It's a Terrifier Christmas, Let Horror Fill Your Heart: Terrifier 3 (2024)

Terrifier 3 (2024)

Rating: ****

Starring: Lauren LaVera, David Howard Thornton, Antonella Rose

I'm just gonna put it out there that I was considering knocking down a few points from this movie for being a Christmas slasher because, damn it! The Terrifier franchise already established itself as a Halloween staple all the way back to its iconic killer's first appearance in Damien Leone's short, The 9th Circle (2008), and y'all wanna terrorize another holiday? Way to break the momentum! 

But, hey, this little blow to my obsessive compulsiveness aside, Terrifier 3 (2024) is just a damn good movie.

The film opens on a night before Christmas, with a girl named Juliet having a tough time sleeping, disturbed by the weird noises she's been hearing. Her family dismisses her concerns, explaining it away as just the house settling (or Santa's elves), but Juliet isn't convinced. Not when the noises start to resemble footfalls. Once her folks go back to bed, the little darling decided to snoop a bit, soon spotting none other than Santa Claus himself walking to their Christmas tree and pulling out from his sack... a heavy axe. What was once a silent night becomes a gory night as every single one from this family gets hacked apart, dismembered all the way, revealing to us that under the red suit and heavy boots isn't a jolly old fat man. It's Art the Clown, up and walking around once again!

Jump back to five years ago; after another Halloween rampage, Art seems to have met his match when one of his supposed victims, Sienna Shaw, fought back and managed to defeat him by cutting his head clean off with a seemingly mystic sword. This, however, is no setback for the clown as his now headless body kills its way to where his head ended up after the brawl, at the psychiatric clinic holding one of his former victims, the heavily disfigured Victoria Heyes, who appears to have finally succumbed to whatever demonic forces at play here. The two escapes, leaving more bodies on their trail as they flee back to Art's dilapidated hideout-slash-work shop where they go into a dormant state.

 

Moving ahead to the present, Sienna Shaw is undergoing a great deal of therapy as the events of that one Halloween night haunt her to this day, with visions of her dead friends and family blaming her for their demises. Upon her release from a mental health center, she's to stay with her aunt Jess' family, an arrangement Jess' husband Greg isn't too sure about despite putting on a cheerful face whenever Sienna is in the room with them, fearing she's one or two breakdowns away from endangering the family. Their daughter Gabbie, however, is simply ecstatic to have her big cousin around, completely unaware of the nightmares Sienna's dealing with. 

All the while, Jonathan, Sienna's kid brother, is now in college trying to move on with his life, something that's proven to be a tad hard when his sister is keeps blaming herself for surviving and just wouldn't let it go, as well as the fact that there will always be someone out there who will recognize him as one of the 'supposed' survivors of a killing spree perpetrated by Art the Clown, who at this point is something of a Miles County urban legend.

And speaking of the devil; when couple of demolition workers arrive to inspect a rather familiar dilapidated house, they didn't expect to find both Art and Victoria there, now awakened from their unnatural slumber and ready to take more lives as brutally as possible. With this starts another round of murders and torture for ole' Art, and with it being the Christmas season, he's gonna try on some new looks and explore new painful ways to end people. Hell, maybe he and his new accomplice will even take the time to be home for the holiday and celebrate it with a certain girl who got away the only way they can: with a crown of thorns (and razor blades), rat torture and even a roaring chainsaw...

As you watch Terrifier 3 (2024) start itself with the annihilation of a random family before treating you with a gag of a headless body wearing a victim's head to get around inconspicuously, and then grossing you out with the imagery of a now-demonic woman eating chewed flesh straight out of a still-living decapitated head's own gullet, you know damn well that this movie's going to continue the franchise's tradition of delivering some of the most-messed up things you could pull off in a slasher flick and I'm glad to say it's done all here with some noticeable improvements; for one, the pacing is just a breeze, wonderfully balancing out the story of our heroine undergoing an emotional and mental crisis as she tries to live a normal life past that one gore-soaked Halloween massacre, with that of Art the Clown being, well, Art the Clown. Just savage hijinks with a good dose of black humor that only a creepy grinning killer mime can pull off. The direction wisely opted to not overly dwell on the plot to the point that it overcooks the drama and character depth, giving it time to breathe a bit in between brutal hijinks of little mall kids getting one hell of a Christmas popper courtesy of Art, or that of a man getting the skin and flesh of his head dressed down from the skull while a disfigured witch watches and sodomize herself with a mirror shard. (Yes. You read that right) 

Curiously, apart from Sienna's descent towards a fractured case of survivor's guilt and her increasingly strained relationship with her brother, Terrifier 3 (2024) technically adds nothing that we didn't already know since the last film. Rather, it expanded upon what was given before and dives further down its layers, throwing in biblical lore behind Art's supernatural durability and immortality, as well as Sienna's mysterious sword for what could be a set-up to something big and immaculate in the future. It's not hard to see how this scattershot plotting can get real testy for some audience, as the increasingly overcomplicated mythology could stray the franchise away from what was originally just a simple story of a deranged clown killing folks, but for some of us who can roll with the punches, it's a tolerable dent on a showcase of gore and darkly hilarious clownery. Plus, admittedly, my curiosity is peaked by what they're hinting here. I mean, how couldn't you when one of these visions involves a living statue of the Virgin Mary seemingly commanding a chained demon to forge the armor of a warrior angel in hellfire? That's not simple badassery. That's pure metal!

One cannot deny, too, the top-tier special effects here; despite some of these being your typical slasher murder fares of axe hackings or knife murders, the way they're executed to push the boundaries of an iron stomach keeps them fresh, the increasing absurdity of their own brutality fitting nicely with its darkly imaginative savagery and/or the unrelenting intensity of its overkills. One axe blow isn't enough to kill someone here, oh no. Unlike most slashers out there, Terrifier 3 (2024) wanted to make sure a victim is dead and that typically means more than a couple of whacks! And, yes, why not get kooky and experimental with the murder weapons? Would a handheld tank that blows liquid nitrogen do? Of course, all of this wouldn't mean much if it wasn't for David Howard Thornton's morbidly charming portrayal of Art the Clown, who's at his most expressive here considering the clown is basically playing pretend as Santa Claus, spinning his own take on Christmas spirit and holiday cheers via cartoonish body language and facial acting, effectively hiding his deadly intentions. From enthusiastically losing himself over meeting "Santa", to mockingly mute laughing at a wife's distress while hacking apart her husband, Art continues to be a real slasher icon and there's no sign of slowing down or stopping!

