What's better than one cheesy horror film about hot bods in leotards and stab wounds? What about two? Welcome to StickyRed's KILLER WORKOUTS Double Bill review!
Aerobicide (1987) (AKA "Killer Workout")
Starring: Marcia Karr, David James Campbell, Fritz Matthews
Dig this for an opening act: a model hops into a sunbed on a local gym only to get fried alive as it malfunctions for God knows what reason. The irony? She's supposed to appear on a cover for an issue of Cosmopolitan magazine.
Bodycount:1 female stabbed to death with safety pin
1 female stabbed to death with safety pin
1 male stabbed to death with safety pin
1 female throat cut with hunting knife
1 female stabbed on the head with kitchen knife
1 male bashed on the face with a barbell
1 male stabbed on the head with a safety pin
1 female throat cut with kitchen knife (dream)
1 male hacked with safety pin
1 female found hanged
1 female found stabbed on the eye
1 male ran over with a car, stabbed with ice pick
1 male shot to death
1 male bludgeoned with shovel
Starring: William Bumiller, Brenda Bakke, Merritt Butrick
Itching for a silly supernatural slasher? Hot bods being tortured with hot-water spewing showers? Ghostly visions and killer gym equipment? Then step right up to this crazy, yet gleefully gory late 80s horror!
Welcome to Starbody Health Spa, the coolest and sexiest health spa to exist, featuring all the goodies from synchronized dance classes and automated facilities to yummy health bars and an annual Mardi Gras party! But the spas's reputation is about to get tainted after strange incidents began harming his patrons, including a chlorine leak had blinded his girlfriend, jumping boards on swimming pools that broke off by themselves and one guy being crushed to death by a gym equipment.
The owner of this joint, Michael, sets his suspicions on various possible causes, including an issue with the spa's computer system, a possible sabotage attempt by his brother-in-law who is working for him as a programmer. Did I forget to mention he's crazy angry at Michael cuz he blames him for his sister's apparent suicide? Well, now you know.
While it does try to play around with us on what might be causing all these accidents as some form of gory mystery, the culprit is pretty obvious considering how some of these incidents are impossible to be done by some guy working behind a computer monitor. Thus, no matter how much it plays itself straight, Death Spa is just too silly to be taken seriously with its over-the-top situation, utterly hammy scripting, and a momentous amount of sexy fillers ranging from full frontal showers to chicks running around in their underwear. (Then there's that foreplay involving a blind lady eating a rather phallic asparagus. Don't know if it counts, though...) It takes a while before people actually starts to die off, but once it does, the cheesiness of the film goes off the scale as everything from acid showers to possessed frozen fish start to take the lives of our hapless health enthusiasts, almost to a point that its so surreal with the splatter, even more chaotic once the Mardi Gras party started and leads to a fiery finale.
At that point, on a proper mindset, Death Spa can be enjoyed as a fun and visceral late-80s cheapo that you can rent overnight for a freaky run. Regarded this is a sad attempt to do a supernatural slasher, I'm pretty dang sure you can do worse than this.
1 paraplegic female sets herself on fire (flashback)
1 male torn in half
1 female ran through the neck with a javelin
1 female showered with acid
1 male beaten to death
1 male had his face mangled and crushed
1 male ran through the face with a metal beam
1 female killed offscreen
1 female had her hand shredded in a blender, killed
1 male throat ripped by a possessed fish
1 female shredded to bits by an exploding mirror
1 male caught on fire
1 female seen dead
1 female seen trampled
1 male seen dead
A number of victims presumably burned to death
1 male electrocuted to a burn, shot to death