Blood Freaks and Spanked Cheeks: Evils of The Night (1985)

Evils of The Night (1985)

Rating: **

Starring: Neville Brand, Aldo Ray, Tina Louise

A group of space aliens resembling voluptuous women in short skirts (and old John Carradine in a silver jogging suit) arrive on Earth to harvest and experiment on the youthful blood of horny teenagers for a way to keep themselves alive, only to encounter dilemmas when it turns out that the nearby town is short on victims due to most of the teens driving off for Spring break, and those they were able to capture often end up dead thanks to the murderous tendencies of their two hired hillbilly goons. (Played by Neville Brand and Aldo Ray)

If this sounds like the plot of one of those drive-in cheapo flicks, or dime store movies often shown in public domain, that ought to show what to expect from this mess of a film, honestly. Evils of The Night (1985) is a cauldron concoction of a cheese-fest combining low brow scifi plotting of very human-looking aliens in skimpy dresses and big hair yakking up technical space jargon and extraterrestrial quips to pass up what this movie considers as an intergalactic threat (of the small scale), with that of a very exploitative swing on your typical backwoods teen slasher, showcasing very spicy sex scenes that lingers long on screen and a victim group consisting of airer-than-airhead teens punctuated with outrageously cheesy dialogue and overly expressive acting. 

It's bad. Like, amazingly bad. So much so that I, frankly, sort of enjoyed this junk of a movie! The unapologetic cheesiness of its direction and production, down to its cheap laser effects and unabashed sleaze just works with the mad science craziness of space doctors with questionable morals roping in a pair of killer gas station hicks to kidnap sex-crazed teenagers for research. They justified this juxtapose with the aliens needing someone dumb enough to be bribed with gold coins to help out with their blood-draining science project, regardless of how uncontrollably brutal they can be, which is the kind of demented writing I could always go for whenever I'm in the mood for an entertainingly dumb movie.

That said, it is still a dumb movie. One with audio work and editing that are patchy, and, too, a lack of any real sympathetic characters as practically all of them are one-note stereotypes of screaming girls and their eye-candy boyfriends. The group of villains flair a tad better as low-rent 'space aliens' and violent townies, hamming up their scenes to ludicrous fancy whenever they appear, something to consider since the story is as thin as a single sheet of paper. Heck, you can honestly tell with the way the story kinda just ends with the operation halting due to the aliens having a deadline for these blood experiments and somehow this includes one more laser death. And speaking of, for a slasher, there really isn't much gore to speak of until the last thirty minutes, so those expecting a slaughterfest may need to test their patience.

It's not going to be everyone's ham and cheese treat. In fact, even if you are hungering for a really feisty cheddar and smoky meat-to-meat minute, Evils of The Night (1985) is still the odd one out for how unconventional it is as both a slasher and a sci-fright flick. But if you don't mind a bit of an obscurity, then is one title you could try seeking out. 

Bodycount:

1 male garroted

1 female dies during an operation

1 male shot dead with a laser

1 male repeatedly beaten with a wooden beam, later dies during an operation

1 male brained with a tire iron

1 female mentioned drowned

1 female beaten to death with a blanket filled with glass containers

1 female disemboweled with a power drill

1 male crushed by an automotive hoist

1 female hacked apart with an axe

1 male shot with a laser, bled to death

Total: 11

Island of Misfit Boys: Grand Guignol (2022)

Grand Guignol (Japan, 2022)

Rating: **1/2

Starring: Rio Komiya, Riku Ichikawa, Rina Koike

The word Grand Guignol pertains to short plays that were popular in 19th century Parisian cabarets for emphasizing violence, horror, and sadism, embracing shock value through illicit subject matters and over-the-top practical effects as entertainment. This seems to be part of the case for director Hashiimoto Hajime's homoerotic slasher Grand Guignol (2022) which does feature a splatterful amount of bloodwork for its murders, as well as a bout of surrealism which makes its basic premise of a typical backwoods horror flick a bit more... odd.

After getting involved in an incident where a student got his face mutilated with a box cutter, Homura Itsuki sees himself transferred over to a boarding school set at a solitary island where only troublesome kids get to attend. All communication to the outside world is cut, the staff running the joint are unnervingly suspicious and there's a study group dedicated to the art of Grand Guignol drama, the strange scenario gets even more uneasy when a new teacher waltzes in and starts making advances to some of the boys there. That, unfortunately, is little compared to the violent figure out prowling the woods, decked in animal skulls and armed with a razor-sharp chain flail. It isn't long before this thing starts to hunt down students, though it seems this hack-and-slash gig may not be the only craziness going around in this island...

Independent J-horror does have the tendency to go overboard on the bloodletting and craziness, something Grand Guignol (2022) can attest to seeing it's basically running on extreme gore, murderous cults, backwoods bodycounting and an abundant amount of homoerotism. If anything, this movie has the vision to be an outlandish queer horror flick and it does succeeds on that at a decent level, albeit on a noticeable budget and a lack of solid direction; as a slasher, the effects are practical yet shoddy, nowhere impressive on a technical sense but delivers greatly on the messy blood and gore. The killer's get-up also leans on the cheap and silly side considering it kinda resembles a suit of confetti decked out with a badass mask consisting of arranged animal skulls, making the maniac look awfully like a walking, stalking piñata from hell!

The homoerotic elements are ever-present with how much the boys here get on with one another, though it's less emphasizing on romance and more on shock factor, especially when it dives into taboo subjects of forced feminization and creepy adults prowling on younger victims. In fact, the horror of Grand Guignol (2022) is more on the intensity of the madness and kills, focusing on nightmare logic, sexualized depravity and macabre violence thinly disguised as the work of dark supernatural forces and the maddened individuals under its command. The end result succeeds in drawing out the explicitness of its overt violence and fetishisms, as well the over-the-top insanity that is this movie's arthouse plotting and tone, pretty much in tune with original Grand Guignol stage plays that inspired it.

