Cinderella's Revenge (United Kingdom, 2024)
Rating: **
Starring: Lauren Staerck, Natasha Henstridge, Stephanie Lodge
Once upon a time, in a kingdom far far away, there's a man who got himself framed for stealing the king's priceless jewels. A bounty gets put on his head and his wife, the heartless wench, is happy to help herself to said bounty. So she hired men to do the dirty deed of murdering him for the reward money, leaving the man's daughter, Cinderella, under the mercy of her stepmother and two stepdaughters who eagerly enslave and abuse her in many painful ways just because they can.
Some time passes and kingdom holds a royal ball, a gathering Cinderella is ordered by her stepfamily not to attend, otherwise a very severe punishment will be upon her for disobeying. Pushed to the limits of the cruelty she is subjected to, Cinderella begs whoever can hear for at least a night to attend this ball just so she could be happy in her troubled life for once. And very fortunately for her, the wish is heard and answered by a witty, benevolent and sassy fairy godmother, who is more than willing to bend the laws of time and space to bring in some top men from the 20th century such as designer Tom Ford, hairstylist Vidal Sassoon and footwear extraordinaire Christian Louboutin to help pizzazz the girl up from
drab to
fab~!
Cinderella gets driven to the ball by Elon Musk and his Tesla, dances with the dashing prince who fell in love with her at first sight (much to the dismay of her stepmum and stepsisters), but she has to leave before midnight as the magic used to grant her wish can only last that long. A glass slipper gets left behind. The prince finds it and sends his people across the land to seek its owner. You know where this is headed...
...Except, not really: the next day, one of the prince's men makes their way to Cinderella's abode looking for the owner of the glass slipper, forcing her wicked stepfamily to bound her shut and lock her up inside one of the rooms while they try and fail to make the slipper fit. Which includes the whole toe-cutting gag that was originally in the Brothers Grimm book. Appalled, the prince's associate leaves with the slipper, thus taking away Cinderella's one chance of escaping her abusive family. Only, her ever-reliant fairy godmother don't think so. In fact, she thinks it's high time for the girl to stop being an absolute doormat and start standing up for herself. Take some real action against those who lashed at her with sharp tongues and cracking whips. Cinderella needs to take revenge on those who wronged her and our devilish fairy godmother just has the cursed mask to do it~
There's no denying that Cinderella's Revenge (2024) isn't a good movie. Not in the technical sense, at least. The effects are cheapened with dollar store props and too many CG visual works, the editing slopped up the flow of the story more than once and the writing is hammy to the point that the supposed horrific acts of abuse Cinderella endures fail to bring genuine horror. It's upsetting, yes, but it lacks a hard bite. Cinematography is nonexistent and a good bunch of the sets hardly impresses for how barren and lifeless they feel, but I will give the movie this: it made me laugh a lot!
Direction-wise,
Cinderella's Revenge (2024) takes a stab at satire by occasionally poking fun at itself, looping in weird anachronistic jokes and a whole lot of liberties on how the fairy godmother gets portrayed here as a caring yet psychotic guardian who is more than happy to suggest murder as a way out of an abusive household. It can and will be cringey, nonsensical even, but the cheese is undeniable and so does the unexpected laughs it brings. The slasher second act also delivers on the revenge elements well enough, which is plainly cathartic for those who always thought the wicked stepmother and the ugly stepsisters got away too easy in most of today's watered down depiction of the story. I do, however, wish that the whole killer Cinderella jig could have been more fantastical and carnal considering how brutal the original version of the story is with its eye-pecking birds and red-hot iron shoes forced upon the evil stepmother. Instead, we get the standard, by-the-book stabbings and throat cuttings, as well as a brutal beating with a croquet mallet. Nothing to loose sleep over but it gets the bloody job done.
Fairytale horror are often a hit or miss and Cinderella's Revenge (2024) certainly have more than enough misses than hits, but the sheer tongue-in-cheek of it all does save it from being completely unwatchable. Come for the blood, stay for the unintentional laughs!
Bodycount:
1 male decapitated with a sword
1 male gutted with a knife
1 female had her eyes plucked out, throat cut with a knife
1 female gets a shoe's heel to the temple
1 male stabbed to death with a knife
1 female pounded to death with a croquet mallet
Total: 6
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