Monday, August 15, 2011

Gobble Gobble! Motherf*cker: Thankskilling (2008)

Thankskilling (2008)
starring: Wanda Lust, Natasha Cordova and Lindsey Anderson

Move mover "Home, Sweet Home (1981)", there's a better "Thanksgiving Slasher" in town! While we await the post-production of Eli Roth's bodycount slasher "Thanksgiving", Jordan Downey gave us this little indie slasher about a foul-mouthed turkey on a killing spree, and salad tossing.
...oh wait, sorry, I'm introducing the Killer Turkey, hey nice to see you again Groucho!
A group of (obviously and intentional) stereotypes goes back to their home town for thanksgiving dinners with their families. After camping out for the night, one of them became aware that the camp site they're on was an Indian burial ground where a killer turkey was banished to and remain there so long as the totem pinning his resting place goes unremoved. Well, like always, the cliche happened and an old hermit's dog accidentally pissed on it and knocked it out of place, reviving the killer turkey and resuming his reign of terror. It's only a matter of time before our Turkey gets into town and kills off our heroes' friends and families, so it's up to them (and a convenient book of spells) to stop him before they're stuffed!

Just as the slasher world couldn't get any weirder, Thankskilling goes forward for creativity and brought us the world's first killer turkey, on the loose, spewing out bad one-liners, killing folks with carving knives, axes and shotguns, and even rapes (!) one of the characters (though he ejaculated prematurely.) And if you think the Turkey's a bad enough character, well, you're probably right, but the rest of the cast is just as funny as he is.
...Ah, I messed up again! Sorry sheriff, I'm looking for a killer turkey. He's about yay big, full of feathers, talks just like you...
The no-name casts filled all sorts of slasher characters and potential victims, like the obvious nerd, the obvious fat jokester slash beer jugger, the obvious slut, the obvious goody guy who's paired up with the obvious "final girl" (who can't even tell that's a Turkey wearing her father's face who, in turn, can't even tell that's a Turkey with a fake nose and mustache!). If that's not enough, we also got a hermit who is our "doomsayer" slash "Ahab" who's out to kill the Turkey for murdering his dog! (though, unlike most of them, he actually succeeds at some point) and everybody else is just meat!

The filmmakers wanted a fun, popcorn flick with lotsa kills, and they wanted to kid around and throw in every slasher cliche and poke fun at it as well (remember our little talk of "man of steel" killers, well the Turkey gets the same treatment too with the help of NUCLEAR WASTE!). They're wise enough to keep it all simplistic, yet fun with the murders being good enough with classic cheese and CG enhancement, plus we even get one or two montage scenarios that makes me wanna scratch my head out of confusion and "dumbfoundery." (one of them features the cheesiest and dumbest "Best friends song" in history)
Hey guys, had you seen an Evil turkey killing people around here?...
Clearly, not your holiday family film with Tom Turkey, with an opening tit-shot from Wanda Lust, turd in a coffee and the most outrageous gore available only in SOV flicks, and obviously made for laughs, Thankskilling made it as bright as the sunlit day that it's not to be taken seriously. It's low-budgeted (the Turkey is obviously a puppet) and paper-thin (the film runs for 70 minutes(!)), but it plays horror, gore and dumbfound parody comedy right on the spot that only ones with a good sense of humor will enjoy!

...Okay, not all of them. (Some guys in IMDB goes so far as calling it awful, but that's the joke guys. Lighten up, ya lawyers!)

1 female axed
1 dog pecked, then axed offscreen
1 male beheaded (flashback animation)
1 baby bunny pecked open and thrown into bonfire
1 male head blown off with shotgun
1 male head slashed off with hunting knife
1 female found with neck slit
1 male neck slit with knife
1 female neck broken
1 male killed offscreen, later seen with his face peeled off
1 male shotgunned from the inside, guts blown open
1 male heart pecked off
1 male electric knife to the gut
total: 13


  1. According to the sequel, the turkey's name is... Turkie.

    1. Wow. Saw the sequel many moons ago actually. That was an ordeal.