Budapest's Bloody Basement: The Basement (2017)

The Basement (US/United Kingdom/Hungary, 2017)

Rating: *1/2

Starring: Caroline Boulton, Marina Gera, Zsolt Páll

After their house party got shut down by a noise complaint, a small assortment of international students staying at an apartment in Budapest, Hungary got bored enough to do a séance. As they do, a door wasn't closed right so their house cat slips out into the night, which the group eventually notice after their little spooky séance session. When they step out to start looking for the furry fella, they hear the cat meowing from inside an abandoned city basement so they opted to continue looking down there, only to find that the place is seemingly haunted by a crazed figure resembling a woman wearing a broken mannequin's face who wastes no time hunting them down.

So, yeah, everything horrifying that happened in this movie started because someone's pet cat snuck out and wandered into the titular underground basement. Worst pet rescue ever!

I will give this movie points for the claustrophobic set-pieces, a few good peppering of gore here and there, impressive for a mini-production, but its direction and execution clumsily clunks through what little story The Basement (2017) has to offer, which is basically just five people going around concrete tunnels and hallways while a freak in a mask chases them down. Any sort of intrigue or conflict here is reduced to a few characters bickering whether the killer chasing them is an actual demon or an underground-dwelling nutcase, all done through an exaggeratedly uneven tone and dubious personality shifts from its casts. It can get annoying. Tiresome. Weird, even. We do get decent-ish reveal to the killer's true nature at the near end but, after enduring all that terrible acting and line-reading, not to mention the lackluster plotting, does it even matter?

The Basement (2017) is just forgettable. It does the most out of a small budget to make a little horror flick and I commend the attempt, but I'm not gonna pretend I have a swell time watching this worn-out wannabe spook-fest get further butchered by uninteresting victims-to-be. Skip it.

Bodycount:

1 male killed offscreen, blood spill seen

1 female dragged away, killed

1 male killed, blood splash seen

1 male found gutted, left for dead

1 female set ablaze

1 male had his throat sliced with a pickaxe

1 female brained dead with a brick

1 female gagged with a doll and strangled with a length of fairy lights

1 male hacked to death with a pickaxe

1 male doused in gasoline, set on fire

Total: 10

A Friend Like You, Is A Friend Like Me: Mr. Crocket (2024)

Mr. Crocket (2024)

Rating: ***1/2

Starring: Jerrika Hinton, Ayden Gavin, Kristolyn Lloyd

Set in 1994, right after the wake of her husband's tragic death, Summer (Jerrika Hinton) finds herself emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted from managing her disobedient son Major (Ayden Gavin) as a single mother. Dealing from one temper tantrum to another, she's willing to try anything to get her young boy to act better and civil, so when a mysterious little library containing a VHS copy of a show called Mr. Crocket's World suddenly materializes outside her home, Summer is simply happy to have something to pacify Major from being an absolute brat as the he becomes enraptured by the show. 

Maybe, too enraptured. Obsessed, really.

It comes to a point that Major does nothing but watch the tape everyday, rightfully worrying Summer into attempting to take the show away from her son, leading to the two having a rather terrible fight. As hearts get broken and hurtful exchanges are made, it isn't until later that night when the impossible happens: crawling out of the TV, who else than Mr, Crocket himself arrives, with a magic marker at hand to open a fun new world where Major is welcome to stay. And for anyone who opposes, well, let's just say Mr. Crocket doesn't take it kindly with people who fail their sacred duty as parents.

Not very kindly, at all.

I remember a time, maybe half a decade or so ago, when I used to listen to Youtube narrations of creepypastas as background noise while I work. The ones I tend to enjoy the most involve supposedly innocent shows turning out to be awfully messed up in many ways, putting the creep in creepypasta from the fact that underneath the façade of rainbow colored rooms and fluffy happy puppets, the people pulling the strings could be harboring a twisted need to harm the very audience they're entertaining.

Mr. Crocket (2024) could have been an absolute creep show if it have taken this route with a bit more weight in tone; there's a working idea here already, of a mundane-looking kid show host arriving seemingly out of thin air to brutally end abusive parents before kidnapping and imprisoning children to a supposedly better place. It could have been unsettling. It could have been uneasy. It could have been provocative, even. Instead, the film went on a path of crafting another boogeyman with a personality, a killer Saturday morning figure under the light of one Freddy Krueger from Elm Street, showcasing deadly fantastical abilities, a legion of monsters to do his bidding and very demented lectures aimed towards the parents he kills, hammering the very reason why they're about to become demon chow. It just feels like a big missed opportunity to make this plot as captivating as it is serious, especially since it tackles parental neglect, child abuse and upended parent-child bonds, but if you're more in the mood for a streamlined yet delicately handled horror approach to these touchy subject matters, then this movie does a fair enough job in that department. 

For a film marketing another twistedly mouthy horror villain to cake the ground with blood and gore, it does take its time to build around the relationship between Major and Summer. In particular, the struggles Summer goes through as a single parent keeping her rather ill-tempered son in line without the need of a heavy hand until, that is, a proper lashing out feels like the only way to make him behave. We can see she's doing her best out of love and understanding, and Mr. Crocket (2024) is willing to throw in a couple of extra shades between the lines, reminding us that, sometimes, there is no easy step-by-step solution to these problems, all the while still being goofy and silly when needed to be. (Like throwing in homeless people who builds a contraption out of broken TVs to hunt Crocket via airwaves. Don't mind the what's and the how's. Just, why the hell not?) 

When it comes to the horror elements, it's standard supernatural slasher affairs; the kills are deliciously gory and there's a good sense cathartic satisfaction seeing some of these parents get their just desserts for how nasty they are. Mr. Crocket himself is a delight, played with devilish glee by a scene-chewing Elvis Nolasco who nails it as the maddened Mr. Rogers-type. Intriguingly, in his own oddly twisted way, Crocket does have good intentions behind his modus operandi of murders and kidnappings, all revealed by the third act through an animated story time (of course), making the fella a decent fantastical villain that's easier to swallow compared to most other movie creeps out there. I'm a bit underwhelmed, though, that they're using the easy route of Faustian deals to explain Crocket's powers, a rather overused concept at this point, but so long it means a cheesy-looking hellverse recreation of your typical public access studio set populated with flesh-eating mascot monsters for our leading characters to try surviving, I can work with it.

