Just North of Michigan, A Hunting Ground: Deer Camp '86 (2022)

Deer Camp '86 (2022)

Rating: ***1/2

Starring: Noah LaLonde, Jay J. Bidwell, Arthur Cartwright

The year is 1986 and it's deer season; after spending some time sulking over a nasty breakup, Wes finally decided to get out of the emotional muck and join his friends on a deer hunting trip out in the Michigan wilderness. We see him and the gang already driving to an old hunting lodge with a freshly killed doe strapped on top of their Chevy Suburban, stopping at roadhouse for some directions, drunken shenanigans and, for Wes, a darling attempt for another love life as he flirts with the feisty Native American bartender named Star. A flirt that she seemingly reciprocates.

Unbeknownst to Wes, sadly, their little spark of romance isn't meant for long when Star gets killed behind the bar by an unknown assailant just as the gang's leaving once again for their trip. He wouldn't know about this tragedy until the following morning, when the local sheriff stops by to speak with them about anything they may have known about the murder. Suspiciously enough, the sheriff isn't all too surprised about the death. In fact, this appears to be an occurrence every deer season and it always ends with even more deaths and mutilation. 

And, true enough, once the group continues on with their deer-shooting escapades, something otherworldly begins to take hold of the hunt; fresh kills are found infested with maggots, electronics going haywire with ghostly voices and, most concerning of them all, an animal skull-wearing figure brandishing a tomahawk is seen prowling the woods, hunting the hunters...

Taking cues from slasher classics like Friday The 13th (1980) and The Burning (1981), Deer Camp '86 (2022) approaches its tale of backwoods massacres building around our band of knuckleheads from Detroit first, focusing on their beer-guzzling, rifle-totting misadventures in deer hunting, as well as broodingly hinting the horrors to come. It's a direction that works swell enough with the crafted caricatures filling out our crew; Wes (Noah LaLonde), our defacto leader, has his occasional swing as a sweetheart despite sometimes coming rather bland; Simon (Arthur Cartwright), the token black guy, characterizes himself as the sensible one, thus knowing when to play it safe; J.B. (Brian Michael Raetz), the group drunk, who can be good with a camcorder and a truck given he's not boozed out; Karlos (Josh Dominguez), a war veteran suffering from a serious case of intensity, making him a bit too into the hunt; Buck (Jay J. Bidwell), a large and rotund fella who's quick with the jokes; and poor Egbert (David Lautman), the meek and dorky butt-monkey in his first hunt. Not everyone is written out to be complex or absolutely likeable, but they're loud, brash and often trashed enough to make themselves entertaining and fun, even more so when the jokes and quips these fellas throw out land a good laugh, if not a giggle at least.

As the good times roll, the danger that seems to have latched unto the group would eventually make its move in the flesh after spending a decent run as a brooding presence, or as a creepy ghostly occurrence. Though the kill count is a little low and it's a swig lacking on the creative side, I do dig the killer's get-up of fur cloaks and a large animal's skull, boasting supernatural prowess that easily establishes themselves as a threat. The lore surrounding them is peppered throughout the film, tying in folklore and even some social commentary regarding the ongoing cycle of prejudice and hate, but the gist of it is that this creature is vengeance on two legs. One that comes with a surprise twist reveal, which is then followed up by a rather confusing final shot.

Truth be told, Deer Camp '86 (2022) isn't winning points for innovating the basic slasher plot. It's more of the same campout-gone-wrong deal we've seen plenty by now, albeit not without a few good turns and ideas. I like the beer-fueled comradery of the group and their over-the-top hijinks. I like how the last act is practically a showcase of the slasher being the bigger predator out in the woods. There's room for improvement, no doubt about that, but the end product is still an agreeable B-grade bodycounter. 

Bodycount:

1 female stabbed in the head with a buck knife

1 male killed offscreen, later found disemboweled

1 male hacked on the head with a tomahawk

1 male hacked on the chest with a tomahawk

1 male stabbed in the head with a buck knife

Total: 5

A You'tombed Prank Video: Milk & Serial (2024)

Milk & Serial (2024)

Rating: ***

Starring: Curry Barker, Cooper Tomlinson, Adlih Alvarado

It all started as a Youtube video for a channel called "Prank Bros", wherein social media personality Seven plans to pull a birthday prank on his roommate, bestfriend and creative partner, Milk. After acquiring a gun from a shady arms dealer and getting an acting class friend to agree playing the part of a terrorizing crazed gunman, Seven's gag goes swimmingly well with Milk laughing it all off once he gets past the initial shock, even admiring the elaborate planning that went into making it.

Funs and games continue for the party until an odd fella who claims to be Seven and Milk's neighbor arrives to complain about the noise. Creepily. Milk, thinking the guy is a part of an ongoing prank by Seven, antagonizes him, resulting to stranger things happening in the following days after the party. Things involving deadly secrets, manipulations and harrowing deaths.

Written, directed and starring actual Youtuber Curry Barker, despite being advertised as a slasher, Milk & Serial (2024) has more common grounds with a serial killer thriller, one that's done as a twisty, hour-long $800 found footage free to watch on Youtube. It may not sound much, but the film does surprisingly succeed in places one wouldn't expect from a micro-production like this, mainly the acting and the grounded tone its working with. The mystery as to what's going on after the surprise birthday prank could've been a lot better if some of its twists weren't so obvious (the movie is called Milk & Serial and its poster features a creepy blonde man in a transparent mask. Guess who's nicknamed "Milk" and also happens to be blonde?), but the sinister downward spiral to escalating horrors still makes this little passion project a captivating watch for how fluid the direction can get, plus Curry Barker and Cooper Tomlinson play their roles of Milk and Seven respectively with such an impressive range, it's hard not to feel a bit invested to where the plot is leading to. (Overlooking the odd nicknames, of course)

Seeing there's more emphasis here on a nightmare situation brewing than the hands-on handiwork of a masked killer, Milk & Serial (2024) is a little low on the creative kill count and splatter. The most brutal this film got is a savage neck stabbing, but apart from that, it's mostly gun kills and one beating that's mostly offscreen. This is likely not going to serve well passionate gorehounds expecting the typical bodycounting affairs, but if you're in it for unsettling creepiness and distress, then this may not be that big of a set back. 

