A Night To Be Mental: Spithood (2024)

Spithood (2024)

Rating: ***

Starring: Thibul Nettle, Claudia Bonifazio, Natasha Wanganeen

Sometimes you can simply enjoy a slasher just for being a slasher; give a killer a cool and intimidating look, sic the maniac out on some meat bags, have the victims be killed off creative ways, and you have a movie equivalent of junk food. Shallow. Sans deep. But, hey, it's fun! In a morbid way.

Indie Ozploitation slasher Spithood (2024) could have been this simple horror entertainment and, for most parts, it is; the remaining staff of a soon-to-be closed mental hospital were preparing for their last shift when they're informed that the police are dropping off one more patient, a juggernaut of a man wearing the titular spithood. The fella, Paul Atkins (Matt Connelly), is to be evaluated for an insanity plea, understandably so seeing he brutally slaughtered five women after his family got killed in a hit-and-run. Initially confined to a locked cell, it isn't long before Atkins somehow escapes from captivity, racing through hallways and cubicles savagely murdering whoever he comes across.

Advertised as Australia's first film written by First Nation people without referencing their roots, as well as starring three indigenous casts as leads (Natasha Wanganeen, Thibul Neetle and Luana Pohe), Spithood (2024) follows the slasher structure to its core in a short yet slick 58 minute run. It wastes no time getting into the bodycounting action once all the players are introduced, showcasing thrilling cat-and-mouse chases and plenty of stalking throughout near-empty corridors and rooms, all under the presence of a maniac whose eerie silence heightens his unsettling aggressiveness, particularly whenever he prefers to use his own strength to beat and stomp his victims to death. It's fairly bloody, never too gory, leaning on a more subtle display of violence by utilizing shadows and implications of savagery through clever editing and camera work, punctuated with copious amount of blood splatter and pulped bodies to be seen after a moment or two.

You could say, for a small production and director Tim Pine's debut film, there's genuine effort to be found in Spithood (2024), something I cannot say the same for its writing, sadly; personally, I take no issues on the fact that our characters stumble down the same clichéd route of being one-dimensional disposable fodder doing silly slasher victim mistakes like splitting up, but I do think it wouldn't hurt to flesh them out a tad more when the plot appears to be building up to something. It's later brought up in the story that it's impossible for Atkins to escape on his own, which means someone among them let him out on purpose, thus giving us a bit of mystery to work on as to who and why? Unfortunately, the narrative fails to execute this without punching more than one holes in the story, leading to a lot of incidents and twists not adding up at all, as well as its supposedly shocking finale being more of a headscratcher by the time the credits roll. 

Questionable writing aside, there's enough to recommend here in Spithood (2024) for slasher fans who love a generous helping of bloody kills and a frightfully menacing killer. It's not reinventing anything and, frankly, that's alright; not every good film has to be high art! If you're in it for a quick and easy bodycounter horror, then this film is ready to provide!

Bodycount:

1 male beaten to death

1 female strangled, stomped to death

1 male repeatedly brained with a wrench

1 female hacked on the head with a cleaver

1 female smothered with a garbage bag

1 male attacked, killed offscreen

1 male suffers a heart attack

1 male stabbed to death with a fountain pen

Total: 8

A Slay Belle In Toymaker Hell: Carnage For Christmas (2024)

Carnage For Christmas (Australia, 2024)

Rating: **1/2

Starring: Jeremy Moineau, Chris Asimos, Dominique Booth

As someone who's been subjecting oneself to slasher horror for some good decades or so, I've seen a lot of unusual jabs on the bodycounter sub-genre, may it be plot-wise or execution. One moment you're watching an angry snowman end someone by repeatedly bashing them with Christmas ornaments, or trapped teens get hunted down inside a mall by robots armed with lasers; next you're watching a murder mystery unfold ala gimmicky split screens, or follow the steps of a backwoods maniac as they hike through a dense forest looking for people to kill with little to no dialogue uttered. Cinema is a strange landscape, and horror movies will always be a part of its strangeness. 

And yet, here I am at a lost on what to make of this holiday stab-a-thon.

Returning to her hometown of Purdan for the first time after coming out of the closet and legging it from there when she was just 16 years old, true crime podcaster Lola (Jeremy Moineau) expects nothing but small town backwardness and transphobic insults from its residents upon her arrival. What she didn't see coming, though, is a bit of a warm welcome from a few good folks looking forward on meeting her, either fans of her podcast or queer like her. There's also the fact that Lola is a little of a local celebrity for solving an unsolved crime back when she was just a kid while partaking on a coming-of-age dare. One that involves an old house where, allegedly, a toymaker killed his entire family back in the 1930s. 

However, much to her and the town's horror, it appears the Toymaker, or likely someone insane enough to take on the role, has started a killing spree seemingly targeting people around Lola's circle. The police, either out of sheer homophobia or incompetence (or both), quickly dismisses these killings as "botched robberies" or simply "missing people". But not for Lola. No, she knows something is up when the cops are ignoring the fact that this is more than a simple crime case when the evidence is all over it, and she's going to use her skills and experience as a true crime podcaster to uncover the truth and stop the murderer before more lives are taken!