While it's far from re-inventing the horror wheel, Mr. Crocket (2024) is an agreeable supernatural bodycounting venture for fans of old school slasher horror and those with a taste for a particular niche of childhood whimsy-gone-wrong. It's not going to win everyone, but if you're not asking too much from a horror flick, then this is a good title for you to catch!

Bodycount:

1 male disemboweled with a knife, gut stuffed with plates and clothes iron

1 male seen dead, cause unknown

1 male had his head blown apart by a bubble

1 male found dismembered and headless

1 female stabbed in the neck with a broken chair leg

1 male bludgeoned with a cooking pan (flashback)

1 male knifed to death (flashback)

1 male killed with a knife (flashback)

1 male shot dead (flashback)

1 male slaughtered to death

Total: 10

Flesh For Oíche Shamhna: Creeping Death (2023)

Creeping Death (2023)

Rating: ***

Starring: Matt Sampere, Monique Parent, Alan Maxson

With his mother recently diagnosed with terminal brain cancer and his father working doubles to cover the medical expenses, Tim Garner's Halloween plans of partying the night up with his friends and maybe hooking up with a long time crush are thrown out in favor of him simply staying at home entertaining trick-or-treaters, all the while making sure his mum doesn't go down on a fatal seizing fit. Though upset at first, Tim recognizes his responsibilities as their son and does his best to make this All Hallows Eve comfortable for his mother.

The evening, unfortunately, will soon get worse for the young man when his friends decided to crash in after an evening of mischief, one of which involving stealing a suspicious sack from the local grump's porch. Much to everyone's horror, it turns out the bag is filled with animal carcasses that were supposed to be offerings to an ancient and vengeful being known as the Aos Si, who doesn't take kindly to those stealing their boon. With them now marked for death as the creature hunts them down one by one, Tim and his friends must find a way to survive the night long enough until midnight, the end of Halloween and the Aos Si's reign of bloodshed.

An adequate enough Halloween supernatural slasher, Creeping Death (2023) tries laying its hunting grounds with a bit more direction and weight by throwing in family drama to go along its themes of suffering and sacrifice. It's a novel effort for a B-grade production, one that did help make its leading troubled teen that more relatable and sympathetic despite the acting and execution dipping to cheesier territories here and there. In fact, the dramatics can get overly worked to the point that it's occasionally laughable at how hard it tries, even more so when it clashes in mood with the movie's comically-inclined moments. One bit we're being tugged at our heartstrings as we watch Tim emotionally bond with his sickly mother as she tears up knowing she's burdening her family, next we're seeing the gang dealing with an overly-chill car driver who's surprisingly casual with the idea he's giving a lift to a distraught group on the run from a paranormal threat. Inconsistent tone-wise, but oddly charming.

When it comes to the slasher bits, Creeping Death (2023) wins a few points for trying something new for a villain, the Aos Si, which is based on a Celtic folk creature of the same name, fae people of various forms and abilities known for their fierceness when it comes to defending their turf, as well as the punishments they inflict at those who anger them. In here, they're given a somewhat tweaked lore that's simple enough to work in a mostly paint-by-number slasher movie, reducing them to a creature bound by tradition, crossing paths to the mortal planes during Halloween to murder those who dishonor the old ways and leave alone those who still follows them. Nothing too ambitious, per se, but its design looks alright with its large grinning maw, clawed hands and hulkish stature, overlooking the cheap make up and digital effects applied to enhance it, of course. (Admittedly, the glowing flame eyes are a nice touch!)

As for the kills, they're a fair deal. Bloody enough with a healthy serving of gore and a few messed-up visuals for the harm count. At times you can certainly tell the latex guts and corn syrup blood, but that hardly matters when you have murders like a satisfying end to an obnoxiously annoying character, or a rather brutal death to come across with a scythe.

Though a lot of areas could use some work, Creeping Death (2023) gets a pass for its endeavors, especially when the resulting product is still a functional piece. Emotionally charged yet gory and hammy, this is one Halloween fright flick you can peek a try.

Bodycount:

1 male gets a bottle shoved through his face, head stomped on

1 male found decapitated

1 female seen dead with a cut throat

1 male had an arm torn off, later found dismembered and flayed 

1 male impaled on a prop crucifix, jaw torn off

1 male killed offscreen, later found with a car jack to the mouth

1 female clawed though the gut, disemboweled

1 male impaled to and dragged across a scythe, sliced in half

1 male found dead

1 male found dead

1 victim found dead

1 female found dead

1 male found dead

1 victim found dead

1 victim found dead

1 female had her face stomped on

Total: 16

Crazy Crazy Carousel Rides: Halloween Park (2023)

Halloween Park (Karusell) (Sweden, 2023) (AKA "Carousel")
Rating: ***

Starring: Wilma Lidén, Omar Rudberg, Amanda Lindh

It was one Halloween night when Fiona Wilma Lidén) tagged along her weird friend Petra (Amanda Nilsson) to a costume party for a fun time, only for it all to go horribly wrong. Like 'Petra wigging out, getting harassed by partygoers and then later found dead in the morning' kind of wrong.

Exactly a year later, it'll be another Halloween night when the past catches up to Fiona, who now works at Gothenburg's Liseberg amusement park, as she's instructed to spend the night shift accompanying a small VIP group as they enjoy the place all to themselves, from the bumper cars to the roller coaster. The guests, much to Fiona's uneasiness, turns out to be her former friends who were all present during that fiasco with Petra, most of who are upset at her now for leaving the group and blaming them for the girl's demise. Resentfully, Fiona does her best to work with the gang all the while keeping the peace and enforcing park rules, even rekindling some sparks with her old crush, Dante (Omar Rudberg), who's currently dating the group queen bee Jenny (Amanda Lindh). 

It's literally fun and game until the power suddenly goes out for the park, trapping everyone inside, and someone wearing dead Petra's Halloween mask (plus pig-tails!) starts thinning down the group one murder at a time. With a killer hellbent on ending them all, Fiona and the gang have no choice but to stick together to try surviving the night and get out alive... 

Halloween Park (2023) is, frankly, everything you'd expect from a basic slasher film; it opens with a character dying, it skips ahead some time later and those who were somewhat connected with the tragedy starts to get snuffed out by someone who is clearly doing it out of revenge. The classic set-up. Nothing is added here, not even a few additional layers of depth for its characters to up the stakes and engagement, or a bit of creativity towards who's who behind the mask. It's all a familiar walk in the park and, frankly, I do see this as an issue for horror fans who were expecting a tad more pizzazz for their bodycounting kicks. Yet, still, if you're not in a demanding streak and doesn't overly mind predictability, then this movie's 'if it ain't broke, don't fix it' direction and plotting might do well for you.

