the new faces here are likable enough not to be overshadowed by the veterans; Emma Roberts is Jill, Sidney's naive and slightly vulnerable younger cousin who may stand in as the killer's "remake" version of the lead Prescott, portrayed with much troubled innocence and sweetness. Tagged along with her is Hayden Panettiere as the aggressive yet true-to-heart horror geek. She doesn't have much scenes around the film but whenever she's around, she does shine. Joining some of these few countable memorable heads is a couple of film geeks portrayed by Rory Culkin and Erik Knudsen, this version's "Randies", active members of their school's film club and proprietor of the town's annual Stab-a-thon. (Where kids get drunk watching a marathon of Stab films, the series' in-movie slasher franchise) They were awkwardly funny whenever they're on the scene, and even if they're far from replacing Randy, they had a good run.

These two set of generation soon melds in one satisfying climax on where the franchise's well known outrageous twists was once again put to good use, shocking fans to yet again another twist reveal that no one saw coming, with a social commentary on today's violence-obsessed media to boot!

A bit clumsy yet still entertaining entry for our generation, Scream 4 shows us that the franchise still has a long road ahead, and with the right mindset, they can do it right. But does this mean we are rooting for more Scream any time soon? Well, as long as Ghostface doesn't do time travel or find himself a Bride, I guess we can for another round or two.

Bodycount:
1 female knifed on the chest (film)
1 female gets a throat cut (film)
1 female knifed on the gut (film)
1 female knifed on the gut, thrown through a window
1 female got her back crushed with a garage door, knifed
1 female knifed to death, disemboweled
1 female knifed on the gut, thrown off a building and lands on a van
1 male repeatedly knifed on the back
1 male stabbed between the eyes with a knife, bled to death
1 female knifed on the back
1 male stabbed on the chest, knifed to death
1 male shot on the head
1 male knifed to death
1 female electrocuted on the face with a defibrillator, shot on the chest
Total: 14

Welcoming The King: My Day at the Philippine Premiere of Godzilla (2014)

Never thought I would get my chance to see this film on the very first day it would premiere on my country, but I do find the experience a little different from the last time Godzilla had his US reboot.

As far as I could remember, when I was a wee kinder, the marketing for 1998's GODZILLA was on every channel we surfed on, had candies and chocolates based on the film and even a KFC kid's meal with a collectible set of figurines. (One of which I still have today. Displayed along with my other kaiju related toys) For this film, it's a little sudden; a single trailer was played a week prior to the release, on a cable based channel that some might even own. It's a little disappointing, but seeing how unfaithful the last film was to the original, and how most of us Filipinos don't give jack shit about the Japanese Godzilla cuz, let's face it, we're a poor country and multi-culture isn't exactly our forte, I think it's for the better.

Fighting through a week worth of headache at work, some strange rash that's painfully healing on my leg right now (it's the weather, I'm sure of it) and fending of the temptation of spending some hard earned cash on some really cool geek merchandises ("Oh shit, lookie! It's a Doctor Who Sonic Screwdriver replica like the one I wanted for last Christmas!"), I finally get into this day, ate breakfast with my mum while helping out a bit with the chores before suiting myself for the big day. And by suit I meant I just wore my walking shorts and the baggiest T-shirt I got to hide my man-boobs, plus a hair band to hold back my growing mullet. (at least I think it's a mullet) I got to the nearest mall around the first ten minutes it opened, as it turns out I actually set up my watch 5 minutes in advance so I wouldn't be late at, well, anything.

My ticket. This one's going next to my The Amazing Spiderman ticket that I've been keeping for sentiments.

