I Did It For The LULZ?: Smiley (2012)

Smiley (2012)
Rating: *1/2
Starring:  Caitlin Gerard, Melanie Papalia and Shane Dawson

Remember CRY_WOLF (2005)? That teen slasher thriller that everybody seems to dislike except me? Well, believe it or not, it got a clone for some godforsaken reason. A bad one.

Struggling to move on from her mother's death, bitter and depressed Ashley leaves her family for college only to find herself coming across an urban legend involving a smiley-faced killer who, as rumor has it, will kill any person on the other side of a chatroom site by typing "I did it for the lulz" three times. Believing it as nothing but a load of hogwash and coaxed by a new friend she made, Ashley jokingly typed the words in a chat between a random perv in the web and, shockingly enough, the man gets slaughtered on live cam by a smiley-masked killer. This apparently made the rumors turn in for the worse as soon, people starts disappearing and Ashley begins to see the smiley-faced assailant closing in on her...

And closing in. And closing in. And... well, that's all our masked loonie pretty much did. Like CRY_WOLF, Smiley (2012) leans more on a psychological slant than actual bodycounting, tackling everything from crumbling psyche, troubled pasts and the dark side of ingenuity that is the online community. However, as much as many already tried to use technology as a backdrop for slasher flicks, it's not a very bankable idea unless you know what you're doing and the direction this one went for lacks proper thrills, scares or creepiness, on top of a very sluggish pacing no less, so we're pretty much left with a movie that's a lot to be desired in terms of horror.

So with blood, gore, thrills and even T&A missing, what was left for Smiley (2012) in the first place? It's marketed as a slasher but it's really more of a character study centered on an emotionally wrecked girl. Seeing our lead already vulnerable from the get-go, only to go deeper into dementia isn't exactly what I call entertainment and, as I've said a dozen times already from my previous reviews, I watch slasher flicks to enjoy an hour and a half (or more) of people dying gruesomely in creative manner, not go through life lessons about surviving college with a human punching bag. (Though, I could give her some slack, she did lost her mum) To top it off, the rest of the casts aren't likable either; they're ass wipes who troll one another or just plain douchebags who think they're better. My friends, I would really rather see these kind of people get mutilated than watch a poor girl do her best Nancy Drew impression while dodging a breakdown, but this film robbed of me that courtesy.

If there will be anything I could commend about Smiley (2012), it's the twist ending; without spoiling much, let's just say there's a little surprise at the end and I wanted to see what happens after that! The filmmakers at least owe that for making us sit through this wasted opportunity and wasting a cool-looking killer like Smiley!

So, am I discouraging you to see Smiley? Actually, no. I may hate it at a point, but if it's something you think you'll enjoy, then go. For me, this game is over and I would rather go through a messy junk like Chain Letter (2009) again than go through watching Madam Freaks-alot and her merry trolls. In fact, I think that's good alternate title for the movie! I call dibs!

Bodycount:
1 female gets a hunting knife through the back
1 male gets a hunting knife to the back
1 male gets a hunting knife to the chest
1 male glimpsed stabbed with hunting knife
1 male glimpsed gutted with hunting knife
1 male glimpsed throat cut with hunting knife
1 female repeatedly stabbed on the gut with hunting knife
1 male found with his face skinned
1 male shot, throat cut with hunting knife
1 female gets a hunting knife to the eye
Total: 10

Bye, have a beautiful time!

Man is the Disease: Rabies (2009)

Rabies (Kalevet) (Israel, 2009)
Rating: ***1/2
Starring:  Lior Ashkenazi, Danny Geva and Ania Bukstein

When it comes to slasher flicks, I'm the guy who opens his arms to misfit toys and welcomes the unique and grand. One of them would be this little number, Israel's own take on "slasher" horror.