By all means, Carnage for Christmas (2024) has a good story to tell, one that feels like a fun rainy afternoon murder mystery you could cuddle up to with a hot drink, only queer-friendly and, well, gory given it's about a brain-bashing brute in a dirty Santa suit and mask. The plot is engagingly complex with red herrings and twisty turns, as well as a few good humor tossed around to lighten up a few moments. All of it driven by a tough and sassy amateur sleuth who takes no nonsense from sloppy cops and transphobic yokels, quick to think on her feet and surrounded by a small yet likable enough cast of side characters willing to help out so long as they don't fall victim to the Toymaker first. It's misadventures and shocking surprises around for this small town whodunnit, though it's executed in a rather "venturesome" manner that's distracting at its worst. 

 

While the mystery has a decent weight to it, there are moments where it gets a bit much with the details and characters, plenty of them popping up only to do nothing but be on the back burner until the story finds the appropriate time to bring them up again. The movie's untrammeled editing is also a cavalcade of overdone stylization, too hammed up and brashly experimental that it often feels out of place against the movie's film's more serious notes. The writing can be too on the nose on occasion, nearing cheeky, and the kills are, sadly, lackluster despite the attempts to make them feel or look gnarly. There's a "blood eagle" corpse that does look nice and I do like the one murder involving a hand-crank drill for the novelty of the weapon, but the rest were done with these store bought props, awkward graphics and CG blood effects that they're awfully frustrating to look at.   

And then there's the finale; what could have been your simple brawl between an unmasked maniac and the final girl starts with our podcaster pretty much explaining how she figured out the killer's motive and what led them to this path of murdering and mayhem, all the while trying to avoid being detected by crawling around and rolling behind tables and boxes while the maniac stalks around an empty bar. They fight with B-grade choreography and it seems the killer was about to get the upper hand, until a pair of fake boobs knocks them unconscious and, well, gets tazed to the point of defecating. I shit you not. (pun intended) 

It's this overly manic execution and mismatched comedic tone that just doesn't work for me; I like the lead gal, the urban myth that goes along with the masked slasher and, too, the reveal made regarding the killer's modus operandi, but a more consistent flow and direction would have made me like this movie a bit more. Perhaps the movie could have benefitted from a tweak or two in its direction, but the resulting product is still unique enough to standout among murder mystery slashers and queer horror, not to mention decently passable for a modern Ozploitation indie work. Feel free to see Carnage for Christmas (2024) for your fix of yuletide nightmares, just don't expect to take it too seriously...

Bodycount:

1 male gutted with a switchblade (story)

1 female brained to death with a hammer

1 female brained with a hammer, later found disemboweled

1 female jabbed in the neck with a breast drill

1 male brained with a hammer, scalp pried open

Total: 5

The Old Home: Next of Kin (1982)

Next of Kin (Australia, 1982)

Rating: ****

Starring: Jacki Kerin, John Jarratt, Alex Scott

Made and released during Australia's boom of exploitation flicks, this cult classic slasher thriller is an anomaly in aesthetics but well deserving of its status of a genre-defining favorite among many!

Returning back to her home town after receiving news that her dear mother passed away, Linda Stevens (Jacki Kerin) sees herself inheriting Montclare, a gothic yet luxuriant nursing home that her mother and aunt Rita created out of their own manor. Knowing little about the place, Linda entertained the idea of just selling it away and getting on with her life, but seeing the pleasant hostility of the home's head nurse Connie (Gerda Nicolson) and local medic Dr. Barton (Alex Scott), who both have been running the Montclare during the times Linda's mother was ailing, she sensed something rather off about her situation, opting to ponder over her decisions a bit more and maybe even managing the place while she's at it. 

When one of the elderly residents is found dead at the bottom of a bathtub one day, Linda's stay in Montclare took a turn for the macabre as she's now catching glimpses of a mysterious figure hanging around the grounds, getting phone calls from someone heavily breathing on the other line, as well as finding sink and baths mysteriously left open to run. Furthermore, she discovers her late-mother's diary detailing something evil lurking within the manor and her aunt's eventual descent into violent madness twenty years ago. When asked about the home's dark past, Dr Barton and Connie decline to speak about the matter, forcing Linda to seek help from a local boy she's romancing named Barney (Pre-Wolf Creek John Jarratt!) in uncovering what's really going on in Montclare...

To call Next of Kin (1982) a slasher is only true for about a third of the movie as the rest play out more as a slow burn psychological thriller crafted with effectively haunting imagery, stylized scenery, and, too, intriguing characters for the premise to focus on. It's a direction that may not work for most, but the film's steady and controlled pacing undoubtedly help build the story and tension towards a workably dark and gothic mystery behind the enigmatic horrors hidden in Montclare, fleshing out the devil in the details and, too, raising the dread the further the situation deepens. There's a mild surrealist bend to its execution, making use of a good deal of superb camerawork and uncannily eloquent visuals to give this Ozploitation piece a psuedo-supernatural sense in its scares, adding more on its creep factor. In turn, the narrative is well-acted and tainted with low cheese, influenced greatly by the Old Dark House horror outings down to the very tropes of apparent hauntings and suspiciously secretive individuals, with lead actress Jacki Kerin navigating her character through this unraveling plot with a fair range of being warmly nostalgic towards the old town she grew up in and simply downright horrified once a nightmarish turn starts a horrifying killing spree. 

