Bloody Hell Of A Retreat: The Cabining (2014)

The Cabining (2014)

Rating: ***

Starring: Mike Kopera, Bo Keister, Angela Relucio

With their recent slasher treatment scoffed down as tired and mediocre, as well as a looming long overdue rent threatening to kick them out on the street, horror screenwriters Todd and Bruce are desperately in need of an inspired terror tale to wow interested buyers and where else should they find said inspiration other than Shangri-La, weekend cabin retreat designed to help artistic types get their juices flowing.

Only, shortly after they arrive, the other artists staying there start to die in mysterious circumstances, a lot of which seems to be whenever a certain oddball sculptor named Jasper is around. The cops mostly disregard these deaths as accidents and Shangri-La's rather lax host dismisses the notion that Jasper could harm anyone. (Even though the guy carries a machete and casually bags a decapitated head) Then again, it's not like he's the only suspicious fella in the cabin; Todd's growing impatience and desperation appear to hint a shortening fuse that's about to go full murder, and then there's Bruce's overly jovial outlook on these recent string of dead people piling up...

The Cabining (2014) is, admittedly, one of those movies that you're not really going to lose sleep over, but it does enough right to be at least worth a look. For one, the two main leads simply carried the film with their frustrated yet cordial chemistry, as Mike Kopera's Todd, being the geeky yet responsible type, mostly just tagging along with the more outgoing and positive Bo Keister's Bruce to make sure his bestfriend-slash-idea guy doesn't end up in deep trouble. (Or will become the trouble) The two are portrayed as absolute chums and I love how natural they play their banter despite the clashing ideas and ideals, overlooking some questionable moments wherein Bruce can be a tad much with his misplaced positivity and flirty attempts, so much so that it borderlines suspicious along side comical.

As a slasher, The Cabining (2014) does lean closer towards a whodunit murder mystery than actual stalk-and-stab, with victims being discovered horrifically snuffed out by seemingly (and not so seemingly) accidental deaths, all the while the surviving cabin guests are trying to figure out who among them could be the killer. (Or, perhaps, find enough damning proof that the really eccentric sculptor is the murderer among them) A lot of the kills are offcamera due to this direction, but there's enough gnarly practical and make-up effects done for the resulting corpses, giving us a fair share of gory eye candy. There's also a semi-decent twist somewhere at the last third of the film, a bit of it kinda obvious but countered fairly by a villain reveal I never really saw coming. I would have liked the movie a lot more if it ended on this silly yet dark and gutsy note but, instead, it pulled off one more curveball under our noses. One that opted for a final scare before going down on a saccharine good note that felt overly rushed and sudden, hardly bringing up a solid motive behind the actual killer's murder spree, even. It could have been better but, also, could have been worse. Way worse. 

What could have been a dime-in-a-dozen backwoods slasher, The Cabining (2014) pulled some extra punches to do a little better and the result is, while not exceedingly phenomenal, admirable to say the least. Polished and written effectively as a horror comedy indie, try this one for the giggles!

Bodycount:

1 female found landed mouth-first on a tree root, head impaled

1 male head found

1 male overdoses on heart medication

1 male found killed by a triggered log trap

1 female found knifed on the back

1 male found dead with a hammer claw to the eye

1 female stabbed in the eye with a fountain pen

1 male ran through the back with a kitchen knife

Total: 8 

Film School Flopped: Harpy (2000)

Harpy (South Korea, 2000)

Rating: *

Starring: Lee Jung-hyun, Kim Rae-won, Ggoch-ji Kim

When a movie starts with a film class meeting where you could barely comprehend what the teacher is saying because the chatter from his students can be heard along his little talk, or the damn thing pauses randomly for the sake of creative editing, you know friggin' well this isn't gonna end good for any of us.

While working on an amateur slasher flick for a school project, shy musical prodigy Su-yeon (Lee Jung-hyun) falls for the motorbike-riding bad boy Hyeon-su (Kim Rae-won), who just so happens to be dating the class queen bee Yae-rim (Ggoch-ji Kim). As you would expect from a love triangle, drama and intrigue ensue, especially after someone begins to stalk Su-yeon and Hyeon-su with a camera after the two start seeing each other in secret. Photos of the meet-up are soon passed around school and Yae-rim, of course, isn't too pleased to know that her squeeze is squeezing another girl behind her back, so she corners and attacks Su-yeon at their classroom after spotting her working late one night, only for us to see another figure walking in to kill off the attacked girl no soon after. 

Or at least that's what it looked like as, a few days passed being absent, Su-yeon reappears looking rather okay despite the whole assault, much to Yae-rim's surprise and uneasiness. Su-yeon does appear to be quieter than usual, though, but with her being back on board, the film class can now proceed with their hack' n slash movie project and visit a remote villa where they'll be filming. This is when the shoot goes South for the gang as not only would they discover their props tampered with to cause actual harm, but someone dressed up as their balaclava-clad villain starts hunting them down one by one...

Now, see, Harpy (2000) here had the potential to be at least a serviceable enough murder mystery despite its sappy love triangle one hour act and often wonky characters. It's not a perfect plot, you can actually tell the twist from afar, but it at has the spirit of a passable yet fun B-grade slasher that you could catch whenever nothing else is good to watch on a weekend afternoon. This would have been the case if only, ONLY it wasn't edited into a schizophrenic dreck by people I assume were suffering from a mental breakdown. Or were high. Or both.