Though far from reinventing anything, Milk & Serial (2024) shows quality you don't typically find in a lot of do-it-yourself horror titles and that's a respectable feat. Nothing too fancy, but a slight step above low-budget shlock, it's a creeper of a movie that's good enough to try!

Bodycount:

1 male shot

1 female brained with a brick, beaten to death

1 male knifed in the neck

1 male shot

1 male shot

Total: 5

Livin' in Your Precious Memory: Time Cut (2024)

Time Cut (2024)

Rating: ***

Starring: Madison Bailey, Antonia Gentry, Michael Shanks

Ray Bradbury's classic science fiction short A Sound of Thunder basically introduced to us one of the basics of time travel physics, in which the smallest alterations to the distant past could snowball into catastrophic changes in history. It's a fascinating idea, one that is explored and exploited in media through various angles from the adventurous (the Back To The Future trilogy), to the hilarious (the Time and Punishment segment from The Simpson's Treehouse of Horror V episode), to the grim. (Spain's time travel 'slasher', Timecrimes (2007)) Netflix's Time Cut (2024) seems to be another horror jab at the time travel concept, one that's a tad more in touch with its emotional side.

Living in the broken town of Sweetly, under the roof of a pair of overprotective parents haunted by a tragedy, Lucy Field (Madison Bailey) longs for nothing more than to leave the place and seek a better life for herself. One that isn't under the constant shadow of her late sister, Summer (Antonia Gentry), who she never met being one of the four victims of an uncaught serial killer dubbed 'The Sweetly Slasher'.

During one of these days wherein she's tagged along by her family to the spot of Summer's brutal murder to pay their respect, Lucy wanders around and finds a mysterious machine hidden inside a nearby dilapidated building. She soon discovers this is a time machine and, after approaching it, got sent back to the year 2003, days before the Sweetly Slasher's reign of terror, practically giving Lucy the chance to save Summer and, maybe, anybody else who will be murdered. Though at what cost?

Admittedly, the writing and acting for Time Cut (2024) is what kept me glued to the story as I can't help but feel invested to this time travel dilemma; there's a sense of weight to how it presents the catastrophic drawbacks of tinkering with the flow of time and reality, especially once Lucy learns that by saving her sister, she might cease to exist as their parents will not have a reason to want another child. I love how this paradoxical universe-manipulation is used to build conflict within the plot and its characters as arguments concerning the consequences of bending a destined path often clashes with one's moral duty to help, especially if it comes with the advantage to chance a better outcome. This leaves us with a set of main characters that not only feels smarter than your typical slasher party of mincemeat victims, but also has a bit of heart to them, even more so when the story takes its time to focus on the sisterly bond between the two Field girls as Lucy begins to know Summer and learn why she is so beloved, all the while Summer is given the opportunity through Lucy to be more herself as she opens up her own insecurities and uncertainties. Bailey and Gentry simply nailed their roles and I just can't help but feel fine and cozy whenever their characters share their heart-to-hearts.

Now, this is where the film does meet its drawback; with Time Cut (2024) putting more effort to its teen drama, the slasher elements really took a backseat to the point that it's barely felt; Yes, we do get a neat opening act where Summer gets hunted and killed by a knife and scythe-wielding masked maniac. Yes, we also got a good enough last act where the teens form a trap to stop the Sweetly Slasher, resulting to a twist reveal that isn't too shocking for me, but still is cleverly implemented otherwise. Hell, we even got a decent mall murder spree with savage kills and a nice chase set-up at a small town museum, but these are all far in between and edited kinda clunkily. It's quite a shame, really, as the movie does have a simplistic yet workable villain who isn't shy on showcasing a bit of brutality, but the teen scifi soap appears to be the greater focus here, so the good lot of you hoping for a steady stream of massacred victims may find this disappointing.

Still, Time Cut (2024) is an alright enough movie on my book; not particularly a shining example of a time travel slasher done right, but as a sugary teen horror drama with a bit of heart and a bit of slaughter, it's watchable if you're not asking for much. But if you are in the mood for something with more teeth and cheek, well, there's always Totally Killer (2023)...

Bodycount:

1 female slashed with a scythe, killed offscreen

1 male stabbed in the neck with a broken DVD disc

1 female brained to death against an escalator

1 male gets a hunting knife to the gut

1 male found death from a throat cut

1 male stabbed in the chest with a hunting knife

Total: 6

It's a Terrifier Christmas, Let Horror Fill Your Heart: Terrifier 3 (2024)

Terrifier 3 (2024)

Rating: ****

Starring: Lauren LaVera, David Howard Thornton, Antonella Rose

I'm just gonna put it out there that I was considering knocking down a few points from this movie for being a Christmas slasher because, damn it! The Terrifier franchise already established itself as a Halloween staple all the way back to its iconic killer's first appearance in Damien Leone's short, The 9th Circle (2008), and y'all wanna terrorize another holiday? Way to break the momentum! 

But, hey, this little blow to my obsessive compulsiveness aside, Terrifier 3 (2024) is just a damn good movie.

The film opens on a night before Christmas, with a girl named Juliet having a tough time sleeping, disturbed by the weird noises she's been hearing. Her family dismisses her concerns, explaining it away as just the house settling, but Juliet isn't convinced. Not when the noises start to resemble footfalls. Once her folks go back to bed, the little darling decided to snoop a bit, soon spotting none other than Santa Claus himself walking to their Christmas tree and pulling out from his sack... a heavy axe. What was once a silent night becomes a gory night as every single one from this family gets hacked apart, dismembered all the way, revealing to us that under the red suit and heavy boots isn't a jolly old fat man. It's Art the Clown, up and walking around once again!

Jump back to five years ago; after another Halloween rampage, Art seems to have met his match when one of his supposed victims, Sienna Shaw, fought back and managed to defeat him by cutting his head clean off with a seemingly mystic sword. This, however, is no setback for the clown as his now headless body kills its way to where his head ended up after the brawl, at the psychiatric clinic holding one of his former victims, the heavily disfigured Victoria Heyes, who appears to have finally succumbed to whatever demonic forces at play here. The two escapes, leaving more bodies on their trail as they flee back to Art's dilapidated hideout-slash-work shop where they go into a dormant state.

