Saint ("Sint") (Netherlands, 2010)
Rating: ***1/2
Starring: Egbert Jan Weeber, Bert Luppes and Caro Lenssen
Just when you thought Santa couldn't get any meaner and crazier, we have this foreign variation to the popular slasher trope of killer Kris Kringles where it is said that whenever the moon is full before Sinterklaas Day (a Netherlands variation of Christmas), the titular Bishop and his cronies, which revealed to be the opposite of their currently benevolent visage, would return to steal and murder every child in Amsterdam and slaughter anybody that will get in the way.
Opening in the early 1400s, we watch Saint Niklas and his troops of raiding hoodlums pillage a town of their food, drink, clothing and children before retreating to their aging ship. The villagers, who have been putting up with the Bishop's constant raids, decide enough is enough and fight back by setting his boat ablaze, killing him and his troops. Or so they thought.
Returning as vengeful revenants, Sinterklaas and his army of "Black Pietz" continue their evil deed whenever a full moon coincides with the night before Sinterklaas day, one being on 1968 when a young boy named Goertz saw his whole family get murdered by the bishop and his zombie army. The deaths traumatize him into a paranoid, Sinterklaas-hating police officer of the present, who believes that the killer bishop will soon return.
True enough, Sinterklaas shows up that night with his army of burnt ghouls, slaughtering hundreds and kidnapping children; somehow surviving an encounter is one Frank, a high school student who is falsely accused of a Sinterklaas murder after finding him in one of the crime scenes. But when the death tolls continue to climb and more children goes missing, it's soon clear to these people that there's more to it than a mere single murderer and Frank has no choice but to survive the night and aid one man who knows what's really going on: Goertz.
What it lacks in a strong story and character development,
Sint is more of a movie made for gory kicks and high speed action. The fast pace has us moving from one scene to another, mostly involving the killer Saint and his zombie cohorts murdering random characters with barely enough screentime whenever they're not kidnapping children. This direction killed off some potentially intense scenes but my guesses are the director, Dick Maas, wasn't aiming for a slow scare-fest but rather a fun thrill ride with as much gore as possible.
Ironically, I fail to see enough of the red stuff here; yes, we do have plenty of murders but they're your standard stabs and hacks that you've seen in almost every other slasher flicks made before. This might be because despite being labeled as a "Santa Claus Slasher" movie, the tyrannous Bishop, who sports the coolest looking bladed staff I've seen, never did most of the killings. Instead, his army of Black Pietz do a good load of the dirty work. Kinda misleading for those hoping to see a killer Santa but let's look at the positives.
On a note, I dig a lot of moments here; one involving a high-speed chase where a police cruiser escorting the wrongfully accused lead spots Saint Niklas horse riding from roof to roof and proceeds to apprehend him through a shoot-out. Of course, it didn't end well for the cops, but at least we get a scene that perfectly mends high-concept action and some level of camp, making it one of the coolest moments of the film. Put in a really epic score and you got yourself one hell of a Christmas movie!
The film's also camp in tone, despite some really touchy subject matters such as child murder, with the church and government covering the Sinterklaas abductions for some fully unexplained reason. The comedic tone is hinted on some very silly mess-ups from our heroes and a few dead pan reaction from some people when it comes to the horrors they're witnessing. I mean, I'm pretty sure if you get a falling house break into your apartment, you don't stand there with your lover, drinking wine without screaming at least once.
The make-up effects of the movie are also on a decent run; the villains' prosthetic make-up calls for some cool zombies. Our killer Santa, however, spends more time in the shadows so the only time we get to see his full burnt look was somewhere around the end, which hinted an opening for a possible sequel. Not really a good thing for me but seeing how fast everything happened, I could really use a second round of this villain and his exploits to fully grasp how great this movie is, or if it can do better.
The overall result is a horror movie made for pure popcorn delights;
Sint's cheesy fun in every exploits, though lacking strength on some of its own department. (et al, a stronger plot for a high concept) Anybody reaching for a different take on their Killer Santas will find a good time with this title! Just sit back next to a cozy chimney, watch out for burnt zombies with hatchets, and enjoy this movie!
