Must Kill To Get...Better!: Fear of Clowns (2004)

Fear of Clowns (2004)
Rating: *1/2
Starring: Jacqueline Reres, Mark Lassise and Rick Ganz

For some reason, I couldn't keep myself away from this movie despite knowing about the copious amount of negative reviews about it. But, seeing killer clowns movies are one of my guilty fascinations, I just couldn't say no to this.

And, boy, do I regret it.

Why so serious?
Cuz the script told me to be...

The movie's plot is bone basic; a divorced woman is stalked by a murderous topless clown named "Shivers" who starts offing people close to her, or at least she thinks so as she appears to be breaking down from an extremely bad case of Coulrophobia. It dragged around this act for a lengthy run with a badly acted script and super cheesy murders, with one fine example having a towel-clad lady pretend to run away while Shivers catches her by the cloth, stripping her naked as the clown puts his axe to her head. I haven't seen senseless nudity like that since that boogeyman-teacher showdown in that 1979 flick The Demon, only this one's awfully gratuitous.

Things got uglier soon enough, both for our heroine and us viewers, as layer within layers of moldy cheese and amateur acting gets piled up on us like rancid lasagna. A twist comes around in the middle of the movie, revealing exploits of mental torture and something about a guy siccing Shivers at our leading lady in exchange for money and custody. Cops find out about this and guards her but, of course, some more random folks are thrown in to further complicate things. It's like these guys are making this all up as they go while really cutting back on the budget for, at least, convincing actors, something that butchered this flick's credibility to the point of no return.

By then, our lead lady and her boyfriend go to a movie theatre, Shivers follows and kills people, leading to a finale that I hardly care for. This last thirty minutes was the most slasher-esque as the first hour or so (felt like longer) felt more of a police drama of sorts but, for reals, who cares at this point?

Fear of Clowns (2004) is a uber mess of all things horror, but it gets points for its awesome looking killer and some unintentional laughs. It's nowhere as "so bad it's good" as the likes of Thankskilling (2008) or Nail Gun Massacre (1985), mind you. In fact, it would have been that case if it wasn't for the horrible plotting, very bad special effects, and it's attempt to be a serious film. It's all an excess of bad filmmaking that it's more annoying to sit through than charming. Quite a shame, honestly; I like the idea and I like the killer, the movie just dropped the ball too soon and everything else had tumbled down with along it like a damn domino...

Bodycount:
1 female axed on the head
1 male beheaded with axe
1 male shot
1 male axed offscreen
1 male axed
1 male gets an axe thrown to his head
1 female seen dismembered
1 male gets speared on the chest with an axe head
Total: 8