Angry Russian Baby Face: Dislike (2016)

Dislike (Dizlayk) (Russia, 2016)
Rating: **
Starring: Anastasiya Akatova, Evgeniy Dakot, Oleg Gaas

The filmmaker behind this movie probably thought they'd be making a hip and slick social satire horror masterpiece by centering it on bloggers and online celebrities facing the wrath of a psycho, but all I saw is a Saw (2003) clone with the traps replaced with a moron in a baby mask. Scary?

Eight young video bloggers are invited to a promotional stunt for a new (yet still a very generic looking) energy drink called Devil's Power where they have to stay inside a secluded backwoods house Big Brother-style with no wifi or any other means of outside communication, in exchange for some sweet cash reward for their participation. Thinking that the only trouble they have to handle is each other's bullshit, these assorted self-proclaimed internet personalities settle in, not knowing the whole shebang is a set-up and next thing they know, the drinks are spiked and in comes a baby-masked creeper.

Once our groups come through, they find themselves trapped inside the house with the masked loon and somebody else over the PA system who's willing to let them go if they figure out who is responsible for this plot. Of course, each wrong answer results to a murder and our hapless massacre victims-to-be have no choice but to think it through or die trying.

Not particularly unique nor is it all that exciting, Dislike (2016) tries to appeal to the modern teen demographic with its satirical talk and criticisms concerning online fame and internet celebrities, but its execution falls flat when it resorts to fleshing its characters out as one-note representations of obnoxious video blogger stereotypes (i.e. online comedians, pranksters, conspiracy theorists, etc) and cramping them up in a not so complex mystery where the surprises and twists are as silly, stale and brittle as your grandma trying to make you eat a ten year old jawbreaker she was saving just for you. Its heart in the right place, but the tools of its trade are so aged and overused that you can't help but feel rightfully unsatisfied when it could have been more if more thought was put into Dislike (2016)'s direction and ideas, particularly polishing up its messy multiple twist endings.

Granted that half of the killings are pretty cool and gory (among the more interesting ones include a strange combination of a fresh octopus and a live bomb strapped over a head and a credit card stabbing that's both impossible yet satisfyingly savage) and the film does boast a superb looking production quality, it did little to breathe any welcoming life to Dislike (2016)'s mostly predictable slasher set-up and the resulting film just felt like its existing for the sake of just existing. See it as a completists, but expect little to nothing new here.

Bodycount:
1 male had his head blown up with a small bomb
1 male hacked with an axe
1 male stabbed to death with a credit card
1 female had her throat cut with a kitchen knife
1 male had his face blown off with a rigged gun
1 female ran through with a spear
1 male stabbed to death with a machete
1 male stabbed to death with a hunting knife
1 male stabbed with a hunting knife
1 female beaten to death with a hammer
Total: 10

Give Us Some Horse Head: S.S.D. (2008)

S.S.D. (Russia, 2008) ("С.С.Д.")
Rating: **
Starring: Anfisa Chekhova, Dmitriy Kubasov, Evgenia Brik

Try imagining Agatha Christie's And Then There Were None done in a way that channels a backwoods slasher and the first episode of a reality TV game show as a backdrop. Now try imagining that as a slightly jumbled mess that couldn't figure out how to juggle all its ideas...

S.S.D. (2008) (which stands for Samyi Strashnyi Den (The Scariest Day), Strashilki Sovetskogo Detstva (Horrors of Soviet Childhood) or Smert’ Sovetskim Detia (Death to Soviet Children)) opens in 1984, at the Soviet pioneer camp Lesnaia Poliana where a camp leader is telling a cabin full of tykes the creepy story of a bus littered with decapitated victims,  driven around by a figure with a horse's head. This somewhat coincides with another camp leader canoodling with her boyfriend deep in the woods that very same night, where they are both attacked and murdered by sickle-wielding figure in a horse mask. One boy sees it all and apparently survives the encounter with the masked killer, thus thickening the plot as we skip ahead to the present.

We now follow a set of ten teenagers participating in a reality TV show called Pionerlager, set in the abandoned camp Lesnaia Poliana where every week, someone would be eliminated from the show until one remains to win the one million rubles prize. It was all going according to how the kids and their host expect the game would be like until one of them, about to leave off from the show, gets shot through the head with an arrow in front of the group. The gang soon learns that vicious guard dogs were set loose outside the camp, trapping them inside with a maniac who now took over the camp's PA system and wants to play the game with a different stake: their lives.

It isn't long before they start to drop like flies, each death seemingly based on Russian folk tales and lore in a flair to channel Agatha Christie's style to sinister childhood rhymes. And in a way, S.S.D. does this methodical whodunit style quite fairly at first with decent build-ups to these (often offscreen) deaths, most victims snuffed off in a seemingly random fashion and the story jumps back and forth between the massacre and its aftermath some time later as cops investigate the now abandoned camp. Sadly, this only lasted for five to six murders before the film makes a quick reveal that to the identity of the killers, dragging the story to an uninteresting note.

