One Hoyt Summer: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003 Remake)
Rating: ***1/2
Starring: Jessica Biel, Jonathan Tucker and Andrew Bryniarski

Perhaps the movie that inspired Hollywood big wigs to start remaking forgotten classics back in the mid-2000s, Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003) transpires to add what's missing from 1970s original title: a bonafide gory massacre.

In 1974, a group of cross-country vacationing youths find themselves in a predicament they didn't expect; after almost running over a traumatized girl wandering down a road, they decided to bring her along with them in hopes of finding her some help. But as they continue to enter a small town, the girl begins to panic, pulls out a gun she hid away under her dress and blew her brains off.

Panicked and confused, our gang tries to look for any sort of help they can get, but with the locals and even the town sheriff being sketchy as hell, it soon becomes clear something's not right. As night falls, one by one, the group fall prey to a family of psychopaths who proceeds to torment and put them under the mercy of their chainsaw-wielding hulk of a son, Leatherface.

If blood and guts is all that matters, then TCM03 definitely got it by the balls; undoubtedly the movie's biggest selling point, the film features loads of beautifully shot meaty gore, living up to the butchery that the original failed to bring onscreen. Right up after a few minutes of introducing our casts, we're pummeled immediately with a brutal suicide, setting up a situation that gets more tense by the minute and, by the time our hulking chainsaw man steps out in the open with his trusty powertool, things are definitely turned up a notch!

With that year's new found growing love for all things gruesome and torturous, TCM03 found an audience within those who crave carnal bodily destruction and Southern fried nihilism. However, for those who'd seen the original, this is where some problems might come in; at a fair point, the film really lacks anything for itself as it's really nothing more than the original 1974 Texas Chainsaw Massacre with slight differences and more red. In fact, slasher fans who haven't seen the original can easily spot on the paint-by-numbers story telling of this film, making TCM03 as standard in its plotting as any other slashers that came before it. It lost the nightmarish surrealism of the original (as in anything can happen) and the shock value of exploitative theme of cannibalism and grave robbery, and what's left is an average hack and slash movie riding on a classic title.

Still, as a basic as the premise can be, TCM03 can still pass on its own strengths as a workable Hollywood horror movie. As I've mentioned, the movie sells itself by refreshing everything from the original through onscreen gore and a crisp retro-feel so I guess it's better to try and watch this title as its own product, rather than a comparison. Through that, you can ride this movie's excessive gore with some solid performances and a cool re-designed Leatherface for a solid slasher flick that keeps its powertool horror story simple yet thrilling, hitting plenty of right notes to feed one's need for carnage and scares.

In fact, I would like to give this movie a personal praise for R. Lee Ermey's performance as Sheriff Hoyt; next to Leatherface's intimidating new hulked-up look, Ermey's character gave a new meaning of hopelessness for these young victims as, aside from themselves, no one can be trusted in their situation. The town authority is either abusive of his position or was never there to help these kids in the first place, making him a manipulating madman who sleazes and tortures his way through anyone he desires or hate, practically having control to everything going on in these woods. This makes Hoyt a welcome addition to the TCM mythos, giving us a realistic threat that strangely both contrasts and fits with the movie monster aesthetics of Leatherface.

Final Verdict? While not the best remake ever made, Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003) marked its own as a retelling of a cult hit made with a strong intent to disgust and scare a new wave of audience. With teen slashers going through a waning phase at the time, lazy writers might be to blame for this title's overly familiar streak but, again, so long as blood runs freely and the saw is back, I'm open to embrace this misfit as a fairer entry to a franchise I never expected to flourish.

Bodycount:
1 female shot through the mouth
1 male brained with a sledgehammer
1 female had her back sliced open with a chainsaw
1 male gets a kitchen knife to the chest
1 male eviscerated with a chainsaw
1 male repeatedly ran over with a car
2 males killed with a chainsaw
Total: 8

Meat your maker...