Basically, any sense of a stable direction was completely lost within all the noise and stylistic visuals our editor from hell decided to give this film, filling Harpy (2000) with a gobblecock of cartoon noises, randomized freeze frames and slowmo shots, odd voice overs spouting the most random shite here and there, apparently as a way to market this movie as a "horror comedy" in which, from what I read looking into this mess, wasn't even supposed to be the case. Based on what I can properly decipher, it was shot as a (mostly) straight slasher, but the added bells and whistles transformed it into an art house film experiment of the chaotic kind, one that failed to explain its own jokes or reward our patience with worthwhile entertainment. If anything, the whole shtick may have alienated it audience considering its sad box office performance and its relative obscurity. I wouldn't be surprised if none of the people who watched this could make head nor tail of what they're seeing here.

Harpy (2000) is, without a doubt, an experience. Just not a good one. Undoubtedly one of the strangest slasher titles I've seen out there, as well as, sadly, one of the more frustrating to sit through... 

Bodycount:

1 female beaten, stabbed with knife offscreen 

1 male snared with a chained grappling hook, later found hanging dead from a ceiling

1 female strangled with a chained grappling hook

1 female stabbed in the back

1 female stabbed in the chest with a dagger

1 male gets a knife pushed into his throat (mostly offscreen)

1 male knifed to death

1 male strangled to death with a chained grappling hook

Total: 8

A Star is Torn: Pearl (2022)

Pearl (2022)

Rating: ****1/2

Starring: Mia Goth, David Corenswet, Tandi Wright

While Ti West's backwoods slasher X (2022) is a throwback shocker to 70s bodycounters and porn culture, his follow-up entry to this in-film universe is a loving yet nightmarish tribute to old Hollywood psycho-dramas, wherein we explore the maddened origins of a tragedy. A tragedy named Pearl.

It's 1918 and in the midst of Texas' Spanish flu outbreak; Pearl (Mia Goth) lives a life of near-isolation with her immigrant German parents, tending to their farm and running chores while her husband is out fighting a war in Europe. She wishes more to this life. More than cleaning after her wheelchair-bound invalid father. More than just trudging her days away following the orders of her joyless mother whose spirit was broken just to set foot in America. More than feeding animals and running to drug stores. No, Pearl wanted fame. To be Hollywood's next chorus girl, or even it's next biggest star. And she sees the opportunity for this when, while sneaking off to see a movie at the local town, she spots a dance audition to be held at her local church.

Though encouraged by her sister-in-law Mitsy and a handsome, young projectionist to try out, Pearl's enthusiasm for the chance gets seemingly crushed by her mother's stern and sharp tongue one fateful night, only to end in an accidental blaze which leaves the matron roasted and dying. Seemingly free from the weight of her parents dragging her down, Pearl sets her heart and feet to wow the judges with nothing but sheer determination and a head high in the clouds. 

Given, that is, she doesn't break down and continue her new found bloodlust for a spree killing, temper flaring and desperation growing...

With a collaborated script written by director Ti West and lead actress Mia goth during a mandatory 2-week COVID-19 quarantine at New Zealand prior to filming X (2022) (leading to both films being shot secretly back-to-back), Pearl (2022) is a dark coming-of-age character study showcasing the declining mental stability of the titular disturbed farm girl with illusions of grandeur and a boiling murder streak. Filled with lively technicolor and surreal imagery conjured up by Pearl's fantasies (this including a spectacular dance number with fireworks, and too a rather hilarious shot of a scarecrow with David Corenswet's head on it, injecting some bit of levity), the film sets us in a position to find sympathy for the Devil, a slowburn descent to madness carried powerfully by Goth's performance as she navigates her character from being uneasy yet sweet, to downright creepy and unhinged, a masterclass of acting that delivers horrors of both psychological and emotional kind.

Indeed, the story here is an exercise on resentment and turmoil, ripe with enough pulpy savagery as Pearl's horrifying confliction have her both enjoying and regretful of her terrible thoughts and deeds. One one end, she wants nothing but love and understanding from those around her, and yet she'll strike down with furious anger at the same folks the moment they do something that go against her wishes, cultivating to a third act that dishes out a body count, as well as an impressive screaming fit during the auditions and a five-minute single-take monologue that taps into Pearl's broken psyche when she's given the opportunity to let all the dirty laundry out, this including her murders. (Much to the requester's regret) Heck, even the end credits showcase just how broken Pearl would become, with the entire thing done with Goth simply holding out a smile to the camera for almost two minutes, face straining and eyes tearing up as the credits roll and Tyler Bater's impressive score transitions from disturbingly whimsy to haunting. (Though, apparently, this was unplanned;  Ti West refused to call "cut" during the shoot as he wanted to see how long Mia could hold up the smile, making the unhinged grimace uncanny rather effectively) 

As much of the focus centers more on Pearl's plight and ambitions, the kill count here isn't that high and about half of them occur offcamera, though those we do get to indulge onscreen did boast some worthwhile brutality and chunky gore effects, particularly one involving an axe murder that I believe is a tribute to the Joan Crawford proto-slasher Straight-Jacket (1964). The theme of sex as taboo is also looked into here as one of Pearl's repressed indulgences, in which she's so starved for love and attention that she's seeking courtship from anyone - or even anything- only to feel guilty, disgusted and shameful for herself for breaking her vows with her husband which further fuels her inner dilemmas.

Greatly a melodrama period piece with a slasher-adjacent climax, Pearl (2022) simply works. It just works! It's an impressive feat of horror fiction, creepy yet heartbreaking, chilling yet sympathetic, an unbridled dive down the mind and heart of a brand new horror icon that steals the show with grit and glee. Yes, it may take a while for the absolute gruesome to get going, but the path through the story has enough interest and drama to steal the scene, thus an overall rewarding watch for the patient. What else is there to say but see this gem of a film!

Bodycount:

1 male stabbed to death with a pitchfork

1 male smothered with a towel

1 female hacked to death with an axe

1 female dies from burn wounds

Total: 4