Thursday, September 6, 2012

Deadbeat Mourners: 1313: Night of the Widow (2012)

1313: Night of the Widow (2012)
starring:  Ryan Curry, Louis Ferrigno Jr. and Jake Lockett

I'll review this one quick. Really, really quick.

Five twenty-something friends gather together to mourn the death of another friend, but soon find themselves in a suspicious situation and gets killed off one by one by a someone in a funeral attire.

Male erotica disguised as a slasher movie? Or a slasher movie with no budget? Eitherways, I don't give a shit about it! It's 70 minutes of three coinciding acts; the cast trying to figure out what's going on, some flashbacks giving clues to said going ons, and our killer widow stalking a mansion set too big for a cast of seven. Seriously, that's the whole movie and nothing else.

No, I don't have much of a problem watching gay themed horror flicks; heck, Cruising (1980) is near perfection for me and Hellbent happens to be one of the funnest slasher flicks I've seen! But this? Is it even a movie now that I elaborated everything so easily in one sentence? I'm thinking these guys just wanted to make a home video full of men in underwear and thought they could make it better by adding some horror stuff into it. Well, tell you what, dear readers, even if the rest of the world thinks this is a hot idea (no pun), it isn't. Not for me.

Alright, so there's a plot twist in the end, but it hardly matters since the movie failed in everything from thrills to kills. (Offscreen murders. The epitome of a cheap movie) So, yeah, don't bother wasting a good portion of your time watching, owning, and/or even renting this shit. You're better off asking your significant other for a date than spend an evening with this dreck.

That is if you have a significant other. If not, well...tough luck?

1 male stabbed with knife
1 male stabbed with knife
1 male stabbed with knife
1 male stabbed with knife
1 female stabbed with knife
1 male stabbed with knife
total: 6


  1. And there you go - now you too have been introduced to David DeCoteau and his 1313 non-movies!