It isn't until the closing act where the murdering steps in, as a genuinely enthralling reveal sets off a good old fashioned cat-and-mouse stalking and terrifyingly villains on the prowl. It's a rewarding payoff after an hour of build up, one that may have rushed the bodycount since most of the murders were done offcamera, but the striking imagery of the slaughtered bodies do make up for it, plus the overall eeriness of the attacks, done hauntingly through expressive camera work and sound design, are among the most efficient I've seen! 

So, not the most carnal slasher out there, but Next of Kin (1982) manages to maintain a noteworthy cult following for just how it stands out in tone and style compared to most other bodycounter horror flicks. It's a genuine horror gem spellbound with a patient yet captivatingly dark storytelling, exploding into a visceral display of tormented realities and murderous psychosis just right before the film meets its reaches its strange yet captivating conclusion. If you're yet to see this, then you owe yourself a viewing of this psychological mini-masterpiece from our friends down under! 

Bodycount:

1 elderly male found dead in a bath tub

1 elderly male found drowned in a bath tub (flashback)

1 female found dead from a slashed throat

1 male found murdered, face bloodied 

1 female found murdered, body seen in bath tub

1 male found dead from a head wound and a syringe to the neck, body seen in bath tub

1 female stabbed through the eye with a hat pin comb

1 male had his head blown off with a shot gun

Total; 8

My Bloody Reunions: To Become One (2002)

To Become One (Australia, 2002)

Rating: **

Starring: David Vallon, Emma Grasso, Jamie Giddens

Hey, dear readers! Ever wondered what would The Human Centipede (2009) would be like if it was a slasher? No? Well, good for you! You're completely sane and I don't have to worry about you! But, yeah, that's what this low-budget early-2000s Ozploitation reminds me of. Minus the poop thing.

A year after seeing her dear mum get sliced in half by a killer donning a gas mask, Melinda was just celebrating her birthday with friends one night when the same masked maniac shows up to ruin the evening, slaughtering a couple of guests. More of Melinda's buds are then bumped off no soon after, forcing the rest of the gang to try saving themselves from being murdered by driving into the countryside. (Which meant they'll be far from civilization and any potential help, surely making themselves convenient for the killer to pick off one by one. And some of you wonder why I often root for the killers in these films...)

One car bomb decimated, two girls burnt to a crisp and a Carbine gun opened fire later, Melinda is chased into the woods where the killer finally corners her and this is when the movie begins to shift the curve because next thing you know, she's bound to a hospital bed and stuck inside an insane asylum where a doctor high on religious fervor plans to reunite her with a long lost family member ala surgery. Melinda must now find a way to escape the demented doctor and his crazed cohorts before she suffers a fate worse than death, all in the meantime taking a gander or two to what kind of delusions the sick surgeon is feeding himself, his staff and his congregation of patients.

From teen slasher to medical-cum-cult horror, To Become One (2002) has the ambition to better itself and be more than just another slasher flick which is admirable, yes, even more so when the production only had a couple of grand to work with. However, the clumsy execution of this gesture shows that the film still bit more than it could chew and it's distracting to say the least, more often within the movie's clunky ventures to stylize itself with warping colors and overly active camerawork, as well as dripping the horror drama elements with too many talky scenes that are just made worse by wearisome writing. There are no likeable characters to root for and the killer could have been this movie's strong point as they do rock a good gas mask and black trench coat combo, and the murders they commit have a decent splash of blood and gore to them, but all that's tossed away the moment they're unmasked midway into the movie and, before you know it, they're just annoying to watch.  

Finishing on an inevitably frantic note, To Become One (2002) is too much of an overworked yet underwhelming chore to watch as a whole; while the slasher half have a lot of dumb moments, it's somewhat entertaining with its badness, which is a lot more than I can say about the pretentious wannabe psycho-drama we're treated with in the other half. If you think about it, it doesn't really add up now, does it? Why does the killer even have to stalk and massacre Melinda's friends if the main goal here was to get her to the hospital and settle her for surgery? Why waste all that precious time and energy? I don't know. All I can tell is that there is a good idea to be found here, it's just messily handled in this blunder of a film. 

Bodycount:

1 female sliced in half with a sword

1 female ran through with a digging bar

1 female had her head skewered with a digging bar

1 female had her neck crushed and slashed open with metal claws

1 male garroted with a thin wire

2 females decimated with a bomb

1 elderly male passes away

1 male stabbed in the back with a knife

Total: 9

Kangaroos Loose In The Top Paddock: Safety In Numbers (2006)

Safety In Numbers (Australia, 2006)

Rating: *1/2

Starring: Jessica Napier, Ben Tari, Henry Nixon

In this rare Aussie export, six former reality TV stars find themselves going to an island for what may have been a reunion show, only to find the place seemingly deserted and trashed. Unknown to these chuckleheads, a jealous ex-contestant who got booted from the show have been waiting for them to get there, biding their time for the perfect opportunity to murder the bunch, or at least have enough deadly traps set around the island for these wankers to walk into.  