Thus the saga of this hyper-violent slasher franchise continues and Terrifier 3 (2024) sets itself as a real solid treat as a holiday bodycounter, may it be Halloween's or Christmas'. There's room for improvement, sure, but it's safe to say that this one undoubtedly served the demented and the defiled! The gruesome and the gory! Have a Terrifier Christmas! Let horror fill your heart!

Bodycount:

1 boy hacked to pieces with an axe

1 male hacked to death with an axe

1 female hacked to death with an axe

1 girl killed with an axe (heavily implied)

1 male killed offscreen, head seen

1 female killed offscreen, later found being eaten

1 male had his head pried apart

1 male murdered offcamera, clothes seen

1 male jabbed in the neck, stabbed to death with a mirror shard

1 male had his head cut open with a box cutter, flesh flayed off

1 male shot on the head

1 male shot on the neck, bled to death

1 male had his limbs and head sprayed with liquid nitrogen, bashed apart with a hammer

1 boy blown apart by a bomb

1 female blown apart by a bomb

1 girl blown apart by a bomb

2 victims blown apart by a bomb

1 female slaughtered to death with a chainsaw

1 male bisected with a chainsaw

1 male found headless, gutted and nailed to a wall

1 male head seen inside a cage, eaten by rats

1 female gets a tube shoved down her throat and force fed with live rats, throat cut with a knife

1 female gets a sword to the mouth, decapitated

Total: 24

Sleazy Night, Deadly Night: XXX-Mas (2023)

XXX-Mas (2023)

Rating: **1/2

Starring: Drew Marvick, Felissa Rose, Morrigan Thompson

It's the Christmas season and Santa Claus is winding down in his home before the big day, with his beloved Mrs. Claus serving him milk and cookies as the jolly old man decided to watch his copy of Santa Claus Conquers The Martians (1964). However, things aren't right with the tape and what he finds there sends him on a demented spiral of rage and murder, which we see early on when he decided to crash a small Christmas party and ends everybody in attendance.

We then shift our focus to hot shot porno director Johnny Duckett who has assembled a tiny cast and crew to shoot his latest smutty cinematic masterpiece, a full feature Christmas horror porn! (Complete with an end credit scene and a leprechaun for some reason...) His stars, though, doesn't share his enthusiasm or ambition for the sleazy project and would rather just shoot through by it like any other porno job they did before, especially when some of them aren't comfortable with the fact that the film is produced by an accused sexual abuser. 

Soon enough, things would escalate for the bloody and brutal when Santa finds his way to their set, tagging along a deranged meat-munching elf to spread some holiday fear in this not-so-holy night, leaving body parts a-plenty and dismembered all the way!

A silly premise for an indie production, XXX-Mas (2023) works well with the vibes and sensibility of your typical shot-on-video film to deliver the sleazy, cheesy and violent goods, even if it does take a little while to get going and the scripting can be hit-or-miss. I guess in an attempt to build character within the cast, the movie tries its hand on topical dialogue and comedy, but the unfocused acting and rushed writing meant a lot of it disappointingly stumbled. Fortunately, it all pick up in the third act as our killer Santa slices and dices his way into the picture, bringing in frankly the best performance in the flick and a fun dose of manic slasher energy.

And for an estimated $85,000 budget, the practical gore effects here are damn impressive with highlights including a very grisly punch, death by boiling water and a head getting gorily squeezed like an egg. As for the saucy bits, XXX-Mas (2023) undoubtedly dishes out the sexy scenes with both men and women being in multiple stages of undress throughout the movie, though nothing too hardcore as it's mostly played for laughs, In fact, the whole porn shoot premise ties in pretty well to why the massacre is happening to begin with. It's silly, yes, but there's a thin layer of grimness to it which makes this film all the more enjoyable.

Decking the halls with shlock and guts, XXX-Mas (2023) is the gory holiday midnight movie done alright!

Bodycount:

1 male beaten with a hammer

1 male gets a thrown knife to the forehead

1 female strangled with a length of fairy lights

1 male had his head crushed open

1 female decapitated with a snow shovel

1 male punched through the head

1 male and 1 female skewered with a fire poker

1 male had his throat bitten open

1 female stabbed in the gut with a prop candy cane

1 male had his groin bitten off, killed

1 female had her face melted off with boiling water

1 male found with a prop candy cane shoved down his throat

1 female found murdered, method unknown

1 female slaughtered

1 female had her neck snapped

1 male knifed in the head

1 male shot on the head with a shotgun

1 female beaten to death with a hammer (flashback)

Total: 19

Down Through The Chimney, Ole' Sick Nick: Santa Isn't Real (2023)

Santa Isn't Real (2023)

Rating: *1/2

Starring: Kaya Coleman, Scarlett Sperduto, Dana Millican

Now, I know myself to be patient enough to sit through a good slowburn horror flick given that the story and its characters are decently engaging, making the entire stroll to the inevitable horrors worth its while. Sadly, I didn't feel the same kind of patience nor was I all that entertained with this killer Santa offering. 

The film opens with a young woman named Nikki (Kaya Coleman) spending her Christmas alone with a glass of egg-nog when, seemingly, none other than Santa himself decided to give her a visit and instead of giving her the gift of a Christmas miracle, he cuts her wrist open with a knife, bashed her head with a snow globe and leaves her to die, right after he gorges on some Christmas cookies. Nikki survives this attack, though it did leave her comatose for a year. Literally.

Comes next Christmas and Nikki wakes up from her coma. She's visited by her best friend Jess (Scarlett Sperduto) and boyfriend Nathan (Trey Anderson) who share to her the shocking news that her parents were ready to pull the plug and have already converted her bedroom into a gym. Rightfully upset, Nikki decided to spend the holidays with Jess and Nathan at a woodland vacation home owned by another friend named MJ (Cissy Ly), though the girl can't help but feel off and uneasy. Perhaps it's the fact that that Jess and Nathan are actually seeing each other now, much to her shock. Or maybe it's the matter that her attack was ruled as a suicide attempt. Whatever it is, it's leading to a red-stained Christmas as someone would soon crash their little get-together with an axe murder or two in mind. Someone resembling Jolly Old Saint Nick, seemingly finishing what they started one Christmas night ago...