Once the slayings begin, Halloween Park (2023) utilizes all it could with the isolated theme park settings, using empty haunt houses and merry-go-rounds as potential prowling spots between the killer and the teens in a macabre game of hide-and-seek. While the kills themselves are not overly gruesome, they mostly done away in fun set-pieces, a decent bunch of them involving roller coasters like one poor fella who gets axed while riding one, forcing their friends to watch in horror as they're unable to do anything to help seeing they're locked in their seats. The massacre's emphasis is clearly more on splash and splatter than vile viscera, and seeing the resulting bodycount, I say it done the assignment suitably enough for its thrills. With their mechanic get-up and broken doll mask combo, the simplistic design of the killer also adds a few good points. 

Not particularly exciting, but an alright holiday slasher offering. 

Bodycount:

1 female seen dead

1 male hacked on the chest with an axe

1 female had her wrist repeatedly slice open with a box cutter, hacked with an axe

1 male decapitated with an axe

1 male had his throat cut with a knife

1 male falls to his death

Total: 6

Of Hollywood and Puritans: MaxXxine (2024)

MaxXxine (2024)

Rating: ***

Starring: Charley Rowan McCain, Simon Prast, Mia Goth

First, in 2022, director Ti West threw us back in time to the 1970s to experience X, a barn massacre through the lens of porn culture and Southern fried proto-slashers ala Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) and Eaten Alive (1976). And then, just a few months later, he had us seeing and feeling the tragedy that is that movie's leading villainess in her own origin story ala prequel title, Pearl, a grim yet loving nod to old 1910s Hollywood technicolor and psycho-drama. Now, West has returned to act as our tour guide across Mid-80s Regan era Tinseltown, following the footsteps of an uprising starlet with a dark, shadowy past: Maxine fucking Minx!

It's been six years since Maxine (Mia Goth) survived her brush with death after a porn shoot in rural Texas turned into a massacre and she's now working as an underground porn celebrity. But Miss Minx wants more in her life; the glamour of Hollywood, her feet on the red carpet and her name on The Walk of Fame. She wants to be a star. A real Hollywood star. And she's willing to climb her way into mainstream fame by any means necessary, that including starring in a woman-directed sequel to a controversial horror title, The Puritan. (Which is so bad, there are already Christian zealots with picking signs outside the studio, expressing their displeasure of the production!)

Fortunately for Maxine, she got the role! Unfortunately for her, her past refuses to stay buried: a shifty private investigator (Kevin Bacon) begins to stalk and pester her about her involvement in the porn shoot massacre, threatening to expose this dirty little secret should she refuse to follow the orders of an enigmatic benefactor. Little does he know, Maxine, who spends a few spare times at night beating the balls out of creeps, as well as scoring some connections to the shadier side of the acting business through her agent, is more than ready to get her hands dirty to make sure that part of her life remains six feet under.

Would this be enough, however, to stop a shadowy figure who's not only following Maxine's rise to stardom, but is murdering those she have grown close to lately? Perhaps there's more to the arrival of the investigator than expected. Someone out there wants her to know they're watching. Waiting. Judging whether to punish her for accepting a life she doesn't deserve... 

Comparing this with X (2022) and Pearl (2022), MaxXxine (2024) strays the furthest away from being a horror flick and is more of a crime thriller with horror elements, practically a neo-giallo painted in late-80s nostalgia. Much of the plot here is centered on Maxine's struggle to reach the limelight of Hollywood and the murder investigation she finds herself tangled in, with the former being the more intriguing deal of the movie as it opened an opportunity for the titular character to be explored further, to see how she would deal with the challenges standing in her way to become Hollywood's next big thing. It's a neat set-up and it has its moments of interest, most involving Kevin Bacon's creep of a character being beaten black, blue and red all over, but the effect feels cheapened by the direction's lack of depth and dimension, something that could've been corrected if only the characters, Maxine included, were more defined and developed to raise the stakes higher, making this should-be thrilling mystery, well, thrilling! But instead, the casts are reduced to one-note names caught in a bizarre stalk-and-stab situation, most of who are pushed aside with how much the story focused on Maxine's rise to stardom. All the while Maxine herself remains stagnant as a personality in her pursuit for success, leaving us with a journey that's too straight of a line to be anything more exciting.  

It's not until the third act where the horror shtick rears its ugly head in full gear after popping in and out throughout the film in small servings. This, in turn, means we only get a handful of slasher-friendly scenes, the closest to looking and feeling genuinely straight out of a bodycounter flick being a savage knife murder at a video store. Curiously enough, the kill count does go double digits eventually, but this is through a macabre police shootout at the story's conclusion, again putting MaxXxine (2024) further away from being a fright flick and aligned closer with horror-flavored cop thrillers ala Manhunter (1986) or Body Double (1984).

Despite all of these shortcomings, though, MaxXxine (2024) is far from unwatchable. It's lacking, sure, but it's entertaining if you're not really looking for a movie that dives deep into its own story and is more on the deal of giving us a messed-up misadventure tainted with blood and intrigue just for the sake of it. It's beautifully shot as a nostalgic piece, impressively recreating a good dose of late-80s vibe and aesthetic from the music to make-up, from its set-pieces to the bouncing-rocking soundtrack. (Love me a good Kim Carnes song!) The mystery itself is also a fun little trip from the little connive it generated as to who exactly is out to get Maxine. The reveal is sort of underwhelming, I'll admit, but the madness that follows has just that much crazy going for it that it works, not to mention it does tie up Maxine's Hollywood saga quite nicely if anything. (Plus it leads to an awesome head decimation, that has to count for something) And, of course, Mia Goth being quite the spunky, hard-hitting doll as she nails her role magnificently! Maxine may be underdeveloped, but at least she's a fun watch thanks to Goth's performance.

Not quite the showstopper I expected for Ti West's 'X' trilogy to end on but, small mercies, MaxXxine (2024) could have been worse. Way worse. It might be missing the gore-soaked, haunting creepiness of X (2022), or the soul-crushing heartbreak of Pearl (2022), as a shlocky cop thriller-slash-murder adventure, this one is serviceable enough on a B-grade scale. 