An over-the-top mish mash of the sensual and the savage that comes with a rough edge and spotty quality control. Not exactly a good example of queer horror done right, but it win points for just how off-the-wall bonkers it is! 

Bodycount:

1 male slashed to death with a bladed chain flail

1 male repeatedly slashed with a bladed chain flail, decapitated

1 male stabbed through the gut with a sword, gutted

1 male had his skin flayed off with shearing tools, dies from injuries

1 male shot through the mouth with a shotgun

1 male repeatedly bashed with a sledgehammer, neck snapped

1 female bashed on the head with a sledgehammer

1 female dies from a sword impaled through her back

1 male stabbed on the gut with a sword, bashed to death with a sledgehammer

Total: 9

That's The Way To Do It: Punch (2023)

Punch (United Kingdom, 2023)

Rating: ***

Starring: Kierston Wareing, Jamie Lomas, Alina Allison

Oh I do like to be beside the seaside

Oh I do like to be beside the sea

Oh I do like to walk along the prom prom prom

Where the brass band plays tiddly-om-pom-pom

For those who are not in the know, Punch and Judy is a traditional puppet show featuring Mr. Punch and his wife Judy, following their often violent misadventures as Mr. Punch solves his way through various problems and foes with a beating stick. It's a staple attraction found at British seaside scenes and an occasional subject and inspiration for a few horror titles like Dolls (1987), Funny Man (1994) and a segment from an overlook horror anthology, Screamtime (1983). Now, we see good ole' Mr. Punch take the slasher mantle as an envisioned boogeyman stalking teenagers in this British bodycounter.

Wanting closure before heading back to university, Frankie (Alina Allison) decided to have one more night out with her friends as a bittersweet farewell to them and this uneventful coastal hometown life she's desperate to escape from. This evening of drugs, drunks and drama, however, gets tainted in blood when a local legend, a masked-figure known as Mr. Punch, begins creeping the seaside town for naughty people and giving them the business end of his bat. Punch spots Frankie and fancies on stalking her for the night, braining, breaking and burning as many victims along the way.

Much like its protagonist setting herself for more out of her mundane seaside life, Punch (2023) opted to do a bit more with the dead teenager horror plot by building its story around the dramatic discourse going on with its leading lady and the people she's surrounded by in her small town; some are with her in her plans of leaving the place despite feeling a tad sad about it, while others are simply downright opposed to the idea of her wanting out. This works surprisingly well as the writing actually gives the small main casts a noticeable level of depth and weight, even if they occasionally dip down into doing your typical slasher victim fodder of drinking, getting high and partying, not to mention the fact that the actors playing them gave a refreshingly subtle and modest performance, making the characters likeable enough compared to some of the tad annoying secondary casts.

On the slasher side of things, Punch (2023) does an admirable job doing its own demented little spin on the Punch and Judy puppet play aesthetic within its titular boogeyman and their kills; the murders are mostly bloody beatings with a bat while the killer spouts wise-cracks through a high-pitched voice mod, similar to how the Punch puppet deals with its foes and the little catchphrases it squeaks. This lack of variety may not do well for some slasher fans, admittedly, but I find the sheer craziness of Punch's manic clowning and playful brutality as he mocks and jokes around while shoving bats down people's throats bizarrely fun, even if the voice effect does make it difficult to work out what Mr. Punch is saying sometimes. The identity behind the mask was also a bit of a let down seeing it wasn't that hard to figure it out (clues were given early on the film), there's at least a nice second twist reveal in the near end which further ties into the puppet show lore quite nicely, in a small town folk horror way. (Do feel the film could have benefitted further from more night scenes around the empty seaside parks, though. More dread in isolation. Perhaps with a bigger budget...)

Albeit flawed, Punch (2023) is an okay Euro-horror flick that sticks to the basics; it's all evenly paced, generous with its bloodletting and, most importantly, features a freaky yet fun slasher villain with an effectively creepy look, all things any slasher fan can enjoy and appreciate. An easy slasher treat that packs a fair punch!

Bodycount:

1 male brained with a baseball bat

1 female had her jaw broken with a shoved baseball bat

1 female had her neck broken

1 male brained with a baseball bat, stomped

1 male brained with a baseball bat

1 male had his face caved in with a baseball bat

1 female beaten on the face with an audio console

1 female killed offscreen

1 male brained against a sink

1 male beaten to death with a baseball bat

1 male had his neck crushed with a baseball bat

1 female thrown into a bonfire

1 female brained to death with a baseball bat

1 male beaten to death with a baseball bat

1 male knifed in the gut

1 female brained with a baseball bat

Total: 16

Dog Pagans in Campus: Blood Cult (1985)

Blood Cult (1985)

Rating: **1/2

Starring: Juli Andelman, Charles Ellis and James Vance

I remember reading about Blood Cult (1985), interestingly, through a review of another low-budget, cheesy slasher known as Video Violence (1987). The article mentioned that the inspiration for Video was from one of its director's experiences at a rental store where a mother once came and thought of renting a horror film for her kids so long as it doesn't include nudity. Just nudity. Nevermind the gory violence, but apparently onscreen boobs and butts are the bigger concern. That memory was then recreated as a scene in Video with a mother character renting Blood Cult for her little kiddies and that got me into looking into that title. 

In some ways, I'm glad I did!

  

Billed it as the "first movie made for the home video market" (never mind Boardinghouse (1982) or Sledgehammer (1983), I guess), this mini-budget horror shlock starts with a college girl showering (her big poofy hairdo remaining poofy, logic be damned) while a figure dressed in black sneaks into the sorority house, meat cleaver at hand. Before long, the maniac cuts down the soapy sorority babe into a hacked-up mess with a limb taken and a strange gold coin with a dog's head sigil left behind. A second murder would soon occur at another sorority, this time a poor gal is decapitated and her roommate gets savagely beaten unconscious with the aforementioned dismembered noggin'. Trashy, cheap yet cheesy fun!