In a ploy to, perhaps, build a sense of mystery and characterization, Santa Isn't Real (2023) opted to work its way to the snowbound holiday horror by first focusing a decent deal of its run time on Nikki's claims of being attacked by Santa Claus and the crazy conspiracies that goes with it (many of which were confused with other Winter folk beings like Krampus, Gryla and her Yule Lads), as well as her reaction towards Nathan and Tess’ relationship for brooding drama and tension. The result, however, is an excruciating test of patience as the writing barely made any of the characters interesting or likable enough to sit through all of the melodrama, a point hardly helped by the actors' uninspired performances, nor by the lack of energy and action in the film's direction. There's an initial attempt to play around with the idea of whether the threat could be supernatural or not, though the lack of budget and clumsy execution meant a lot of questionable visual effects and plot holes, all leading to an unsatisfying conclusion that confusingly juggles between the line of the whole killer Santa shtick being product of someone's unstable psyche, and teasing hints of an actual Saint Nick out on a murderous prowl. 

Anything decent to say about Santa Isn't Real (2023) falls on the slayings, which we don't get to until the near end of the film after our killer captures their targets. The minuscule kill count delivers a surprisingly gruesome amount of practical gore and some savage editing to highlight the murder's chaotic flair but, by then, it's a little too late for it to be a saving grace, not when the accompanying murder motive and twist reveal were damn predictable.

Sad to say, Santa Isn't Real (2023) is a mishandled mess of a Christmas slasher, one that aims to be an inviting and diverting horror drama but couldn't get neither the horror nor the drama working in its favor. Mediocre filmmaking at its most ungainly, you're better off getting coal than this in your Christmas stockings... 

Bodycount:

1 male gets a thrown knife to the chest, stabbed to death

1 male gutted with a knife

1 female stabbed in the eye with a sharpened candy cane, stabbed to death

1 male had his throat cut with a sharpened candy cane

Total: 4

All The Tender Sweetness of A Seasick Crocodile: The Mean One (2022)

The Mean One (2022)

Rating: ***

Starring: David Howard Thornton, Krystle Martin, Chase Mullins

Released months before a certain silly old bear goes backwoods maniac on grown-up Christopher Robin and a couple of girls visiting the Hundred Acre Woods, this is the movie Winnie The Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023) could have been: crazy, bloody and fun!

As a wee little girl, Cindy once got a not-so-silent night after spotting "Santa" trying to steal away their Christmas tree and dear ole' mother opted to tussle with the thief, only to end up falling unto a nutcracker's sword and impaling her neck. Twenty years forward and as suggested by her therapist, Cindy (Krystle Martin) decided to go back to her hometown of Newville with her supportive father Lou (Flip Kobler) to confront her past, find closure and just have a holly jolly Christmas like she used to as a kid. That was until the same "Santa" comes back to spread some holiday fear just as pops finished putting up the decorations one night, brutally murdering the man before whisking all the Christmassy trinkets away.

Understandably distressed and now wanting answers as to who or what killed her parents when the local sheriff (Erik Baker) and the town mayor (Amy Schumacher) prove to be of little help, Cindy starts looking into the events and Newville's little history, leading her to discover a grisly conspiracy involving missing hikers, encountering a green furry creature donning a makeshift Santa suit, as well as meeting a local drunkard (last name Zeus, but everyone calls him "Doc") who have his own misfortune with the creature after it slaughtered his wife many years ago. Through all of this, she learns that what they're up against is a real Mean One, as cuddly as a cactus, as charming as an eel, and with a murderous streak to anyone who celebrates Christmas, intentionally and accidentally! 

As a parody, The Mean One (2022) presents itself with the usual B-grade slasher/monster-hybird romp of traumatized protagonists going back to town to settle their troubled psyches only to come face to face with the threat that started the whole ordeal, though the gimmick here is that the villain just happens to be a familiar face to those who grew up under the whimsy and wonder of the Theodor Geisel classic children's book, Dr. Seuss' How The Grinch Stole Christmas. Seeing this is an unauthorized horror jab of the story, the name "Grinch" couldn't be uttered anywhere in the film so they simply refer to it as The Mean One and this is practically one of the jokes in the film as a small running gag involves someone yelling for a Mr. Finch just as somebody else was about to utter the creature's real name. The movie could've actually benefitted from more jokes and nods like these but the direction and writing occasionally drags unto the mediocre, insisting on playing the plot itself straight in an attempt for some depth to Cindy's plight and the horrors brought upon by the titular monster, only to fall flat with how much it clashes with the overall tone, as well as how clumsily oversentimental it can get.

Fortunately, a lot of these failed straight-faced angles do come off unintentionally funny and the resulting camp outweighs whatever serious approach The Mean One (2022) tried leaning to, thus whenever the film wanted to be silly and messy, it somehow delivers: the murders are certainly one of this movie's highlights once the carnage goes full force and, although a decent bunch of them did rely on some CG blood for extra splatter, the absurdity of the kills work with how cartoonish the villain can get with their murdering as Terrifier (2017) and Terrifier 2 (2022)'s own Art The Clown actor David Howard Thornton dons the make-up and channels Jim Carrey's neurotic take of the Grinch back in 2000's How the Grinch Stole Christmas in terms of body language. A fine example would be one massacre wherein a group of overly festive drunkards dressed up as Santas, sexy elves and, for one shmuck, a Christmas tree hollered too much noise noise noise for The Mean One's liking, so the creature goes ho-ho-homicidal on them with killer candy canes and fairy light lassos, all the while The Mean One slides into places, jumps from spot to spot, pretty much being a limber evil thing! No speaking lines were given for the furry green fella, though, just a lot of growls and howls, so in terms of characterization, our villain is greatly lacking on that end, sadly, and we never did get an official reason for why this take of The Grinch is so murderous towards anyone celebrating Christmas in turn.

The rest of the casts are usually of one note, but they have a sense of warmth and humor that do make their presence tolerable to an extent whenever one or two of them start hamming it up the dramatics. The last act of the film is when the campiness of it all goes nearly as high as Mount Crumpit, with Cindy going on full training montages and setting up traps to use against The Mean One, before luring the beast into her home with all the bright lights and holiday music blaring, ready to roast the monster away with candy cane-colored machine guns and Christmas baubles filled with explosives. Heck, even the villain's defeat is deliciously hammy and hilarious as it addresses the fact that a heart growing three times its size is never a good thing! 

Schmaltzy dialogue and overdramatic acting aside, The Mean One (2022) can be a fun holiday treat stocked with a fair dose of fun kills, satirical stabs on a beloved children's literature and an explosive finale that goes great with hot popcorn and cold sodas. Far from a new cult classic, but entertaining enough to pass the time with!