Now, see, Safety In Numbers (2006) could have been a good enough slasher film with that premise alone. Not a great slasher per se, but at least entertaining enough to earn an occasional watch should one be looking for a casual island-set survival bodycounter to pass the time with. Sadly, the film simply fails to execute any form of genuine interest from this simple plot, not with its characters being as bland as stale bread and twice as dumb despite the actors themselves being competent in their roles, or the kills, though bloody, mostly done either offscreen or edited in a way that we only see the weapon or trap approaching before it smash-cuts to a scream. Camera work is as dull as the near-barren island setting, too, and there's not much drama, atmosphere or tension to speak of here since, again, the victims are too dim and cliched to feel invested in. 

The killer doesn't show up in the flesh until the third act were it suddenly goes full cat-and-mouse mode and, once more, it could have been a great deal of fun with the perp chasing down the obligatory final girl while more or less surviving at most four attempts on their lives, but this is soon tarnished by a clumsy twist reveal and finale where it hints the possibility of another loonie offing people, but never bothering to do anything of actual substance with it so we're not even sure if this is what they're suggesting! 

Bestrewed with a poor script, lackluster characters, tame kills and an infuriating ending, Safety In Numbers (2006) is a rarity that deserves its obscurity. An ocker mess of an uninteresting slasher, we'd be better off watching or even doing almost anything else...

Bodycount:

1 male bludgeoned on the head

1 male trips a spiked spring trap, impaled

1 female killed offscreen, later seen impaled in the mouth with a spear

1 female hit by a hurled log trap, killed

1 male found murdered in a pit

1 male found murdered in a pit

1 female shot with a harpoon

1 male missing, presumably killed

1 female killed offscreen, dismembered arm seen

Total: 9

One Bloody Pub Crawl: Slaughtered (2010)

Slaughtered (Australia, 2010) (AKA "Schooner of Blood")

Rating: *1/2

Starring: Chloé Boreham, Christopher Tomkinson, Steven O'Donnell

So, a dead body is found in a pub during a busy evening. The smartest thing you could probably do in this situation, apart from not go near the body, is call the cops and call it a night, right? Well, screw that sensible logic! Slaughtered (2010) says we should keep the bar open, have all the staff continue working and not talk about the dead bodies piling up all over the place! 

Yep, it's one of those movies.

Plot is arguably nonexistent in this shlock; we simply follow the staff of a local pub going about their night dealing with hapless drunks, new hires and potential red herrings who may or may not be responsible for a murder that happened five minutes into the film. Beers are served, pervy flirts make out in the backrooms, all the while a dark cloaked someone donning a mask full of glass shards do their fair share of onscreen and offscreen slayings until it's eventually obvious to the staff (but not most of the bar patrons, somehow!) that a killer is on the loose. Cops were called but only one showed by the end of the film and the killer basically got away with it all then, leaving us with a half-assed reveal that is virtually pointless as no motives were given and everything just stopped there! 

With acting chops as amateur as they can get and shitty audio mixing grinding up our precious ear drums, the only good thing I can point out in Slaughtered (2010) is that the gore effects and make-up are passable for a low budget indie and the killer's disguise is pretty badass in its near-simplicity. Other than that, this braindead slasher story is the very definition of forgettable despite the odd choices in its direction, like a staggering sad drunk who lost a bet. There's really nothing else to this film so feel free to bother yourself with this one if you absolutely have nothing else better to do.

Bodycount:

1 male had his throat cut with a wood saw

1 male found stabbed in the chest with a keg coupler

1 male hacked on the face with a spade

1 female stabbed in the chest with a wood saw, force fed a glass shard and had her neck broken

1 female stabbed in the gut with a wood saw

1 male found with his throat cut and eyes missing

1 male found slaughtered

1 male stabbed in the chest with a wood saw

1 male found slaughtered

1 male hacked to death with a bill

Total: 10

You are (Not) Enough: Sissy (2022)

Sissy (Australia, 2022)

Rating: ****

Starring: Aisha Dee, Hannah Barlow and Emily De Margheriti

Ah, influencers. People who built enough reputation for their knowledge and expertise on certain topics, guiding and engaging enthusiastic masses who look up to them for creative inspiration, authenticity and, once in a while, envy and consumerism. In today's social and traditional media, almost anyone can become an influencer so long as they put enough work to it and this may or may not include putting on a happy face to cover up something... broken.

Running an online wellness channel called Sincerely Cecilia, Cecilia spends her days in front of a camera promoting positivity and self-worth (while throwing in the occasional product placement) to her hundreds of thousands of adoring followers, all of who are unaware that once the camera goes off, their beloved influencer is simply depressed and miserable in life, living alone in a messy apartment watching TV and eating pizza. One day, however, Cecilia found herself bumping into Emma, a childhood friend she lost contact with all these years, and this chance meeting reignited a feeling of warmness and belonging she haven't felt for so long as tries to reconnect with her good friend emotionally. It all goes on a good start with Emma inviting Cecilia to her and her soon-to-be-wife Fran's bachelorette party and the two buddies actually having a swell time, but once Emma invites Cecilia to a weekend getaway far off near the woods with her friends and girlfriend, things just got way awkward and intense.