 

Moving ahead to the present, Sienna Shaw is undergoing a great deal of therapy as the events of that one Halloween night haunt her to this day, with visions of her dead friends and family blaming her for their demises. Upon her release from a mental health center, she's to stay with her aunt Jess' family, an arrangement Jess' husband Greg isn't too sure about despite putting on a cheerful face whenever Sienna is in the room with them, fearing she's one or two breakdowns away from endangering the family. Their daughter Gabbie, however, is simply ecstatic to have her big cousin around, completely unaware of the nightmares Sienna's dealing with. 

All the while, Jonathan, Sienna's kid brother, is now in college trying to move on with his life, something that's proven to be a tad hard when his sister is keeps blaming herself for surviving and just wouldn't let it go, as well as the fact that there will always be someone out there who will recognize him as one of the 'supposed' survivors of a killing spree perpetrated by Art the Clown, who at this point is something of a Miles County urban legend.

And speaking of the devil; when couple of demolition workers arrive to inspect a rather familiar dilapidated house, they didn't expect to find both Art and Victoria there, now awakened from their unnatural slumber and ready to take more lives as brutally as possible. With this starts another round of murders and torture for ole' Art, and with it being the Christmas season, he's gonna try on some new looks and explore new painful ways to end people. Hell, maybe he and his new accomplice will even take the time to be home for the holiday and celebrate it with a certain girl who got away the only way they can: with a crown of thorns (and razor blades), rat torture and even a roaring chainsaw...

As you watch Terrifier 3 (2024) start itself with the annihilation of a random family before treating you with a gag of a headless body wearing a victim's head to get around inconspicuously, and then grossing you out with the imagery of a now-demonic woman eating chewed flesh straight out of a still-living decapitated head's own gullet, you know damn well that this movie's going to continue the franchise's tradition of delivering some of the most-messed up things you could pull off in a slasher flick and I'm glad to say it's done all here with some noticeable improvements; for one, the pacing is just a breeze, wonderfully balancing out the story of our heroine undergoing an emotional and mental crisis as she tries to live a normal life past that one gore-soaked Halloween massacre, with that of Art the Clown being, well, Art the Clown. Just savage hijinks with a good dose of black humor that only a creepy grinning killer mime can pull off. The direction wisely opted to not overly dwell on the plot to the point that it overcooks the drama and character depth, giving it time to breathe a bit in between brutal hijinks of little mall kids getting one hell of a Christmas popper courtesy of Art, or that of a man getting the skin and flesh of his head dressed down from the skull while a disfigured witch watches and sodomize herself with a mirror shard. (Yes. You read that right) 

Curiously, apart from Sienna's descent towards a fractured case of survivor's guilt and her increasingly strained relationship with her brother, Terrifier 3 (2024) technically adds nothing that we didn't already know since the last film. Rather, it expanded upon what was given before and dives further down its layers, throwing in biblical lore behind Art's supernatural durability and immortality, as well as Sienna's mysterious sword for what could be a set-up to something big and immaculate in the future. It's not hard to see how this scattershot plotting can get real testy for some audience, as the increasingly overcomplicated mythology could stray the franchise away from what was originally just a simple story of a deranged clown killing folks, but for some of us who can roll with the punches, it's a tolerable dent on a showcase of gore and darkly hilarious clownery. Plus, admittedly, my curiosity is peaked by what they're hinting here. I mean, how couldn't you when one of these visions involves a living statue of the Virgin Mary seemingly commanding a chained demon to forge the armor of a warrior angel in hellfire? That's not simple badassery. That's pure metal!

One cannot deny, too, the top-tier special effects here; despite some of these being your typical slasher murder fares of axe hackings or knife murders, the way they're executed to push the boundaries of an iron stomach keeps them fresh, the increasing absurdity of their own brutality fitting nicely with its darkly imaginative savagery and/or the unrelenting intensity of its overkills. One axe blow isn't enough to kill someone here, oh no. Unlike most slashers out there, Terrifier 3 (2024) wanted to make sure a victim is dead and that typically means more than a couple of whacks! And, yes, why not get kooky and experimental with the murder weapons? Would a handheld tank that blows liquid nitrogen do? Of course, all of this wouldn't mean much if it wasn't for David Howard Thornton's morbidly charming portrayal of Art the Clown, who's at his most expressive here considering the clown is basically playing pretend as Santa Claus, spinning his own take on Christmas spirit and holiday cheers via cartoonish body language and facial acting, effectively hiding his deadly intentions. From enthusiastically losing himself over meeting "Santa", to mockingly mute laughing at a wife's distress while hacking apart her husband, Art continues to be a real slasher icon and there's no sign of slowing down or stopping!

Thus the saga of this hyper-violent slasher franchise continues and Terrifier 3 (2024) sets itself as a real solid treat as a holiday bodycounter, may it be Halloween's or Christmas'. There's room for improvement, sure, but it's safe to say that this one undoubtedly served the demented and the defiled! The gruesome and the gory! Have a Terrifier Christmas! Let horror fill your heart!

