starring: Jon McBride, Denice Edeal and Tom Casiello
Best to end Fool's Week with something as sinister and as shocking; a "positive" review for a movie I know is hated by a lot of folks: WOODCHIPPER MASSACRE!
Yes, I have committed the crime of loving this zero budget, bad-acted, uber cheesy, uber dumb, splatter-movie wannabe piece of crap, who can't even get the box art right! (why is there a piano in the box art? There ain't no pianos here! Why not just call it Piano Massacre and had a killer, sentient Piano kill folks- wait, you know what? Forget I said that. That sounds like a great movie I can direct some day!!!)
|Meet the Brady Bunch from Hell!|
Anywho, one day, the youngest received his Rambo knife replica in the mail and accidentally killed Auntie with it when she tried to take the knife away from him. Guess you should had mind yer own business, you old hag, with your cartoony ramblings and fake hair!...wait, is it fake? I dunno, I don't care...you dead! I'm not!
Not wanting any trouble, they decided to do the rationa shtickl: get rid of the body and pretend nothing happened. So, to dispose her, they froze her body, dismembered it and shredded it to sloppy joes with their woodchipper. All things end well (Wow, these kids had seen too many violence, cuz they ain't faze at all!), that is until their cousin Kim came, looking for ma (and some cash). Uh-oh, KIDS! FIRE UP THE WOODCHIPPER!
|...oh yeah! That hair's is definitely fake!|
What it lacked in blood, nudity, gore, special effects, lighting, script, acting...well, basically anything that would had saved the film, is it's wicked sense of humor. It's more of a black comedy than a slasher, or a splatter, or, well, a horror film. Heck, it's not even a massacre! I'm certain two dead bodies doesn't cut it to be a real massacre (About fifteen to thirty, yeah, that'll do it!), but the bad acting, mixed it with the humor, kinda works so well that it's so bad at everything, it's so darn good. The incredibly stupid characters are just fun to poke and laugh at, the God-awful delivery in this film is its own charm, too. There's no higher meaning to it, just plain stupidity at its best...or worse.
That, or I need to get out more. Ironically, it was raining when I watched this film...
|It's all about Kim...the dude, Kim's the dude!|
(For a better woodchipper killings, well, I guess Fargo would do you good...)
1 elderly female accidentally knifed, hacked to bits and shredded in woodchipper
1 male pushed into woodchipper, shredded