We Are The Monsters, Babes: Get Away (2024)

Get Away (United Kingdom, 2024)
Rating: ***1/2

Starring: Nick Frost, Aisling Bea, Maisie Ayres

For the Smiths - Daddy Richard (Nick Frost), Mummy Susan (Aisling Bea), and angsty teen siblings Jessie (Maisie Ayres) and Sam (Sebastian Croft) - their holiday vacation to the small Swedish island of Svälta is the bonding experience they need as a family, especially when the divergent dynamics between the parents and the kids make a lot of conversations and activities awkward. The people they come across along the way, though, thinks their plan to visit and stay on Svälta is a terrible idea as the mainlanders there, lead by an ill-tempered crone (Anita Suikkari), doesn't take too kindly to outsiders, especially when their Karantan festival is nearing, celebrating a 19th century British-led massacre that drove its survivors into cannibalism.

And, to no one's surprise, the islanders aren't too pleased to see the family, even more so when they learn that one of Susan's ancestors took part of the massacre and she trivializes their traditions as a simple show to be gawked at. It isn't long before the residents of Svälta start showing up in the middle of the night wearing folk masks and tossing dead animals at the house the Smiths rented, not to mention the odd creaking noises coming from somewhere inside said house and the troubling sight of enough coffins for four being loaded onto boats. Believing the unwanted arrivals are a sign, the island elders ponder on the possibility to do a proper Karantan, a chance to resurrect a dormant tradition involving murder and the taste of fresh human flesh...

For the first hour, Get Away (2024) clashes the likes of folk horror inspired by movies such as The Wicker Man (1973) and Midsommar (2019), with the bumbling comedy of a family under constant confrontations and awkward situations just trying to get through their holiday by being as polite as possible, to the point many obvious red flags are ignored. While some of the jokes are a hit-or-miss with its tired jabs at vegan diets or culture clashes, the story itself is made tolerable by the entertainingly dysfunctional interactions of the Smiths as they get on each other's nerves, but open to surprisingly wholesome moments like Richard sharing his youthful experience with recreational weed with his daughter, or chuckle-worthy conversations about moist waffles during a family breakfast. 

The islanders, sadly, didn't get the same in-depth treatment considering most of them are portrayed as one-note fodder, filling out backgrounds as angry locals glaring daggers and being rude to the Smiths. The only one with any real sense of character is the head Svälta elder, who passionately believes the community she leads has lost its edge over the years, that it's about time they go back and hold the Karantan as it is intended to be, a gory vengeful act upon those who wrong them. We also got one Matts Larsson (Eero Milonoff), who owns the house the Smiths are renting and hinted to have something sinister planned for the family, though he's practically reduced to a creeper with a fetish for lingerie and voyeurism, spending his time on the movie being just pervertedly gross and upsetting. 

With only so much material to work around the premise of a hapless family butting heads with angry Swedes, the pacing did get a tad draggy near the film's climax, though this is remedied greatly by Get Away (2024)'s third and final act; without giving away much, let's just say the promised massacre did happen, just not in the way you may have expected. It's a killing spree that saved the movie for me, the sheer lunacy and maniac energy of it all bringing out a dementedly dark humor as the killers hack, stab, gut and decapitate everyone on sight, all the while sharing homely banter and playful teasing, reminiscing about old times and even sing gentle lovelies with one another. Some unfortunates do fight back, even managing to land a jab or two against the maniacs, which keeps the slaying fields all fair and fun, as well as interesting down to the cornball finale. This abrupt turn on who the prey and predators are may not sit well for some folks, but you got to hand it to the film, it's a very good twist on the account of all the shocks and surprises!

From cult-like folk horror to berserker slasher, all done with a British tongue pressed firmly against a cheek, Get Away (2024) may have its shortcomings, but the pay off in the end makes sitting through it worth every minute! Patient gorehounds be delighted!

