Friday, July 13, 2012

Happy Friday the 13th Post: My Top 20 Friday the 13th Kills

Every fan out there has their fave Friday the 13th kill, from classics such as Kevin Bacon's "deep throat" arrowhead to cult faves such as the infamous sleeping bag kill.

Me? I got tons! So for my post under the last Friday the 13th of the year comes my top 20 fave kills in the series! (And yes, this count kills committed by Pamela Voorhees and Mr. Roy.)

Top 20: Kish-Kabob position (Friday the 13th Part 2)

Known by many as one of the finer examples of sex=death formula put into action, Jason's debut film as an adult maniac had him stalking and hacking counselors in a nearby camp and one of them just happens to be in their most vulnerable.

Top 19: "Arrowhead" (Friday the 13th (2009))

The remake might as well be a sequel, but it did have tons of bloody cool kills. Now, I like my murders with impact and so far, this is the only one with a lot of "impact" for having its off-guarded moments.

Top 18: Belly Trim (Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood)

I got some "bad news" for Dr. Crews: Jason's no figment of some girl's imagination and his tree-trimming saw to your gut is enough proof of that! The bad news for us, however? This scene originally had him sliced in half if it wasn't for the MPAA...

Top 17: Block Knock (Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan)

Julius the boxer might had gotten lucky when his sparring mate got distracted back at the boat to Manhattan, but Jason's blind rage is all focused in this kill. Two reasons why this one got in the list: first would be that Jason kept his stance even when he gets pounded, the second is for the use of an obvious fake head for a funny kill.

Top 16: No to the F word (Jason Goes to Hell)

I still have no idea how this happened but I like it! Parents, better show this to your kids the moment they started talking smut at a young age! It'll scar (and yes, I mean scar!) them into good, clean, traumatized tykes!

Top 15: Head Banger (Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan)

Poor, JJ; All she ever wanted was to rock but all she got is a head bang nobody wants! If it's any consolation, her rock solo was A.W.E.S.O.M.E!

Top 14: Suck Hard! (Jason X)

Space + metallic hole + dislodged grated floor blocking said hole + slutty girl = one kill too cool to be shown whole! (The simplicity adds the impact)

Top 13: On whose face again? (Jason Goes to Hell)

So what if Jason's body got blown up? That don't mean squat for the boy! And this coroner got too close for comfort with Jason's smoked up carcasses, not knowing the old boy's got a new body suit behind him and a deadly probe.

The lesson of this kill? Never give crap to Jason's face. Or it'll be yours!

 Top 12: Pounded (Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan)

Who knew hot sauna rocks can flare inside a punctured body? Give rocks such a nice name as a murder weapon!

Top 11: Play Nice! (Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives!)

I always got a thing against sexist remarks and grown men with tantrums but I like to give way to this guy for 1) giving Jason his trusted machete back, 2) volunteer (unwillingly) for an amazing feat of a kill by being thrown off by one arm to be impaled on a three branch, and 3) teaching us that one tree in every woods has a smiley face carved on it.

Top 10: Too much from the top (Friday the 13th)

It's sad to see mama Voorhees go down this way but to watch a head roll down and the rest of the body flail around in spasm is still a climax worth mentioning here! Also, had you noticed Pam's hands in this scene were hairy?...

Top 9: Faceless Sally (Jason X)

Cryogenics. One way to make a victim crack under pressure. Smashing pressure.

Top 8: Head Stand, Guts Fall (Friday the 13th Part 3-D)

I know you got the talent to walk with your hands, but I'm not too crazy to see you fetch a beer with your feet either. Oh good, here comes Jason to make sure you don't do that, bub!

Top 7: Handi-cut (Friday the 13th Part II)

I kinda felt bad about this. How often do we get a handicapped boy get killed off and be pushed down the stairs in his wheelchair? Not often. And that's why I'm putting this in the list for mean spirit!

Top 6: Deep Throat (Friday the 13th)

Eleven words: Kevin Bacon Gets Throated And Had Blood Jet Out Like Fountains.

Top 5: Just twist the cap (Friday the 13th Part IV: The Final Friday)

As if getting yer neck sawed open with a hacksaw wasn't enough, the J-Man had to twist this perverted shmuck's head all around while he suffers one massive bloodloss for his jugulars.

Too much? Yep. Liking it? Hell Yeah-Yuh~!

Top 4: Reflection of fear  (Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives!)

Just to show how "stronger" Jason had become after his shocking revival, camera tricks involving underwater shots and plastic wraps had this gal perfect the illusion of a face going through a mirror and embroiled on a RV's wall!

Top 3: I see leather (Friday the 13th Pat V: A New Beginning)

The most inventive kill I've seen done by not-Jason, and one of the nastiest way to go! Love the skull cracking, the eyes crushing and the grey matter spilling!

Top 2: Cum and Go (Jason Goes to Hell)

The one and only real sex scene in the whole franchise, Jason still got his hate for teens in tryst and proves this with a ruthless dispatch that had both lovers cum and go!

 Top 1: Foldable and Disposable (Freddy vs Jason)

He drinks, fucks and orders his fucktoys around as if they're disposables. Well, Here's to you, you big jerk: the overkill to end all overkill (sortah) and my most fave Jason Kill Evah!


  1. A terrific list - I agree with most - might have shuffled them around a bit - but however you slice it (pun intended) Jason knows how to bring the pain!

    1. Well, thanks my good mate! I do ...um...uh...sh*t I ran out of puns!