Opening with a woman in darkness and a man looking through a dirtied opening, siblings with incestuous feelings with one another, talking as one of them got stuck in a trap made to catch humans, apparently set-up by a deranged killer. The brother assures his sister he'll get help and leaves her, only to have himself injured by something off camera. What seems to be a common set-piece for a backwoods slasher later turns for the unexpected: a park ranger whose dog was murdered by the killer is able to stop the madman in time before he could do something to trapped woman. All the while, the brother manages to flag down a quatre of tennis players who, in turn, phone in a duo of police officers to help them. But with each character a pawn of their own hidden agendas, violence, jealousy, intolerance, confusion and personal weaknesses, it isn't too long before these imperfections begin to kill these people one at a time...

Rabies is a misnomer of sorts but a wisely chosen title in a sense of symbolism; the rabies here isn't the literal disease, but rather it's us. Humans. The ultimate imperfection and natural disease that'll more likely lead to one's own or another's destruction. Almost all of the cast of the movie die off a gruesome, if not undeserving, death, all of which caused by their own will or the lack of either conscience, understanding or ability to reason with another. It's almost like A Bay of Blood (1971), only instead of people dying while reaching out for a certain prize, we got people dying for being themselves, as if saying something about our nature. It's a smart context, but it's sadly overlooked a lot due to the film's unusual characterization and plot flow.

That being said, it's kinda easy to see why this can be a divisive film; with few likable characters and enough twists and turns to kill off expectations, Rabies toyed around the concept of a bodycounter plot and broke all of it in one disturbing gore piece. In fact, despite marketed as a slasher, the aforementioned killer is the least of our worries with all of these side plots going on and, spoiler alert, he's also one of the "survivors" this film will eventually have. (Even giving out a witty remark at the end that pretty much sums the whole movie.) It's a slasher film of an atypical level, bent too many ways around that it's almost unrecognizable within the sub-genre if it wasn't for the bodycount and the presence of stalk-and-stab set-pieces.

If kills are what you came to see here, I would say you would like it, at least. It's nothing special as we seen most of it before, but I do like the way they were built up to. There's tension to them and even have a good dab of gore. At times, it even delivers some shocks that you never actually see coming until it's right there in front of you.

Creative but sadly overlooked and underrated, Rabies may not revolutionize slasher horror but it is a decent and fair attempt to bring some originality to the sub-genre. Being the first of its kind coming from Israel, I really am impressed by the fact that it tries a lot to be something of its own, rather than a homage as some other country's first slasher releases. (Russia's Trackman, for one, is a homage to My Bloody Valentine, while that dreaded Angel Negro, Chile's first stab on the slasher genre, is more like a failed Scream clone...) Any flaws of the film would be it's defying taste, but I am sticking with my words, I love Rabies. Twists, turns, gore and everything in between.

Bodycount:
1 dog had its throat cut with buck knife
1 male pushed to a spike, impaled
1 male brained with rock
1 male bludgeoned to death with sledgehammer
1 female decimated by land mine
1 female ran over by car
1 male shot to death, bled to death
1 male bled to death from wound
1 female burned to death
Total: 9

Tell me about it...

Evil Returns Next Spring...

Okay, I'm not the kind of guy who usually gets all hyped for a remake of a classic (my hype for Texas Chainsaw 3D doesn't count. It's a sequel, not a remake), but yeah, Evil Dead is getting its new look for the new generation, and the trailer makes it look good. So far.

But will the rest of the film catch up to its sneak peek? Guess I'll be seeing this spring. Though, the only thing I fear here is that they might not have the same cringing moments as that of Linda's heel getting stabbed with a pencil, nor will it have the same shock as a certain axe hacking...

P.S.

You think I should do a Evil Dead review? I know it's not a slasher, nor a thriller, but it got the makings of a usual teen kill-fest so...

Low Profile, Please: Ripper (2001)

Ripper (United Kingdom, 2001) (AKA "Ripper: Letter From Hell")
rating: *1/2
starring:  A.J. Cook, Bruce Payne and Ryan Northcott

I took a word from an online friend and tried Ripper: Letter From Hell as he gave it a four out of five rating in his review for it. Honestly, I wouldn't blame him for liking it as taste differs but, in hopes he'll forgive me for saying this, it's generic.

I hardly care for you...