Getting on the case is one Sheriff Ron and he's reasonably baffled by the morbidly macabre nature of the killings. Listing the help of his daughter, a local librarian, Sheriff Ron deduces that the slayings might be of the occult nature as the dog-faced coins left at each crime scene are linked to a cult that worships a canine god named Caninus and believes in boons granted through the offering of body parts. It's no surprise then that more murdered college girls start piling up all over town, a farmer's pet dog is reportedly decapitated and strange "poachers" are spotted at some nearby woods holding bonfires and eerily chanting. Things that I'm sure would end well for horror movie sheriffs who are kicking overtime to investigate them...

Understandably loathed by many horror movie fans for reasons ranging from amateurish production and tedious direction, to monotonous pacing and all-too-natural casts (as in, the most everyday-looking people out there with acting chops just as unremarkable), I, however, couldn't help but appreciate Blood Cult (1985) for what it is, a cheesy horror shlock that does have its good moments; looking past its low budget mediocrities and overly talky detective elements, there's decent editing and camera work to be seen, as well as unintentional hilarity from its dodgy writing and how dramatic (or lacking) the acting and line reading can get. The generous amount of blood splatter and gore whenever the movie dips into the slasher elements are a nice bonus, but I genuinely like the overall story, finding it quite interesting for a low rent, mid-80s gothic serial slasher piece.

Though not an overall great movie, I couldn't put myself to call Blood Cult (1985) a complete waste of time, not with it being entertaining in its own terribly cheesed-up way. You could say this title is a guilty pleasure of mine, a joke of a horror flick that I just find tolerable enough for some laughs and an occasional watch. If you're looking for a shot-on-video slasher and don't mind sitting through a bad one, feel free to try out this movie!

Bodycount:

1 female hacked to death with a meat cleaver

1 female decapitated offscreen, head used as a weapon

1 female hacked to death with a meat cleaver

1 female found hacked on the head, fingers chopped off

1 male hacked to death with a meat cleaver

1 female falls to her death

Total: 6

TV Terror: Wreck (2022)

Wreck (2022, United Kingdom TV Series)

Rating: ****

Starring: Jodie Tyack, Oscar Kennedy and Louis Boyer

First few moments of this six-part series? Your classic lady-in-peril act as cruise ship entertainer Pippa Walsh sees herself getting hunted and stalked by a goon dressed up as (get this) a duck in a rain slicker. Running through empty corridors and hiding under stacks of chairs. Pipa soon gets cornered by our quackie killer mascot and, instead of giving the nutjob in full animal suit the satisfaction of knifing her to death, opted to drop herself overboard the ship while flipping the bird at the bird.

One month later, Pippa's younger brother Jamie is hired to work at the same cruise ship, The Sacramentum, taking in the identity of his friend Cormac who, much to Jamie's surprise, has snuck in to the ship as well with hopes of winning back his former lover Rosie. He'd done this to keep his real name a secret and do his own investigation under the staff and guests' noses on what really happened to his sister since he isn't buying the whole "suicide" angle her employers are sticking to. In the midst of this, he befriends a sassy co-worker named Vivian, falls in love with a cute Filipino boy Olly and uncover a possible suspect to Pippa's disappearance within the senior staff.

For the first two episodes, Wreck (2022) runs this course as a slasher comedy as we follow our hapless protagonist through his shipbound misadventures playing amateur detective while juggling varying odd jobs as the cruise's lackeys, as well as finding time to be smitten by a cute crew member who may or may not reciprocate his feelings back, unbeknownst to him that the killer duck mascot will rear their feathery hide again, knife at hand to claim another victim. This time, however, the slain fella happens to be the staff Jamie suspected at the beginning of his little detective work, putting him back all the way to square one.

By the moment the third episode rolls in, the charted course shifts away from stalk-and-stabbing masked killers and more towards a conspiracy level mystery involving Filipino drug smugglers, records of other crew members disappearing over the years and hidden passages to ancient rooms kept for sinister purposes through out the rest of the mini-series, so much so that by the near end of the it all, it is revealed that something bigger than a lone murderous loon is at play. 

The series is certainly a wild ride with its shifting focus and tone, starting out goofy fun with its duck-suited killers running amuck and offing people off a boat, before delving into investigative thrills and criminal chills of hardened dealers and cover-ups, and then ultimately settling back to a horror plot inspired by Eli Roth's Hostel (2005), showcasing a good dose of even more brutal slayings and a decent splash of gore. It could have been a twisty and confusing mess as a whole, but it's mostly kept in good track thanks to its likable, well-rounded barrage of hokey characters and witty script keeping the transition of the story effectively fluid and intriguing.

 

The kill count is relatively low due to this, but the charm of its casts' heightened antics and its energetic premise of a cruise liner being this isolated, loose cannon scape full of secrets and crooks greatly make up for it, especially when it's done with a gusto of striking camera work and expressive color and lighting. Production, in turn, is one of Wreck's strong points, but there are still a few misfires to be found here, particularly how some of the jokes failed to hit and how the ending cost itself a satisfactory conclusion to its entire whodunnit gig by leaving us with an opening for a follow-up season. 

Still, these are small messes to sit through compared to Wreck's wave of bold appeal and lively atmosphere as a mish-mash horror thriller. It's ostentatiously fun and youthful in its vigor, a fair TV gem for genre fans to binge in a single weekend!

Bodycount:

1 male repeatedly knifed, bled to death (S1, E1 - Ship of Dreams)

1 male shot through the head with a harpoon (S1, E3 - Showtime!)

