The Last Ride of El Maestro: Cinco De Mayo (2013)

Cinco De Mayo (2013)

Rating: ***

Starring: Anthony Iava To'omata, Lindsay Amaral, Spencer Reza

Labeled as a menace to their little town, a humble and soft-spoken college professor of Mexican heritage gets fired from his teaching position and gets convinced by the faculty counselor that he has "Aztec blood" brewing inside him, waiting to explode into carnal violence when enough gets enough. After further threatened by overly racist neighbors and mocked by his students for trying to teach the importance of Mexican cultural heritage, this professor has one more lesson to teach this Cinco De Mayo and all those who have treated the Hispanic population unjustly will learn it in blood.

Padded with an 80s-style late night movie hostess telling us about the movie we're about to watch, as well as a faux trailer about a dance group going against a zombie apocalypse, Cinco De Mayo (2013) is a small movie done with an even smaller budget, but with big aspirations and ideas! Its relatively simple plot of a quite man finally snapping into violence is a tale as old as time, but the racial tone and social commentary keep things interesting, especially when our main character and soon-to-be masked slasher isn't exactly the worse person to crawl out of the story, making his killing spree all the more fun to watch.

For a micro-budget slasher, acting is mostly okay and some of the score actually fits the kind of tale of terror presented here, not to mention the direction's perfectly paced and the kill effects are pretty good considering the minuscule funds. It does, however, lack style in cinematography with too many open spaces and lightning problems, its audio occasionally clips and the editing tries hard to replicate the old scuffed-up Grindhouse feel on a budget, only to come off as distracting. These are common pitfalls you would expect from a do-it-yourself passion project and there's no doubt that this will not win a lot of people over, but if you can overlook the rough edges and patchwork, the film can be a real guilty pleasure.

Honestly, Cinco De Mayo (2013) is an alright movie. It's nothing new for a holiday slasher and it's definitely within the lower spectrum of what can be considered as quality work, but it has effort and an enjoyable indie touch. Entertaining enough to check out!

Bodycount:

1 male shot

1 male stabbed in the chest with a hunting knife

1 male had his face shredded with a weed whacker

1 male hanged on a noose, beaten dead with a baseball bat

1 male gets a miniature flag to the eye, stabbed to death with a hunting knife

1 male stabbed in the neck with a hunting knife

1 male decapitated with a sword

1 male ran through the back with a sword, impaled in the mouth with a flag

Total: 8

Political Threatre: Founders Day (2023)

Founders Day (2023)

Rating: ***1/2

Starring: Naomi Grace, Devin Druid, William Russ

When it comes to politics, I don't really give a damn; the whole idea bores me and, honestly, I find it rather funny that a lot of people lose themselves over what's basically a popularity contest fueled by a big mess of shady tactics and petty arguments about which way is the correct way to rule over the masses. It's all a silly game by the end of it, with the people sitting in the high chair's bound of muck it up at some point. 

That being said, isn't it ironic that I find a slasher centered around a small town election rather fun?

In the New England town of Fairwood, a race for public office between Mayor Blair Gladwell's platform of “consistency” against Harold Faulkner's campaign of “change” have the whole community heated and going for each other's throats, completely unaware that this contest would soon be shaken to its core; a mysterious masked figure in political robes and a blood red theater mask has decided to make the best of all of this political chaos and starts a killing spree targeting the teenage populous. With some of the victims being the two mayor candidates' children, an uproar of suspicions and accusations against both parties gets thrown all over, further sending the town into a crazed frenzy and paranoia as locals are left unsure of who to trust. 

Now, I'll admit that Founders Day (2023)'s so-called political satire is a real misfired aim as the supposed politics isn't anywhere as deep or thought-provoking as the movie's serious tone plays it out to be; the direction undoubtedly tries to put more weight on the drama happening around the campaign, but it roughly clashes against its story and script which both lean heavily on poking fun at the absurdity around political divide. There's no teeth in its statements regarding current event politics and it all simply boils down to an overly simplified idea that scummy politicians and political rage are bad, which definitely will feel underwhelming for those expecting the same cunningness towards the subject as that of, let's say, The Purge movies or even 2020's horror thriller, The Hunt. 