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| He comes for your children... |
Bodycount:
1 female hacked in the back with a hatchet
1 male pitchforked through the chest
1 male had an axe thrown to his head
1 male had his face split with shovel
10 males burned to death in a blazing ship
1 girl pulled up into a chimney, taken
1 boy pulled up into the chimney, taken
1 girl killed, blood splash seen
1 male killed, blood splash seen
1 female found with missing eyes
1 male ran over by a ship
1 female found with throat cut
1 male gets a saw-toothed sickle end of a staff through the head, exits to mouth
1 male beheaded
1 male killed offcamera
1 female ripped in half
2 males crushed inside a car by a falling horse
1 male sinks to his death into a canal
1 male ran through with a spear
1 male had an arm lopped off with hatchet, thrown through window
1 male gets a dagger through the neck
1 male ran through with sword
1 male accidentally shot in friendly fire
1 male had his head sliced off with the saw-toothed sickle end of a staff
1 male bled to death from stab wound
300+ children decimated in explosion
Total: 335+
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Based on a short comic from a 2000 AD comic book (beating Judge Dredd to the big screen by about 5 years), HARDWARE is an amalgam of cyberpunk, post-apocalypse sci-fi, and slasher film elements with it's barren mood, mechanically eldritch villain and a decent numbered bodycount. While it's limited budget does show around the film's almost one-location story, I find HARDWARE's creatively suspenseful, surrealistic, and underlying religiously-apocalyptic tone to be a charming note.-(1990)%5Bwww.savevid.com%5D.3gp_001643408.jpg)
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While it has the shell of a post-apocalyptic nuke flick, or the plotting of a sci-fi thriller, HARDWARE is more likely an art movie than anything else. It's reliance to visual skill and imagery may as well be a double-edged sword; there will be people who will get it, and those who will not. I got a bit of an artistic taste so I guess that's where some of the movie's Dario Argento-esque imagery charms its way to. That or I'm just a sucker for killer robots since it's such a rare idea for a horror flick. (Straight horror flick, please.)-(1990)%5Bwww.savevid.com%5D.3gp_003006036.jpg)
Opening in the early 1400s, we watch Saint Niklas and his troops of raiding hoodlums pillage a town of their food, drink, clothing and children before retreating to their aging ship. The villagers, who have been putting up with the Bishop's constant raids, decide enough is enough and fight back by setting his boat ablaze, killing him and his troops. Or so they thought.
True enough, Sinterklaas shows up that night with his army of burnt ghouls, slaughtering hundreds and kidnapping children; somehow surviving an encounter is one Frank, a high school student who is falsely accused of a Sinterklaas murder after finding him in one of the crime scenes. But when the death tolls continue to climb and more children goes missing, it's soon clear to these people that there's more to it than a mere single murderer and Frank has no choice but to survive the night and aid one man who knows what's really going on: Goertz.
Ironically, I fail to see enough of the red stuff here; yes, we do have plenty of murders but they're your standard stabs and hacks that you've seen in almost every other slasher flicks made before. This might be because despite being labeled as a "Santa Claus Slasher" movie, the tyrannous Bishop, who sports the coolest looking bladed staff I've seen, never did most of the killings. Instead, his army of Black Pietz do a good load of the dirty work. Kinda misleading for those hoping to see a killer Santa but let's look at the positives.
The film's also camp in tone, despite some really touchy subject matters such as child murder, with the church and government covering the Sinterklaas abductions for some fully unexplained reason. The comedic tone is hinted on some very silly mess-ups from our heroes and a few dead pan reaction from some people when it comes to the horrors they're witnessing. I mean, I'm pretty sure if you get a falling house break into your apartment, you don't stand there with your lover, drinking wine without screaming at least once.
This is an interesting premise; three bank personnel get stuck inside a nearly abandoned carpark ATM booth during Christmas Eve. Why? Cuz a hoodie killer is out there watching them and just had killed somebody to prove he's serious about it.
So that's one point down for this mediocre thriller and sorta slasher movie from the guys who wrote the equally mediocre (for me) Buried (2010); the rest of the movie's downfall is, well, I never quite got that engaged in the situation. If there's anything, I'm rooting more on seeing the killer snuff them all out since he's probably the only one with a brain. Or half a brain. (He came to kill people without any weapons. What if one of these guys had a gun?) I mean, I can tell that they're a bit weirded out when this guy just popped out of nowhere and just stares at them, and even more freaked out when he decided to bash a guy's head against the pavement, but I've seen a lot of opportunities for these guys to just run, gang up on him and live a happy life for the next 40 years or so. But no, they're freaked out by a guy in a partially menacing hoodie, who did nothing but stare and kill with things he's just lucky enough to have cuz these guys leave them behind and are too scared to go back and get it from him.
Pros? Good acting, especially from Josh Peck, who I respect a little bit cuz I'm used to be a fan of the Nickelodeon teen sitcom Drake and Josh. I also have to keep points for the killer, who looked rather cool in that Urban Legend (1998) - inspired hoodie, as well as the movie's devilish twist ending which at least explains why this killer hadn't moved inside the ATM booth after all this time.