The earliest screening was around 11:00 am, so when I got to the ticket booth at 10:25, they were still closed. Some-time minutes later, there's about a group of ten-ish folks waiting behind me, another disappointing sign of how badly marketed this film is on this rock I call home, but so long as I get to see it, I don't give a damn. Least the ticket sale was a lot cheaper than I expected. (probably cuz it wasn't in 3D)

Now, the movie itself is about two hours long, which focuses a lot on the people encountering the monsters and finding ways to stop them whilst the creatures rampage, much like the original. Only, the difference here is that a good chunk of their aim was on the new monsters known as MUTOs, an acronym for Massive Unidentified Terrestrial Organism, resembling multi-legged, beaked abominations that fed on radiation and emits a wave of EMP to hinder our means of harming them. Godzilla, on the other hand, was the lesser of these evils. In fact, he's less of the rampaging monster of the original 1954 version and more of a giant animal that's there to fight off the MUTOs for reasons explained yet kinda cheesy and overly heroic.

A good bulk of the monster fight was simply hinted around their first encounters but in typical monster melee cliche, the best fights are saved for the last and I got to say, it's worth the wait. The funnest part would be seeing the big guy use his radioactive breath in a way I never thought possible with so much awe-inducing effect. (I cheered and chuckled)

they smell a lot different than those cheap ones!

As the film ends, I find myself sitting until the credits end. So much just happened, with tiny hints and nudges to other kaiju faves like Mothra and King Ghidorah thrown about the film, I was sure there's more. But as I finished waiting, I calmly walked out of the theater and given a free poster for being the first batch to see the film on its release. What's more fitting is that when I walked by the toy store I usually go to when I'm toy hunting, they had this display of the US Bandai Godzilla toys for the G's 60th Anniversary and return. Now, I know these toys are around before the movie premieres but, I think it was fitting to at least get one for my collection. I was gonna get the whole Destruction Pack that includes a miniature Godzilla and a MUTO along with an entire building set for the kid to play around, but it costs around $20 plus which is a lot to pay for tiny toys, so I got myself a Tail Strike instead with a gimmicky tail smashing action.

Here's the front-

-and here's the back, showing how the tail works!
Cue my inner childhood jumping in glee like an idiot.

One snack hunting for the family and a Happy Meal later (I was in it for the toy, but that's a story for another time...), I came home around 2:30 in the afternoon which is fairly early than my usual leavings for me to rest from the excitement. As I finish writing this, I had a fun day seeing my childhood hero come back the right way. I have to admit it's not perfect but dang ain't it a lot better than seeing a giant iguana play tag with military helicopters only to get killed with missiles? Yeah, I'm pretty sure it is!

Welcome back, Big G!

Earthquakes, Home Invasions and Ghost Stories: Looking Back at the films I saw last 2013

A lot of interesting titles came out last year; interesting as a lot of twisty takes on familiarity had been thrown around to give us something completely new, may it be successful or not. In here would be the titles I saw that came out last year, most of it was worth the wait, some an uttering surprise (both good and bad) while others just fails me.

So before we walk deeper into 2014, let us look into some of the more recognized horror films of last year:

The ABCs of Death: 26 directors 26 short films. Numerous ways to die. Spanning over 15 countries, ABCs of Death is an experimental stab on an anthology film, running in a staggering two plus hours, showcasing us from the whackiest and wildest deaths to be conjured up by the sickest (and for some of them, talented) minds to spawn over the world of horror shorts. Dare to try a marathon of 26 killer shorts? Be for-warned, some of them bite back real hard.

Aftershock: I'm mildly disappointed on how this film ended up playing in real life as I pictured this film to be more of a slasher film taking place either during or after an earthquake. Still, it did get better in a second viewing as I already expected everything that's gonna happen (and a story like the one I imagined might worth thousands as my directorial feature, so no stealey!!!), and dare I say I began to see this as one of my guiltier pleasures. Everything about it is so wrong (I mean would you really rape someone during a tsunami warning? God, no wonder those bastards are criminals, they're as dumb as fuck they can't get a job!), and yet, I can't stop watching the chaos without grinning a bit. This is one for the morbid-minded!

The Call: Halle Berry stars in this engaging thriller-cum-sort-of-slasher about a 911 operator putting everything she knows and desperately tries to stop a kidnapping-in-process. It's one of the better reviews I've made for this blog, but I find the ending to be too cliched. Even for me. (gasp! shocking!) It's a good run while it lasted, so I regret nothing!