Personally, however, I couldn't be happier that this little bodycounter isn't bogged down by all that riff-raff seeing we already have enough noise to go through with Founders Day (2023)'s disjointed yet serviceable whodunnit slasher plot. Curiously, there's no true main character to speak of here as the movie practically juggles its attention from one focus group to another, leaving many, if not all characterization here mostly one-note. Our implied lead girl Allison Chambers, for example, who's going through the troubles of leaving town for a better future, as well as losing her girlfriend from a seemingly politically-motivated murder, is simply presented here moping around her loss and doesn't become the center of attention until the film's climax wherein she and a local bad boy start snooping around to figure out what really going on with these murders. It's rather unconventional, but it does keep the story on its toes as it practically implies that anybody can be murdered just as much as anyone can be the killer.

In fact, the whodunnit aspect of this movie is what really sold it for me as just when you thought things got figured out and you know where it's all headed, they kill off a character to throw a wrench on the cogs and have us starting over from scratch. It's frustrating, yes, but it also got me feeling challenged and engaged, with a final act that embraces the silliness of over-explaining convoluted plans with an overly basic motivation. Do they really need to kill off those people for their goal? Nope. Is it anti-climactic? Most people will agree, yes. Is it nonsensically fun? If you welcome its absurdity, I say yes! It can work! Besides, Founders Day (2023)'s road is paved with awesome kills and a cool-looking killer. Sometimes it pays to be a simple slasher fan, especially one who appreciates a level of cheese and a good homage to the early 90s gimmicky killers, something our killer, The Founder, delivers with their memorable presence highlighted with a distorted stage mask, a powdered wig and a gavel customized with a hidden blade. The fella is simple by design, yet so striking! (Pun intended)

Overall, I find Founders Day (2023) enjoyable more as a slasher that just happens to have a political slant to it, rather than a straight-on political horror flick. It's far from perfect, stumbling down a step or two with what it's initially trying to achieve in satire, but the end results still have a good dose of splattery fun time and a twisty murder mystery! 

Bodycount:

1 female beaten, throat cut with a bladed gavel

1 male beaten to death with a scale

1 female stabbed in the head with a bladed gavel

1 male stabbed in the gut with a broken wood post

1 female gets a fountain pen to the throat, repeatedly stabbed with a sign post

1 male gets a bladed gavel to the chest, face slashed and stabbed with a letter opener

1 female killed with a bladed gavel

1 male shot

1 female stabbed on the throat with a bladed gavel

Total: 9

Mukhayam Alshaati Aldamawii: Camp (2008)

Camp (Egypt, 2008) (AKA "Kamb")

Rating: ***

Starring: Yasmen Abaza, Amr Abdelaziz, Amr Abdullatif

It's not very often we see a horror film straight out of Egypt due to the country's strict censorship, so the fact that we even got this teen slasher from them is no short of a miracle and a real ham of a treat for us bodycount fans. 

The scene starts at a luxurious birthday party of one Wael, who we see having a bit of a talk with his on-again-off-again fiancé Shirin before she has to leave on the account of a family emergency. Right about that time, the rather beautiful Shaky arrives with her date Gamal to join the festivities and then the story jumps ahead a year later. And Shaky is now dead.

After visiting her grave, Wael, Shirin, Gamel and the rest of their gang (plus Shirin's kid sister for some reason) drive to the titular camp, which is less of a camp and more of a nearly-barren hotel manned by its owner and his promiscuous wife, a trolley guy with a case of sticky fingers and a mute cleaning lady who eyes the guests suspiciously. The group's there to celebrate their graduation by having a great time at the beach, dining fine and dancing around a bonfire to some spicy salsa music. Trouble comes bickering when talk of romance, cheating and doing the nasty out of wedlock gets brought up within the group, but that would soon escalate to more dire problems like random fires down hallways, creepy shadows looming across windows and their cars' batteries going dead. 

Dire turns deadly when a killer resembling a pale ghoul shows up to terrorize the doomed partyers, stabbing and hacking people to death, stirring up a whole mess of accusations and suspicions as the victims try to uncover who's hunting them all down...

