Thursday, October 18, 2012
Cuz everything's better with zombies: Cemetery of Terror (1985)
Starring: Hugo Stiglitz, José Gómez Parcero and Bety Robles
Ah, Mexico. Where yesterday's slasher classics can be rehashed into something cheaper, yet still so enjoyably good. One of these rehashes took a whooper as this little holiday treat; another slash-a-thon with one hell of a gimmicky trash; mix-matching slasher, zombie, satanism, and kids in peril flicks in a three part act.
Opening the movie is one Dr. Cardan, dreaming of a white bloused lady being attacked by a stubby-handed serial killer named Devlon. This, unfortunately, turns out to be a clairvoyant vision as said murder is happening in media res and Cardan, fully convinced that Devlon's a demon, demands to see the killer's body cremated after old' stubby-hands gets shot to death.
All in the meantime, it's Halloween night; the one night in the year kids dress up in Michael Jackson jackets and wander around the streets unsupervised, as well as the one night six horny teens decided to have a good time inside a dusty old manor where they find Satanic trinkets and old tomes.
Seeing it is the dark holiday, the teens dare each other to steal a body from the morgue, thinking that inciting demonic incantations (or STEALING A DEAD BODY) is an equivalent of a turn-on for girls and its all just harmless fun. They do succeed on their little trick but makes a deadly mistake of stealing Devlon's body as, sure enough through them cursed incantations, the killer gets up on his feet once again and begins to slaughter one teen at a time with his stubby little fingers.
And just when you thought the movie's over with all them dumb teens dead, we suddenly have ourselves a new set of leads, this time a ragtag group of five kids who gatecrashes the local cemetery for a more exciting Halloween night, only to finds themselves under siege of Devlon's newly raised undead buddies.
From the Biblically crazed doomsayer to a hulking silent killer, Cemetery of Terror does a pretty fair job as a slasher flick around the first and second act, taking cues from Halloween (1978) only with loads of cheese, weirdness and, yes, a zombie flick third act. To think the hodgepodge would probably have messed up the movie but, in an relatively odd way, it kinda works. Yes, the change of tone from teen-kill to watching kids run around in a zombie filled graveyard might disappoint hard core slasher fans (not to mention the zombie fans as the undead scenes hardly had any action with these kids doing nothing but run, hide and live!) but as a whole, Cemetery of Terror has that cheesy sense that calls for some good intentions as a fun nonsensical movie.
The film sports enough grue to keep any slasher fans watching, though most of the killings involve mutilation and dismemberment by Devlon's distractingly stubby clawed fingers. I did wish there was more to this killer aside from him being a disciple of Satan, a writer of his own tome and the proud owner of a weird beard, but thank God he at least has the common decency to let his presence (and bloodlust) do all the talking. The only real drawback I can point out from this movie is that its zombie climax lacks any flesh munching action. You cannot have a zombie flick with REAL zombies without a few cannibalization. Even from hybrids such as this.
A fast-paced fast food version of a slasher/zombie romp donning maximum pleasure from the oddest sides of the coin, Cemetery of Terror is a love it or hate it movie depending on your taste. Perhaps its my utter disappointment on seeing "fasting" zombies, but you can bet a Holiday night viewing out of this cheese.
1 female clawed to death
1 male shot to death
1 female found with throat cut
1 male clawed repeatedly, disemboweled
1 male had the back of his head pushed to a wall lamp
1 female repeatedly stabbed on the gut with broken bottle
1 female clawed to death
1 male gets a battle axe to the head