Bodycount:
1 female lands neck-first unto a nutcracker's sword
1 male has his gut clawed open, head impaled with a cane
1 male stabbed to death
1 male murdered, later found with an icicle stabbed into his neck
1 male beaten with a cane

1 male had his head beaten unto a stationary spindle

1 male stabbed in the gut with a cane

1 female had her head stomped

1 male beaten to death against a bar table

1 male clawed on the face

1 male clawed to death

1 female had her neck snapped with a length of fairy lights, hanged

1 female mulched through a meat grinder

1 female torn in half (flashback)

1 male hacked on the head with a meat cleaver, dismembered

1 female decapitated with a car's trunk

1 female had her neck broken (flashback)

1 male mauled offscreen, dismembered arm seen

1 creature dies from an exploding heart

Total: 19

Christmas is Terminated: Christmas Bloody Christmas (2022)

Christmas Bloody Christmas (2022)

Rating: ***1/2

Starring: Riley Dandy, Sam Delich and Jonah Ray

Do you see yourself as that one person who needs blood and carnage to balance out all the cutesy and saccharine sweet feel-good mushiness from sentimental holiday movies filling up your cable channels and streaming services every Winter season? Well, fortunately for your freaky arse, director Joe Begos of the scifi slasher Almost Human (2013) and bloody siege thriller VFW (2019) is bringing holiday fears with a good ole' slasher that's crass in class, proud to be loud and jolly to be bloody!

All Tori (Riley Dandy) wanted to do after working her Christmas Eve shift at a record store is score a good time with some dude she met at Tinder. But after finding out that the guy is married with kids and is living with his parents, she decided to ditch the lame shmuck and instead accepts her friend and colleague Robbie's (Sam Delich) invitation to hang out and paint the town red. After stopping by to visit some buddies working at a toy store and getting piss-assed drunk at a bar, the two soon made their way to Tori's house for steamy sex and obnoxiously loud conversations about each other's taste for records and horror sequels, unaware that a life-sized animatronic Santa called "RoboSanta+" suddenly have gone haywire and, channeling its inner circuitry as an intended military-grade killer robot, starts murdering off any people it comes across as it makes its way to end Tori.

One half killer Santa slasher, one half festive Terminator (1984) knock-off, Christmas Bloody Christmas (2022) has the makings to be an outrageous exploitation throwback breathing some variety to yet another axe-wielding Santa trope and it succeeds in this with its on-the-nose yet unapologetically manic execution, delivering a rather wild yet worthwhile B-grade holiday horror flick that's as entertaining as it is clunky at parts. 

The first thirty minutes can be a chore to sit through, being a crude hangout story following two adults acting like unsupervised teenagers with their hooting and hollering, drug snorting and beer guzzling. It is annoyingly immature, wearying and foul at its worst, as there's only so much swear-littered dialogue and grating blunderings one could take before the charm of it all is lost, but I will be lying if I didn't say I got some chuckles out of it (especially around their riled-up talk about horror sequels. Glad to see that mess Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000) still has its fans) and I have to give praises to the actors for doing a swell job delivering a genuine feel to their roles. Things eventually got better once RoboSanta+ finally lumbers their way to Tori's residence, stopping by and breaking into a neighboring house first for a grimly effective home invasion-cum-family massacre before forcing their way to Tori's and everyone gets an axe blow or two to places that definitely hurt.

The kills here are gloriously practical and rubbery yet gory, a lovely throwback to 70s and 80s slashers, much like the film's grainy visuals and candy-colored lightning, as well as its retrowave synth score. The killer robot Santa itself is a decent take on a popular holiday horror staple, bearing a passable explanation for its durability and strength, and too has thrown enough hints here and there as to why exactly it's splitting people in halves with an axe, but still leaving enough to the viewer's imagination regarding its specific interest on hunting down Tori. I do love the fact that it started out looking so much like your average Saint Nick with a murderous streak before gradually getting more and more damaged the further it struggles to end our final girl, revealing the flashy machinations inside it with some goofy but otherwise fitting make-up effects. 

And by struggle, I mean struggle! The final face-off is where the whole Terminator gig kicks in, running through the last third of the film and it's every way as harebrained as it is badass. It came to a point where our robot Santa is nothing but a metal endoskeleton with sparks and wires hanging out damaged and yet it still manages to be quite a challenge to put down as the menace survives every form of abuse Tori inflicts at it. This is where our lead turns from a screechy party girl to a gore-drenched heroine and I gotta say that the endless barrage of attacks from the mecha-maniac is only as good as the trappings and counter attacks its intended victim hurl back against it and this last act certainly delivers on that department, so long as you don't mind it dragging on a bit with all the robo fake-outs.

Without a doubt a slasher film for the undemanding, Christmas Bloody Christmas (2022) may suffer from a couple of clods in its writing, but as a straightforward bodycounter made to be entertainingly ridiculous and gruesomely bloody, I say it has done its best! If you get to switch off that big melon resting between your shoulders, feel free to see it as it can be a good watch. Just, maybe, prepare some booze and ready your finger towards the flashforward button... 

Bodycount:

1 male split in half with an axe

1 female repeatedly beaten against a glass counter

1 male gets a thrown axe to the back, head stomped

1 female hacked on the face with an axe

1 boy hacked with an axe

1 female had her neck broken

1 male killed offscreen with an axe

1 male had his head cleaved with an axe

1 male hacked on the head with an axe

1 male has his head blown off with a shotgun

1 male killed offcamera, mangled body hurled and seen

1 male shot on the head with a shotgun

Total: 12

Santa's Lakehouse Slay: Yule Die (2010)

Yule Die (2010)

Rating: **1/2

Starring: Malinda Asbhy, Nathan Betts and Jared Borum

Considering young Emily was attacked at a hijacking gone wrong by a crook in a Santa get-up one Christmastime ago, it's more than understandable that she's a little Santa-phobic, freezing up the moment she sees the jolly ole' fat man within premises but is doing her best to get over it by writing Christmas letters to him, as well as talking to her mum and a fatherly family friend named Nick about her fears. This year, however, she'll find herself reliving that nightmare when, due to the news that the creep who attacked her just busted out of prison, Emily and her mother decided to spend their holiday at a lakehouse owned by Nick and someone suited up as Santa Claus starts prowling around, murder in mind and ready to take victims...

