I Know What You Did Last: Bloody Homecoming (2012)

Bloody Homecoming (2012)
Rating: ***
Starring: Jim Tavaré, Rae Latt, Lexi Giovagnoli

Tributes to the Golden Age of Slasher films have been tossed around lately; new age cult favorites such as the Hatchet series, The Sleeper (2009) and recent releases like Don't Go To The Reunion and Murder University are just few of the hundreds made every year under this claim and now Bloody Homecoming will try to join their ranks.

It starts with a group of freshmen on their way to their school's Homecoming Dance when another group bullies them into leaving. Thinking they don't need a real dance to have a good time, the chaps and their dates instead crash a nearby faculty building with hope of nailing some tonight. Unfortunately, one of them got too frisky with his girl, forcing his date to knock him out and lock him in a room in retaliation. Once said horny teen comes through, however, he tries to get out but as he does, a nearby candle drops, setting the whole room ablaze. By the time his friends and some school staff noticed, it was too late and the boy was cooked to death.

Onward three years later, then-freshmen are now seniors and while most of them are trying to forget the past and move from the incident, someone clearly hasn't. Bloody notes and death threats are soon found on the lockers owned by some of these teens, prompting cops and school personnel alike to try and find out who's behind it. In the meantime, the school continues to prepare and hold the first Homecoming Dance since the accident. Of course, blood-written letters aren't enough to hold these teens from the dance and soon, the guilty ones find themselves under the mercy of a fireman-suited maniac with a sharp spear baton.

Taking a lot of cues from campus slashers from both the 80s and the 90s, Bloody Homecoming comes close as a callback to those years when teens are nubile yet likable, murders are simple yet deliciously bloody, and slasher plots had done a lot to make itself interesting all the while sticking to the rules. The story may not be entirely original as echoes of Prom Night, House of Sorority Row, My Bloody Valentine and even I Know What You Did Last Summer makes a definite ring from a lot of scenes here, the sub-genre was never really known for straying too far from their structure so those who love a good homage to the Golden Age of slashers can truly appreciate this effort.

Production-wise, Bloody Homecoming has a few moments where the film's meager budget does show; while slashers were never the place to look for high-class acting, the casts here play their roles with varying degree of wooden that it comes off kinda distracting. Not to mention the celebrated Homecoming dances look awfully under-attended. (Some parents must have been worried that something like a vengeance-fueled massacre would happen...) Still, it's not like this is anything we never seen before in a low-budget B-flick so it's a minor daft from my point of view so long as the film still delivers the goods.

It takes a little while before the big night happens, giving us a little more time to know our cast and actually get to care for some of them, a ploy to give the killings later a bit more impact. The murders themselves are restrained to simple stabbings and impalements but it's bloody enough to fully satisfy. The killer behind them also pulled off a rather unique get-up with an equally unusual choice of murder weapon; I was expecting an axe to go with that fireman suit but a spear baton does come off more obscure, thus workable! And after all the steady-paced hack-and slashing, the film even gives us a neat twist reveal that I never saw coming, something that we never get often nowadays.

Some may hate it, but the simplicity of the plot is what drives Bloody Homecoming to a level of acceptability from my end. I could say that it needed more blood or a higher kill count, but you can't have everything and I'm just thankful to see a fair work from people who really know their genre.

Bodycount:
1 male caught inside a burning room
1 female ran through the head with a spear baton, exits to the mouth
1 male gets a spear baton through the back
1 female stabbed on the eye with spear baton
1 male smothered with balloon fabric
1 female had her throat cut with tiara, beheaded
1 male stabbed on the chest with spear baton
1 male crushed inside telescopic bleachers
1 male stabbed on the chest with spear baton
1 female impaled on a spear baton
Total: 10

Clearly, This won't end well.

Bratwurst Politics: The German Chainsaw Massacre (1990)

The German Chainsaw Massacre ("Das deutsche Kettensägen Massaker") (1990, Germany)
Rating: **
Starring: Karina Fallenstein, Susanne Bredehöft, Artur Albrecht

It's hard to enjoy a movie that spends a good hour and something talking their way through scares, gore and nightmarish atmosphere, and you don't understand shit. (And, no, this isn't due to language barrier. Keep reading.)