The house they'll be staying at happens to be owned by Alex, who bullied Cecilia as a kid and holds a spiteful grudge against the awkward girl for something she did to her years ago. Pissed at the fact Emma tagged along Cecilia without her knowledge, Alex goes out of the way to belittle her unwanted guest, mocking her profession and insultingly calling her by her childhood nickname, 'Sissy'. Cecilia, in turn, gets dangerously stressed from the attacks, starting to feel more and more unwanted and out of place from such a close friend group, but strives to do her best putting up a brave face and making amends with old enemies. But it ain't all as easy as it sounds and it isn't long before push comes to shove and bodies start dropping dead like flies.  

Taking cues from Lucky McKee's horror drama May (2002) and the depressing, Ryan Reynold-led dark comedy Voices (2014), Sissy (2022) settles itself as a darkly satirical character drama taking a stab at influencer culture, looking into modern day addictions of weighing one's worth through feedbacks of countless strangers behind digital icons at the cost of one's ability to actually grow as a person and move past familiar comfort and misplaced longing. Cecilia, brilliantly acted here by Ashia Dee, lives by a mantra in which she is loved, special and enough and preaches to her followers that they are, too, loved, special and enough. This, sadly, is hypocritical on her part as the further we go down the rabbit hole, the more we see that she never sincerely feels this way about herself and she constantly struggles to keep up with this well-off guru image in real life. It's a sad sympathetic sight, one that effectively humanizes the character despite her flaws, and the movie does a wonderful job incorporating her rose-colored wistfulness throughout the more depressing and horrific moments to come, including an upbeat yet melancholic score and brightly stylized visuals that are meant to reflect Cecilia's mindset. The film, though, isn't shy on knocking its own drama down a notch to keep itself from being too serious and dark, setting a good level of quirk within the madness with little odd scenes like Cecilia setting up some arts-and-crafts on a fresh grave to make it social media-friendly, as well as posting a quick video of positive reinforcement after braining someone with an amethyst crystal.

On that note, the tone gets devilishly humorous in its whimsy once the bodycount starts rising, even getting a honest laugh out of me when Sissy (2022) throws in a "useless cop" trope in which a rotund fella in uniform mistaken a call for a drunk dial only for them to realize it's a genuine cry for help seconds before the caller's phone dies. This mid-point turn for the more conventional and grisly slasher romp does end up casting aside the film's complex character-driven direction and themes involving bullying and trauma, but I find it hard to be displeased when the resulting carnage is mostly satisfactory and interesting; instead of being straight-up murders, a good deal of the slayings here often resemble accidental deaths that Cecilia inadvertently caused or simply let happen. (I say a good deal because, well, we did have that one incident with the car...) It doesn't appear she wanted to outright murder everyone on sight, but the lengths she goes to keep her image as a misunderstood yet well-meaning person during the slaughter do lean on the horrific and evil, so the story still manages to be an intriguing watch as mess upon mess leads to more carnage, straight up until its caustic yet satisfyingly gory finale.

A small gem of a slasher, Sissy (2022) is both a compelling run as a character piece and a bonafide gruesome treat that serves its dose of blood and gore. It may be a tad spotty with its tone and, perhaps, sacrificed a few good notes for shock value but, at the end of it all, it's a fine viewing should you see yourself looking for a bodycounter with a little more substance and meat to it.

Bodycount:

1 male pushed off a cliff, mangled 

1 female had her hair caught on a full bathtub's drain stopper, scalped and drowned

1 female ran over with a car, head crushed

1 female had her head repeatedly beaten and crushed with a walking stick

1 female shot through the head

Total: 5

He's Feline Very Unwell: Cat Sick Blues (2015)

Cat Sick Blues (Australia, 2015)
Rating: **1/2

Starring: Matthew C. Vaughan, Meg Spencer, Jeni Bezuidenhout

Well, the slasher world just got weirder. Again. For the umpteenth time.

After his cat Patrick ate himself to death (or so he claims), Ted (Matthew C. Vaughan) is in a state of grief so unhinged that he purrs like a cat, shits in a litter box like a cat and gets off at cat-themed porn. He also convinced himself that by taking the lives and draining the blood of seven women, he can bring Patrick back to the world of the living. So off he go donning a black cat mask, commissioning a BDSM artist to make him a set of cat-clawed gloves and, disturbingly, a strap-on dildo with barbs (because, for those who are not aware, cats have barbed penises), and setting his eyes on prowling the city for women he can slaughter.

Seeing herself tangled into this mess is one Claire Ellis (Shian Denovan), who used to make cute cat videos for Youtube until one of her fans stalked her, accidentally killed her cat and then raped her. The assault was filmed and shared online, pretty much destroying Claire's spirit so she started attending a therapy group for pet owners grieving for their deceased fur babies. Unknown to her, Ted happens to be in the same group and has taken a liking to Claire. The two disturbingly hook up, completely with fast food dates and unengaging sex, but the more she engages with him, the more she suspect Ted being the one responsible for the recent string of serial murders and that she might be in serious danger.

So let me just get this out and say if you think watching a disturbed man devolve into a seizure-prone, cat-obsessed serial killer who wears an ensemble of a cat mask, metal claws and an almost anatomically-correct latex feline shlong whilst breaking into people's homes to slaughter them is a bit too off-the-wall for your taste, I do not blame you. Not at all. What we have here is a psychological slasher of the arthouse kind, littered with as much weirdness and grief as it is with gory killings and disturbing imagery. It has its way of weighing in emotions of turmoil and trauma, though this is often clashed by the movie's scatterbrain approach of weird visuals combined with trippy editing and the result's mostly all over the place. 