Bodycount:

2 females murdered offscreen, bodies later found in a lake

1 male slaughtered with a hunting knife

1 male handcuffed inside a car, crushed to death in a hydraulic compactor

1 female found dismembered

2 males seen shot dead

1 male shot

1 female shot

1 female shot

1 male shot

1 male shot, stabbed in the nose with switchblade

1 male shot

1 male shot

1 male found shot dead

1 male shot, bled to death

1 female found stabbed in the eye with a crucifix, falls down a hill

1 male had his head shot and decimated with a shotgun

Total: 18

Bad Night At The Fat Bottom Bistro: Last Straw (2024)

Last Straw (2024)

Rating: ***

Starring: Jessica Belkin, Taylor Kowalski, Jeremy Sisto

Recently discovering that she's pregnant, waitress Nancy (Jessica Belkin) will see her day go for the worse when her dad, the owner of the diner she works at, puts her in charge of that evening’s late shift while he enjoys a pleasant date with his lover, putting a damper on Nancy's party plans for that night. Combining this with a nauseating wave of pregnancy hormones, as well as a rowdy gaggle of teen punks showing up and throwing roadkill all over the place, Nancy is simply having none of it and the small diner staff and patrons can tell.

After a long day of snapping at mouthy customers, cooks and former love interests, Nancy settles in for an even longer late evening dealing with the diner all in her lonesome. This, as you can see, is a terrible arrangement for the young gal as the four punks from earlier, seeking revenge for having them kicked out and disrespected, decided to get even by terrorizing her. 

Or, at least that's what it seems.

For the first act of Last Straw (2024), it plays out like a slasher siege flick ala You're Next (2011) or even Tobe Hooper's Gas Station slasher segment from the movie Body Bags (1993), with the hoodlums all masked up and keeping themselves mute while they sneak around to prowl and hunt their prey, even scoring a bonus body when the local sheriff picked the wrong place to personally investigate a disturbance. Heck, they might have added another for the count when Nancy's co-worker shows up to apologize for making things awkward earlier that shift, but just when the gal got a chance to escape and set things right by ending these punks, the film throws a curveball at us.

This is when Last Straw (2024) switches from siege horror to crime thriller, shifting its perspective to another character and shows us what happened in between a work-related verbal lashing and the night the punks came out to play. Without spoiling much, it's bad decisions upon bad decisions, fueled by misery and hate, adding a little more depth to the horrors that happened so far and will continue that evening, giving the villains a couple more dimensions in their character and a bit of sympathy despite the horrible things they'll end up doing. It leads to everyone here being flawed, but it is this flaw that makes their bloody predicament an intriguing watch, especially once the story kicks back up again with a massacre to boot.

The kills are nothing too spectacular in the creative sense, but remains tragic and brutal within the tone of the plot, even more so once after the reveal was made. The greater focus here is on tone and suspense as the story and bloodshed escalate to the point where we're not even sure who will be walking out of this mess alive, all in all a workable effort that did keep me on the edge of my seat, captivated on what the outcome will be. 

If there is any real drawback here, it'll be the main character, Nancy; I guess the movie was aiming to write her off as 'irritable' due to her baby-bearing situation and teen angst, but she's more irritating, testy and harsh here than needed to be, always with a scowl on her face and a sharp tongue cutting down people who irks her, even if said people were only trying to help. They did try fixing this by throwing in a sentimental flashback of her discussing with a friend about her woes and troubles as a teenage girl living a life so similar to a family member who passed away, but the damage was done and this is like putting a tiny band-aid over a bloody stump where a leg used to be. This, mind you, doesn't mean Jessica Belkin did a horrible job portraying her character, it's just that she nailed it too well that it's kinda laborious rooting for Nancy all the way, at least for me.

Still, Last Straw (2024) is a commendable effort; I like the twist and shift. I like the grounded tone. I like the fact that the villains were fleshed out a bit more. It just needs some good script polish and, perhaps, dial back the lead girl's pessimism and testiness a bit. Unconventional but bold, I say give it a try!

Bodycount:

1 male beaten to death with a meat tenderizer

1 male repeatedly stabbed with a hunting knife, bled to death

1 male strangled to death

2 males murdered offscreen

1 male dunked into a deep fryer, brained with a metal tray

1 male dies from knife wounds

1 male seen bled to death from a stabbed gut

1 male knifed in the neck

Total: 9

Bloody Hell Of A Retreat: The Cabining (2014)

The Cabining (2014)

Rating: ***

Starring: Mike Kopera, Bo Keister, Angela Relucio

With their recent slasher treatment scoffed down as tired and mediocre, as well as a looming long overdue rent threatening to kick them out on the street, horror screenwriters Todd and Bruce are desperately in need of an inspired terror tale to wow interested buyers and where else should they find said inspiration other than Shangri-La, weekend cabin retreat designed to help artistic types get their juices flowing.

Only, shortly after they arrive, the other artists staying there start to die in mysterious circumstances, a lot of which seems to be whenever a certain oddball sculptor named Jasper is around. The cops mostly disregard these deaths as accidents and Shangri-La's rather lax host dismisses the notion that Jasper could harm anyone. (Even though the guy carries a machete and casually bags a decapitated head) Then again, it's not like he's the only suspicious fella in the cabin; Todd's growing impatience and desperation appear to hint a shortening fuse that's about to go full murder, and then there's Bruce's overly jovial outlook on these recent string of dead people piling up...

The Cabining (2014) is, admittedly, one of those movies that you're not really going to lose sleep over, but it does enough right to be at least worth a look. For one, the two main leads simply carried the film with their frustrated yet cordial chemistry, as Mike Kopera's Todd, being the geeky yet responsible type, mostly just tagging along with the more outgoing and positive Bo Keister's Bruce to make sure his bestfriend-slash-idea guy doesn't end up in deep trouble. (Or will become the trouble) The two are portrayed as absolute chums and I love how natural they play their banter despite the clashing ideas and ideals, overlooking some questionable moments wherein Bruce can be a tad much with his misplaced positivity and flirty attempts, so much so that it borderlines suspicious along side comical.