1 female shot with a crossbow, stabbed through with a sword (S1, E5 - Needle in a Gaystack)

1 male repeatedly knifed in the gut (S1, E6 - Water off a Duck's Back)

1 female gets a chainsaw to the face (S1, E6 - Water off a Duck's Back)

Total: 5

Sammy is Coming To Town: He Knows (2022)

He Knows (2022)

Rating: **1/2

Starring: Shawn C. Phillips, Lynn Lowry and Julie Anne Prescott

'Twas the night before Christmas and somewhere in the house, 

little Christina was staring at a masked killer ready to pounce;

With their rubber mask grinning, a smile twisted to cause despair,

The crazed killer brained daddy's head in, repeatedly beyond repair;

No children was nestled that night, none snugged in their beds,

Panic was all over as the maniac came for their heads;

But only one child survived this home invasion madcap,

Lil' Christina lived, while her brother Johnny disappeared from the map...

Twenty years after this grisly incident, Christina is now a single mother and a troubled artist, keeping her nose to the grindstone providing for her daughter, Stephanie, whose custody is shared with Christina's ex-husband Steve, who mostly spends his time living a drug-fueled party life with his friends. For her family's sake, Christina tries her damnedest to move past the childhood scars left by the night that masked maniac mangled her father's head and kidnapped her brother, but little did she know that said same psycho, dressed as an elf and going by "Sammy", is back in town to wreck havoc upon its people once again, slaying those he deems have been very naughty and deserving a knife stab or two.

Right off the bat, He Knows (2022) is a very low budget production, a typical do-it-yourself deal with a lot of things working against it, from the amateur line of talents filling its casts to its clumsy editing hobbling the story's pacing and direction, from the awkward scripting attempts of drama and depth between the killings to the horrible sound design that varies between muffled due to ambient noises to hilarious dubbed over. Not a lot of characters here are that likable to make matters worse, with a lot of them being drug addicts, bimbos and/or alcoholics who are I guess tailor-made just to be slain by Sammy the Elf as the killer supposedly targets folks worthy of Santa's Naughty List. 

On that note, I would say that the film at least delivers on its slasher elements; Sammy The Elf is honestly a fun little devil, with his creepy grinning mask and a whole deck of festive gear to fit his elf motif. His supposed legend is intriguing at its best, told here via narrated comic book panels wherein Santa, sad that he and his (sexily drawn?!) wife doesn't have a child of their own, so the elves made one for him via magic (Dark magic, coz elves are apparently evil in nature. Who knew?) and things didn't go too well as Sammy turned out to be too murderous on how he handles naughty boys and girls. With that, the kills and attacks here are (albeit still within the confines of a low budget) a messy, bloody bunch that's actually handled pretty okay, with the right amount of mean-spirited Christmas fear, dumb dark humor, a good dash of blood and some unexpected surprises, particularly with the reveal in the near end in which we find out some truth of what's going on and who's behind the mask, all the while still hinting something bigger working in the dark. 

To be truthful, He Knows (2022) can be a decent run with the right mindset; though its flaws doesn't do much of a favor for its semi-decent story, its concept, cheese factor and workable low-budget horror scenes still makes this film a fine little holiday horror number to see out of curiosity. Yes, there are better titles out there, but what's the harm of treating yourself to a little dip of guilty poison for the kick of it?

Bodycount:

1 male brained to death with a bowling ball

1 male stabbed to death with a hunting knife

1 female jabbed in the neck with a syringe

1 female brained with a baseball bat

1 female brained with a baseball bat

1 male had his throat slashed with a tire iron

1 male found with candy canes stabbed into his eyes, throat cut

1 female stabbed to death with a hunting knife

1 male knocked neck-first into a broken bong

1 female had her throat cut with a hunting knife

1 female shot dead

1 male repeatedly shot, stabbed in the eye with a fire poker

1 female found dying

1 male stabbed to death with a hunting knife

1 male stabbed in the neck with a garden shear

Total: 15

No, really, why is Mrs. Claus drawn so young and hot?! 

Masquerading Madness in Venice: Veneciafrencia (2021)

Veneciafrencia (Spain, 2021)

Rating: **

Starring: Ingrid García Jonsson, Silvia Alonso and Goize Blanco

In this giallo-inspired horror thriller, a group of five Spanish tourists visit Venice for what's supposed to be an extravagant bachelorette party, only to end up caught and tangled in a web of socio-political tensions and random murders committed by a madman in a court jester's outfit when one of them suddenly disappears the day after they all attended a secret rave. With a premise like that, Veneciafrencia (2021) could have had a rich world and intriguing plot points to center a bodycount flick around with its talks of mass tourism ruining a beloved country and the lengths some people would go to dispose what they deem as a "plague" that's ruining their beautiful city. Unfortunately, the movie can't seem to decide whether it wants to be playful with the idea or be straight with it, resulting to an erratic direction that further loses its worth as it focuses on a gang of charmless characters in a set-up not too far off from Eli Roth's Hostel franchise.

The pacing and tone are just all over, in turn, as the movie pretends to be something deep and witty as a by-the-book conspiracy thriller for some moments, only to be gutted down by its own cluster of hammy horror and crazy killings as a slasher flick in the next. It's a clumsy hodge-podge juggle that's unnecessarily complicated in its execution seeing there's really no sense of mystery regarding why the villains are doing all of this as it's basically plastered all over the scenes involving our casts interacting with many of the locals. This, unsurprisingly, results to the story's flow just bogging down with pointless police procedurals and investigations, making its hundred minute-long barrage of bland characters and tired clichés eventually lose its steam in its last act with an unrewarding conclusion to boot.