The German Chainsaw Massacre (1990) is a satirical art film following a group of insane, white trash family of butchers hunting down those who crosses the border a few days after Germany's Reunification. In this case, one Clara who, fresh from murdering (what I believe to be) her boyfriend, sets out to meet with another lover who just so happens to be living at the other side of the freshly fallen Berlin Wall. Inevitably, she gets tangled with the family's bizarre and chaotic lifestyle of turning people into bratwursts and commenting everything regarding the fall of the wall.

As interesting as it sounds, I find the movie hardly accessible if you're not aware of what exactly is all of this supposed to symbolize or poke fun at. It took me a lot of research to understand what the hell are these people on about, yet even then I still find it hard to fully enjoy the movie as a horror flick.

Too many random and unexplained scenes rear up and, while it does work in a sense that it brings out a bit of nightmare logic, where everything is beyond your control and understanding, the film's campy tone and overall strangeness just doesn't cut it. Plus, I never was and still isn't a man of politics and as much as possible, I want to avoid the subject, not because I'm sensitive about it, but because I find it extremely boring and I never really care much about. (What can I say? I'm a free spirit!) So, with the subject of the reunification (or unification) of Germany being the core satire of the movie, I can't help but feel a little confused and bored, so much that not even the film's gratuitous gore can enlighten me. (I'm not that shallow)

The German Chainsaw Massacre simply fails to feel like an actual movie, but more of a jumbled collection of random scares, gore and surreal moments done with a budget that looks pretty mediocre and acting that's really distracting. Still, the piece does cook up a fair feast to feed horror hounds; the bloodshed is anything but tame and since the film borrows elements from the first two Texas Chainsaw Massacre films, its weirdness is off its rockers (Even more than those two films combined) and it will certainly find fans from those who love weird underground cinema.

As for me, I do have my share of favorite "Art films"; the hypnosis-inducing Anguish (Spain, 1987) and the Grand Guingol-esque Troma title Beg (1994) being my favorites under the slasher sub-genre, and too David Lynch's infamous Eraserhead and Takashi Miike's Audition in general horror. The German Chainsaw Massacre (1990) makes a close cut to being an acceptable bunch with its story of a grue-happy family of murderers and butchers on a mission to turn people into meat by-products, but with it being too convoluted for enjoyment and harboring a hidden subject that I never really care for, it falls a tad short.

Perhaps I'm being really bias with this, but when I watch a splatter film, I'm the kind of guy who does it cuz he spends a whole day working and just wanted to relax with a fun and messy horror movie the moment he gets home. Not be force-fed with another history lesson. Am I a little ignorant? Maybe, but I'm positive The German Chainsaw Massacre (1990) has, and will have, its fans. I'm just not one of them.

Bodycount:
1 dog found slaughtered
1 male had his throat cut with kitchen knife
1 male seen murdered
1 female disemboweled with chainsaw
1 male beaten with steel pipe, head sliced with chainsaw
1 female knifed to the arse
1 male beheaded with chainsaw
1 male seen murdered
1 female ran over and split in half by a car, left for dead
Total: 9

Dazed, Confused and Cheap: Nigel The Psychopath (1994)

Nigel The Psychopath (1994)
Rating: 0
Starring: Rob Hayward, James Kirk, Jim Larsen

What do you call some bored teens and pre-teens with too much time on their hands, with a camera and have no idea what they're doing? Nigel The Psychopath.

Okay, maybe they're at least aware of what they are doing seeing they were able to make this is film happen but either ways, it's still awful. (If , that is. you would even call this a "film") As far as I can tell, the "story" exploits the murders of a rather "elusive" killer who changes costumes in every moment or so he could, which is very plentiful for the count. Not that it matters, however, as the zero budget really shows.