As a slasher, The Cabining (2014) does lean closer towards a whodunit murder mystery than actual stalk-and-stab, with victims being discovered horrifically snuffed out by seemingly (and not so seemingly) accidental deaths, all the while the surviving cabin guests are trying to figure out who among them could be the killer. (Or, perhaps, find enough damning proof that the really eccentric sculptor is the murderer among them) A lot of the kills are offcamera due to this direction, but there's enough gnarly practical and make-up effects done for the resulting corpses, giving us a fair share of gory eye candy. There's also a semi-decent twist somewhere at the last third of the film, a bit of it kinda obvious but countered fairly by a villain reveal I never really saw coming. I would have liked the movie a lot more if it ended on this silly yet dark and gutsy note but, instead, it pulled off one more curveball under our noses. One that opted for a final scare before going down on a saccharine good note that felt overly rushed and sudden, hardly bringing up a solid motive behind the actual killer's murder spree, even. It could have been better but, also, could have been worse. Way worse. 

What could have been a dime-in-a-dozen backwoods slasher, The Cabining (2014) pulled some extra punches to do a little better and the result is, while not exceedingly phenomenal, admirable to say the least. Polished and written effectively as a horror comedy indie, try this one for the giggles!

Bodycount:

1 female found landed mouth-first on a tree root, head impaled

1 male head found

1 male overdoses on heart medication

1 male found killed by a triggered log trap

1 female found knifed on the back

1 male found dead with a hammer claw to the eye

1 female stabbed in the eye with a fountain pen

1 male ran through the back with a kitchen knife

Total: 8 

Film School Flopped: Harpy (2000)

Harpy (South Korea, 2000)

Rating: *

Starring: Lee Jung-hyun, Kim Rae-won, Ggoch-ji Kim

When a movie starts with a film class meeting where you could barely comprehend what the teacher is saying because the chatter from his students can be heard along his little talk, or the damn thing pauses randomly for the sake of creative editing, you know friggin' well this isn't gonna end good for any of us.

While working on an amateur slasher flick for a school project, shy musical prodigy Su-yeon (Lee Jung-hyun) falls for the motorbike-riding bad boy Hyeon-su (Kim Rae-won), who just so happens to be dating the class queen bee Yae-rim (Ggoch-ji Kim). As you would expect from a love triangle, drama and intrigue ensue, especially after someone begins to stalk Su-yeon and Hyeon-su with a camera after the two start seeing each other in secret. Photos of the meet-up are soon passed around school and Yae-rim, of course, isn't too pleased to know that her squeeze is squeezing another girl behind her back, so she corners and attacks Su-yeon at their classroom after spotting her working late one night, only for us to see another figure walking in to kill off the attacked girl no soon after. 

Or at least that's what it looked like as, a few days passed being absent, Su-yeon reappears looking rather okay despite the whole assault, much to Yae-rim's surprise and uneasiness. Su-yeon does appear to be quieter than usual, though, but with her being back on board, the film class can now proceed with their hack' n slash movie project and visit a remote villa where they'll be filming. This is when the shoot goes South for the gang as not only would they discover their props tampered with to cause actual harm, but someone dressed up as their balaclava-clad villain starts hunting them down one by one...

Now, see, Harpy (2000) here had the potential to be at least a serviceable enough murder mystery despite its sappy love triangle one hour act and often wonky characters. It's not a perfect plot, you can actually tell the twist from afar, but it at has the spirit of a passable yet fun B-grade slasher that you could catch whenever nothing else is good to watch on a weekend afternoon. This would have been the case if only, ONLY it wasn't edited into a schizophrenic dreck by people I assume were suffering from a mental breakdown. Or were high. Or both.

Basically, any sense of a stable direction was completely lost within all the noise and stylistic visuals our editor from hell decided to give this film, filling Harpy (2000) with a gobblecock of cartoon noises, randomized freeze frames and slowmo shots, odd voice overs spouting the most random shite here and there, apparently as a way to market this movie as a "horror comedy" in which, from what I read looking into this mess, wasn't even supposed to be the case. Based on what I can properly decipher, it was shot as a (mostly) straight slasher, but the added bells and whistles transformed it into an art house film experiment of the chaotic kind, one that failed to explain its own jokes or reward our patience with worthwhile entertainment. If anything, the whole shtick may have alienated it audience considering its sad box office performance and its relative obscurity. I wouldn't be surprised if none of the people who watched this could make head nor tail of what they're seeing here.

Harpy (2000) is, without a doubt, an experience. Just not a good one. Undoubtedly one of the strangest slasher titles I've seen out there, as well as, sadly, one of the more frustrating to sit through... 

Bodycount:

1 female beaten, stabbed with knife offscreen 

1 male snared with a chained grappling hook, later found hanging dead from a ceiling

1 female strangled with a chained grappling hook

1 female stabbed in the back

1 female stabbed in the chest with a dagger

1 male gets a knife pushed into his throat (mostly offscreen)

1 male knifed to death

1 male strangled to death with a chained grappling hook

Total: 8

A Star is Torn: Pearl (2022)

Pearl (2022)

Rating: ****1/2

Starring: Mia Goth, David Corenswet, Tandi Wright

While Ti West's backwoods slasher X (2022) is a throwback shocker to 70s bodycounters and porn culture, his follow-up entry to this in-film universe is a loving yet nightmarish tribute to old Hollywood psycho-dramas, wherein we explore the maddened origins of a tragedy. A tragedy named Pearl.

It's 1918 and in the midst of Texas' Spanish flu outbreak; Pearl (Mia Goth) lives a life of near-isolation with her immigrant German parents, tending to their farm and running chores while her husband is out fighting a war in Europe. She wishes more to this life. More than cleaning after her wheelchair-bound invalid father. More than just trudging her days away following the orders of her joyless mother whose spirit was broken just to set foot in America. More than feeding animals and running to drug stores. No, Pearl wanted fame. To be Hollywood's next chorus girl, or even it's next biggest star. And she sees the opportunity for this when, while sneaking off to see a movie at the local town, she spots a dance audition to be held at her local church.

Though encouraged by her sister-in-law Mitsy and a handsome, young projectionist to try out, Pearl's enthusiasm for the chance gets seemingly crushed by her mother's stern and sharp tongue one fateful night, only to end in an accidental blaze which leaves the matron roasted and dying. Seemingly free from the weight of her parents dragging her down, Pearl sets her heart and feet to wow the judges with nothing but sheer determination and a head high in the clouds. 