On a more positive note, Veneciafrencia (2021) does succeed in making its slasher scenes memorable in a goofy yet gruesome way, with a couple of murders happening during public daylight as our killer chortles at gathering crowds of tourists that everything horrible he's doing is just an act and these idiots simply eating up this claim without any sense of hesitation. It's absurdly silly and a tad too convenient, with all forms of logic and realism thrown out, but keeps rather a quirky energy in its viciousness, a welcome take for a bloody good time even if most of the kills were from random bystanders. Aside from that, the film also benefits from looking quite stunning with its location shots and camera work, showcasing the beauty of Venice in and out of the horror scenes and the stellar production work done behind the film.

With more miss than hits, Veneciafrencia (2021) is a good enough horror film that could've been better if it found a way to balance out its commentary themes and splashy slasher hook in a way that would benefit one another. Give it a try if you like, though expect a hobbled path. 

Bodycount:

1 male bludgeoned to death with a camera

1 female dragged away, killed offscreen

1 male repeatedly ran through with a sword

1 male repeatedly ran through with a sword, decapitated

1 female had her throat cut with a sword

1 male seen crushed on a dock by a cruise ship (video)

1 female had her hands and back hacked with hooks

1 male shot

1 male and 1 female found dead from cut wrists

Total: 10

Go Home: Turistas (2006)

Turistas (2006) (AKA "Paradise Lost")

Rating: ***

Starring: Josh Duhamel, Melissa George and Olivia Wilde

Around mid-2000s, the horror scene seems to had a small trend going on with tourists being terrorized by malicious people as seen in the likes of Eli Roth's Hostel movies and the infamous Ozploitation cult classic Wolf Creek (2005). Hot on this bloody hike trail was a little affair set in Brazil wherein a group of turistas must survive the dark and gritty side of paradise.

After a narrow escape from being potential bus crash casualties caused by a speedy driver and a very steep drop off a cliff, friends Bea and Amy, Bea’s chaperoning older brother Alex, Australian backpacker Pru and a pair of British buddies Finn and Liam decided to stroll down to a nearby beach bar after being notified that the next bus won't be around for another 10 hours. The place looks and feels legit enough for our newly acquainted gang to loosen up and have fun, drinking til' night time after a day of swimming, playing soccer with local children and hooking-up with Brazilian hotties. 

The movie, though, makes no attempt to hide the fact shit's about to go down when a barmaid secretly phones a shady doctor after doing a headcount on the foreigners. Morning comes and not only do our gang find out they were drugged unconscious that night, but all of their belongings were also stolen. Now stranded with nothing but the clothes on their backs, they wander into the nearest town hoping to find help, which they eventually did with Kiko, a local man they met a day prior at the beach. 

Kiko agrees to lead them to another man named Zamora who lives up in a jungle-set private house and appears to have enough connections and money to help them out of their predicament. Things only go for worse from this point as halfway into their journey, Kiko injures himself severely, thus leaving the group to hobble him up to Zamora's residence where they find out the man operates an organ harvesting ring, thus he has no intention at all on letting them leave Brazil alive.

Though low-key, the slasher elements in Turistas (2006) are present in the sense that the villains aren't shy on keeping the kill count stabby once in a while and, too, that the film has some pretty decent stalking scenes thrown here and there. It's not very often we get a slasher movie set deep in a dense tropical jungle, so it is refreshing to see this film make a fair attempt incorporating the deadly cat-and-mouse trope the subgenre is well known for with the scenic backdrop of Brazil's sandy beaches and forested wilderness. 

These facts aside, however, the overall feel of the movie leans much closer to a crime thriller laced with a horror aftertaste and medical nightmares; though Turistas (2006) has its brutal and shocking moments (particularly the demise of a Swedish couple and one unfortunate henchmen's bad end with a wooden skewer), is noticeably restrained as it exchanges most of the stomach-churning exploitative horror elements with a bigger emphasis on survivalist ventures, by-the-book vivisections and our leads' escape from their captors, not much unlike our boys back in Hostel (2005)'s fictionalized Bratislava. For what it is, the movie is a passable survival thriller, tight in tension and sparing some moments of realism even if it's still unable to escape a few parts being mediocre and predictable, which hinders the ramifications of the threat as a whole. 

Turistas (2006) would certainly have fared better, too, if it took the time to work out its premise, perhaps flesh out its characters further than the cardboard cut-outs that we have here. As expected for a movie dealing with stereotyped representations, the film is unsurprisingly bashed with controversy around Brazil for how it depicted its citizens as well. The resulting product, by the grace of it all, could have been way worse nonetheless and I would be lying if I say I didn't enjoy Turistas (2006) as a small guilty pleasure. 

Bodycount:

1 male hacked to death with a machete

1 female ran off a cliff, falls to her death

1 male gets a wooden skewer forced into his eye

1 female operated on and disemboweled

1 male stabbed to death with a machete

1 male shot on the head with a rifle

1 male killed offscreen

1 male shot on the neck

1 male repeatedly stabbed on the neck with an arrow

1 male beaten with a rock, shot on the head with a rifle

Total: 10

Welcome To The Foundation: Wrong Turn (2021)

Wrong Turn (2021) (AKA "Wrong Turn: The Foundation")
Rating: ***1/2

Starring: Charlotte Vega, Adain Bradley and Bill Sage

Let me just drop this as early as now: this isn't one of the Wrong Turn movies you grew up with all the way back in 2003. 

The scene opens with Scott Shaw asking the sheriff of a small Virginia town about his missing daughter, Jen, who hadn't reached out to her family from her hiking adventure with friends for over six weeks at that point. He's not getting the help he needs, though, as despite the town being the last place his daughter stopped by before seemingly disappearing, they're more willing to sweep it all under the rug and pass the issue as another missing teens case.