Focused more on building suspense and intrigue rather than a high kill count or a messy spot of gore, Camp (2008) works its way through the interpersonal problems and relations of its casts for a good bulk of the plot, building enough drama and red herrings for the eventual killing spree to make it as twisty in its turns as possible. It's an approach that would've functioned better if it wasn't for the bits of comedic outings that clash with the movie's more serious moments, not to mention the sudden amount of overacting and breakneck editing around the second half which knocks off any earnest sense of chill or fright from the murders. Still, the film is shot with a modest quality and there's an undeniable fun factor to be found so long as you don't mind a dose of cheese and what's practically a run-fest of victims fleeing all over the hotel while the killer either legs after them or show off their parkour skills. It doesn't always fly well, nor does it make sense, but it's gorgeous to look at and it surely does help not to overthink how quickly our killer can change in and out of their cosplay-level disguise, among many other things.

The kills aren't too graphic and are mostly implied offscreen to appease Egypt's censors, not quite that big of a problem personally since the scenes around the attacks work well enough entertainment-wise. The finale is, shall we say, up for the audience's interpretation: it would have been your standard unmasking and reveal with a flashback to compliment the twist, only made just that complicated and confusing by adding one little detail that simply doesn't make any lick of sense at all. The film just threw it at us at the near end and left it at that, but the very gist of the whole fiasco's basically one big revenge plot and so long as that's clear at least, I can roll with it.

Camp (2008) undoubtedly could have been better, but for what it is able to accomplish, I can appreciate. It has the look and feel of an 80s slasher done right, one that isn't too coy on hamming it a bit with its thrills and spills. A neat little bodycounter flick from a different culture!

Bodycount:

1 male hacked on the neck with a curved knife

1 female found dead from a cut throat

1 female hacked on the head with a curved knife

1 male stabbed in the back with a curved knife

1 female stabbed in the back with a curved knife

1 male found stabbed in the back with a curved knife

1 female killed offscreen, later found stabbed in the chest with a curved knife

1 male found stabbed on the back with a curved knife

Total: 9

Beatnik Break'd: A Bucket of Blood (1959)

A Bucket of Blood (1959)

Rating: ***1/2

Starring: Dick Miller, Barboura Morris, Antony Carbone

A black-and-white mini cult classic produced and directed by Roger Corman, starring cult movie icon Dick Miller when he was just 31 years young. Need I say more?

Working as a busboy at the trendy art-house coffee shop The Yellow Room, Walter Paisley (Dick Miller) wants nothing more than be socially accepted by the Beatniks he serves and he desperately strives for this by trying his hands on being an artist. His sculpting skills are, sadly, terminally lacking, but a strike of inspiration hits him after accidentally stabbing his landlady's cat in an attempt to free it from a wall: by covering the corpse in plaster (knife still sticking out), he crafts his first masterpiece, subtly titled 'Dead Cat'. The shockingly grim piece is an instant hit of 'realism' within the cafe, granting Walter the praise he have been yearning for all this time, as well as a newfound niche of murdering people in secret and showcasing their plaster-encased bits and pieces as art. 

The more merits Walter receives, the more desperate he becomes to continue his work. Thus, the more he needs a stable supply of bodies...

A rather amusing and functional send up to Beatnik culture, A Bucket of Blood (1959) reflects the time director Roger Corman and regular writer Charles B. Griffith started taking their work less seriously by the end of the 50s, playing a macabre yet identifiably whacky sense of humor into this movie's direction as it satires art scene pretentiousness and the ridiculous lengths people would go just for a little bit of recognition and attention. Made within the budget of $50,000 and shot in only five days, it's all told and done in an economically-restrained production that relied heavily on the performances of its casts and less on convincing movie effects to bring out the comically dark from its simple yet ghastly plot. True enough, the kills here aren't as graphic or well-crafted as most modern horror film murder scenes are, but the title entertainingly makes up for it with the grotesque yet hammy implications of our demented wannabe-artist's lunacy, who Dick Miller played with genial timidness despite being unhinged, crafting his Walter Paisley character as a sympathetic simpleton with a mostly relatable need to belong.