With no solid plot, acting, direction, technical skills or even acceptable bloodletting (at least), Nigel The Psychopath is no more than a backyard home video that really deserved to be hidden behind some dusty old shelves. I don't even know what these guys were thinking, but I'm imagining something to just pass the time since nothing's good on TV anyway. What seems like an hour or so felt like an eternity of looped audio, people pretending to be murderers, cops and dying victims, with no more than a dime-store worth of props and one of the lamest masked killers to be concocted out of a weekend afternoon.

Screw this! Anyone who will find one utter enjoyment out of this (which I highly doubt) are probably the cast themselves and whoever was high enough that time to help them even distribute this trash. Dump it!



Bodycount:
1 girl hit on the back with rake
1 boy hacked to death with a rake
1 boy hacked with a rake
1 boy had an arm lopped off with rake, killed
1 male beaten to death
1 victim beaten to death
1 male hacked to death with rake
1 male had his foot hacked off with rake, killed
1 boy shot
1 male gets a rake handle through his chest
1 male hacked to death with rake
1 boy shot to death with a staple gun
1 male impaled on a broom handle
1 male shot to death
1 boy shot
1 male shot to death
1 male shot
1 male had his face stomped flat
Total: 18

Nothing but: Unspeakable (2000)

Unspeakable (2000)
rating: *
starring: Roger Garcia, Tamera Noll, Leigh Silver

Well, can't say I didn't expect this from Troma Videos but, for the record, least they're more modest about the title cuz it is unspeakably bad.

The plot follows the downright spiral of one father who lost his daughter and had his wife stricken into a vegetative state after a car accident. The further he breaks down, the more he begins to plot on ridding the world of what's wrong with it (mainly hookers, drug lords, nurses with a fetish for shit (literally) and one gay pedophile of a pastor) in an attempt to "beat" God in His own game of divine retribution.

I'll be true here, the film does try to be something I rarely see in a Troma film; devoid of the company's signature camp (well, almost. Someone ought to tell Kaufman that poop noises really kill any credibility of a "serious" attempt), Unspeakable is nihilistic and very downbeaten. It's effectively depressing as it tackles and focuses on the gritty underbellies that prowl behind every brightly lit city and how all this seems to fuel one man's dementia which, in turn, leads to his uncontrolled urge to murder.

Unfortunately, being accompanied with cheap acting, misogynistic killings, and one confusing ending, the film is far from enjoyable. While the gore is refreshing, the sullen tone of the film doesn't seem to work very well given the movie's low-budget quality. It's more distracting than effective and, in the end, it's nowhere as good as it sounds.

I'm seeing die hard Troma fans will love this, but everybody else might not appreciate the film's attempt to mix a very bleak story and low-budget slayings. So, I'm sorry Troma fanatics out there, but I'm throwing this one to the trash. Definitely not my style.

Bodycount:
1 female killed in car crash
1 female had her face beaten repeatedly against glass table
1 female gutted with razor, stabbed to death
1 female slashed to death with razor
1 male had his face slashed with razor, trips and hits his head against the wall
1 male killed with razor offscreen
1 male and 1 female immolated in gas explosion
1 male knifed to the mouth
1 male had his throat cut with razor
1 male beaten against the wall
Total: 11

Beware the Chooper (Not a Typo): Blood Shack (1971)

Blood Shack (1971) (AKA "Blood Monster", "Curse of the Evil Spirit", "The Chooper")
Rating: **1/2
Starring: Carolyn Brandt, Ron Haydock, Jason Wayne

A better effort from the same guy who made the mindbogglingly boring The Hollywood Strangler Meets the Skidrow Slasher (1979) and it's "sequel" The Las Vegas Serial Killer (1986), Blood Shack is a near-hour long horror film about a dilapidated house (supposedly a 150 year old "historical monument") that seems to be the home of a sword wielding maniac dubbed as "The Chooper".

Protecting this secret is one hick groundskeeper who tries his best to keep anyone off the house, but as any doomsayers in these kind of films would have it, his warnings fall to deaf ears and he has no choice but to rid the place of the bodies from The Chooper's killing sprees. Not that he minds, actually, as he seems to be more than willing to bury these corpses and let the manic swordsman do murder.

