Rating: *1/2
Starring: Kaya Coleman, Ophelia Lichtenstein and Kate Mayhew
Tell me if you heard this one before: a group of twenty-somethings travel to the woods to enjoy themselves, only to be picked off dead one-by-one. Yep, it's the old standardized blue print of a backwoods slasher and #FLOAT (2023) follow this route mostly in context, with Black Christmas (2019) executive producer-turned-debut director Zac Locke trying to shake things up a bit.
The resulting attempt is... an attempt.
Following the loss of a dear friend Chuy, vlogger Kali, her boyfriend Jackson and four of her buds opted to honor their departed comrade by partying down the same river trail Chuy drowned at. (Or overdosed, depending on who's telling the story) For about half of the film's running time, we watch these people be dramatic and vapid for the shallowest and problematic reasons, from experiencing the troubles of being young parents to whether or not it is required for one to subscribe to their friend's social media channel to prove their friendship. We also get ourselves shoved on the face with party montages of them getting drunk on beer before anything remotely horror-adjacent happens. By then, we get the old doomsayer rearing his freaky face around warning the twenty-somethings not to go down the river, only for him to be disregarded and, well, the shmucks find out real soon that it would have been wise to listen to him as there is indeed something in the river that wants them all dead.
The resulting attempt is... an attempt.
Following the loss of a dear friend Chuy, vlogger Kali, her boyfriend Jackson and four of her buds opted to honor their departed comrade by partying down the same river trail Chuy drowned at. (Or overdosed, depending on who's telling the story) For about half of the film's running time, we watch these people be dramatic and vapid for the shallowest and problematic reasons, from experiencing the troubles of being young parents to whether or not it is required for one to subscribe to their friend's social media channel to prove their friendship. We also get ourselves shoved on the face with party montages of them getting drunk on beer before anything remotely horror-adjacent happens. By then, we get the old doomsayer rearing his freaky face around warning the twenty-somethings not to go down the river, only for him to be disregarded and, well, the shmucks find out real soon that it would have been wise to listen to him as there is indeed something in the river that wants them all dead.
Curiously, we never really get to see or know what this threat is and, quite frankly, it's one of the few bits that I find working for #FLOAT as it does bring into the table a decently enjoyable level of uncertainty and creepiness. Sadly, the fact that not a lot of the casts are likeable meant that the rest of the film can be a real drag to sit through despite only clocking a short 75 minutes, even more so when a few of the plot points simply exists for the sake of existing and a good deal of the kills featured aren't even that exciting. (Aesthetic-wise, they're fitting, but for a slasher? We demand more creativity!) This meant that there isn't any satisfying payoff after all that build-up within its plot and characters, making #FLOAT feel lacking in its last act and barely passable, if not clumsily executed overall.
I do appreciate the fact this film tried a different angle to work an original slasher, honestly, but the lackluster direction for most parts and uninteresting characters simply didn't vibe well with me and that's all I can say for #FLOAT (2023).
Bodycount:
1 male killed, ashes seen in an urn
1 male impaled with a thrown branch
1 female pulled into the river, killed
1 female dragged into the river, killed
1 male disappears into the river
1 male had his head pulped with a rock
1 female mauled, bled to death from a torn arm
Total: 7
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