Its approach rather lighthearted despite the gruesome subject, A Bucket of Blood (1959)'s sentiments lean closer on being fun and hammy with a good dose of shock and violence, making it horror in small parts and a black comedy at most. Clocking only an hour and five minutes, it's a near-perfect fright flick quickie at that barely overstays its welcome and packs enough of an imaginative melting pot of the appalling, the humorous and even the melancholic to keep a horror fan happy and entertained.

Horrific and funny, this is one cult classic that you shouldn't miss!

Bodycount:

1 male had his head cracked open with a pan

1 female strangled to death with a scarf

1 male decapitated with a buzzsaw

1 male hanged

Total: 4

That's The Way To Do It: Punch (2023)

Punch (United Kingdom, 2023)

Rating: ***

Starring: Kierston Wareing, Jamie Lomas, Alina Allison

Oh I do like to be beside the seaside

Oh I do like to be beside the sea

Oh I do like to walk along the prom prom prom

Where the brass band plays tiddly-om-pom-pom

For those who are not in the know, Punch and Judy is a traditional puppet show featuring Mr. Punch and his wife Judy, following their often violent misadventures as Mr. Punch solves his way through various problems and foes with a beating stick. It's a staple attraction found at British seaside scenes and an occasional subject and inspiration for a few horror titles like Dolls (1987), Funny Man (1994) and a segment from an overlook horror anthology, Screamtime (1983). Now, we see good ole' Mr. Punch take the slasher mantle as an envisioned boogeyman stalking teenagers in this British bodycounter.

Wanting closure before heading back to university, Frankie (Alina Allison) decided to have one more night out with her friends as a bittersweet farewell to them and this uneventful coastal hometown life she's desperate to escape from. This evening of drugs, drunks and drama, however, gets tainted in blood when a local legend, a masked-figure known as Mr. Punch, begins creeping the seaside town for naughty people and giving them the business end of his bat. Punch spots Frankie and fancies on stalking her for the night, braining, breaking and burning as many victims along the way.

Much like its protagonist setting herself for more out of her mundane seaside life, Punch (2023) opted to do a bit more with the dead teenager horror plot by building its story around the dramatic discourse going on with its leading lady and the people she's surrounded by in her small town; some are with her in her plans of leaving the place despite feeling a tad sad about it, while others are simply downright opposed to the idea of her wanting out. This works surprisingly well as the writing actually gives the small main casts a noticeable level of depth and weight, even if they occasionally dip down into doing your typical slasher victim fodder of drinking, getting high and partying, not to mention the fact that the actors playing them gave a refreshingly subtle and modest performance, making the characters likeable enough compared to some of the tad annoying secondary casts.

On the slasher side of things, Punch (2023) does an admirable job doing its own demented little spin on the Punch and Judy puppet play aesthetic within its titular boogeyman and their kills; the murders are mostly bloody beatings with a bat while the killer spouts wise-cracks through a high-pitched voice mod, similar to how the Punch puppet deals with its foes and the little catchphrases it squeaks. This lack of variety may not do well for some slasher fans, admittedly, but I find the sheer craziness of Punch's manic clowning and playful brutality as he mocks and jokes around while shoving bats down people's throats bizarrely fun, even if the voice effect does make it difficult to work out what Mr. Punch is saying sometimes. The identity behind the mask was also a bit of a let down seeing it wasn't that hard to figure it out (clues were given early on the film), there's at least a nice second twist reveal in the near end which further ties into the puppet show lore quite nicely, in a small town folk horror way. (Do feel the film could have benefitted further from more night scenes around the empty seaside parks, though. More dread in isolation. Perhaps with a bigger budget...)

Albeit flawed, Punch (2023) is an okay Euro-horror flick that sticks to the basics; it's all evenly paced, generous with its bloodletting and, most importantly, features a freaky yet fun slasher villain with an effectively creepy look, all things any slasher fan can enjoy and appreciate. An easy slasher treat that packs a fair punch!