When Carol Brandt (cheaply named cuz the actress playing her is also called Carolyne Brandt!), a washed-up starlet, inherits the farm, things got a little more random; narrated by her, she begins to share to us her experiences with the barn, from the good, the bad and everything randomly in-between including the crazed groundskeeper believing that the Chooper is a being of vengeance concocted out of Native American hoodoo, to that of a rival rancher who keeps pushing her to sell the land. Paste in random shots of rodeo and more narrated footages for the sake of making look like as if it's a part of the plot, and we get fillers to go along with more of Chooper's murderous mayhem.

As a proto-slasher, it's not all that great; the supposed supernatural menace that is The Chooper is anything but terrifying with his black bodysuit and constant yelping that sounds more like "Lady Leatherface's" from Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation, nor does it make the whole supernatural angle of the killer that convincing. Gore is absent and instead replaced with cheap looking red paint disguised as stab wounds, but at least the sun-lit murder set pieces brings out an unnatural and trippy look to the already convoluted storyline.

For all honesty's sake, Blood Shack is a bad movie that never really felt like it had a story to begin with as it spends most of its short running time interchangeably showing us either a badly-acted murder of a random, stubborn victim, or an equally random footage with poor acting and/or lined with Brandt's own uninspired-sounding narration, usually in a repeating pattern. The cheap budget shines through and through for that matter, although this kinda gives the movie an authentic grindhouse feel that might be a pro for those who loves to collect gritty and unheard 70s exploitation flicks. (Not that the dated looking wardrobe and inept looking camera work isn't helping from the start)

If cheese and unintentional comic is what you want however, Blood Shack counts off every element of a good "bad movie" and befit one. The film never felt that serious and it may not be the most experienced-looking proto-slasher out there (and I'm putting my money that this is the only reason why this film is so obscure) but its strangeness could double as its own charm, as fans of weird cinema can get a good kick out of the steadily paced, low-budget B-flick.

Not straightly recommendable, but feel free to enter the haunted bowels of a pre-Texas Chainsaw Massacre Texas and see the seemingly failed yet hilariously threat that is The Chooper. If you dare!

Bodycount:
1 female stabbed to death with sword
1 male killed with sword
1 male stabbed on the throat with sword, slashed to death
1 male stabbed with sword
1 male dies from a sword stab on the gut
Total: 5

Short Shear Terror: Forest Falls (2011)

Forest Falls (2011 Short Film)
Rating: ****
Starring: Olivia Schlueter-Corey, Deborah Jensen, Brian Monahan

A horror title released by Finite Films, a series of short films made under the constraints suggested by audiences, Forest Falls runs a twenty some minute story of a group of teenagers renting out a cabin for a fun week, only for them to discover someone they knew isn't who they appear to be and they're being picked off one by one by a masked intruder later that night.

Impressively creepy with a good build-up, the short has everything a good slasher film is supposed to have, including some fairly acceptable casts with modest acting, a grindhouse atmosphere, tension filled scares, and a menacing looking killer.

The film showcased a rare variation of a typical slasher film trope, mainly the fact that the killer here prefers to use a gun with a silencer rather than a bladed weapon or a blunt object. An atypical choice, but works none the less considering how well the direction is. The twists are done in a way of total ambiguity as it could have been anyone behind the killer's mask and with no clear indication to why they're doing all this, their complete silence during his killing spree is no short of unnerving.

Despite some cues from dead teenager flicks, the film is not overly exploitive considering its tameness and as long as the story is worthily creepy, I can overlook a slasher flick's lack of T&A and gore anytime. With what little the crew had to work with, both budget and in concept as a part of its production's gimmick, I find Forest Fall a passable project made just to entertain.

Open horror or slasher fans alike who can appreciate a good flow, be sure to check out this when you have the time. It's worth a good viewing.