Carrie: an unnecessary remake/ re-telling of a Stephen King classic, the tale of a bullied girl taking hellish revenge on her tormentors is a story too familiar to hate, but if done in too stale, leaving nothing much to remember by. Still a worthwhile watch, but that's just about it. Do love the new gory kills on those bastard teenagers though, but I really wish they didn't go all CG-enhanced on those...

Coffin Baby: no. no. no. this is everything wrong in a sequel. You do not lower down its budget and hide it as art. You do not waste a good killer by turning him into a lame torture-porn maniac that's really tiring for this day and age. But worst of all; you. do. not. and I mean NOT. RUIN A GOOD FRANCHISE BY SMOTHERING IT WITH NONSENSICAL VIOLENCE THAT BUILDS UP TO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! 

The Conjuring: Now, I'm not a big fan of "ghost movies" but The Conjuring became an instant fave for me. It's simple, fun, and frightening all at the same time, this film is an easy win over director James Wan's other 2013 release, which is a dull follow-up known as Insidious 2...

Curse of Chucky: Whether this is a direct follow-up to the whole franchise or a retcon of the events after Child's Play 3, one thing is for sure and that is Chucky's Back, and he's creepy scary again. (So long as you din't mind the new film's minuscule budget, which shines all too obviously with the doll's ever changing appearance and the single premise setting.)

Evil Dead (2013): While not as good as the classic splatter, Evil Dead 2013 is a warm, wet and wild welcome to us fans, as technical effects, grimy atmosphere and non-stop gore is all balls-out for this triumphant return! Better news? Two more Evil Dead flicks on the future! One which will include Bruce Campbell as our fave one-liner spouting man with the chin of steel, Ashley J. Williams. AKA Just ASH!

Frankenstein's Army: This is a small surprise for me; a 'found footage" depicting a rag-tag battalion of Russian soldiers find themselves lost in enemy territory, lead by an authoritarian figure who may not be giving out everything he's planning. Soon, these soldiers comes face-to-face against one of the coolest looking steampunked flesh-and-steel monsters to crawl out of horror! While low on scares and done through a pretty simple direction, the story is still interesting and you just can't beat a film that provides monsters. And I mean really provide.

The Green Inferno: I've yet to see this, but the hype for this is just phenomenal! Eli Roth returns to the directorial chair to create this tribute to 70s Italian cannibal flicks, something I honestly believe in need of a good comeback to our modern horror circle.

Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters: A dumbed down movie about fairy tale kids Hansel and Gretel who grew up as steampunked badasses who're out to hunt down witches with an array of clockwork weapon and explosives. No real plot, but who cares, it's witch hunting! The cool way!

Hatchet 3: So, is this the end of Victor Crowley? Yes. No. Maybe. We will never know. But if it is, all I could say is that it could had done a lot better, as all we ended up with is probably the weakest entry in the series. Still a good watch when it hits you right, though.

I Spit on Your Grave 2: A shocking franchising of Rape-and-Revenge horror flicks, in this sequel to the 2010 remake of a notorious exploitation classic, a photographer is kidnapped and used as a sex toy by Russian hooligans, in one dreadful and seemingly hopeless situation. That is until a kind preacher saves said victim, and shelters her away from these thugs. But unknown to him, and fortunately for us, revenge by electrocution, clamp-vice and exposure to feces awaits for each of them.

Insidious: Chapter 2: As I mentioned before, this is a rather weak follow-up to an awesome scare flick; it's less frightening, less interesting and barely engaging. The threat of being possessed is something we'd seen before, and barely moving. Maybe on your next feature, Wan...

The Last Exorcism Part II :So take it out of the Found Footage format and simply play it straight was the plan for this film. Did it worked? Fuck no. Least not for me. It's pretty disappointing, but the dramatics of a supernatural possession did answer a few question to whether she was possessed or not, but that kinda kills the creepy ambiguity of the original, and set this sequel to something we're too familiar with...