Bodycount:

1 boy hacked to pieces with an axe

1 male hacked to death with an axe

1 female hacked to death with an axe

1 girl killed with an axe (heavily implied)

1 male killed offscreen, head seen

1 female killed offscreen, later found being eaten

1 male had his head pried apart

1 male murdered offcamera, clothes seen

1 male jabbed in the neck, stabbed to death with a mirror shard

1 male had his head cut open with a box cutter, flesh flayed off

1 male shot on the head

1 male shot on the neck, bled to death

1 male had his limbs and head sprayed with liquid nitrogen, bashed apart with a hammer

1 boy blown apart by a bomb

1 female blown apart by a bomb

1 girl blown apart by a bomb

2 victims blown apart by a bomb

1 female slaughtered to death with a chainsaw

1 male bisected with a chainsaw

1 male found headless, gutted and nailed to a wall

1 male head seen inside a cage, eaten by rats

1 female gets a tube shoved down her throat and force fed with live rats, throat cut with a knife

1 female gets a sword to the mouth, decapitated

Total: 24

Budapest's Bloody Basement: The Basement (2017)

The Basement (US/United Kingdom/Hungary, 2017)

Rating: *1/2

Starring: Caroline Boulton, Marina Gera, Zsolt Páll

After their house party got shut down by a noise complaint, a small assortment of international students staying at an apartment in Budapest, Hungary got bored enough to do a séance. As they do, a door wasn't closed right so their house cat slips out into the night, which the group eventually notice after their little spooky séance session. When they step out to start looking for the furry fella, they hear the cat meowing from inside an abandoned city basement so they opted to continue looking down there, only to find that the place is seemingly haunted by a crazed figure resembling a woman wearing a broken mannequin's face who wastes no time hunting them down.

So, yeah, everything horrifying that happened in this movie started because someone's pet cat snuck out and wandered into the titular underground basement. Worst pet rescue ever!

I will give this movie points for the claustrophobic set-pieces, a few good peppering of gore here and there, impressive for a mini-production, but its direction and execution clumsily clunks through what little story The Basement (2017) has to offer, which is basically just five people going around concrete tunnels and hallways while a freak in a mask chases them down. Any sort of intrigue or conflict here is reduced to a few characters bickering whether the killer chasing them is an actual demon or an underground-dwelling nutcase, all done through an exaggeratedly uneven tone and dubious personality shifts from its casts. It can get annoying. Tiresome. Weird, even. We do get decent-ish reveal to the killer's true nature at the near end but, after enduring all that terrible acting and line-reading, not to mention the lackluster plotting, does it even matter?

The Basement (2017) is just forgettable. It does the most out of a small budget to make a little horror flick and I commend the attempt, but I'm not gonna pretend I have a swell time watching this worn-out wannabe spook-fest get further butchered by uninteresting victims-to-be. Skip it.

Bodycount:

1 male killed offscreen, blood spill seen

1 female dragged away, killed

1 male killed, blood splash seen

1 male found gutted, left for dead

1 female set ablaze

1 male had his throat sliced with a pickaxe

1 female brained dead with a brick

1 female gagged with a doll and strangled with a length of fairy lights

1 male hacked to death with a pickaxe

1 male doused in gasoline, set on fire

Total: 10

A Friend Like You, Is A Friend Like Me: Mr. Crocket (2024)

Mr. Crocket (2024)

Rating: ***1/2

Starring: Jerrika Hinton, Ayden Gavin, Kristolyn Lloyd

Set in 1994, right after the wake of her husband's tragic death, Summer (Jerrika Hinton) finds herself emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted from managing her disobedient son Major (Ayden Gavin) as a single mother. Dealing from one temper tantrum to another, she's willing to try anything to get her young boy to act better and civil, so when a mysterious little library containing a VHS copy of a show called Mr. Crocket's World suddenly materializes outside her home, Summer is simply happy to have something to pacify Major from being an absolute brat as the he becomes enraptured by the show. 

Maybe, too enraptured. Obsessed, really.

It comes to a point that Major does nothing but watch the tape everyday, rightfully worrying Summer into attempting to take the show away from her son, leading to the two having a rather terrible fight. As hearts get broken and hurtful exchanges are made, it isn't until later that night when the impossible happens: crawling out of the TV, who else than Mr, Crocket himself arrives, with a magic marker at hand to open a fun new world where Major is welcome to stay. And for anyone who opposes, well, let's just say Mr. Crocket doesn't take it kindly with people who fail their sacred duty as parents.

Not very kindly, at all.

I remember a time, maybe half a decade or so ago, when I used to listen to Youtube narrations of creepypastas as background noise while I work. The ones I tend to enjoy the most involve supposedly innocent shows turning out to be awfully messed up in many ways, putting the creep in creepypasta from the fact that underneath the façade of rainbow colored rooms and fluffy happy puppets, the people pulling the strings could be harboring a twisted need to harm the very audience they're entertaining.

Mr. Crocket (2024) could have been an absolute creep show if it have taken this route with a bit more weight in tone; there's a working idea here already, of a mundane-looking kid show host arriving seemingly out of thin air to brutally end abusive parents before kidnapping and imprisoning children to a supposedly better place. It could have been unsettling. It could have been uneasy. It could have been provocative, even. Instead, the film went on a path of crafting another boogeyman with a personality, a killer Saturday morning figure under the light of one Freddy Krueger from Elm Street, showcasing deadly fantastical abilities, a legion of monsters to do his bidding and very demented lectures aimed towards the parents he kills, hammering the very reason why they're about to become demon chow. It just feels like a big missed opportunity to make this plot as captivating as it is serious, especially since it tackles parental neglect, child abuse and upended parent-child bonds, but if you're more in the mood for a streamlined yet delicately handled horror approach to these touchy subject matters, then this movie does a fair enough job in that department. 

For a film marketing another twistedly mouthy horror villain to cake the ground with blood and gore, it does take its time to build around the relationship between Major and Summer. In particular, the struggles Summer goes through as a single parent keeping her rather ill-tempered son in line without the need of a heavy hand until, that is, a proper lashing out feels like the only way to make him behave. We can see she's doing her best out of love and understanding, and Mr. Crocket (2024) is willing to throw in a couple of extra shades between the lines, reminding us that, sometimes, there is no easy step-by-step solution to these problems, all the while still being goofy and silly when needed to be. (Like throwing in homeless people who builds a contraption out of broken TVs to hunt Crocket via airwaves. Don't mind the what's and the how's. Just, why the hell not?) 