Despite falling over and over around the common budget-affiliated pitfalls of shot-on-video titles, Yule Die (2010) surprisingly made itself to be an interesting little shlock that paced itself quite nicely, build a workable dark tone for the second half of the plot and feature an effectively creepy looking Santa slasher with a gore quota to match. Yes, the acting and audio is laughable at its worst (save for Shana Mangrum who played our lead girl. Quite a passable talent for a kid starring on basically a camcorder movie), the video is grainy in quality and a good chunk of the script involving some family drama between Emily's mom, dad and the family friend can get hammy, but the film thankfully didn't pull any punches when it comes to its horror scenes and actually have the guts to give us well executed "prowl and stab" moments with decent lighting style, camera, blood work and brutality, leading to a good enough killer reveal and a fitting downer ending. 

Frankly, I can see why Yule Die (2010) is a relatively rare slasher to stumble across as its low budget pretty much weighed it down into obscurity, but if you see yourself looking up this title, I do recommend it. It's an undemanding movie with a basic plot and a shaky production quality, but I have to give credit when credit is due as this film at least made itself intriguing and bloody enough to be a popcorn-friendly holiday creeper. What else can I say but give this slay a little ride.

Bodycount:

1 male hacked to death with an axe

1 male beaten to death with a brick

1 female had her throat cut with a ceramic shard

1 male repeatedly stabbed and carved with a kitchen knife, shot to death

1 male lands back-first on an axe

Total: 5

Some Bloody Nights Deserving of Silence: Silent Night, Bloody Night: The Homecoming (2013) and Revival (2015) Double Bill Review

An unsung cult classic, Silent Night, Bloody Night (1972) is a proto-slasher that spells a weird yet intriguing mystery plot tagged along with gothic tones, solid performances and a series of brutal murders set around Christmas time, more or less setting grounds to a few staple slasher tropes. It's a fun little number despite its flawed production value and I guess we have a few enthusiastic folks out there who thought the same, which led to not only a 2013 British redo, but also a direct sequel to the original released at 2015.

Oh, how I wished these wanks just didn't bother with them.

~~~

Silent Night, Bloody Night: The Homecoming (United kingdom, 2013)

Rating: *

Starring: Adrienne King, Sule Rimi and Lee Bane

As a modernized reboot, The Homecoming mostly follows through the 1972 original's plot with a few liberties here and there; a rich man named Wilfred Butler dies flaming and falling through his house's second story floor back in 1987. Cut forward to the present and Butler's last living relative, Jeffrey Butler, returns to the house to settle an offer with the townsfolk, selling the abode for a sizable sum. A few locals ponder over this as they just want the house demolished, hopefully taking down with it a dark history that has been tainting the town over the years.

Trouble arises, though, when a maniac murders their way out of a loonie bin and heads toward the town, settling in the Butler house to lure people in and killing them. It appears this murderer has some ties to the house and it isn't long before Jeffrey, along with the mayor's daughter Diane, discovers the horrifying truth behind the Butler's legacy.

Considering the quality of The Homecoming as a product, I dare question the point of even making this film when everything in it is yay-close to being a joke. The acting, for one, has so little life and flair to them that we have scenes where people just walk in and talk before switching over to another scene which may either repeat the process or involve them being killed off by an axe-wielding loon. The audio is mucked up, making half of the lines indistinguishable, and the editing done here looks like it's been made with some shlock's basement computer running on outdated software, something that doesn't help improve the lackluster camera work and uneven pacing.

I did admittedly find the lengthy flashback scene here a tad interesting for at least attempting to bring some character and solid story, but once that song and dance is done, The Homecoming slugs its way through a lifeless finale that has the killer trying to enjoy Christmas dinner with a reluctant survivor, accompanied by corpses and random twists that don't add up at all.

Not really hard to say little else about this movie seeing how much it lazily half-assed its way into existing. Don't bother with this one, mates, as it's a bloody night better off silenced.

Bodycount:

1 male suffocated with a plastic bag over his head

1 male had his head repeatedly crushed with a car door

1 male strangled and garroted with fairy lights

1 female had her face jabbed with a chair leg

1 male hacked in the back with an axe

1 female axed to death

1 male hacked through the head with a shovel

1 female had her throat cut with a razor

1 male slaughtered with knives (flashback)

1 female dragged away, killed (flashback)

2 males killed, method unknown (flashback)

1 male gets a wine glass to the eye, killed (flashback)

1 female killed offscreen (flashback)

1 male shot

1 male shot with a shotgun

1 male strangled to death

Total: 17

~~~

Silent Night, Bloody Night 2: Revival (2015)

Rating: 1/2

Starring: Julia Farrell, Luc Bernier and Jennifer Runyon

Okay. Who asked for this? Tell me. I have a large crusty chunk of coal ready to shove up their a-

The story here follows siblings Angelica and James traveling to the small town of East Willard to pay respect to their deceased brother, Max. They then head to stay at a bed and breakfast where things get strange as not only did Max apparently sent the house a VHS recording of himself giving cryptic messages for his siblings to watch, but there's also a creepy caller phoning the place, looking for a Jeffrey Butler and warning whoever is staying there that a Peter is out and that there will be blood by Christmas morning.

Angelica eventually learns through a not so hidden hidden journal of Jeffrey Butler that the town has a bit of a dark past one Christmas time ago back at the 1970s and now, a new festive fear figure is terrorizing it; Black Peter, the vengeful brother of Santa Claus. 

Now, see, I have no problem with sequels taking place decades after the original. Hell, one of my top fave slashers happen to be Psycho II (1983), the direct sequel to Alfred Hitchcock's horror masterpiece Psycho (1960). The key is to make the sequel's story work with character developments, intriguing plot pieces and a little bit of fanservice, a craft that can be mastered with skill and respect to the original film. And these are lot of things this garbage that calls itself the sequel to Silent Night, Bloody Night (1972) lacks of and failed to do.  