The Lords of Salem: After Rob Zombie's disappointing follow-up to his Halloween remake, my faith to this guy wavers downhill. But I put high expectations on this new film as i do find the concept to be very interesting, up until I finally get to see it. And boy did it let me down. Visual imagery is amazing, but story-wise, I find it really dull. I was looking forward for something really shocking, but all i got is bits and pieces of music video clips.

Mama: this film was a blur to me. I saw it. went through it. forgotten about it. Some confusing ghost story about some kids being haunted by a ghostly "mama". Feck, the original short was a lot creepier.

Maniac (2012): A near full POV take on the classic splatter slasher of the same name back in the 1980s, this Alexandre Aja produced re-telling had Elijah Wood filling in the role of our titular maniac, whose obsession with scalping women as revenge goes too well with those sad, puppy dog eyes. Could we finally have a remake that can stand as proud as the original? Witchcraft! And yet, it happened, so...SUCCESSFUL WITCHCRAFT!

Mischief Night (2013): Director Richard Schenkman's ordinary slasher tries a singular twist of having a lead heroine who's blind, due to a mental conditioning that she puts herself to after a car accident. Pretty cool concept, but it sure takes a while to get it going. it's not overly gory for a slasher either. Shame, but still a good viewing.

No One Lives- More of a suggestion than an absolute promise, but in the end, with no characters worthy to root for, this is perhaps the most dullest slasher film ever released for our time. Granted the kills are cool, but sometimes one can't be all that shallow...

Pacific Rim: Before 2014 welcomes Godzilla (again) to the US soil, a new set of kaijus had already rampaged through our beloved cities...and blown down into smithereens by giant piloted mechs! With a plot not so original, Guillermo Del Toro dishes out something to bury this minor setback deep down into the gravel, and that is Giant Monsters, Giant Mechs, and Giant Fights! Worth a kaiju comeback? Hell Yeah! Bring out the Godzilla DVDs!

The Purge: Big Concept! Little execution. This utter disappointment to what would have been a non-stop exploitation ride of murder had us plunged in a dystopian America in the future, where in one night in each year, a 12 hour "purge" is held where anybody is allowed to do whatever crime they want. So did we have an all-out gore-a-thon? Nope, just a lot of gun fight and no traumatic ends. Shit.

Texas Chainsaw 3D: Perhaps one of the more controversial title released last year, all for the odd reasons: in this retcon, it follows up directly from where the first film had ended, and tries to build a sort-of anti-hero out of the chainsaw wielding lunatic that is Leatherface. Good gore, bad story. How this will spawn a sequel is beyond me.

V/H/S/2: Remember the first V/H/S/ horror anthology last released in 2012? Remember how varying was for the effectiveness for these shorts? Well, worry no more! V/H/S/2 is a HUGE improvement over the last film, with more fun and fright as zombies, homicidal ghosts, killer cults and menacing aliens welcomes you to your doom. BRING ON V/H/S/3!

World War Z: This'll never find any true acceptance among serious horror fans, but for those like me, who just want to enjoy a good silly movie before going to bed and welcome another day of work, it's films like WWZ that's just what the doctor ordered. While it's more of an action-adventure film than an actual horror film, the film pits Brad Pitt in a race against time to stop, or at least hinder, a growing epidemic that infects the human population and turning them into flesh-hungry zombies.

You're Next: Finally! A hype that spoke true! (well, for most of us!) A slasher/home invasion hybrid that puts an entire family gathering into a nightmarish situation as three masked killers, armed to the teeth, began to murder them one by one, up until one of the guests reveals a twisty secret, and that is she, too, is good at killing people. It's gory, easy and non-sensical all the way, but to heck with logic and to heck with haters! You're Next is one film I'm proud to see over and over again!

And there's my recap of all the 2013 horrors that we have to go through. What's in store for this year? Well, could do another post for that, but I think it's best to just wait them out and see what kind of ghoulishness we will subject ourselves to.

So, til then, Ciao for Now and have a rockin' night!