Flashback six weeks earlier and we see Jen and company do the usual traveling-teens-to-the-woods gig of bar hopping, getting roughed up by unfriendly locals and ignoring the very important rule of staying on the damn trail. Being the adventurous types, they nevertheless went off into the uncharted woods for better memories that I'm quite sure didn't involve any gigantic rolling log that crushes one of them dead. 

Convinced the rolled log was an attack after apparently spotting some figures skulking around in the woods, the group ventures further in an attempt to escape, only to end up lost, cold and triggering more traps. This is where the slasher bits get played somewhat straight as the teens suspect that they might have fallen victim to what looks like your usual backwoods masked slashers, enraging one of the kids into braining a masked figure with a log until their head's mush as "self-defense". This gravely leads to them getting followed by more of these animal skull-wearing fellas soon, now stalking and prowling around the forest to catch and not kill them. Yet. 

By then, the teen slasher element stops and the survivalist backwoods thriller begins; in a daring curveball, the now captured teens are walked into a hidden community deep in the Appalachian mountains simply dubbed as The Foundation, where every member lives a life as close as possible to early day settlers. Our hapless gang are soon judged in their court for, ironically, murder when it turns out the masked figure they pulped headless was actually trying to help them. The guilty one gets the same log-to-the-face treatment, while the rest were to be sentenced to "darkness", which is modern day settler folk lingo for shutting-your-eyes-close-with-hot-iron-before-being-hurled-into-a-spooky-dark-cave.

Jen, thinking on her feet, fortunately convinces the court to spare her and her boyfriend Darius' lives by allowing themselves to become one with the community, which pleases the Foundation's leader Cullen as he sets his eyes on making Jen his new wife.

Now that we all have caught up to what went down, back to the present we go and Papa Shaw finally have someone around the nearby town agreeing to help him get his daughter back, but will he survive his own rescue mission when the woods are filled with traps, all under the watchful eye of The Foundation?

As you can tell from all of this, gone are the mutant cannibals and in goes a survivalist mini-epic, straying this film far from being another trashy entry to a slasher franchise that went a tad too far on the gore and thinning plot line the more sequels it pumped. Much like the case of House of Wax (2005), Black Christmas (2006) and Child's Play (2019), Wrong Turn (2021) can be a worthwhile watch when viewed as its own kind of beast and for what it dished out, I say it done its job good enough through its own set of charms.

I do like the unexpected twists of our supposed villains being no more than just people defending their way of life, despite how hostile and barbaric they can be through a different set of perspectives. The matter that there's a bit of power play within the community and that some of its members still shows a side of malice do keep the Foundation as much of an intimidating force as possible nevertheless, which I find greatly essential to make its last third act to work and its final scenes satisfying to sit through. Despite not having the same brand of B-grade splashy gore and violence the Wrong Turn franchise became infamous for through its sequels, this film instead handles its gory in a more essential sense, keeping the brutalizing acts in minimum but knows enough timing to showcase some impressively nasty-looking aftermath corpses for that shock factor and dread building.

Acting-wise, Charlotte Vega, Matthew Modine and David Hutchison are simply amazing in their roles as Jen, Scott and Cullen respectively, though this is more due to them carrying a good bulk of the film while the rest of the casts are either watered down to your usual one-dimensional slasher meat, or background fodder. Its bulky running time also could have been used to develop some ideas thrown un here a tad further, such as one of the teen's sudden siding to the Foundation or how exactly does this settlement work. (I mean, here you have these people wearing animal pelts and skulls to hunt the woods like old age natives, but they apparently also know how to dress up like normal people and drive RVs. Did I miss something?)  

There's definitely some money thrown in here given the more competent-looking sets and quality work, and I'm very glad the resulting product is an appeasing work of backwoods thrills and spills that I think deserves credit where credit's due. Wrong Turn (2021) may not be the forest-bound cannibal slasher world many of us were expecting or are used to, but its a welcome variant that delivers its own brand of terror and atmosphere that works nonetheless. I say take it for a ride, or take a hike.

A hike down... to The Foundation!

Bodycount:

1 male crushed against a tree by a rolled log

1 male had his head pulped with a log

1 female falls into a spiked pit, shot with an arrow

1 male had his face beaten in with a log

2 males crushed by a spiked trap

1 male shot

1 male shot

1 male knifed to death

1 female shot on the head

1 male shot dead with arrows

1 male gets a thrown knife to the head

1 male gets a thrown axe to the back

1 male and 1 female killed offcamera

1 male knifed to death

1 male knifed to death

Total: 17

Beyond The Outsider: Castle Freak (2020)

Castle Freak (2020)
Rating: **1/2

Starring: Clair Catherine, Kika Magalhães, Jake Horowitz

The H.P. Lovecraft short The Outsider details its protagonist's escape from what appears to be a decaying castle, leading to their heartbreaking dismay upon realizing that they're hideously malformed upon looking through a mirror, thus forever to be detested as an outsider. When director Stuart Gordon wrote and directed his 1995 film Castle Freak, the horror drama took inspiration from the short, mainly from the fact that the monster of the movie is a maddened man deformed through years of maltreatment, having to escape a castle's dungeons to terrorize its new modern day occupants.

 

Years later in 2020, SFX and prosthetic makeup artist Bryan "Tate" Steinsiek makes his directorial debut and treats us horror fans with a more Lovecraftian remodel for Castle Freak. Like, really Lovecraftian. Dunwich Horror Lovecraftian.

Here we follow a blind Rebecca Riley learning from an estate agent that she just inherited her mother's Albanian castle and, being an adopted child since her infancy, she is rather eager to learn more about this castle seeing she knows nothing of her biological mother. John, her boyfriend, unfortunately doesn't share her enthusiasm and greatly suggests to sell the estate instead and get on with their lives. Considering John was the one responsible for blinding Rebecca through a car accident he caused whilst high and drunk, it's easy to figure out that their relationship is starting to stumble down a rocky slope the more they stay and bicker about their situation. It also doesn't help that John would soon invite his friends over to help out with his scheme or just to simply get wasted, but that trouble is little in comparison to the murderous intent brewing within the walls or the maddening otherworldly terror that's starting outside the castle...