When it comes to the horror elements, it's standard supernatural slasher affairs; the kills are deliciously gory and there's a good sense cathartic satisfaction seeing some of these parents get their just desserts for how nasty they are. Mr. Crocket himself is a delight, played with devilish glee by a scene-chewing Elvis Nolasco who nails it as the maddened Mr. Rogers-type. Intriguingly, in his own oddly twisted way, Crocket does have good intentions behind his modus operandi of murders and kidnappings, all revealed by the third act through an animated story time (of course), making the fella a decent fantastical villain that's easier to swallow compared to most other movie creeps out there. I'm a bit underwhelmed, though, that they're using the easy route of Faustian deals to explain Crocket's powers, a rather overused concept at this point, but so long it means a cheesy-looking hellverse recreation of your typical public access studio set populated with flesh-eating mascot monsters for our leading characters to try surviving, I can work with it.

While it's far from re-inventing the horror wheel, Mr. Crocket (2024) is an agreeable supernatural bodycounting venture for fans of old school slasher horror and those with a taste for a particular niche of childhood whimsy-gone-wrong. It's not going to win everyone, but if you're not asking too much from a horror flick, then this is a good title for you to catch!

Bodycount:

1 male disemboweled with a knife, gut stuffed with plates and clothes iron

1 male seen dead, cause unknown

1 male had his head blown apart by a bubble

1 male found dismembered and headless

1 female stabbed in the neck with a broken chair leg

1 male bludgeoned with a cooking pan (flashback)

1 male knifed to death (flashback)

1 male killed with a knife (flashback)

1 male shot dead (flashback)

1 male slaughtered to death

Total: 10

Flesh For Oíche Shamhna: Creeping Death (2023)

Creeping Death (2023)

Rating: ***

Starring: Matt Sampere, Monique Parent, Alan Maxson

With his mother recently diagnosed with terminal brain cancer and his father working doubles to cover the medical expenses, Tim Garner's Halloween plans of partying the night up with his friends and maybe hooking up with a long time crush are thrown out in favor of him simply staying at home entertaining trick-or-treaters, all the while making sure his mum doesn't go down on a fatal seizing fit. Though upset at first, Tim recognizes his responsibilities as their son and does his best to make this All Hallows Eve comfortable for his mother.

The evening, unfortunately, will soon get worse for the young man when his friends decided to crash in after an evening of mischief, one of which involving stealing a suspicious sack from the local grump's porch. Much to everyone's horror, it turns out the bag is filled with animal carcasses that were supposed to be offerings to an ancient and vengeful being known as the Aos Si, who doesn't take kindly to those stealing their boon. With them now marked for death as the creature hunts them down one by one, Tim and his friends must find a way to survive the night long enough until midnight, the end of Halloween and the Aos Si's reign of bloodshed.

An adequate enough Halloween supernatural slasher, Creeping Death (2023) tries laying its hunting grounds with a bit more direction and weight by throwing in family drama to go along its themes of suffering and sacrifice. It's a novel effort for a B-grade production, one that did help make its leading troubled teen that more relatable and sympathetic despite the acting and execution dipping to cheesier territories here and there. In fact, the dramatics can get overly worked to the point that it's occasionally laughable at how hard it tries, even more so when it clashes in mood with the movie's comically-inclined moments. One bit we're being tugged at our heartstrings as we watch Tim emotionally bond with his sickly mother as she tears up knowing she's burdening her family, next we're seeing the gang dealing with an overly-chill car driver who's surprisingly casual with the idea he's giving a lift to a distraught group on the run from a paranormal threat. Inconsistent tone-wise, but oddly charming.

When it comes to the slasher bits, Creeping Death (2023) wins a few points for trying something new for a villain, the Aos Si, which is based on a Celtic folk creature of the same name, fae people of various forms and abilities known for their fierceness when it comes to defending their turf, as well as the punishments they inflict at those who anger them. In here, they're given a somewhat tweaked lore that's simple enough to work in a mostly paint-by-number slasher movie, reducing them to a creature bound by tradition, crossing paths to the mortal planes during Halloween to murder those who dishonor the old ways and leave alone those who still follows them. Nothing too ambitious, per se, but its design looks alright with its large grinning maw, clawed hands and hulkish stature, overlooking the cheap make up and digital effects applied to enhance it, of course. (Admittedly, the glowing flame eyes are a nice touch!)

As for the kills, they're a fair deal. Bloody enough with a healthy serving of gore and a few messed-up visuals for the harm count. At times you can certainly tell the latex guts and corn syrup blood, but that hardly matters when you have murders like a satisfying end to an obnoxiously annoying character, or a rather brutal death to come across with a scythe.

Though a lot of areas could use some work, Creeping Death (2023) gets a pass for its endeavors, especially when the resulting product is still a functional piece. Emotionally charged yet gory and hammy, this is one Halloween fright flick you can peek a try.

Bodycount:

1 male gets a bottle shoved through his face, head stomped on

1 male found decapitated

1 female seen dead with a cut throat

1 male had an arm torn off, later found dismembered and flayed 

1 male impaled on a prop crucifix, jaw torn off

1 male killed offscreen, later found with a car jack to the mouth

1 female clawed though the gut, disemboweled

1 male impaled to and dragged across a scythe, sliced in half

1 male found dead

1 male found dead

1 victim found dead

1 female found dead

1 male found dead

1 victim found dead

1 victim found dead

1 female had her face stomped on

Total: 16

Crazy Crazy Carousel Rides: Halloween Park (2023)

Halloween Park (Karusell) (Sweden, 2023) (AKA "Carousel")
Rating: ***

Starring: Wilma Lidén, Omar Rudberg, Amanda Lindh

It was one Halloween night when Fiona Wilma Lidén) tagged along her weird friend Petra (Amanda Nilsson) to a costume party for a fun time, only for it all to go horribly wrong. Like 'Petra wigging out, getting harassed by partygoers and then later found dead in the morning' kind of wrong.

Exactly a year later, it'll be another Halloween night when the past catches up to Fiona, who now works at Gothenburg's Liseberg amusement park, as she's instructed to spend the night shift accompanying a small VIP group as they enjoy the place all to themselves, from the bumper cars to the roller coaster. The guests, much to Fiona's uneasiness, turns out to be her former friends who were all present during that fiasco with Petra, most of who are upset at her now for leaving the group and blaming them for the girl's demise. Resentfully, Fiona does her best to work with the gang all the while keeping the peace and enforcing park rules, even rekindling some sparks with her old crush, Dante (Omar Rudberg), who's currently dating the group queen bee Jenny (Amanda Lindh). 