When about two-thirds of a sequel is just the original movie re-edited as sepia toned flashbacks and its scored with free-to-use internet music, you know there's barely any story to go by here and you can smell the cheap glue holding it together from miles. The over-cheesed bad acting that's as atrocious as the writing certainly isn't going to help elevate things ("Who's outside?", one character questions as mad door pounding fills the room. "Someone who wants inside.", answers another. Riveting), so does it comes as a surprise that the effects here are distractingly bad, too? (Yeah, uh, when you have that much of a snow shovel hacked all the way into your back, I highly doubt you can still stay in once piece and do semi-snow angels during your death rattles) 

In a way, it's kinda amazing how so much of this movie just doesn't work, even in a so bad, it's funny outlook. I guess this movie's trying to be something like the 1987 sequel to the infamous-for-kinda-understandable-reasons holiday slasher Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984), wherein the follow-up film hams its tone, acting and script further up and pushed the ante for economically tight movie making by recycling footages from the original as "flashback scenes", not very unlike the approach Revival did. The only difference here is that Deadly Night's sequel has a lot of manic energy in its approach that it's kinda fun to watch in a cheesy ironic way, while Revival just drags on for a lengthy while with its supposed mystery only to reward our patience with cheap kills and insultingly horrid onscreen talent. Fuck. That.

 Again, who asked for this?

Bodycount:

1 male implied dead from a car wreck

1 male hacked to death with an axe

1 female hacked through the back with a snow shovel

1 female stabbed in the chest with a fire poker

1 male beaten to death

1 male found dead on a cross

1 elderly female strangled with fairy lights

1 elderly male shot on the face

1 female poisoned

Total: 9

T'was a Naked Scream Queen Christmas: Santa Claws (1996)

Santa Claws (1996)
Rating: **

Starring: Debbie Rochon, Grant Kramer and John Mowod

While many of us remember John A. Russo as the writer behind Night of The Living Dead (1968)'s screenplay, those skittering about the lower, lower depths of the horror trash bin would also remember him for directing one of the many horror stinkers to exist, Santa Claws (1996).

As a child, Wayne never got over his father's death and hates just about anybody who would try to take his place. So when he finds his mother and uncle canoodling one Christmas night, the boy lost it, picked up his uncle's handgun and emptied it on the two adults.

Flashforward to the present, scream queen Raven Quinn is in the midst of a troubled marriage when she agreed to star in a shlocky softcore horror feature, "Scream Queen Christmas". Her in-laws disapprove of this and her husband is out elsewhere on a photoshoot (and an affair) so no full support on his part, which leads us to the now-adult Wayne who just happens to be her neighbor; secretly, Wayne is Quinn's biggest fan and whenever he's not worshipping her through a creepy shrine decked with her memorabilia (including a life-size bust that he smooches), he's doing his best to feign normalcy and tries anything he can to win her over.

And by anything, I mean apart from being a supportive friend, he's also out killing anybody he deems unworthy of Quinn's attention and love. Like, duh.

Frankly, Santa Claws (1996) doesn't work as a genuine horror effort; it's painfully obvious in its low-budget straight-to-VHS production, treading through a soggy, paper-thin story littered with atrociously bad acting, zero scares and a dry kill count. The pace is bogged down by too many skin scenes featuring characters that aren't particularly likable (or mattered at all considering the writing quality here), so I'm sure as shit thrills won't be a thing in this shlock as well. Still, the badness of it all at least reaches a form of high point as an unintentional comedy and I do find myself laughing at this mess from start to finish; the awkward shots, the inept line delivery, the clumsy murder sequences, there's a sense of corny weirdness to them that I just can't help but grin and chuckle. 

And, yes, if you have to count it, I guess the movie's multitude of eye candy stripteases can be a treat for some people. But if we're just in it to see some tits and ass, then one should know that the outtakes from this movie, along with additional topless footages were actually compiled into a real video titled Scream Queen’s Naked Christmas (1996). From what I heard, it's just as terrible as Santa Claws (1996) but, hey, Boobs Ahoy!

Obviously the worst choice you would make if you're looking for a good, good Christmas-themed slasher, but if you're open for a weirdly goofy and cheap holiday horror trasherpiece, then drink that bourbon and watch away!

Bodycount:

1 male and 1 female shot to death

1 female hacked to death with a garden claw

1 male hacked to death with a garden claw

1 female strangled to death

1 female hacked on the gut with a garden claw, strangled

1 male strangled to death with a choke-hold

1 male hacked on the throat with a garden claw

Total: 8

TV Terror: The Naughty List (2021)

The Naughty List (American Horror Stories Episode 4/Season 1 (2021)

Rating: ***

Starring: Kevin McHale, Nico Greetham and Dyllon Burnside

It's Christmas in July and Santa has come to town once more to spread some holiday fear in this deservingly gruesome entry from the horror anthology series American Horror Stories, a spin-off of Ryan Murphy's American Horror Story.

Taking a bloody stab at internet fame, a group of three dude bro influencers and their more timid tech guy-slash-camera man, collectively known as the 'Bro House", decided one December day to try something a little different from their usual posts of internet challenges, pranks and other tomfooleries; camping out near a bridge infamous for suicide jumpers, the gang records a man's demise and posts it online with little hesitation, hoping for millions of new subscribers. The result though, as many would've guessed, is a ton backlash from their soon-to-be former fans and sponsors, leading to the Bro House boys to try everything they can to salvage their channel and get their increasingly declining follower count to spike back up.

One of these sad attempts happen to be raiding a mall Santa's workshop where they harass staff and visiting families, unsuspectingly leading to a nasty surprise for them later: as it turns out, the Santa working there (played by the ever intimidating and badass Danny Trejo) is actually a serial killer who snuffs out real mall Santas to take their place and you can take a good wild guess who just ended up in this murderous Sick Nick's naughty list...

How well you would take in this mini-movie episode depends on how much toxic behavior and dumbassery your stomach can handle before the carnage because it is going to take a while to get there; for a good sum of the story, we're treated to three douchebags flexing their perceived invincibility as social media influencers and their belief that they're above any form of decency and morality just because they have a website and a fanbase. Admittedly, this is both frustrating and satisfying to watch as these characters' monumental stupidity to even understand the gravity of their actions meant seeing them struggle to grasp and accept the situation they caused on their own, henceforth further digging their own graves deeper not just as internet stars, but also literally when they finally cross the wrong person. I love the fact they're suffering from their choices, but I cannot help but think this could have been written and implemented better, perhaps with a more compelling set of characters to really give that gut a good ole' punch rather than going for the easy route of Paul Logan caricatures with even less functioning braincells.

In a way, this does make the resulting massacre all that more satisfying given how much these character made themselves so deserving of being targeted by a holiday-themed slasher. I love the fact Danny Trejo's slaughtering Santa has little to go by in terms of solid origin and depth, as it kinda gives him this mysterious air of simply existing there to do harm in what he sees as his deed as Saint Nick. The kills are bloody at best, the most creative among them being a nasty way out involving Christmas lights and a pool, but with it happening around the last third of an episode with a near 40 minute run time, I did wish it was a tad longer so we could further engross ourselves to the unfolding horror.