Calling Castle Freak (2020) a slasher is only correct for a few good parts as we do still get stalk-and-stab action, only it's halfway down its hundred minute or so running time that focuses more on horror drama and, later, Lovecraftian cosmic nightmare. If anything, this re-imagined Castle Freak is an exploitation tribute to Lovecraft's works, taking in themes of isolation, grief and madness that are common among the writer's literary pieces and crafting them into a movie with gratuitous (and, for one scene, disturbing) sleaze, monsters with gruesome body horror and a swift dash of gory murders. With this direction, it does fairly well being a separate in-name companion piece to the original 1995 title, standing on its own ground and exploring new angles for an intriguing plot while still keeping and playing around with familiar key points from the Stuart Gordon movie.

I'm very much down with this new, more lore-heavy Castle Freak as the mythos it introduced works well with its take of the story, but with its unlikable characters outweighing the likable ones, the acting having their far from memorable moments and the pacing being too drawn out, I personally can't say I enjoyed it from start to finish. I do understand this might have been needed to build layers within its casts and further intensify the impending doom and dread, but it's a tough flow to sit and follow and I am simply glad the payoff at the near end was grandeur in its own modestly crazy way; we get monstrous fornications, a lot of clawed throats and guts, gooey tentacles, a cult re-awakening and a major Lovecraftian deity making a surprisingly welcome appearance, basically a real off-the-wall treat of a finale that's well worth the wait, sleaze and miserable characters to get by, even if it is a bit crammed. 

Looking at the scale of the production, the film has an adequate look to it; the lighting and set design are good albeit a few cheap looking props. Camera shots and editing did a swell enough job emphasizing and utilizing the deserted state of the castle and the hidden dangers lurking through its hidden passages, as well as bring out the creep and gross-out factor whenever it lingers at the inhuman condition of our creature and other bodily oddities.

Though I can't say I see myself watching it all over again soon, Castle Freak (2020) is still a fair stride of an effort, one that needs a few tweaking and elbow grease to get itself rolling more satisfyingly. If you like your horror films freaky and weird, boasting good effects and a final act that rewards you for your patience, then, outsider, this Castle Freak's for you!

Bodycount:

1 female found murdered

1 male injected in the chest with heroin, stabbed to death with syringes

1 female had her neck snapped, internally beheaded

1 male had his throat lacerated with a flail

1 male disemboweled with a flail, cannibalized

1 elderly male dies from a ritual (flashback)

1 male thumbed in the eyes, throat bitten off

1 male bashed on the head with a mace

Total: 8

The Paris Neo-Nazi Massacre: Frontier(s) (2007)

Frontier(s) (France, 2007) (AKA "Frontière(s)")

Rating: ****

Starring: Karina Testa, Aurélien Wiik, Patrick Ligardes 

In the midst of one of France's presidential elections wherein a far-right candidate gets considered for position, a street gang of French-Arab youths takes advantage of the resulting riots to pull a robbery, scoring some cash they needed to escape Paris. The plan, however, ends up with them splitting for a bit after engaging the police in a gun fight, with one group consisting of Yasmine and her ex, Alex, looking for a hospital to treat Yasmine's severely wounded brother Sami, while the other two, friends Tom and Farid, drive to the countryside to look for a hideout where the rest can catch up.

Their predicament worsens when Sami dies moments after getting past hospital doors, forcing Yasmine to leave her him behind as security's made aware of their possible involvement with the riots. All the while, Tom and Farid decided to stop by a family-run inn near the border for a small break, only to somehow anger the clan when the innkeepers felt disrespected by the boys after a fairly disturbing dinner.

From that point, it all escalates to torturous and deadly turns as not only is the family revealed to be deranged and hinted to be cannibalistic, but they're also living remnants of the Third Reich, Neo-Nazis desperate to keep the bloodline of their "supreme race" alive. As the youngsters fall victim to their murderous madness one by one, Yasmine alone will find herself in a situation much worse than death and she will have no choice but to fight back or die trying.

Heavily borrowing elements from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) and mixing it up with the violent taste of the New French Extremity movement, Xavier Gens' Frontier(s) is a bleak stroll down classic Hicksploitation horror that starts and ends in pure chaos. It's nothing relatively complex plot-wise as we follow yet another group of troubled friends ending up in unfamiliar grounds at a "middle-of-nowhere" countryside, to be horribly tortured and killed by what first looks like an angry family of rural folks, but the driving force that makes this movie a bit more extra is its unexpectedly wild turns tackling other exploitation tropes, leading to Grindhouse-gritty Nazisploitation, claustrophobic monster horror with secret tunnels being prowled by animalistic mutant children and Hostel-level of nihilistic torture and gore that get more grueling the further we go. 

It's a mixed bag of horror trappings that works well enough, though the multitudes of terrible on-goings definitely needs a tad more expanding around the conventions it introduced rather than mildly hinting it, such as the animosity and favoritism between the "family" members of the Neo-Nazi clan that broods a good deal of tension throughout the movie. There's also the matter that Frontier(s) wallows in its own bleakness a lot more than it needed to at times, which may turn off some viewers who isn't in it for complete doom and gloom as the film's flow pushes the ante of despair and torment to levels that bear little to no light to balance it out .