Given, that is, she doesn't break down and continue her new found bloodlust for a spree killing, temper flaring and desperation growing...

With a collaborated script written by director Ti West and lead actress Mia goth during a mandatory 2-week COVID-19 quarantine at New Zealand prior to filming X (2022) (leading to both films being shot secretly back-to-back), Pearl (2022) is a dark coming-of-age character study showcasing the declining mental stability of the titular disturbed farm girl with illusions of grandeur and a boiling murder streak. Filled with lively technicolor and surreal imagery conjured up by Pearl's fantasies (this including a spectacular dance number with fireworks, and too a rather hilarious shot of a scarecrow with David Corenswet's head on it, injecting some bit of levity), the film sets us in a position to find sympathy for the Devil, a slowburn descent to madness carried powerfully by Goth's performance as she navigates her character from being uneasy yet sweet, to downright creepy and unhinged, a masterclass of acting that delivers horrors of both psychological and emotional kind.

Indeed, the story here is an exercise on resentment and turmoil, ripe with enough pulpy savagery as Pearl's horrifying confliction have her both enjoying and regretful of her terrible thoughts and deeds. One one end, she wants nothing but love and understanding from those around her, and yet she'll strike down with furious anger at the same folks the moment they do something that go against her wishes, cultivating to a third act that dishes out a body count, as well as an impressive screaming fit during the auditions and a five-minute single-take monologue that taps into Pearl's broken psyche when she's given the opportunity to let all the dirty laundry out, this including her murders. (Much to the requester's regret) Heck, even the end credits showcase just how broken Pearl would become, with the entire thing done with Goth simply holding out a smile to the camera for almost two minutes, face straining and eyes tearing up as the credits roll and Tyler Bater's impressive score transitions from disturbingly whimsy to haunting. (Though, apparently, this was unplanned;  Ti West refused to call "cut" during the shoot as he wanted to see how long Mia could hold up the smile, making the unhinged grimace uncanny rather effectively) 

As much of the focus centers more on Pearl's plight and ambitions, the kill count here isn't that high and about half of them occur offcamera, though those we do get to indulge onscreen did boast some worthwhile brutality and chunky gore effects, particularly one involving an axe murder that I believe is a tribute to the Joan Crawford proto-slasher Straight-Jacket (1964). The theme of sex as taboo is also looked into here as one of Pearl's repressed indulgences, in which she's so starved for love and attention that she's seeking courtship from anyone - or even anything- only to feel guilty, disgusted and shameful for herself for breaking her vows with her husband which further fuels her inner dilemmas.

Greatly a melodrama period piece with a slasher-adjacent climax, Pearl (2022) simply works. It just works! It's an impressive feat of horror fiction, creepy yet heartbreaking, chilling yet sympathetic, an unbridled dive down the mind and heart of a brand new horror icon that steals the show with grit and glee. Yes, it may take a while for the absolute gruesome to get going, but the path through the story has enough interest and drama to steal the scene, thus an overall rewarding watch for the patient. What else is there to say but see this gem of a film!

Bodycount:

1 male stabbed to death with a pitchfork

1 male smothered with a towel

1 female hacked to death with an axe

1 female dies from burn wounds

Total: 4

Tickle Me Simon: Puppet Killer (2019)

Puppet Killer (Canada, 2019)

Rating: ***

Starring: Aleks Paunovic, Lee Majdoub, Lisa Durupt

A slasher with a killer muppet. Right. Normally, I would say 'Now, I've seen everything', but knowing how weird the horror subgenre can get at the most random times, I'm pretty sure there will be weirder shit out there waiting for me to discover. Still, the hell did I just watch with this one?

Ever since he was just a little baby, Jamie knows three things; he's never too young for good movies, his fluffy puppet Simon will always be his bestfriend and his love for his die-hard horror fan mom will be forever, even if cancer decided to take her from him so early from his life. Still, young Jamie tries to keep his love for dear mum alive by continuing a family tradition of watching shlocky B-grade horror flicks every Christmas, something his eventual stepmother finds rather uncomfortable to the point she lost it one night and starts trashing away his memorabilia. Unfortunately for her, someone didn't like this. Someone small. Fluffy. Wielding a deadly kitchen knife.

Flashforward ten years later, we now see Jamie as a high schooler (played by Aleks Paunovi who happens to be in his fifties...) and he's very much convinced his puppet pal Simon may have killed his stepmom. His dad, the ever supportive guy that he is, simply believes his son has quite the imagination and dismisses the claims (Or at least he's trying to), though Jamie's school counselor appears to take the fella's ramblings a little more seriously. Not that she believes him, of course, but she does constantly reminds him to take his meds, fearing something more psychological might be at play here.

Jamie, however, thinks he should get his closure from all of this killer puppet talk in his own terms and decided to do this by drunkenly relaxing this Christmas holiday with his girlfriend and friends (all teenagers played by people in their 40s...) at the old family cabin up in the woods where it all happened. Beers get chugged. Bonfires get razed. Some of Jamie's friends get it on at a jacuzzi. And who else but lil' Simon gets found hidden away in the basement, tucked inside a box of Christmas decors, much to Jamie's uneasiness.

Needless to say, this holly jolly cabin celebration isn't gonna stay jolly for too long as Simon, strangely enough, does turn out to be alive and pretty much homicidal, slashing a mean kill count as he goes after one middle-aged teenager at a time!

So, yeah, this is a movie where teenagers are played by grown men and women, being terrorized by a pink fuzzy puppet who sounds a lot like Elmo from Sesame Street. I think it's safe to say that Puppet Killer (2019) shouldn't be taken seriously at all and, hell, I think its own production knows that! It's a weird take on your typical cabin-in-the-woods hack'n slash, with our lead guy practically portraying an overly enthusiastic man-child and nearly everybody else is a swing on your classic slasher victims from the overly horny couple to the brooding emo kid and his frustrated stoner brother, all done with over-the-top performances that are purposely delivered in egregious tongue-in-cheek! There's a bit of a charm to how bizarre this direction is, frankly, even more so when the film eventually starts its killing spree; Simon simply goes muppet maniac on everyone in the cabin, throwing squeaky voiced one-liner giggles, donning costumes parodying top-of-the-line slasher villains like Jason Voorhees, Freddy Krueger and Michael Myers, as well as dishing out surprisingly gnarly practical gore and kills for such a goofy little psychopath!