In a nutshell, American Horror Stories' The Naughty List (2021) embodies the worst and best elements of a simple slasher story, focusing first on a slowburn rabbit hole of internet toxicity and cancel culture before getting on the gory goods of candy cane colored crossbows and human gullet-decorated Christmas trees. It's not the grandest example of a holiday slasher story done right (heck, it barely even felt like its Christmas throughout the episode), but if you can survive your way through annoying characters without a hitch just to see that sweet, sweet mayhem for all that trouble, I say go for it and catch this!  

 
Bodycount:
1 male jumps off a bridge
1 male found inside a box dismembered into pieces
1 male had his head twisted
1 male tangled in Christmas lights and thrown into a pool, electrocuted
1 male shot to death with a crossbow
1 male shot on the leg with a crossbow and set on fire with gasoline, later succumbs to his injuries in a pool
Total: 6

Silent Night, Cruel Night: O'Hellige Jul! (2013)

Have Yourself a Mirthless Little Christmas~

O'Hellige Jul! (Christmas Cruelty!) (Norway, 2013)
Rating: **1/2
Starring:  Eline Aasheim, Tormod Lien, Magne Steinsvoll

When a movie starts with a family of four beaten, bound and gagged while the perpetrator rapes the mother before putting a running buzzsaw through a baby, you know this is gonna be one fucked up holiday horror.

A mean-spirited callback to the old days of artsy exploitation movies, O'Hellige Jul! follows the lives of friends Eline, Magne and Per-Ingvar as they celebrate the holiday season through festive decorations, pranks and some good ole' brewskies to the point of being shit-faced. Unknown to all of them, they're being observed by a man working at a public welfare agency who's planning to pay them a visit soon and contribute in any way he can so they don't have to worry about the New Year.

The problem with this? Well, this welfare worker and loving family man happens to be a serial killer with a brutally nasty habit of home invasion, rape and dismembering victims. As Eline and her buddies go through the Winter holidays with little to no care in the world, our killer plots his next killing spree and it isn't long before a creepy Santa costume is donned, paths are crossed and a chainsaw's teeth goes through warm flesh.

True to O'Hellige Jul!'s English title, this movie is cruel in every sense and not just in a manner of relentless onscreen blood work; while the beginning and the end of the movie befits the slasher/splatter category well, the middle run of O'Hellige Jul! is written more as a black comedy working around the bleaker side of the holiday with an almost realistic (and at times, darkly funny) depiction of those living in the lower end of the social spectrum, mostly unpleasant folks wallowing in misery and stress over the hectic (and often costly) yearly celebration. This works quite well to the fact that our killer's normal occupation is that of someone supposed to help these people, creating an ironic yet oddly clever walking and stabbing social satire on the welfare system, though it can divide the audience as this chunk of the story can get really slow with its pacing, and attempts to build character and tone can lead almost unwatchable obnoxiousness.

The exploitative portions, thankfully, deliver the best bits of the movie, holding little to no restraint when it comes to grue and unsettling scenarios despite the low budget effects. It's not one for the squeamish, pulling no punches when it comes to taboo subjects such as assault, infanticide and random acts of violence, but lovers of dark and gritty cinema certainly will find something to like about this movie, particularly the last third of O'Hellige Jul! where the savagery is at its worst and the final product is foreseen bleak, thus a very welcome payoff to a slow middle act.

Less of your paint-by-number slasher horror and more of a gore-filled grindhouse grit,  O'Hellige Jul! is a film that pushes the boundaries of shock value and explores the more realistic array of cinematic scares on the side. It is no mean a masterpiece as a holiday horror flick considering the, again, long and slow middle run, but I do appreciate the efforts the filmmakers made to put something daring and strangely natural on a horror film. With its cast of amateur actors giving the film an air of near fidelity, O'Hellige Jul! definitely has the potential to be better with a bigger budget or slicker direction, but for what we have now, I recommend this title only to those with a strong stomach and a love for good underground shlock.

Bodycount:
1 baby sliced through with a buzzsaw
2 males and 2 females presumably murdered offcamera
1 male brained to death with a hammer
1 male decapitated with a machete
1 female knifed to death
1 female dismembered with a chainsaw
1 male dismembered and eviscerated with a chainsaw
Total: 10

A Slasher of Christmas Great: All Through The House (2016)

All Through The House (2016)
Rating: ***1/2
Starring: Ashley Mary Nunes, Jessica Cameron, Melynda Kiring

One Christmas Eve night at a typical American town, a lunatic dressed as an unjolly Saint Nick is spreading their own brand of holiday fear, breaking into houses and slaying anyone unfortunate enough to be in their way. As this maniac decks the halls with blood and gore, Rachel Kimmel (Ashley Mary Nunes), a teenage girl returning from college and housesitting for her neighbor Mrs Garrett (Melynda Kiring), decides to tag her friends along and make merry for the festive season, little knowing that the killer is closing in to their house and a few dark secrets will be unraveled as the night goes on and the bodycount goes higher.

In all frankness, All Through The House was a surprising treat for myself as I have very little knowledge to what I was getting myself into once I got a copy, aside the obvious point that it's another killer Santa flick which may or many not deliver the gory goods.

Now, as a slasher, the film definitely has its cliched moments such as sexualized victims with horrible decision-making skills, heavy-breathing men-of-steel mute killers, and even a story-telling scene wherein an old incident concerning an eccentric neighbor was brought up as a possible red herring. Thankfully, these little nicks are easy to look over and can even give the film that right kind of grindhouse feel to its run, far from perfect with its uneven audio and a few wooden side characters, but otherwise nostalgic for hitting these classic slasher set-ups just right.

Once the film's momentum gets going, it draws us into a workable mystery surrounding the eccentric neighbor our heroines are housesitting for, coinciding with brutal scenes of our killer Santa slaying innocent people (and a few voluptuously naughty ones) in their homes. While it is kinda obvious that there might be a connection between the neighbor and the killer, how exactly they affix with one another is the film's lingering question for us and the answer falls in very dark and unusual places through a few twists, surprises and Melynda Kiring's performance as Mrs Garrett at the near end, as well as Mary Nunes' final girl going through her own twist in the plot which kinda rings familiar to a certain 2013 3D slasher, Texas Chainsaw 3D.