It's literally fun and game until the power suddenly goes out for the park, trapping everyone inside, and someone wearing dead Petra's Halloween mask (plus pig-tails!) starts thinning down the group one murder at a time. With a killer hellbent on ending them all, Fiona and the gang have no choice but to stick together to try surviving the night and get out alive... 

Halloween Park (2023) is, frankly, everything you'd expect from a basic slasher film; it opens with a character dying, it skips ahead some time later and those who were somewhat connected with the tragedy starts to get snuffed out by someone who is clearly doing it out of revenge. The classic set-up. Nothing is added here, not even a few additional layers of depth for its characters to up the stakes and engagement, or a bit of creativity towards who's who behind the mask. It's all a familiar walk in the park and, frankly, I do see this as an issue for horror fans who were expecting a tad more pizzazz for their bodycounting kicks. Yet, still, if you're not in a demanding streak and doesn't overly mind predictability, then this movie's 'if it ain't broke, don't fix it' direction and plotting might do well for you.

Once the slayings begin, Halloween Park (2023) utilizes all it could with the isolated theme park settings, using empty haunt houses and merry-go-rounds as potential prowling spots between the killer and the teens in a macabre game of hide-and-seek. While the kills themselves are not overly gruesome, they mostly done away in fun set-pieces, a decent bunch of them involving roller coasters like one poor fella who gets axed while riding one, forcing their friends to watch in horror as they're unable to do anything to help seeing they're locked in their seats. The massacre's emphasis is clearly more on splash and splatter than vile viscera, and seeing the resulting bodycount, I say it done the assignment suitably enough for its thrills. With their mechanic get-up and broken doll mask combo, the simplistic design of the killer also adds a few good points. 

Not particularly exciting, but an alright holiday slasher offering. 

Bodycount:

1 female seen dead

1 male hacked on the chest with an axe

1 female had her wrist repeatedly slice open with a box cutter, hacked with an axe

1 male decapitated with an axe

1 male had his throat cut with a knife

1 male falls to his death

Total: 6

Of Hollywood and Puritans: MaxXxine (2024)

MaxXxine (2024)

Rating: ***

Starring: Charley Rowan McCain, Simon Prast, Mia Goth

First, in 2022, director Ti West threw us back in time to the 1970s to experience X, a barn massacre through the lens of porn culture and Southern fried proto-slashers ala Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) and Eaten Alive (1976). And then, just a few months later, he had us seeing and feeling the tragedy that is that movie's leading villainess in her own origin story ala prequel title, Pearl, a grim yet loving nod to old 1910s Hollywood technicolor and psycho-drama. Now, West has returned to act as our tour guide across Mid-80s Regan era Tinseltown, following the footsteps of an uprising starlet with a dark, shadowy past: Maxine fucking Minx!

It's been six years since Maxine (Mia Goth) survived her brush with death after a porn shoot in rural Texas turned into a massacre and she's now working as an underground porn celebrity. But Miss Minx wants more in her life; the glamour of Hollywood, her feet on the red carpet and her name on The Walk of Fame. She wants to be a star. A real Hollywood star. And she's willing to climb her way into mainstream fame by any means necessary, that including starring in a woman-directed sequel to a controversial horror title, The Puritan. (Which is so bad, there are already Christian zealots with picking signs outside the studio, expressing their displeasure of the production!)

Fortunately for Maxine, she got the role! Unfortunately for her, her past refuses to stay buried: a shifty private investigator (Kevin Bacon) begins to stalk and pester her about her involvement in the porn shoot massacre, threatening to expose this dirty little secret should she refuse to follow the orders of an enigmatic benefactor. Little does he know, Maxine, who spends a few spare times at night beating the balls out of creeps, as well as scoring some connections to the shadier side of the acting business through her agent, is more than ready to get her hands dirty to make sure that part of her life remains six feet under.

Would this be enough, however, to stop a shadowy figure who's not only following Maxine's rise to stardom, but is murdering those she have grown close to lately? Perhaps there's more to the arrival of the investigator than expected. Someone out there wants her to know they're watching. Waiting. Judging whether to punish her for accepting a life she doesn't deserve... 

Comparing this with X (2022) and Pearl (2022), MaxXxine (2024) strays the furthest away from being a horror flick and is more of a crime thriller with horror elements, practically a neo-giallo painted in late-80s nostalgia. Much of the plot here is centered on Maxine's struggle to reach the limelight of Hollywood and the murder investigation she finds herself tangled in, with the former being the more intriguing deal of the movie as it opened an opportunity for the titular character to be explored further, to see how she would deal with the challenges standing in her way to become Hollywood's next big thing. It's a neat set-up and it has its moments of interest, most involving Kevin Bacon's creep of a character being beaten black, blue and red all over, but the effect feels cheapened by the direction's lack of depth and dimension, something that could've been corrected if only the characters, Maxine included, were more defined and developed to raise the stakes higher, making this should-be thrilling mystery, well, thrilling! But instead, the casts are reduced to one-note names caught in a bizarre stalk-and-stab situation, most of who are pushed aside with how much the story focused on Maxine's rise to stardom. All the while Maxine herself remains stagnant as a personality in her pursuit for success, leaving us with a journey that's too straight of a line to be anything more exciting.  

It's not until the third act where the horror shtick rears its ugly head in full gear after popping in and out throughout the film in small servings. This, in turn, means we only get a handful of slasher-friendly scenes, the closest to looking and feeling genuinely straight out of a bodycounter flick being a savage knife murder at a video store. Curiously enough, the kill count does go double digits eventually, but this is through a macabre police shootout at the story's conclusion, again putting MaxXxine (2024) further away from being a fright flick and aligned closer with horror-flavored cop thrillers ala Manhunter (1986) or Body Double (1984).