Then again, from what it offers, the film is made purely for exploitation fun and enjoyment, delivering on that front in full force with its sleek and grungy look, working on grainy-tint lenses, cinematography that's focused on everything in decay from buildings to flesh, and a breezy fast pace to keep the carnage going as much as possible. On that note, the gore scenes -the very highlight of this movie- are brutal in the rawest definition of the word, especially towards the finale in which Frontier(s) pulls a "reverse-slasher" on us. From Achilles heels crushed and cut with long pliers to a bisection by table saw, it's all a gorehound's treat for the amount of practical effects and fake blood used for these kills, with little to no CG assist done to keep it as old school as traditional filming and visual effects can get.

The cookie-cutter characters are played with good enough talent to bring them to life on screen, but their lack of depth may mean difficulty to empathize with them throughout their ordeal save, perhaps, Yasmine; leading actress Karina Testa done a fantastic job in her role as our definite final girl, a vulnerable protagonist at first, soon forced to fight back and feel the wrath of the clan after her character's subjected to watch her friends and former lover die. Her struggles to keep alive and escape in the later act infuses raw emotion and terror so perfectly, one might find themselves holding their breath back until the last shot of the film for how intense it all got.

Frontier(s) may be lacking a developed story or more fleshed out characters from both ends of the coin, it does have a story that sticks with you for a good while after all that manic cluster of blood, guts and torture. If you're looking for a carnal French horror flick that offers the basic exploits of people being tortured and slaughtered in all manners possible then try this for your liking. It could be your hidden gem!

Bodycount:

1 male dies from gunshot wound

1 male brained, throat cut with a knife

1 male cooked inside a sauna, shot with a shotgun

1 male shot on the head

1 elderly male shot with a shotgun

1 male shot with a shotgun

1 male repeatedly hacked with an axe, eviscerated in half with a buzzsaw

1 male had his head blown in half with a shotgun

1 female caught on a gas explosion, seen dying from a shrapnel to the neck

1 female had her neck bitten open, bled to death

Total: 10

Never Leave A Frendo Behind: Clown In A Cornfield (2020)

Clown In A Cornfield
Author: Adam Cesare

Publication Year: 2020
Chapters: 31 (Epilogue included)
Rating: ****

With hopes of starting fresh after the recent death of her mother, high school senior Quinn Maybrook finds herself moving out of the big city Philadelphia life to settle in Kettle Springs, Missouri with her father after he accepted a job there as the resident doctor. She is quickly taken in by a gang of misfits led by one Cole Hill after their science teacher suddenly goes mental on them on her first day at the town's high school, learning about the growing animosity between the town's youths and elders from this outburst, as well as from a brief incident at a local diner.

When a Founder's Day celebration goes disastrous after a prank gone wrong, however, it seems someone in town thought enough is enough, that these kids are out of control and they need to be taught a lesson they'll never ever forget; dressed as a certain porkpie hat-wearing town mascot Frendo the Clown, the killer stabs, slices and shoots their way through the town's youthful residents and all those who get in the way, which spells nothing but bloodshed and a possible end for Quinn as she'll soon see herself caught in this maniac's madness.

A gutsy take on a young adult horror novel, Clown In A Cornfield holds nothing back in regards to its bodycount horror and social commentary with its talks of small town poverty and generation conflict, before landing itself in an array of vile murders and an admittedly dark twist. The book basically sectioned itself in two halves to achieve this, doing a solid job taking its time to build around the situation of Kettle Springs as a place and community first, with vivid descriptions of crumbling facilities, rural politics and old folks spouting about the good old days when their home is still flourishing. This often trails into the mischievous yet well-intentioned and very informative banters between Quinn's new acquaintances as they bring up a bit of the town's history and hint past troubles that may or may not lead to the carnage later. 

It does take a while to get things going, in turn. Varying portions of certain chapters give way into developing the character or characters involved, mostly delving into Quinn's thoughts on her situation as the new girl around town and her attempts to get past her mother's passing. The writing done for these segments shed a good amount of sympathetic light to whoever the chapter's focusing on (some more than the others) but, in typical slasher fashion, once the town's secretive Founder's Day party gets held, the book mostly drops this in-depth look into rural life and teen conflict to eventually shift its gears to a more adrenaline-rushed pace, chaotically running down as much death and mutilation as possible in written format.

Without giving away much, the killings in this second half are linked to a conspirator who wants to weed out what they see as blighted youths to make Kettle Springs "great again". It starts out with your classic masked slasher stalkings and standard set of murders, but it soon breaks down into something more of a survivalist horror thriller as the kill count doubles in digits and teens start dying left and right in what looks like an active shooter scenario perpetrated by a creepy clown, undoubtedly the book's most unforgettable scene. This escalates even further to an unexpected turn that warrants a lot of shotgun-totting and even more bodies piling up, a reveal that, while not overly original (I can name two to three movies that this twist reminds me of), still deserves some merits for how well it was pulled off, putting great care into detailing the attacks and tying these set-pieces into the town's problems, both real and surmised, wonderfully. It all leads to finale that has us reading what I can best describe as a back-to-back villain monologue, a "boss fight" with guns and an epilogue that teases a possible new wave of slashing, a couple of moves that definitely echo the hammier side of slasher horror but still channeling a decent amount of grimness for just how insane and dark it is.  

From cover to cover, Clown In A Cornfield is a guaranteed page-turner of a slasher novel that delivers what it promises and more. It has the sensibilities of a 90s horror flick and the carnal homage to bloody 80s bodycounters, topped with new age teen theatrics and a bleak look into small town Americana. Again, for a young adult horror fiction, this is unrelentingly fun in a violent, old school horror way and I couldn't want it in any other way. If you have the chance to grab a copy of this at your local bookstores (or, have it in your eBook collection like moi!), don't you dare hesitate! 

Or feel the wrath of a chainsaw-wielding Frendo!

Bodycount: 20+

Notable Kill: A shocking crossbow massacre with multiple victims. The sheer chaos of this spree spreads throughout multiple chapters and the vivid details of the kills elevate the brutality of it all.