Bodycount:

1 female stabbed in the neck with a kitchen knife

1 male stabbed in the neck with a kitchen knife

1 male knifed to death

1 male seen dying from a head wound

1 male seen murdered

1 male stabbed in the gut with a butterfly knife 

1 male knifed in the temple

1 female had her throat slashed with daggers

1 male stabbed in the chest with a push knife

4 victims seen dead

1 male gets a thrown hatchet to the back

1 female knifed in the gut

1 male seen being hacked to death

1 victim knifed in the head

1 female slashed across with a knife

1 female repeatedly knifed, ran through with a pike

1 male seen on fire

1 male seen being stabbed to death

1 female slashed across with a razor

1 male decapitated with a sword

1 male ran through with a sword

1 male stabbed to death

1 male knifed in the neck

1 victim seen on fire

5 heads seen 

1 male seen dead from a head wound 

1 male had his throat slashed with a knife

1 female had her head blown off with a shotgun

1 male shot to death

Total: 36

A Night To Be Mental: Spithood (2024)

Spithood (2024)

Rating: ***

Starring: Thibul Nettle, Claudia Bonifazio, Natasha Wanganeen

Sometimes you can simply enjoy a slasher just for being a slasher; give a killer a cool and intimidating look, sic the maniac out on some meat bags, have the victims be killed off creative ways, and you have a movie equivalent of junk food. Shallow. Sans deep. But, hey, it's fun! In a morbid way.

Indie Ozploitation slasher Spithood (2024) could have been this simple horror entertainment and, for most parts, it is; the remaining staff of a soon-to-be closed mental hospital were preparing for their last shift when they're informed that the police are dropping off one more patient, a juggernaut of a man wearing the titular spithood. The fella, Paul Atkins (Matt Connelly), is to be evaluated for an insanity plea, understandably so seeing he brutally slaughtered five women after his family got killed in a hit-and-run. Initially confined to a locked cell, it isn't long before Atkins somehow escapes from captivity, racing through hallways and cubicles savagely murdering whoever he comes across.

Advertised as Australia's first film written by First Nation people without referencing their roots, as well as starring three indigenous casts as leads (Natasha Wanganeen, Thibul Neetle and Luana Pohe), Spithood (2024) follows the slasher structure to its core in a short yet slick 58 minute run. It wastes no time getting into the bodycounting action once all the players are introduced, showcasing thrilling cat-and-mouse chases and plenty of stalking throughout near-empty corridors and rooms, all under the presence of a maniac whose eerie silence heightens his unsettling aggressiveness, particularly whenever he prefers to use his own strength to beat and stomp his victims to death. It's fairly bloody, never too gory, leaning on a more subtle display of violence by utilizing shadows and implications of savagery through clever editing and camera work, punctuated with copious amount of blood splatter and pulped bodies to be seen after a moment or two.

You could say, for a small production and director Tim Pine's debut film, there's genuine effort to be found in Spithood (2024), something I cannot say the same for its writing, sadly; personally, I take no issues on the fact that our characters stumble down the same clichéd route of being one-dimensional disposable fodder doing silly slasher victim mistakes like splitting up, but I do think it wouldn't hurt to flesh them out a tad more when the plot appears to be building up to something. It's later brought up in the story that it's impossible for Atkins to escape on his own, which means someone among them let him out on purpose, thus giving us a bit of mystery to work on as to who and why? Unfortunately, the narrative fails to execute this without punching more than one holes in the story, leading to a lot of incidents and twists not adding up at all, as well as its supposedly shocking finale being more of a headscratcher by the time the credits roll. 

Questionable writing aside, there's enough to recommend here in Spithood (2024) for slasher fans who love a generous helping of bloody kills and a frightfully menacing killer. It's not reinventing anything and, frankly, that's alright; not every good film has to be high art! If you're in it for a quick and easy bodycounter horror, then this film is ready to provide!

