Frozen Fears: Iced (1988)

Iced (1988) (AKA "Blizzard of Blood")

Rating: *1/2

Starring: Debra De Liso, Doug Stevenson, Ron Kologie

Some time ago, a group of young hot-blooded teens were staying at a ski lodge when one of their least likable buddy skis himself to death after finding out the girl of his dreams isn't into him at all. To be frank, with the way he's acting like a creep, I couldn't imagine anybody being into him. Ever. 

Now fast-forward four years later, the teens (now young adults) are invited back to the same ski lodge by mysterious host. With little to do, the group decide to catch-up with one another, rekindling relationships and simply having fun. But unknown to them, someone wearing a blue jumpsuit and broken orange goggles is out to get them, taking their time to study their victims as nothing much happened around the next 30 to 40 minutes in this movie other than talk, drug and fuck. I applaud the killer for being this patient but what does that do for us? The audience?!

About an hour later of talking, cooking and other casual stuff, the killer finally begins their (tame) murder spree, following it with the cliched final girl chase scene that leads to a reveal that barely rocked anything and a Carrie (1976)-inspired shock ending involving another fast-forwarding into the future (five years this time) and a bleeding snowman. 

Frankly, Iced (1988) failed to be anything but a run-in-the-mill slasher. The movie is paced as steadily as a snail, light on the gore and cheesed up to the extent that anything the casts say sounds ridiculous. The picture quality and camera work are good and all (Look at that visor POV shot! hah!), but with all these flaws, I find it hard on my part to enjoy this movie. If it wasn't for my fast-forward button, I would've dozed off with all that talk and waiting for that murderous skier to strike. (I'm pretty sure I didn't miss much from all those skipped scenes. They all look the same. )

Iced (1988) garnished some sort of cult following for some odd duck of a reason (Must have been the hammy plotting), but when it comes to snow-based slasher movies, I think I'm comfortable with a night of Shredder (2001), Cold Prey (2006) or even Ghostkeeper (1981). I'm leaving this for the world to judge...

Bodycount:
1 male skis off a cliff and lands on rocks
1 male ran over with a snow plough
1 male gets a ski stick through the neck
1 female stabbed on the eye with icicle
1 female electrocuted in a hot tub with live radio
1 male caught on bear traps, killed
1 male stabbed on the chest with kitchen knife
Total: 7