A part that makes Cat Sick Blues (2015) an effectively unnerving watch is the unpredictability of its main character Ted. Matthew C. Vaugh played his role with much awkward yet dangerous bravado that it's darn convincing we're watching a serial killer at the brink of self-destructing madness. You can tell he's always up to no good even during his quieter moments where he just sits and stares at people, contemplating his twisted goal of bringing his dead cat back to life. I mean, if the barbed cat-cock strap-on isn't an indication of his very unstable state (which I am thankful he never used in a practical sense), then I don't know what is...

The slasher elements are messily punctuated here by gruesome practical gore and a fairly sizable kill count filled with decapitated heads and copious amount of clawing-related deaths courtesy of the Ted's metal mittens. If the heavy bloodletting isn't shocking enough, then the gross-out last act where the movie really let itself go will certainly churn stomachs as we get force-ingested slurries of human blood and cat corpse, as well as an overly long and disturbing faux finale about diseased nodules and a monstrous birth. Again, Cat Sick Blues (2015) is one strange film, absurdly demented and depraved in every angle you can look at it and its unapologetic for that fact.  

Without a doubt, this is a film made for a certain kind of audience and I find myself on the admiring side of the crowd. I can't say I like it all the way, but I can tell this is someone's vision of a notorious indie horror and I respect that. Fans of extreme underground horror will certainly get a kick out of Ted and his deranged mission to bring back his beloved pet at all cost, but what say you?

Bodycount:

1 female decapitated with a shovel

1 female strangled with a garden hose

1 female had her throat cut with metal cat claws, decapitated

1 female had her face beaten to a pulp with a statue

1 female gutted with metal cat claws

1 female had her throat slashed with metal cat claws

1 female stomped on the head

1 female choked on barbed dildo

1 female had her throat slashed with metal cat claws

1 male had his throat slashed with metal cat claws, bled to death

1 male hanged 

Total: 11

Merry Manic Maddening Holidays: Red Christmas (2016)

Red Christmas (Australia, 2016)
Rating: ***
Starring: Dee Wallace, Geoff Morrell, Sarah Bishop 

I'll be home for Christmas

You can fear it from me

With an axe and bear trap to throw

It'll be a bloody killing spree

Twenty years ago, an abortion clinic gets bombed by a radical pastor as a crowd of enraged Christians rally upfront. In the midst of the chaos, the pastor spots and saves a newly aborted fetus clinging to life, raising it over the years in a rather abusive and zealous manner.

Cut to the present and we now follow a somewhat estranged family celebrating Christmas in the remote countryside house they grew up in, only to be visited by a cloaked stranger with a speech impediment. Feeling homely for the holidays, matriarch Diane (Dee Wallace) welcomes the stranger into her home to celebrate with her understandably uncomfortable family, until that is he starts reading out loud a letter revealing a dark secret she's involved with some years ago. Outraged, Diane throws the stranger out with a threat, not knowing about the twisted retribution he will be unleashing against her and her unsuspecting family later that night.

Coming across something between an 80s throwback slasher and a family tragedy, Red Christmas (2016) strolls an effectively dark plot peppered with black comedy and splattery kills, as while you can very much bet that it goes outrageous with its horror scenario, adding in the weight of the resulting massacre is the dynamics and dysfunctions presented here within Diane's clan, cutting it close with some sense of realism to the clichés. 

There's a warm sense of belonging and comfort between Diane's children and their spouses despite portraying the characters engaged in your usual family arguments ranging from fickle to serious, as well as being in that awkward disposition that you have very little control of. It's a modern family dynamic we are all familiar with, thus acting as an underlying cathartic fuel once the killing starts. And true enough, as family members begin to get picked off one by one, it all devolves into this catastrophic nightmare that pushes everyone, particularly Wallace's character to a level of grief and loss that cuts so deep, we all can't help but root for them to defend and save as many remaining members as possible, even if the film may or may not have bleaker plans ahead. This said, I really have to commend cult fave horror and scifi actress Dee Wallace for really selling the movie for me, by bringing it all in her role as an anguished grandmother forced to face a past that's now threatening her and her family.

In spite of this (and too the suggested religious and moral politics here and there), Red Christmas (2016) still couldn't completely take itself too seriously. Not with it having one of the more pathetically polite and goofy killers in this sub-genre, whose unmasking, as cruel as this might sound, actually got me laughing at how exaggeratedly wrong it looked. If you think Gunther from Tobe Hooper's The Funhouse (1980) looked horrendously inhuman, our killer here, named Cletus, is so "impossible" in its deformity that the sheer mechanics of it are mind-boggling. Of course, he's also strong enough to split a body in half vertically with an axe, or somehow hurl a large bear trap over someone's head, dishing out kills that are delightfully brutal albeit his frame. I'm willing to suspend my disbelief, though, as these attacks and murders are delightfully gruesome with all its set-pieces, adequate practical effect works and serious overflow of blood. (And eye juice. And amniotic fluid.) Everything you could ask for in a good slasher movie!