Bodycount:

1 male beaten to death

1 female strangled, stomped to death

1 male repeatedly brained with a wrench

1 female hacked on the head with a cleaver

1 female smothered with a garbage bag

1 male attacked, killed offscreen

1 male suffers a heart attack

1 male stabbed to death with a fountain pen

Total: 8

Psychometric Situations: Departing Seniors (2023)

Departing Seniors (2023)

Rating: ***1/2

Starring: Ignacio Diaz-Silverio, Yani Gellman, Ireon Roach

Tired of being on the receiving end of homophobic bullying, Javier (Ignacio Diaz-Silverio) wanted nothing more right now than just to graduate out of Springhurst High and move on with his life. Until then, he soldiers through the final days of high school, finding comfort from his spunky bestfriend Bianca (Ireon Roach) and a sympathetic English teacher Mr. Arda (Yani Gellman), as well as on the graceful chance of finally hanging out with new student he's been crushing on, William (Ryan Foreman). 

Javier's would-be fling, however, gets exploited by the bullying ringleaders, star student Ginny (Maisie Merlock) and her meathead jock boyfriend Trevor (Cameron Scott Roberts), faking an invite to lure Javier out to another round of harassment afterschool. Finally having enough, Javier lashes back and outs another bullying jock, Brad (Sasha Kuznetsov), as a closeted gay, bringing up romantic flairs that's been happening between them behind everyone's back. Outraged, the jocks chase Javier and accidentally knocks him unconscious after he get thrown down a flight of stairs.

Waking up later in a hospital, Javier discovers, much to his shock and initial horror, that he can now randomly see glimpses of the past or future of whoever he touches, or by touching objects that belong to them. Unsure what to make of this at first, Javier quickly learns that he may need to use his new clairvoyant abilities to save the very people that tormented him when a prowler in a stylized Greek theatre mask starts snuffing out the bullies, staging them as suicides. Can Javier convince his aggressors of the dangers in time? Or will they all fall victim to the blade of this mysterious killer?

Visions in slasher films isn't exactly a new party trick given the likes of Eyes of Laura Mars (1978), Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988), Fear (1990) or even the Final Destination movies already tormenting clairvoyants with killings to come, courtesy of a vicious murderer. Departing Seniors (2024) practically follows the same beat with Javier and Bianca racing against time to stop these deaths from happening and hopefully put an end to the killer's terror, only there's more happening around the slayings than the actual slayings itself. 

While Javier's ability to see visions is often given a comedic pass, with characters quirkily citing similar instances from various movies and TV plots, it also becomes a catalyst to the film's warmly emotional moments as it taps into the more vulnerable sides of the people surrounding Javier, this including his bullies who, through psychic foreshadowings and flashbacks, turns out to be surprisingly sympathetic despite their horrible behavior, having to deal with their own plights of insecurities and personal dilemmas which they hide behind an intimidating front. We get to see them mourn their losses and even try to better themselves, building a refreshingly solid cast to be cathartically killed off, but with the bulk of the plot centering on the drama, as well as the mystery behind who's doing away the bullies, Departing Seniors (2023) is light on the kill count and even lighter on the blood shed as the killer prefers to stage the murders as suicides to cover their tracks.

The film makes a good effort on twisting suspicions around with clever misdirection and plausible red herrings to keep the whodunnit angle fun and engaging, though with the casts so little, it's not too hard to eventually figure out who the culprit is. Even more so their motive behind the killings given the film's stance concerning bullying. The climactic confrontation is hammed-up, to say the least, with the killer breaking into angry monologues and one of the victims taking a little longer to realize how deep into trouble they are, going as far as chastising the villain for their threatening behavior. It's a passable finale with a few good fights and one that ends with the killer being arrested rather than killed, something you don't often see in a teen slasher.

It may not have the messiest bodycount, nor much of an exploitative edge, Departing Seniors (2023) still works as a slasher drama with a fun cast, a crisp production quality and the right amount of heartbreak and blood spill. Recommended for warm murder mystery afternoons!

Bodycount:

1 male had his wrists slashed with a hunting knife, drowned in a pool

1 male hanged with a fire hose

1 male beaten against a steering wheel, pushed off a building

Total: 3

So, a little update...

I'm actually on Letterboxd now and I'm busy re-posting (and polishing) my reviews from here to there! 

Hoping this'll help me branch out my slashet obsession further into the interwebs so, if you feeling like it, drop on by The Clown Cafe. And then pay a visit to my page.

See you all there, too! Happy New Year!