We start with the classic opening; teenage girl running from a dangerous madman who's cutting down her friend-count by either burying them, nailing them to a tree and stuffing them dead inside boat compartments. Our hapless thespian even accidentally shredded a bud through a boat propeller before the killer tries to catch her, but after stabbing the killer's hand and losing him into the water, this (un)fortunate gal survives and comes back to society safe and sound.

Or, least we thought. Some time later, Molly Keller, said survivor, is now attending a criminology class in a high class university, bitter from the event that took place five years ago. Of course, there's the usual group who are either with her or against her (or somewhere in between) inviting her to an after class party (There's always a party after class in these movies), but, as predicted, we got our first post-opening-kill murder taking place on a costume rave, the victim being one of Molly's acquiantances.

well, this beats rock climbing, eh?

Now, we all know whoever this guy slicing people's throats is the same killer who attacked and murdered Molly's friends years ago (The DVD cover sure that clear), but the real question is who was it? Molly began theorizing all this, thinking she can solve it, but the bodycount still rises and soon she (along with the doomed group) have no choice but to go to some cabin in the woods owned by their professor, because as we all know, it's always safe there, right? Especially if said cabin is next to a logging mill with a working buzzsaw. Right?

I want a clearer movie to star on!!!

Yeah, you know where this is all going and that's just it. Perhaps I've seen way enough teen slasher flicks made around the 90s to know every nook and crack on the road, but there is always something that'll make them stand out. In Ripper, they tried to use the old "profiling serial killer" approach where the action coincides with amateur campus-grade cop drama and the dead teenager killings, though calling it "amateur" is an understatement since it does got the attention of an investigating detective. Regrettably, it ain't working out for me as I was hoping someting bigger from Ripper rather than, dare I say, a Scream clone, and the utterly confusing twists in the end surely didn't make it any better. I had to search the web just for an explanation of what just happened and I don't like that. I don't want to go to the web to understand a slasher movie! I sit here to watch slashers to have fun. Bloody, braindead fun. Fun! Ever heard of the word? If I want to play detective, I ought to watch a giallo or solve the mystery of my green furry meat loaf. (long story)

So, she has two lovers? yeah,
me rooting for you is dropping by the minute

There's also the matter of the lead being not too sympathetic enough to be rootable. In fact "not too" is an understatement. I loathe A.J. Cook 's character, who had to be that one lead that you barely care about on what might happen to her at all! I mean, I know her friends got killed that one time and now it's all starting again, but does she had to be so hard-headed, rude and bitchy about it? She even gets a love interest but it's hardly working since I don't exactly feel for her even then! It's pointless!

So is there anything worth from watching Ripper? Well, for once, I do like the kill scenes; they're very basic, easy on the eyes, and they put off some of the less annoying casts I've seen so I'll really give this movie some ups for the slasher scenes. The logging mill scene more specifically.

You? The killer? ahaha, no, please explain...

I'm not dissing this movie- well, maybe, yeah- but like I said, less talky, more slashy is how I like my dead teen flicks and Ripper tries too hard to make everybody think about everything that's happening and barely leaving any resolution for that. At least that's how I see it. Taste differs I guess as I mentioend prior, and you're reading this from a guy who gave a passing remark to trashes like TAG! The Assasination Game, Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers and Killer Party!

Those looking for a serial killer flick done in a teen slasher coating, try your luck with Ripper. Me? Give me my Urban Legend movies!

Bodycount:
1 male found buried and dying
1 female found crucified to a tree
1 male found dead
1 female accidentally shredded through boat propeller
1 female knifed to death
1 female falls off a cliff
1 female gutted with a scalpel
1 male rammed and crushed against a tree with a car
1 male sliced through logging saw
1 female beheaded by logging saw
1 male hacked to death with an axe
1 male executed via electric chair
total: 12

Southern Fried Swampies: The Wild Man of the Navidad (2008)

The Wild Man of the Navidad (2008)
Rating: ***1/2
Starring:  Jacob Bargsley, James Bargsley and Kevin Bensmiller

Picture the Southern barrens of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, with the bogs of the creature feature The Legend of Boggy Creek and the bigfoot slaughters of Night of the Demon (1980), and this is probably the closest as I could to describe this deliciously chilling yet sullen homage to the 70s Bigfoot/proto-slasher flicks.