Past the weird mix of straight-faced drama and absolutely crazy splatter, Red Christmas (2016) is an otherwise modest production that did what it can with its low budget to make the product as striking enough as possible; though a few editing could use some work, I love the shade of red-and-green tint during the massacre scenes as it hammer in the messed-up festive feel of the story, as well as the combination of canted camera angles, gross sound designs and a few latex gore to imply the brutality of some kills while keeping it within budget. The direction is simply stylistic and paced well for a slasher, keeping itself interesting enough during the slow moments to develop its characters and their position before hauling out the murders upon them.

Red Christmas (2016) may have its minor problems, but it is still a fun movie overall with a great cast, an interesting premise with a somewhat grim conclusion, and, yes, loads of cool deaths. I have a great time watching it and I'm as sure as heck you would too when you get a chance to see it. Just remember to switch off and enjoy the Christmassy carnage!

Bodycount:

1 male had his groin torn off, later found with his face mutilated against a grindstone 

1 female split down in half with an axe

1 male had his head split with an axe

1 male strangled with a seat belt

1 male had his neck crushed with a bear trap

1 male had his head shredded through exposed blender blades

1 male shot with a shotgun

1 female stabbed through the head with an umbrella

1 female gutted with a knife

1 female hanged with an anchor chain

1 male hacked and bisected in half with a pulled anchor 

Total: 11

Meat Pies and Rare Tigers: Dying Breed (2008)

Dying Breed (Australia, 2008)

Rating: **1/2

Starring: Nathan Phillips, Leigh Whannell, Bille Brown

It's been years since her sister was found dead after traveling to Tasmania and Zoologist Nina puts it to herself to honor her and bring closure to the loss by continuing her late sibling's research on the Tasmanian Tiger, a supposedly extinct marsupial. Joined by her boyfriend Matt, his best friend Jack, and Jack's latest female companion, Rebecca, the group travels to the same wilderness where the tiger's tracks were recently found, running afoul with some locals who may or may not have sinister intentions. Not too long, someone starts stalking the four, hungering for the taste of raw meat. 

Dying Breed (2008) is one of them titles that did all the right things but I can't really put myself to enjoying it any more than I could; I, for a start, like how it plays around with character dynamics and plot building as we do get plenty of scenes with our four main casts just hanging around, experiencing local sensibilities and feeling each other's vibes. It helps when the script accompanying their performance is fortunately competent enough to give us more than your one-dimensional meat bags waiting to be slaughtered. This leads to, in turn, a slow burn of sorts wherein we're teased a bit with false scares and hints to past atrocities that's glaringly obvious to what it's implying, eventually stepping into bloody bodycounter territory which brings me to my next point.

At the end of it all, the plot basically devolves into another inbred cannibal slasher-type that ties in Tasmania's true crime figure Alexander Pierce, an Irish convict transported to the island when it was then known as Van Diemen's Land, allegedly cannibalizing on his fellow inmates during multiple escapes in order to survive. The effort of exploiting this figure by throwing in this idea of a clan breeding for the sake of keeping bloodlines alive is well appreciated, but it's really nothing new. Not with the likes of the Wrong Turn movies or The Hills Have Eyes remake films going about with inbred mutants killing and eating people. With this, the payoff is simply too standardized, if not underwhelming for my liking, but it still comes with decent-looking murders and a downer ending that's effectively disturbing so, frankly, not a complete loss.

With its lush cinematography still pleasing in an aesthetic sense and its direction pacing the plot fluidly, you got to give credit when credit is due and Dying Breed (2008) has the good worth of being watchable at least. Yes, lacks anything new to be excited over (that and a convincing CG Tasmanian tiger), but that doesn't disregard the production's efforts to keep this movie afloat and be moderately enjoyable. If you're not looking for anything too complex and would just like a simple slasher with a plot flow, buckets of blood and basic thrills, you can start off with this little number.

Bodycount:

1 male had his neck bitten open

1 female found tortured and drowned

1 female had her neck snapped

1 male hacked on the head with a cleaver

1 male had his neck caught and crushed by an animal trap

1 male axed on the chest, falls off a bridge

1 female had her throat cut

1 male cannibalized

Total: 8

Down Under The Rubble: Derelict (2017)

Derelict (Australia, 2017)

Rating: **1/2

Starring: Tristan Balz, James Broadhurst, Justin Burford 

A directorial debut from brothers Cristian and James Broadhurst, Derelict (2017) is as easy as it gets for a low-budget slasher movie from the Land Down Under. 

It follows a trio of friends who are into urban exploration, getting lost inside a labyrinth-esque abandoned building which they soon find out is rigged with small traps and is prowled upon by a figure in a gas mask. There isn't much else to go with here as you can simply tell where this movie is going, even with the little surprises made at the near end.

It's a done-to-death idea of teens basically journeying and making their mark in a place they shouldn't be at before spotting a masked figure wielding a crowbar, proceeding mostly as a survivalist thriller drama between the three men as they get themselves misplaced within the intertwining of tunnels and rooms. As this situation tests the men's limits as they start to quarrel with one another about one misfortune to the next, or about risky decisions like tagging along another lost man who some of them find rather suspicious, it isn't until the climax where we get some proper slasher action going as the gas masked prowler shows up again and start bludgeoning the boys one by one while chasing them throughout. 