Out of all this craziness, though, what really caught me off guard is how much mood whiplash Puppet Killer (2019) planned for its finale; needless to say, it teased around the idea that all of this could have been the result of a broken psyche and the movie really took its time playing with this notion with Jamie practically under Simon's mercy, reducing him into a sobbing, blabbering mess. It's a sharp contrast to the mostly cheesy, joke-littered satirical horror jab that makes up a bulk of the film and it would have been a daringly grim ending to leave everything at if it wasn't for one final twist, a last minute shot implying something... otherworldly.

There's no doubt Puppet Killer (2019)'s one of the stranger slasher flicks I've ever come across and, as peculiar as it sounds, I sortah dig it! As a dumb hammy horror comedy, it's quirky and energetic, generous in splatter and occasionally creepy, it's a real fun mess that I'm sure will resonate with those who have the taste for the quaint and batty!

Bodycount:

1 female succumbs to cancer

1 female knifed to death

1 male garroted, dismembered with a meat cleaver

1 female drowned in a jacuzzi

1 male shot in the eye with an arrow

1 female gets a thrown machete to the head

1 male gutted with a clawed glove

1 female garroted, later found gutted

1 female had her throat sliced with a knife

Total: 9

Murderin' The Mollys: Totally Killer (2023)

Totally Killer (2023)

Rating: ***1/2

Starring: Kiernan Shipka, Olivia Holt, Charlie Gillespie

So we have time loops ala Groundhog Day (1993) get stabby with Happy Death Day (2017), body swapping ala Freaky Friday (1976) go bloody with Freaky (2020) and Christmastime existential dramedy ala It's a Wonderful Life (1946) hack' n slashin' a massacre with It's A Wonderful Knife (2023). Following this trend of slasherfying pre-existing intellectual properties, Totally Killer  (2023) joins the party with a terror time travel tale that's one part Scream (1996), one part Back To The Future (1985), and maybe a bit of Mean Girls (2004) thrown in there.

The suburban town of Vernon is one with a dark past; 35 years ago, three high school girls were murdered by an unknown assailant, stabbing them sixteen times on their sixteenth birthdays. The madman was never caught, the crime is unsolved after all these years and the victims happen to be the friends of one local mother named Pam (Julie Bowen), who basically raised her daughter Jamie (Kiernan Shipka) armed to the teeth in safety gear so she wouldn't meet a similar fate. The angsty seventeener, however, has grown irritable over her mom's anxious overprotectiveness and opted to see a concert one Halloween night, leaving Pam alone to fend for herself when someone dressed as the "Sweet Sixteen Killer" crashes in and murders her.

Shocked, sorrowful and very regretful for dismissing her mother's fears, Jamie investigates the murder with the help of the town's crime podcaster Chris (Jonathan Potts), who reveals to her a note left by the killer to Pam back in 1987, promising they would return one day to finish the job for good. Also helping her through the grief is her bestfriend Amelia, a super genius whose science fair project is an old photobooth-turned-time machine (!) which she warmly suggests possibly using to travel back in the past and stop the Sweet Sixteen Killer, just for that small chance for Jamie's mom to survive and live on. Fortunately for these girls, they get to see it work! Unfortunately, though, it happened after the Sweet Sixteen Killer swoops in to mangle the heart-to-heart moment, accidentally stabbing the machine which apparently triggers it. 

Caught in the resulting time warp and flung back to 1987, on the eve of the first murder, Jamie navigates through the 80s culture crash in a race against time to stop the victims-to-be from dying at the knife-wielding hands of a psycho, but this is rather a problematic mission when she discovers that her mother is the leader of a bullying clique, who are more or less prone to ticking all the right boxes of being the walking, talking, dying slasher victim stereotypes of drunken beef heads and bitchy prima donnas. 

Interestingly (and probably the film's most creative element), whatever changes Jamie causes in the past in her attempts to stop the murders are felt and noticed by characters in the present, much to some confusion. It's this film's little jab on a popular observed phenomenon known as the Mandela Effect, wherein a group of people collectively misremember facts or events in a consistent manner, and clever details like this is what keeps Totally Killer (2023)'s take on a time travel story fresh and watchable enough to be entertaining. On top of that, this film's approach on its comedy, something I can best describe as a cluster of 'fish-out-of-water via time misplacement' jokes meet low key meta-humor, occasionally lands a good laugh whenever the writing delivers a right amount of snark and smarts, something Kiernan Shipka's crotchety, impassive performance as our teen time traveler help make most of it work. There are occasions, though, where the funnies can get disappointingly predictable on moments that it veers into the usual time travel jabs of generational clash and culture shock. 

Totally Killer (2023)'s comedy-leaning direction also meant that the slasher goods often feel lacking in grandeur. Sure, it is brutal and bloody, and we do get a couple of great murder set-pieces that end with a shocking death or a ironically funny pay off, but there's hardly any variety to the kills and I just couldn't fully get into the villain's design which, perhaps, may have look cool and creepy on concept with the whole snazzy wear juxtaposed by their ghoulish, exaggerated grinning mask, but the resulting product simply looks too clean cut to be intimidating. Still, there's a neat twist to the identity of the killer that I honestly didn't see coming, paired with motives that's one end dreadful, another end silly yet in tune with the movie's overall tone, so it's not an absolute loss.

Production quality is pretty decent, capturing its retro 80s vibe quite nicely with a bopping soundtrack and stylized set work. It has a couple of loose wires and wear as a scifi horror comedy, but what do you expect from a movie where two generations of high schoolers are smart enough to create a working time machine out of a photo booth? (I mean, that kid should be in NASA or something!) Totally Killer (2023) is, for its worth, totally fine so long as you don't take it too seriously! 

Bodycount:

1 female stabbed to death with a hunting knife

1 female stabbed to death with a hunting knife

1 female stabbed to death with a hunting knife

1 male ran through with a scythe

1 female had her throat cut with a hunting knife

1 male stabbed in the head with a hunting knife

1 male disintegrated

Total: 7

Sleazy Night, Deadly Night: XXX-Mas (2023)

XXX-Mas (2023)

Rating: **1/2

Starring: Drew Marvick, Felissa Rose, Morrigan Thompson

It's the Christmas season and Santa Claus is winding down in his home before the big day, with his beloved Mrs. Claus serving him milk and cookies as the jolly old man decided to watch his copy of Santa Claus Conquers The Martians (1964). However, things aren't right with the tape and what he finds there sends him on a demented spiral of rage and murder, which we see early on when he decided to crash a small Christmas party and ends everybody in attendance.