"Based" on the real-life journals of Dale S. Rogers, a man from the 1970s who lived along the banks of the Navidad River in Sublime, Texas, The Wild Man of the Navidad tells a recreated story of the events that lead up to the killings committed by a large hulking beast living in the valley near Rogers' ranch, where Dale opens up for outdoors-men and their family who just wanted to do a few hunting, but gets more than they bargain for when they happen upon the sharpened deer antlers-wielding creature.

Nostalgic horror hunters will love this one; co-produced by Kim Henkle of the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Wild Man has all the makings of a cult grindhouse classic in it. Not only does it really feels like a 70s flick, with  the semi-grittiness documentary quality of the picture, and lacking the campiness of the late 80s, but it's also well written and well acted. The film's dialogue are realistically southern, credit worthy since these are real locals on the camera, more to add to the film's authentic vibe and a little proof that low-budget is not always a factor of failure, so long as it's wisely written and handled.

There's a sub-plot of having Dale, seemingly aware of the creature's existence, tries to juggle keeping the pressure of keeping the creature away from harming his catatonic wife by persuading it with skinned rabbits and the fact that his she's seems to be disturbed about something else, that I find quite ingenious and as harrowing as the creature part. All the while, said monster parts had some good grue on them, though can be a little cheap at times, still a fun watch as meat and innards fly around with each maulings, and each kills are fashioned ala slasher film.

The only flaw I see here is that the film's slow-burner approach and some of the dialogue scenes are stretched out that it may bore some viewers, then there's the inevitable bad acting from some parts. Those expecting a large hulking wildman maybe a bit disappointed, as well. Some of the posters had us seeing a large bipedal ape-like creature with tusk to lure in Cryptid fans and the like, but majority of the screen time actually had the titular monster run around in a cloak made up of animal fur, further showing the slasher flick influence of the movie by keeping the monster's real face hidden until the end. (Come to think about it, the fact that the Wild Man wields deer antlers as weapons is also a slasher influence.) It's awfully cheap, but it has its charms.

It's a rare gem that deserves a bit more recognition; cheap and gritty, staying true to the drive-in feels that it attempted to replicate (and worked!), fans of Southern horror will get a hoot, and slasher completists will find a psuedo-retro bigfoot title with a workable story.

Bodycount:
1 male and 1 boy mauled to death with deer antlers
1 male  mauled with deer antlers, disemboweled
1 female mauled with deer antlers, disemboweled
1 male mauled offscreen
1 female mauled with deer antlers (mostly offscreen)
1 male mauled open with deer antlers
1 creature shot with rifle
Total: 8

BONUS: TRUE-TO-LIFE FUN  FACT!

My fanart for the film is actually featured in the film's IMDB page, under my deviantart username and described as an "artist rendition of eyewitness account". I didn't put it up in there, but somebody did, four days after I posted it on my Deviantart account and I'm equally flattered that they did. (and they even properly credited it! *phew*) You guys can check out the DA page where this piece was originally posted here.

artist rendition of eyewitness account

Michael's Homecoming Crashers: Halloween Resurrection (2002)

Halloween Resurrection (2002)
rating: ***
starring: Jamie Lee Curtis, Busta Rhymes and Brad Loree

Previously! From THE LIFE AND TIMES OF MICHAEL MYERS!

In an alternate universe where deranged masked killer Michael Myers was been missing 20 years after his massacre in 78', his sister and last intended victim Laurie Strode have been living a disturbed life haunted by the memories of the night he came home until the Halloween of 98, where Michael found her and attempted to finish her off to end his quest of endless vendetta. But in a stroke of luck, Laurie had Michael pinned to the dirt, open to finish him off. Which she did by cutting his block off with an axe.

But as it turns out she didn't decapitate our legendary killer but rather a ruse of a man whose larynx was crushed and forced to wear Michael's suit and mask! So Laurie was traumatized-er and now locked up in a mental hospital where she anticipates her brother's return.

True to her fears, Michael catches up (again) and after a casual stalk and chase, a quick knife to the back sends Laurie (and Jamie Lee Curtis' horror roles) to her death. Now that he got that plot out of the way, Michael's free to go home now, passing his legendary knife to a potential butterball with a passion for serial killers and went on his way.

