Saturday, January 30, 2016
The Curse of the Evil Jet Pilot: Blood Relic(2005)
Starring: Billy Drago, Joshua Park, Jennifer Lauren Grant
At 1983, a fighter pilot named Hank Campbell goes crazy and murdered some of his colleagues, seemingly under the influence of a cursed talisman. (We know this cuz we saw him holding it, experience weird obscure flashbacks after doing so, and violently coughed blood at a mirror. Y'know, the usual supernatural possession gig)
As cheap as disposable razor and it shows on more than one occasion, Blood Relic can be challenging to watch due to the fact that it is terrible cliched and underwhelmingly cheap. It was one of the few titles I was hoping to see solely because of what the killer was wearing and the plot-point that it all took place inside a museum, a location that already proved itself a wonderland of potential havoc with films like Wishmaster (1992) and The Lamp (1987, AKA The Outing). Sadly, due to the budget, the entire film instead took place in the old hangar inside of an air & space museum, which means not only are we left with boring long hallways and cheap-looking break rooms for the slaughter to take place on, but the killings are hardly memorable or unique as the props and displays were never that implemented into the story.
To be frank, easy and logicless killings are a few things I can actually accept coming from a cheap slasher, but to make the last third so dull and slow with all the useless expositions that we pretty much figured out halfway into the film? That's bound to bore and/or upset some folks, more even when the film decided to throw off a rather ridiculous twist ending that has its smart moments, but overall a "meh"-worthy way to end a B-grade shlock. (And even at that, Blood Relic was dang slow. Jesus, just die already, killer! Stop talking!)
Not gonna lie, Blood Relic had the potential of being a good film if the producers have the budget to work with. It seems like they already pictured a unique slasher with the inclusion of a cursed talisman, an idea that I really like, but I guess the lack of funds had them doing things the "standard" way and gave us this insufferably bland bodycounter instead. I did also like some of the scenes in the middles, mostly the brutal snuffings that occurred there, but that's all there is that I find enjoyable from this title.
Shame, really; if you want to give it a shot, I won't stop you, but if you want a real museum carnage, I recommend The Lamp if you're into low-budget B-flicks, or Wishmaster if you like moderate-budget b-flicks!
1 male stabbed on the head with a hunting knife
1 male shot
1 male shot
1 male shot
1 male had his neck slashed with a knife
1 male hacked with an axe
1 female hacked to death with an axe
1 female knifed to death
1 male killed, later found gutted
1 female hanged on a wire noose
1 female found decapitated
1 male found murdered
1 male bludgeoned to death with a board
1 female pushed back-first to a buzzsaw