The Cheesed Up Class of 81: Graduation Day (1981)

Graduation Day (1981)
Rating: **
Starring: Christopher George, Patch Mackenzie and E. Danny Murphy

Okay, let me get something off my chest first: I never like Troma movies. At least, not a lot. Yes, they are supposed to be bad-taste funny and I am quite aware that these low-budget shlocks surprisingly made at least a trillion fans out there, but I'm not one of them.

For me, I find the humor too crude and way too pushy to be funny, the stories they come up with feels too "cartoonish" and boring for my liking. But once in a blue moon, they do release something that actually caters to my level of cheesy bloodshed like Mother's Day (1980), Blood Hook (1986) and the obscure Dead Dudes in the House (1991), films I sincerely enjoyed despite their weirdness. So when I gave Graduation Day (1981) a chance to further redeem Troma's name in my eyes, I cleared my mind and said to myself "Okay, so they normally do sleazy, outrageous, comedy-horrors with tons of gore, lots of boobs, lot of fat guys going shirtless and use some of the same props and clips over and over again, but this one's released by them, rather than made, and its trailer looks decent enough to be likable. If its not, try thinking of it as a horror-comedy and you'll probably do just fine!"

I would like to strangle myself back then.

When Laura Ramstead suffers a heart attack after stressing herself in a hundred meter run, someone decided this is a good reason enough to commit a killing spree in the name of justice-slash-revenge a few months later as graduation day is nearing by the corner. Dressed in a fencing uniform and mask, this loon starts offing the track team one by one in various sports-themed murders, including a pole-volter landing into a bed of nails, a flying football with a javelin attached to it to impale people and rapiers that beheads. (Yeah, you read it right, our killer somehow found a way how to cut people's heads off with a fencing rapier)

One word comes to mind while watching this movie and that is "cheesy". Maybe a little too cheesy. Heck, the opening theme is already a warning sign for all the mozzarella piling up as a montage of our would-be dead team members participating in various games like shuttlecock, races and gymnastics plays while a disco tune sings that "everybody wants to be a winner"!

If that's not cheesy enough for you, how about a disco themed graduation ball complete with roller rinks? Or the proof that the King is alive as an Elvis Presley wannabe stars as a piano teacher? Or how about a final girl-vs-evil maniac fight involving flying kicks? Even if the film isn't trying to be a grilled cheese sandwich and sincerely attempts straight horror on occasions, that still fails to leave that much good impression as the gore effects look fake, the kills are hardly plausible (seriously, how does a fencing blade decapitate someone?!) and the whodunit mystery isn't all that engaging. The only thing that works for me here is that the final confrontation dabbled on the dark stuff by having our killer dig up the decomposing body of our deceased track star and dress her up in graduation clothes as a macabre tribute.

Those who love a good cheddar whodunit will find a haven in this movie. Heck, the rest of the world might as well too, but I'm staying away from this one. When I find something boring, then I will say it is boring, and Graduation Day (1981) fails to enlighten me, leaving a bland taste in my mouth. Watch it if you like. It's your choice...

Bodycount:
1 female suffers a heart attack
1 female slashed with a razor
1 female gets her neck punctured with a rapier
1 male impaled by a spiked football
1 male head found
1 female decapitated with a rapier offscreen (...How?)
1 male lands into a bed filled with spikes, impaled
1 male shot
1 male pushed into spikes, bled to death
Total: 9