But it doesn't go too well for him once he finally got back; an internet entrepreneur and host turned The Myers House into a set for his reality TV show where six "lucky" contestants have to stay overnight and try to find the clues to the biggest mystery of all: what makes Michael Myers tick. Not a safe mystery but intriguing nevertheless.

As you can tell, teens and Michael don't mix very well so it isn't too long before The Shape is cutting down the house guests one by one, with millions of internet viewers believing it's all make smoke and mirrors. That being said, you can be as sure as shit these kids and everybody else involved are doomed...

It's not perfect. I admit it. But is it the worse? Hardly!

There isn't much to say about this movie rather than the fact it's just the big guns' attempt to continue a movie with an ending so impossible to follow. It's desperation, frankly, as the flick hardly felt anywhere as serious nor as creepy as the original and its first sequel but in teen slasher sense, this is by far a passable run.

Cheese levels in this one were high with powered tool combat, enough one-liners and witty comebacks to choke a dead Strode, iPad prototypes (were they supposed to come out in 2002?) and the popular "I'm-Alive!" shock ending and the inclusion of rapper Busta Rhymes (and Tyra banks for some reason) as a kung-fu-ing internet host who, fans be cringing, successfully high-kicked Michael out of a window! (I laughed at that scene. More than once) You can tell with all these craziness that this is one junk-fest of a Halloween movie with very little Halloween feel to it at all!

It's probably an overcooked slab of steak that's been turned from side to side over and over again until it dries up into coal but it sure damn as hell entertaining! First, this is probably one of the two entries of the series that actually had the slasher route in full effect and in its simplicity. No tie-ups that limits the film to depend from another for a full explanation and definitely no family drama that everybody seen millions of time on their damn afternoon TVs, Ressurection is plainly pure-to-the-bone slasher antics; masks, teens, bodycount, tits and nothing else. That being said, it's best to enjoy this movie without thinking much of the great big legacy our favorite simple-faced masked killer had and just enjoy this as it is. A slasher flick. Which I did. Hence the rating. Bleh.

It's not scary, nor does it have any sense of respect to the entire Halloween franchise, but Ressurection is as fair as any low-brow slasher flicks made out there. In fact, let's pretend there was no opening murders, let Michael wear a different mask and change his name to Mordecai, and the movie might as well be a title of its own existence. But alas, those with the cash thought it's best to tie in H20, which personally should just ended there, and brought Michael to the world of mediocrity that is B-flicks...

Bodycount:
1 male found beheaded
1 male gets a throat cut with kitchen knife
1 female kitchen knifed on the back
1 male gets a tripod leg to the neck
1 male kitchen knifed on the head
1 female pushed through a spike
1 female decapitated with kitchen knife
1 male had his head crushed
1 male pinned to a door with knives
1 female found hanged (some versions had us see her go through this...which is trash, by the way...)
total; 10

DUN DUN DUUUN!

A friendly Reminder from Mikey...

And a Happy Halloween from your friends here in StickyRed! Hope everybody had a fun night, despite Frankenstorm's little number (hope those guys are alright). I actually spent the whole day at work wearing a skull mask (with the mouth piece cut off. I have to talk, I'm a call-center agent!) and watch my company do a Halloween party entertaining our employee's kids! I wore my clown mask by then, the one that covers my whole face, and I practically freaked every kid out. (Muahaha).


Now that's November 1st in my country, I finally got some free time and I got some new flicks for All Saint's Day, A celebration my country does where families visit loved one's graves. My night shift ends in the morning so I couldn't go. I had to go to church instead to make up for it. After that, I went out and have some "Me" time. I finally have Insidious and The Exorcist III now, his is the first time I'm gonna see them in full and I'm effin' excited!

oh and see Frankenweenie! I just saw it today and that was actually a fun romp...

So it turns out to be a wild and weird day. I was thinking of finishing the Halloween series review line-up I set out, but I think I'll do that tomorrow. Seems kinda fitting to do so, in a way...

Til' Next Halloween then!