We then shift our focus to hotshot porno director Johnny Duckett who has assembled a tiny cast and crew to shoot his latest smutty cinematic masterpiece, a full feature Christmas horror porn! (Complete with an end credit scene and a leprechaun for some reason...) His stars, though, doesn't share his enthusiasm or ambition for the sleazy project and would rather just shoot through by it like any other porno job they did before, especially when some of them aren't comfortable with the fact that the film is produced by an accused sexual abuser. 

Soon enough, things would escalate for the bloody and brutal when Santa finds his way to their set, tagging along a deranged meat-munching elf to spread some holiday fear in this not-so-holy night, leaving body parts a-plenty and dismembered all the way!

A silly premise for an indie production, XXX-Mas (2023) works well with the vibes and sensibility of your typical shot-on-video film to deliver the sleazy, cheesy and violent goods, even if it does take a little while to get going and the scripting can be hit-or-miss. I guess in an attempt to build character within the cast, the movie tries its hand on topical dialogue and comedy, but the unfocused acting and rushed writing meant a lot of it disappointingly stumbled. Fortunately, it all pick up in the third act as our killer Santa slices and dices his way into the picture, bringing in frankly the best performance in the flick and a fun dose of manic slasher energy.

And for an estimated $85,000 budget, the practical gore effects here are damn impressive with highlights including a very grisly punch, death by boiling water and a head getting gorily squeezed like an egg. As for the saucy bits, XXX-Mas (2023) undoubtedly dishes out the sexy scenes with both men and women being in multiple stages of undress throughout the movie, though nothing too hardcore as it's mostly played for laughs, In fact, the whole porn shoot premise ties in pretty well to why the massacre is happening to begin with. It's silly, yes, but there's a thin layer of grimness to it which makes this film all the more enjoyable.

Decking the halls with shlock and guts, XXX-Mas (2023) is the gory holiday midnight movie done alright!

Bodycount:

1 male beaten with a hammer

1 male gets a thrown knife to the forehead

1 female strangled with a length of fairy lights

1 male had his head crushed open

1 female decapitated with a snow shovel

1 male punched through the head

1 male and 1 female skewered with a fire poker

1 male had his throat bitten open

1 female stabbed in the gut with a prop candy cane

1 male had his groin bitten off, killed

1 female had her face melted off with boiling water

1 male found with a prop candy cane shoved down his throat

1 female found murdered, method unknown

1 female slaughtered

1 female had her neck snapped

1 male knifed in the head

1 male shot on the head with a shotgun

1 female beaten to death with a hammer (flashback)

Total: 19

The Long Walk: In A Violent nature (2024)

In A Violent nature (Canada, 2024)

Rating: ***1/2

Starring: Ry Barrett, Andrea Pavlovic, Cameron Love

Advertised as a subverted take on traditional slashers, where we'll be witnessing the bloody massacre through the perspective of an undead monster, In a Violent Nature (2024) undoubtedly delivers on this promise. 

The story is relatively simple: a gold locket gets taken away from the remains of an old fire tower, leading to the resurrection of a long dead-and-buried maniac named Johnny and his long journey through the thick forest under the morning sun to the guiding moon, as he looks for the people who took his precious item. Along the way, he causes murder and mayhem to just about anybody he comes across, may it be loud teens keeping warm near a bonfire or even forest rangers who they once had a past with. 

As an arthouse exercise, In a Violent Nature (2024) mostly did itself right as an experimental approach to your classic backwoods slasher film, in which instead of going through the usual exploits of rowdy teenagers typically found in your bodycounters flicks, the entire movie centers itself on what exactly goes through the days of B-grade lumbering masked maniacs menacing old campgrounds and the surrounding forest. With the exception of a few scenes of teen victims sharing old campfire tales or them opening up old wounds of romantic affairs, narrative is almost non-existent here and there's more going on for aesthetics and gimmick as we're basically tagging along with Johnny's lengthy trudges through dense verdure, interacting with trinkets and tools, as well as observing people from afar before mundanely walking his way to them for a good kill or two. These hikes are often beautifully shot with its vibrant and natural scenery, yet there's an underlying eeriness to it all considering we're walking along the steps of a loon who will slay anyone in a heartbeat, emphasized by the movie's notable lack of score. 

On that note, In a Violent Nature (2024) grandly delivers on the slasher chaos, with Johnny himself being an obvious tribute to Friday The 13th's Jason Voorhees, echoing similarities like his slow mental state and the fact that he supposedly died as a child from a prank-gone-wrong, only to come back slicing and dicing people as a grown adult undead. He's a rather fascinating fella overlooking his affinity for silent strolling as the film isn't shy on giving him some form of personality through body language whenever it has the chance, such as a surprisingly adorable moment where he got distracted by a toy car keychain. Plus, the fella just knows how to dress to impress, sporting a creepy vintage fireman's mask to go along with his signature weapons, a pair of drag hooks and a hatchet! When it comes to the kills, it's a showcase of variety ranging from the tame yet bloody, to the downright gorehound gruesome (most memorable of the bunch being that of a woman who's into yoga, which got a little too twisty), all done in a manner so workaday, it's oddly calmative.

Frankly, the platitudinous direction is what makes In a Violent Nature (2024) a fascinating watch; almost everything about it goes against what makes a slasher film thrilling or scary, and yet it presents an engrossing alternative that's just as disturbing and may be as effective. Yes, it's an approach that's may not do well for those expecting and wanting a more traditional bodycounter set-up and I personally believe the film could have done better if it was fifteen minutes shorter, ditching the odd shift of focus to the rather ineffective final girl of this picture, but the result is still this engrossing practice of uniqueness over what could have been just another slasher in the woods type. Schismatic yet transfixing, this is a movie that definitely rewards the more patient and open among slasher fans, assuring them a fine dine of brutality and other ghoulish delights. See it!

Bodycount:

1 male mutilated offscreen

1 male gets a wood saw pulled through his jaw, decapitated

1 female drowned in a lake

1 female ran through the gut and hacked on the head with drag hooks, contorted

1 male gets a thrown axe to the head

1 male had his head crushed with a rock

1 male decapitated with a log splitter

1 male had his head hacked to a pulp with an axe

Total: 8