I personally believe House decently paced itself quite nicely by interjecting a lot of the gory murders in the midst of the mystery's build-up, all of which having a wide array of effectiveness from simple machete blows and hurled paraplegics, to gruesomely gory garden shear impalements and castrations. They're all done the old fashioned way with gruesomely chunky practical effects and free-flowing blood works, some even paying tribute to a few cult classic slasher titles such as Alone In The Dark (1982) and The Burning (1980) (The latter more on the fact as Santa's main weapon is a trusted pair of clippers!) so it's rarely boring even if the scene simply involves our characters discussing. The killer wasn't half bad themselves with their Jason Voorhees/Leatherface-inspired body language and backstory, as well as the intimidating Santa mask he managed to snag up and wear through out the ordeal, so expect some decent stalk-and-creep scenes from the big guy before he delivers his gory Christmas treats for us slasher fans.

A few creepy imagery here and a pinch of actual holiday spirit there, this movie passes not only as a slasher, but also as an low-key independent film that knows the materials it is working with and the audience it is made for. Fans of throwback bodycounters flicks can definitely find an inviting warm fire within the gored-up bodies and unsettling family issues this film offers so if you're not too critical on production value and just in need of a quick fix for yuletide slasher mayhem, Santa's garden shears are ready to cut for you All Through The House!

Bodycount:
1 boy killed offscreen
1 female stabbed through the chest and eyes with a garden shear
1 male castrated with a garden shear
1 dog hacked to death with a machete
1 female hacked on the throat with a machete, stabbed on the head with a garden shear
1 female stabbed through the head with a garden shear
1 male castrated with a garden shear
1 female dragged underneath a bed, slaughtered
1 female stabbed through the gut and head with a garden shear
1 paraplegic elderly female rolled off from a cliff, fell to her death
1 cat killed
1 female slaughtered with a garden shear
1 female had her throat chopped with a garden shear
1 female mentioned murdered
1 male stabbed with a garden shear
1 female strangled to death
Total: 16

A Slasher of Christmas Good: Good Tidings (2016)

Good Tidings (United Kingdom, 2016)
Rating: ***
Starring:  Colin Murtagh, Alexander Mounsey, Stu Jopia

In this season of giving, United Kingdom decided to give us another take on a Christmas slasher, one that lacks any real depth and meaning other than to see homeless people try and survive one of the most insane worst case scenarios: a trio of killer Santas.

Good Tidings starts simple with a lone man at a country cottage drunkenly readying himself for a Santa gig, failing to notice three masked men in hospital gowns surrounding him. By the time he did, it was far too late and literally loses his noggin at the end of a wielded shovel. The trio of loonies then dons the man's Santa suits and masks (why he had so many and why it came with creepy mask is still a mystery to me), before driving off to some place they can wreak havoc.

In the meantime, Sam Baker (Alan Mulhall), a homeless war-veteran, is holding his own Christmas get-together with his fellow hobos and runaways at an abandoned courthouse he claimed and kept open for those in need of a warm home and simple meals. This gesture of kindness will soon be paid in blood, pain and death, unfortunately, when the Santas decided to crash and waste to time starting a bloody and brutal game of cat-and-mouse.

Our Santa stooges: Curley, Larry and Moe.

As mentioned, Good Tidings has little to go around in terms of deep plotting as, in its core, it is a simple survivalist siege/slasher hybrid pitting a group of homeless folks (focusing mostly on three: Sam, runaway druggie Roxy (Claire Crossland), and the motherly Mona (Julia Walsh)) against a trio of sadistic murderous Santa loons. It's guilty of the few dim or impossible logic most slashers suffer from, such as tinsel garland being durable enough to lock doors or the fact that none of the panicking homeless folk ever thought of ganging up against one killer at a time considering there's enough of them to deliver a good fatal beating. Instead, they all run away scared like cattle in a slaughterhouse, pretty much letting the Santas have their fun. (And leaving us imagining a spree killing that would have been better onscreen, another point down on my book.)

Perhaps these unfortunate souls have their reasons such as the likes of one victim here with a heart condition, or that they're simply confused and frightened by the sudden meaningless murders happening in front of them during the should-be most joyous occasion in the year. Whatever it will be, it did little to dampen the ferocity of this movie despite showing little brutality and gore.

In its simplicity, Good Tidings still manages to deliver a whole lot of goods from the competent actors and actresses taking their roles with heart and genuine effectiveness, to the intensity brought upon the presence and unpredictability of our killer trio. (Each unusually named after the Three Stooges at the credits) To be truthful, the movie is mostly a treat whenever the three killer Kringles are on screen, as one can never be sure what they will do since they are all portrayed mute and rely heavily on body language to show their individual personalities, as well as giving us strangely (and darkly comical) scenes like them playing around with a severed head or one of them being eerily friendly with one of their captives. A slasher film can sometimes be best remembered with their villains and I will say the men behind the Santa masks here did a damn decent job.

Good Tidings indeed. For us slasher fans! 

The killings were as standard as slasher movies go with machete and axe hackings. A few decent practical kills were put on screen but there were some CG assisted ones included, thankfully not enough to completely distract us. Pacing is pretty decent despite a bit of slowness around the middle part as this is when most of the more mentally sadistic elements were played. (Nastiest of which was a wife repeatedly forced to kiss her husband's decapitated head. Yeesh) This is quickly remedied by the interesting set-up in which one of the Santas develops a liking to a captive and apparently stirring things between the three madmen.

Despite the low budget and some nitpicks here and there, Good Tidings is, well, good! Not the best to top some heavy holiday horror hitters like the Black Christmas set, Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984) or, hell, Krampus (2015), but it certainly has a lot of better offerings to give us compared to shit like, I dunno, UK's last year disappointment Christmas Slay (2015)? (I loathe that shit entirely) So if you think you've been good this whole year, try not to miss this one! That's enough to put you on the naughty list and our Santas aren't gonna be happy... 

Bodycount:

1 male decapitated with a shovel

1 male stabbed on the eye with a candy cane

1 male had his throat slashed with a machete

1 female hacked to death with an axe

1 victim bludgeoned with a bat (mostly off screen)

1 male disemboweled with a machete

1 female gets a lead pipe ran through her head

1 male hit on the face with a dropped hammer trap

1 male found hanged

5 males and 2 females found murdered

1 male decapitated offcamera with a machete

1 female had her neck snapped

1 male killed offcamera with a machete

1 female ran through with a machete

1 male stabbed to death with a sharpened candy cane

16 victims seen murdered

1 male decapitated with a machete

Total: 38