Despite all of these shortcomings, though, MaxXxine (2024) is far from unwatchable. It's lacking, sure, but it's entertaining if you're not really looking for a movie that dives deep into its own story and is more on the deal of giving us a messed-up misadventure tainted with blood and intrigue just for the sake of it. It's beautifully shot as a nostalgic piece, impressively recreating a good dose of late-80s vibe and aesthetic from the music to make-up, from its set-pieces to the bouncing-rocking soundtrack. (Love me a good Kim Carnes song!) The mystery itself is also a fun little trip from the little connive it generated as to who exactly is out to get Maxine. The reveal is sort of underwhelming, I'll admit, but the madness that follows has just that much crazy going for it that it works, not to mention it does tie up Maxine's Hollywood saga quite nicely if anything. (Plus it leads to an awesome head decimation, that has to count for something) And, of course, Mia Goth being quite the spunky, hard-hitting doll as she nails her role magnificently! Maxine may be underdeveloped, but at least she's a fun watch thanks to Goth's performance.

Not quite the showstopper I expected for Ti West's 'X' trilogy to end on but, small mercies, MaxXxine (2024) could have been worse. Way worse. It might be missing the gore-soaked, haunting creepiness of X (2022), or the soul-crushing heartbreak of Pearl (2022), as a shlocky cop thriller-slash-murder adventure, this one is serviceable enough on a B-grade scale. 

Bodycount:

2 females murdered offscreen, bodies later found in a lake

1 male slaughtered with a hunting knife

1 male handcuffed inside a car, crushed to death in a hydraulic compactor

1 female found dismembered

2 males seen shot dead

1 male shot

1 female shot

1 female shot

1 male shot

1 male shot, stabbed in the nose with switchblade

1 male shot

1 male shot

1 male found shot dead

1 male shot, bled to death

1 female found stabbed in the eye with a crucifix, falls down a hill

1 male had his head shot and decimated with a shotgun

Total: 18

Bad Night At The Fat Bottom Bistro: Last Straw (2024)

Last Straw (2024)

Rating: ***

Starring: Jessica Belkin, Taylor Kowalski, Jeremy Sisto

Recently discovering that she's pregnant, waitress Nancy (Jessica Belkin) will see her day go for the worse when her dad, the owner of the diner she works at, puts her in charge of that evening’s late shift while he enjoys a pleasant date with his lover, putting a damper on Nancy's party plans for that night. Combining this with a nauseating wave of pregnancy hormones, as well as a rowdy gaggle of teen punks showing up and throwing roadkill all over the place, Nancy is simply having none of it and the small diner staff and patrons can tell.

After a long day of snapping at mouthy customers, cooks and former love interests, Nancy settles in for an even longer late evening dealing with the diner all in her lonesome. This, as you can see, is a terrible arrangement for the young gal as the four punks from earlier, seeking revenge for having them kicked out and disrespected, decided to get even by terrorizing her. 

Or, at least that's what it seems.

For the first act of Last Straw (2024), it plays out like a slasher siege flick ala You're Next (2011) or even Tobe Hooper's Gas Station slasher segment from the movie Body Bags (1993), with the hoodlums all masked up and keeping themselves mute while they sneak around to prowl and hunt their prey, even scoring a bonus body when the local sheriff picked the wrong place to personally investigate a disturbance. Heck, they might have added another for the count when Nancy's co-worker shows up to apologize for making things awkward earlier that shift, but just when the gal got a chance to escape and set things right by ending these punks, the film throws a curveball at us.

This is when Last Straw (2024) switches from siege horror to crime thriller, shifting its perspective to another character and shows us what happened in between a work-related verbal lashing and the night the punks came out to play. Without spoiling much, it's bad decisions upon bad decisions, fueled by misery and hate, adding a little more depth to the horrors that happened so far and will continue that evening, giving the villains a couple more dimensions in their character and a bit of sympathy despite the horrible things they'll end up doing. It leads to everyone here being flawed, but it is this flaw that makes their bloody predicament an intriguing watch, especially once the story kicks back up again with a massacre to boot.

The kills are nothing too spectacular in the creative sense, but remains tragic and brutal within the tone of the plot, even more so once after the reveal was made. The greater focus here is on tone and suspense as the story and bloodshed escalate to the point where we're not even sure who will be walking out of this mess alive, all in all a workable effort that did keep me on the edge of my seat, captivated on what the outcome will be. 

If there is any real drawback here, it'll be the main character, Nancy; I guess the movie was aiming to write her off as 'irritable' due to her baby-bearing situation and teen angst, but she's more irritating, testy and harsh here than needed to be, always with a scowl on her face and a sharp tongue cutting down people who irks her, even if said people were only trying to help. They did try fixing this by throwing in a sentimental flashback of her discussing with a friend about her woes and troubles as a teenage girl living a life so similar to a family member who passed away, but the damage was done and this is like putting a tiny band-aid over a bloody stump where a leg used to be. This, mind you, doesn't mean Jessica Belkin did a horrible job portraying her character, it's just that she nailed it too well that it's kinda laborious rooting for Nancy all the way, at least for me.

Still, Last Straw (2024) is a commendable effort; I like the twist and shift. I like the grounded tone. I like the fact that the villains were fleshed out a bit more. It just needs some good script polish and, perhaps, dial back the lead girl's pessimism and testiness a bit. Unconventional but bold, I say give it a try!

Bodycount:

1 male beaten to death with a meat tenderizer

1 male repeatedly stabbed with a hunting knife, bled to death

1 male strangled to death

2 males murdered offscreen

1 male dunked into a deep fryer, brained with a metal tray

1 male dies from knife wounds

1 male seen bled to death from a stabbed gut

1 male knifed in the neck

Total: 9

Bloody Hell Of A Retreat: The Cabining (2014)

The Cabining (2014)

Rating: ***

Starring: Mike Kopera, Bo Keister, Angela Relucio

With their recent slasher treatment scoffed down as tired and mediocre, as well as a looming long overdue rent threatening to kick them out on the street, horror screenwriters Todd and Bruce are desperately in need of an inspired terror tale to wow interested buyers and where else should they find said inspiration other than Shangri-La, weekend cabin retreat designed to help artistic types get their juices flowing.