The problem is not only are the next set of murders quickly dropped the folklore theme for a more lamely standardized revenge shtick (and then some but we'll get to that later), but the murderers committing them are just as boring. One culprit turns out to be a fan of the host, obsessing over her to the point that they're willing to assist the main villain for that one chance of getting revenge after she failed to like him back. It's weakly cliched and borderline pathetic, more reason for me to hope that the other maniac has a better motive, only for me to be gravely disappointed. To make things simple, the main madman believes something supernatural is in play. Something he simply refers to as "He" or "Him" that, as the movie puts it, inspires those who can see "Him" into becoming bloody murderers.

This supposed supernatural force could have been a cool twist if the execution didn't involve too much yakking and suggesting, shoving the information down our gullets from one exposition to another in hopes of either we buy it or it'll make the finale mysterious. Frankly? "childhood trauma" would have made a more accepting explanation to the madness as we do find out the killer is the same boy who saw the horse head figure at the beginning of the film but, no, it has to be spoopy ghostly forces that inspires murder because...well, evil.

The final fight is pretty good but it's ruined by an impossible survival and a gory revenge for a yet another shlocky twist reveal involving "Him". Its open ended-ness indicates mystery, but all I find is an underwhelming teen slasher that tries to be smart, sleek and macabre. Maybe with more onscreen gore and a focused style and theme, S.S.D. (2008) could have been all that and more but, seeing the misfire that is the film's second half, it's definitely a letdown.

Bodycount:
1 male stabbed on the head with a sickle
1 female hacked with a sickle
1 male shot on the head with an arrow
1 male head seen
1 female found impaled to butcher hooks
1 female poisoned
1 female ravaged by dogs
1 male found decapitated
1 male shot
1 female decapitated with a shovel
1 female murdered offcamera
1 male male hacked to death with a lead pipe
1 male throat sliced with a sickle (flashback)
1 male had his throat cut with a sickle
Total: 14

Dance The Obvious Dance: Dance Macabre (1992)

Dance Macabre (US/Russia, 1992)

Rating: *1/2

Starring: Robert Englund, Michelle Zeitlin, Marianna Moen

In this rarity of a 90s thriller, a prestigious Russian dance academy opens its doors for the first time to non-Russian students, including one Jessica Anderson, an American who's forced into attending by her wealthy father. 

Overlooking the arrivals is the handicapped headmistress Madame Gordenko, who is aided by her two companions, dance instructors Anthony Wager and Olga. The madame instantly becomes a challenge for Jessica as her strict lessons clash with the young American's easy-going attitude. Nevertheless, Jessica finds encouragement from a few friendly faces, including her French roommate Claudine, a photographer named Alex, and Anthony himself, who agrees to help her via private lessons as he sees a little bit of the young Gordenko in the girl.

While Jessica perfects her ballet, a gloved killer is making their way through the other students, seemingly picking off girls with potential for dancing. Could it be someone with a motive? Or just a random loon being a little too knife-happy?

To be honest, around two to four minutes into the movie, you can tell the major twists here unless the copy saw was that bad or you are that easily fooled. (no offense) I actually find myself wondering how exactly did the producers thought they could get away with it but if I am going to be brutally truthful, they hardly tried. So did this quirk somehow messed up the overall entertainment value of the movie?

At some point, yes. The plot is an easy one to follow as it is formulaic; anybody that appears to do better in dancing than Jessica gets bumped off dead no soon after and the school doesn't take notice until the disappearances and murders got too frequent. And with only three to four possible suspects to go around, the way they were portrayed made guessing who's the killer and who are the red herrings a little too obvious when two of them got snuffed off too soon and, again, the obvious twist is right there in front of our faces.

With a weak whodunit plot and an embarrassingly obvious twist, all Dance Macabre did for me was made me think how much longer before the characters are gonna catch up and, once more, how exactly did the people behind this movie thought they could fool anyone with their little gimmick? As a slasher-esque thriller, it's also not that bloody or suspenseful in any way since most of the killings were tame and the build-up to them were mediocre at best. However, I can't seem to hate this movie as much as I want to since its cheese factor did got me smirking and the Suspiria (and Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho) inspired story almost worked if it wasn't for the shortcomings.

Originally, Dance Macabre was Terror in Manhattan, a proposed 90s sequel to the underrated period slasher Phantom of The Opera (1989) which also explains the "instructor obsessing over student" angle this movie's partially riding on. After various re-writes, Terror becomes this hodge podge ham-fest riddled with artsy dance montages, an uninspired mystery and a lot of bland characters, with the only relative connection to Phantom was that they both star Robert "Freddy Krueger" Englund. Perhaps with more time given to the re-writes, as well as better killings and a much more passable twist, Dance Macabre could have been a rarity worth looking for. But alas, unless you are a big Englund fan like me, I suggest giving this one a skip like what I should have done many moons ago.

Bodycount:
1 female drowned in a jacuzzi
1 female hanged 

1 female beaten, thrown to train tracks and ran over by a train

1 female bludgeoned with a cane, thrown off a window
1 male stabbed on the gut with a dagger
1 female falls on a dagger
1 female killed in bike crash (flashback)
1 male falls off from a balcony, impaled on broken chairs
Total: 8