Bowling Over Dead: The 13th Alley (2008)

The 13th Alley (2008)

Rating: **

Starring: Robert Carradine, Randy Wayne, Bobb Hopkins

Back in 2008, slasher fans were treated with a horror movie that's as cheesy and sleazy as it is vile and gruesome, revolving around a rather obscene rape-and-revenge plot packed with fun gore effects and a hammy yet memorable masked killer, all of which centered around a dirty bowling alley. Some abhorred it, many loved it, overall it's a mini-cult classic of the splattery kind.

There's also The 13th Alley (2008).

Justin, special effects student and manager of Zodos Bowling & Beyond bowling alley, often uses his position and talents to hold private late-night games of "strip bowling", as well as pranking his buddies and their dates with realistic blood and guts. One of these evenings, however, didn't end too well when they tag along a random girl from the arcades to hang out with them, only for her to completely lose her cool upon seeing one of Justin's realistic prop heads rolling out from the ball return as a joke. It turns out the girl has a bit of history concerning her father decapitating his boss out of vengeful spite, a real deal of trauma that have her storming out. 

This incident is mostly brushed off the next night when the gang agree to do another round of "strip bowling", this time inviting over a Jamaican gal who happens to practice Voodoo hypnotism (No. Really.) It's all fun and games (as well as sex and pizza), until someone literally loses a head and a growling cloaked figure wearing an oversized knight helmet begins to stalk the alleys for more victims to behead and dismember with their bloody battle axe.

The 13th Alley (2008), in all honesty, mostly feels like a parody; its writing is as ridiculous as the kooky ensemble of characters, paired alongside gaggles of questionable acting and a direction that hams up a lot. At times the movie tries to play itself straight, usually during its slasher scenes, but it's undoubtedly hard to take any of the story seriously when you have couples making out after seemingly aroused by a prop rat falling down into a pizza oven, or a 'Voodoo' hypnotist trying to put someone in a trance by rolling her eyes over and over. We also have Robert Carradine as a zealous handyman being way too obvious of a red herring by babbling about God and prayers every single time he's on screen, and the Wilhelm Scream on loop as one poor chap loses a hand, I kid you not.

It's ineptly bad, but there's a hypnotic quality to its ineptness, so much so that it almost feels like a throwback to the old days of late night cable horror-thons or weekend drive-in features. Almost. You could say that The 13th Alley (2008)'s shlocky quality and high camp give it a so-bad-it's-good entertainment value, though its overall curiousness can get a tad bit distracting at times, especially when it gets in the way of the movie's more interesting ideas. Or a decent killing spree. Then again, if you're the tolerable and forgiving-type when it comes to horror films oozing with musty cheese, then this is a watchable effort. It's terrible, but at least it has a bit of fun here and there. 

Bodycount:

1 male found decapitated, head seen

1 female found decapitated, head seen

1 female knifed in the gut

1 male hacked in the chest with a battle axe

1 male drilled through the head

1 male hacked on the gut with a battle axe

1 female dismembered offscreen, parts seen

1 male killed with a battle axe

Total: 8