Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Not Another Teen Massacre: The Cheerleader Massacre (2003)

The Cheerleader Massacre (2003)
Rating: **
Starring:  Tamie Sheffield, Charity Rahmer, Erin Byron

I decided to watch this film just to answer my influxes as a completist; I've seen the first three of the Slumber Party Massacres prior to this one and as far as I can tell I enjoyed all of them. (Yes, that includes the much dreaded Slumber Party Massacre II. The one with the musical. In fact, I think I enjoyed that one the most!)

Deciding to finish off what I started, I watched this supposedly last entry to the series but apart from a cameo of a Slumber Party Massacre star and a flashback using a stock footage from one of those films, I'm starting to doubt that fact.

News of an escaped killer send local police out searching for him, hoping to prevent history from repeating itself as said escapee, Jeremiah McPherson, had terrorized their town many moons ago. Unfortunately, that may become the case when some girls get stranded in the middle of the road and found shelter from an incoming snowstorm at an abandoned cabin up in the woods. Soon, the girls are offed by an obscured assailant, which hardly used any drills at all. (Hmm, no drills. That's strike two.)

Hardly an original production, The Cheerleader Massacre is a sad attempt to do a retro looking massacre film, fueling itself with a high run of gratuitous nudity and sleaze while letting go of more important factors like story and, for a slasher, creative killings. As much as I love big tits and soft asses, this is hardly a sell for a film that should have been focusing on horrible thrills and brooding tension, especially for a movie that kept marketing itself as the third sequel to the original Slumber Party Massacre.

The plot hardly reinvented the tired old story, goofed up by a lot of holes and for being criminally bloodless with most of the murders either implied or very uninspired.  The only thing that shines bright from this (and this is a very small flicker of light) is that the acting's a little decent for a D-grade flick and there's some neat attempt to change around who lives and who dies. The reveal in the end's humorously twisty, though, with the least possible suspects popping up in the least expected places.

Would have, could have, should have; The Cheerleader Massacre tries its best to live up to its promise as a worthy entry to one popular slasher franchise but its lack of popcorn goodness and well worth slashing exchanged for nudity made for titillating twelve-year olds stripped this film of any good reason for a viewing, unless you're open for a bad D-Grade slasher film.

That, or you are a twelve-year old.

1 male knifed to death
1 female impaled on a staff
1 female killed offscreen
1 female fell to her death off a broken rope bridge
1 male missing, killed
1 female had her neck broken
1 male hacked with hatchet
1 male beheaded
1 male strangled with scarf
1 female electrocuted
1 female killed
1 female drove off a bridge, immolated in explosion
1 female decimated inside a blown house
Total: 13


  1. So, pretty much everything you'd expect from a Jim Wynorski film?

    And there's a sequel, which IMDB lists as Rated X...

    1. If you put it that way, yeah!

      Also, I heard part 2 had a robot. God I hope they're joking...

    2. ಠ_ಠ


      *Later* Looking into it, and yeah... Quote a review:

      "Because the killer in question here is a flying robot that is a cross between the bowler hat from Meet the Robinsons and the sphere from Phantasm".

    3. It... it could be cool... right?

    4. I got the film...we shall see soon