Bodycount:
1 male shot on the head
1 male found shot on the neck
1 female shot on the back
1 male stabbed with a broken chair leg
1 female shot on the head with a shotgun

Total: 5

Reality Bites!: Cruel World (2005)

Cruel World (2005)

Rating: **

Starring: Edward Furlong, Daniel Franzese, Andrew Keegan

Some time ago, Reality TV gets a fairly disturbing twist in the horror genre after the success of dead teenager flicks around the 90s and a bit in the early 2000s with a Canada release known as My Little Eye (2002). The film pits a group of teenagers participating in what they believe to be a Reality TV show where the only rule is to stay in the house to win some cold hard cash. Unknown to them, the show was just a ruse to have them ripe for a bloody picking as one by one, they all fall victim to some fairly gruesome murders.

Many other titles such as House of 9 (2004) and Series 7 (2001) soon follow this idea, but Cruel World (2005) jumped the bandwagon a tad too late around its release as tame teen slasher flicks were sortah dying out, slowly being replaced by gorier horrors such as SAW (2003), House of 1000 Corpses (2003) and even the underrated 2005 House of Wax remake. 

Terminator 2: Judgement Day (1991)'s Edward Furlong stars as the lead antagonist Phillip, a Reality TV reject who didn't take his leave all too well and plots bloody vengeance against those who were responsible as he stalks and murders a young starlet and anybody unfortunate enough to be in the way. After disposing the bodies, he takes full control over the house (which is supposed to be the set of a new TV project hosted by the now dead starlet) and begins his own twisted take on the show by pitting its occupants in a series of bizarre games. Those who survive gets to stay and wait for the next (and often more grueling) challenge, while those who are "sent home" bites the big one.

While the premise sounds promising, its execution could use a lot of work; for starters, the entire concept of the Reality show Furlong's character is running isn't all that exciting. It's simply one strange game to the next, with very little of the cast noticing how odd these are or even notice the fact there are no visible crew. (Save Phillip's mentally challenged brother) It actually took them long enough to finally realize how dire their predicament is and most (if not all) of those who noticed it sooner are already dead, leaving us with some of the dumbest victims in the face of Reality TV and/or teen slashers.



With that being the point, the entire film runs a steady routine of challenge-lose-kill-talk and it wears out any sense of dread or tension, bringing out instead the hammiest villain acting you can have in cheap celluloid. In fact, Furlong may have gained the physique of a believable loser who's out for blood via a strong will to manipulate anyone to kill each other, but that ain't enough to make his character seriously menacing if all he does is sit behind a computer gorging junkfood and emptying beer cans. He's twisted but too clumsy and inexperienced to do enough fieldwork to even qualify him as a slasher killer, but thankfully we got his brother doing the sidelines for him in the hack-and-slash department, that is if the big guy can set aside some personal (and childish) issues.

Murders and gore effects are limited to tame killings such as live burials, hangings and standard stabbings, and plot holes are ever present with some of the characters' fate left undetermined. (One girl gets chased and locked up in a barn, and we never get to see her again) Plus the actual games themselves are hardly imaginative, so if you're gonna spend a good time waiting for something memorable or at least shocking to come up, do not bother! The budget restrains have spoken and not even the film's third act can save it from being a bit dull!

I don't know whether this is to make a practical point on how silly the concept of reality TV is but Cruel World (2005) failed to do anything to mark an impact. The casts are boring, the murders are almost bloodless and the duo of homicidal brothers, with reasons for being psychotic hardly even qualifies to be understandable, are anything but scary. Still, I can't say I hated it, just expecting a bit more excitement coming from a rather fun-sounding premise. I guess you could say I enjoyed it because of how easily digestible this movie is and how I can simply pass this as a time waster that you can rent whenever it hits you right, but I can name plenty more films you can see over this that have the same plot. Better ones.

But if you're curious to see what John Conner looks like years after Terminator 2, what Jaime Pressly did before she went ahead to do TV in My Name is Earl, or is easily impressed by cheap B-Movies, then I guess Cruel World (2005) can be your poison. Just don't go crying on us if you hated it...

Bodycount:
1 male bound to a chair and weighed down a pool, drowned
1 female had her throat cut with kitchen knife
1 female buried alive
1 female found slaughtered inside a cow's carcass
1 male stabbed on the gut with a kitchen knife
1 male ran through the gut with a sword
1 male found murdered
1 female decapitated with a machete
1 male hanged
1 male shot on the head
Total: 10