Bodycount:

1 male brained with a baseball bat

1 female had her jaw broken with a shoved baseball bat

1 female had her neck broken

1 male brained with a baseball bat, stomped

1 male brained with a baseball bat

1 male had his face caved in with a baseball bat

1 female beaten on the face with an audio console

1 female killed offscreen

1 male brained against a sink

1 male beaten to death with a baseball bat

1 male had his neck crushed with a baseball bat

1 female thrown into a bonfire

1 female brained to death with a baseball bat

1 male beaten to death with a baseball bat

1 male knifed in the gut

1 female brained with a baseball bat

Total: 16

Terror in Tinseltown: Hollywood Horror (2005)

Hollywood Horror (2005)

Rating: **1/2

Starring: Forrest J. Ackerman, Christopher Berry, Jimmy Bridges

A rarity and an oddity! We have ourselves a twofer here!

Differing groups of teens find themselves mysteriously invited to a horror-themed party way up somewhere at an old Hollywood building once owned by a socialite named Howard Hughes back in the 1930s, left abandoned and condemned all these years after a fiery accident. What they didn't know, however, is that the building's built like a maze, a perfect prowling spot for an enigmatic cloaked figure in a skull mask to thin down the attendee count one lost victim at a time, as well as for ghostly apparitions to haunt and taunt these hapless chumps. Who will be left alive by the end of this Hollywood Horror? Only time will tell...

Admittedly, this isn't a very good movie, but the reason for that leans heavily from the fact that this here is a lost slasher title; there are no posters or trailers for the film, nor any actual evidence of video releases despite a few online sources citing a US release date of 2005, which makes the plot taking place in 2007 just that stranger. By all means, Hollywood Horror (2005) looks like it was filmed in the late-90s, riding along Scream (1996)'s pop culture self-references ala dialogue and inside jokes, only to be seemingly shelved unedited and unfinished until it's leaked online via Youtube at 2022. 

We're basically watching a rough cut here, so I'm a tad more forgiving about its production flaws of missing reels and shoddy editing, and too its uninspired audio quality and shlocky camerawork. In terms of the movie's plotting and tone, it's a shoddy attempt of merging low-budget supernatural hauntings with the common slasher affairs of a costumed ghoul murdering people. The resulting work is an undeniably cheesy smorgasbord of ghosts and spooks menacing the casts, running gags of dismembered body parts expressing their annoyance of being killed off, and an overly ambitious twist that simply boils down to someone being bitter about money. It's all done in a hammy manner through its writing and actors for an intentional tongue-n-cheek approach and although it doesn't always work, it can be fairly funny, not to mention bloodily decent whenever it does. Where else, after all, can you find a slasher movie where a victims gets crushed and flush down a rigged toilet? That sure got a laugh out of me!

Intriguingly, there's a good line of familiar faces to be seen here, such as late-horror veteran Angus Scrimm as a curious psychic who warns some of the teens about the dangers residing in the Howard Hughes building and Diff'rent Stroke's Todd Bridges in a cameo as a weed-smoking security guard who gets a bad ending encounter with a forklift. Twins Tamera and Tia Mowry of multiple TV projects also show up here as a pair of fun-loving sisters looking for a swell time and, too, Natalia Cigliuti, Lindsay Warner of Saved by the Bell: The New Class, donning the obvious final girl role with a B-grade flair. A good deal of the casts are practically a walking time capsule and I'm all for it, frankly!

I can understandably see how Hollywood Horror (2005)'s unpolished mish mash of ghosts and killers  wouldn't fly right for most audiences but, as a guilty pleasure of sorts, I can dig it; the story has potential, the characters are fun, the killer looks alright and the gore effects are an okay mix of practical and hilariously dated green screen effects. Without a doubt, the film can definitely benefit from a couple more visits through the cutting rooms but, judging on what we have so far, not bad for a lost and unfinished late-90s/early-2000s find!

Bodycount:

1 female set ablaze

1 male knocked out of a building with a forklift, falls to his death

1 male crushed against the ceiling by a camera crane

1 female decapitated with a guillotine

1 female crushed and flushed down a rigged toilet

1 male electrocuted to death

1 female decapitated with a battle axe

1 male hit with a car

2 females hit with a car offscreen

1 male thrown off a building, falls to his death

1 elderly male succumbs to gunshot wound

1 female crushed dead in a falling elevator

Total: 13