Only, shortly after they arrive, the other artists staying there start to die in mysterious circumstances, a lot of which seems to be whenever a certain oddball sculptor named Jasper is around. The cops mostly disregard these deaths as accidents and Shangri-La's rather lax host dismisses the notion that Jasper could harm anyone. (Even though the guy carries a machete and casually bags a decapitated head) Then again, it's not like he's the only suspicious fella in the cabin; Todd's growing impatience and desperation appear to hint a shortening fuse that's about to go full murder, and then there's Bruce's overly jovial outlook on these recent string of dead people piling up...

The Cabining (2014) is, admittedly, one of those movies that you're not really going to lose sleep over, but it does enough right to be at least worth a look. For one, the two main leads simply carried the film with their frustrated yet cordial chemistry, as Mike Kopera's Todd, being the geeky yet responsible type, mostly just tagging along with the more outgoing and positive Bo Keister's Bruce to make sure his bestfriend-slash-idea guy doesn't end up in deep trouble. (Or will become the trouble) The two are portrayed as absolute chums and I love how natural they play their banter despite the clashing ideas and ideals, overlooking some questionable moments wherein Bruce can be a tad much with his misplaced positivity and flirty attempts, so much so that it borderlines suspicious along side comical.

As a slasher, The Cabining (2014) does lean closer towards a whodunit murder mystery than actual stalk-and-stab, with victims being discovered horrifically snuffed out by seemingly (and not so seemingly) accidental deaths, all the while the surviving cabin guests are trying to figure out who among them could be the killer. (Or, perhaps, find enough damning proof that the really eccentric sculptor is the murderer among them) A lot of the kills are offcamera due to this direction, but there's enough gnarly practical and make-up effects done for the resulting corpses, giving us a fair share of gory eye candy. There's also a semi-decent twist somewhere at the last third of the film, a bit of it kinda obvious but countered fairly by a villain reveal I never really saw coming. I would have liked the movie a lot more if it ended on this silly yet dark and gutsy note but, instead, it pulled off one more curveball under our noses. One that opted for a final scare before going down on a saccharine good note that felt overly rushed and sudden, hardly bringing up a solid motive behind the actual killer's murder spree, even. It could have been better but, also, could have been worse. Way worse. 

What could have been a dime-in-a-dozen backwoods slasher, The Cabining (2014) pulled some extra punches to do a little better and the result is, while not exceedingly phenomenal, admirable to say the least. Polished and written effectively as a horror comedy indie, try this one for the giggles!

Bodycount:

1 female found landed mouth-first on a tree root, head impaled

1 male head found

1 male overdoses on heart medication

1 male found killed by a triggered log trap

1 female found knifed on the back

1 male found dead with a hammer claw to the eye

1 female stabbed in the eye with a fountain pen

1 male ran through the back with a kitchen knife

Total: 8 

Film School Flopped: Harpy (2000)

Harpy (South Korea, 2000)

Rating: *

Starring: Lee Jung-hyun, Kim Rae-won, Ggoch-ji Kim

When a movie starts with a film class meeting where you could barely comprehend what the teacher is saying because the chatter from his students can be heard along his little talk, or the damn thing pauses randomly for the sake of creative editing, you know friggin' well this isn't gonna end good for any of us.

While working on an amateur slasher flick for a school project, shy musical prodigy Su-yeon (Lee Jung-hyun) falls for the motorbike-riding bad boy Hyeon-su (Kim Rae-won), who just so happens to be dating the class queen bee Yae-rim (Ggoch-ji Kim). As you would expect from a love triangle, drama and intrigue ensue, especially after someone begins to stalk Su-yeon and Hyeon-su with a camera after the two start seeing each other in secret. Photos of the meet-up are soon passed around school and Yae-rim, of course, isn't too pleased to know that her squeeze is squeezing another girl behind her back, so she corners and attacks Su-yeon at their classroom after spotting her working late one night, only for us to see another figure walking in to kill off the attacked girl no soon after. 

Or at least that's what it looked like as, a few days passed being absent, Su-yeon reappears looking rather okay despite the whole assault, much to Yae-rim's surprise and uneasiness. Su-yeon does appear to be quieter than usual, though, but with her being back on board, the film class can now proceed with their hack' n slash movie project and visit a remote villa where they'll be filming. This is when the shoot goes South for the gang as not only would they discover their props tampered with to cause actual harm, but someone dressed up as their balaclava-clad villain starts hunting them down one by one...

Now, see, Harpy (2000) here had the potential to be at least a serviceable enough murder mystery despite its sappy love triangle one hour act and often wonky characters. It's not a perfect plot, you can actually tell the twist from afar, but it at has the spirit of a passable yet fun B-grade slasher that you could catch whenever nothing else is good to watch on a weekend afternoon. This would have been the case if only, ONLY it wasn't edited into a schizophrenic dreck by people I assume were suffering from a mental breakdown. Or were high. Or both.

Basically, any sense of a stable direction was completely lost within all the noise and stylistic visuals our editor from hell decided to give this film, filling Harpy (2000) with a gobblecock of cartoon noises, randomized freeze frames and slowmo shots, odd voice overs spouting the most random shite here and there, apparently as a way to market this movie as a "horror comedy" in which, from what I read looking into this mess, wasn't even supposed to be the case. Based on what I can properly decipher, it was shot as a (mostly) straight slasher, but the added bells and whistles transformed it into an art house film experiment of the chaotic kind, one that failed to explain its own jokes or reward our patience with worthwhile entertainment. If anything, the whole shtick may have alienated it audience considering its sad box office performance and its relative obscurity. I wouldn't be surprised if none of the people who watched this could make head nor tail of what they're seeing here.

Harpy (2000) is, without a doubt, an experience. Just not a good one. Undoubtedly one of the strangest slasher titles I've seen out there, as well as, sadly, one of the more frustrating to sit through... 

Bodycount:

1 female beaten, stabbed with knife offscreen 

1 male snared with a chained grappling hook, later found hanging dead from a ceiling

1 female strangled with a chained grappling hook

1 female stabbed in the back

1 female stabbed in the chest with a dagger

1 male gets a knife pushed into his throat (mostly offscreen)

1 male knifed to death

1 male strangled to death with a chained grappling hook

Total: 8