At that point, Derelict (2017) can get bloody, though nothing too spectacular or heavy in the kill count. What the movie thrives in is its claustrophobic and murky set-up instead, put into good use as our characters spot similar dead ends in the shadows or low lights, tripping over wires that land them into a room filled with asbestos and garbage like used needles or pitting them against a maniac out for blood. The rest of the production, from acting to editing are okay too for a debut film, nothing that grandeur but passable for a small horror movie release.

This is a quick jug of a slasher so not much to pick apart from, save for really cheap thrills. You can give this a spot of your time but, all in all, you're not missing much.

Bodycount:

1 male missing, presumably killed

1 female dragged away, killed

1 male killed offcamera

1 male bludgeoned with a crowbar

1 male strangled to death

1 male bludgeoned with a crowbar

Total: 6

Big Bad Furry: The Director's Cut (2009)

The Director's Cut (Australia, 2009)
Rating: ***1/2
Starring: Jonathan Patrick Moore, Mollie King, David Maguire

After picking up the last talent they need through the auditions, arrogant director Mike and his female producer Bobby lead their small production crew to the outbacks so they can finally start filming their independent movie, a period mystery piece supposedly inspired by Picnic at Hanging Rock (1975). With guns.

The first day of filming is, to put it bluntly, troubled; an actor lost the digits of their hand in an accident, another actor quits after feeling insulted by an impromptu line, and an on-the-spot story change have them finding and tagging along a random gun nut so he can keep an eye on a borrowed pistol. Oh, and the assistant director (Called "#2") mysteriously dies overnight. Let's not forget about him.

Determined to finish his movie, however, Mike soldiers through the bickering crew and keeps the rotting corpse of their fallen comrade a secret, not knowing that his problems are about to get worse when someone dressed completely in a koala costume shows up one day to do some killing.

The Director's Cut (2009) is one of those obscurities made in hopes of entertaining the masses with the strange and unconventional, though its premise is basically a desert-set whodunit slasher with a movie-shoots-gone-bad backdrop, something done already with the likes of the comedic mockumentary Brutal Massacre: A Comedy (2003) and the easy yet fun Slaughter Studios (2002).

For a whole hour, the movie's more of a black comedy about the increasingly crappy luck down in the hot wilderness, as our crew suffers for a filming that barely made sense and would only get a single scene done. Most of the jokes are a hit or miss, though those that do land on a funny bone has a good wit on them and a bit of weirdness added in, mixing the nasty and the humorous in equal measures to keep the hectic yet strange tone up and steady.

The real fun of this chunk is the little twists and turns done for the character as we do get to know their quirks along the mishaps happening to and at them. The actors may not all be perfect but plenty have done enough to play the gags rights and deliver their roles to a likable extent, even when the slasher bits eventually rear its furry, cuddly head.

Throughout the film, we do get small indications that someone has been following our crew and is now lurking around the nearly abandoned set, though it is at the last half hour that The Director's Cut (2009) curiously welcomes our killer in full koala fursuit, carrying a case of acid. It's a surreal image that frankly works along the movie's build-up and atmosphere, stranger even that we never really get to know who is underneath the suit after all of the red herrings, blame-throwing and surviving our casts try to do. Most of the death scenes doesn't rally above the average mainstream slasher murders, but they do add up very nicely and a couple even packs a brutal surprise for how intense they were, or how out of nowhere they came in. Thrown in a little gruesome nudity and we have a well-worth bodycount climax full of entertaining death scenes and a villain which the movie refuses to identify, all the way down to its abrupt ending.

Hitting the weird factor with just the right amount of dread and surprises, The Director's Cut (2009) may not win a lot for its dark comedy despite having some clever and chuckle-worthy moments, but this is without a doubt one of the better indie-slashers I've seen that deals with killer mascots. It's a tad rare so should you find the chance to see or own this little gem, hesitate not!

Bodycount:
1 male found dead in his sleep
1 female unknowingly bathes in acid, shot
1 male immolated in explosion
1 male impaled in the eye with a tripod leg
1 female found stabbed in the back with knives
1 male shot in the chest with an arrow
1 male had his throat cut with a knife
1 male shot in the mouth
1 male disappears, presumably killed
1 female strangled with a rope
1 male presumably killed
Total: 11

Beauties and Beasts: The Furies (2019)

The Furies (Australia/United Arab Emirates, 2019) (AKA "Killer Instinct")
Rating: **1/2
Starring: Airlie Dodds, Linda Ngo, Taylor Ferguson

Kidnapped and let loose in the middle of nowhere, Kayla finds herself in a sinister survival game where girls are hunted down by a group of masked killers, with the resulting carnage getting broadcast for the viewing pleasure of shadowy patrons. As she attempts to make her way to save a fellow kidnapped friend as well as stay alive herself, Kayla will soon understand that the game's rules are about to get as macabre as the fiends prowling around and that the line between friend and foe isn't as black-and-white as she expected.

The Furies (2019), for a good chunk of it, is pure eye candy for gorehounds and slasher fans as apart from delivering some credible backwoods stalk-and-stab fun that often leads to a gloriously gory murder scene done wholesomely in practical effects, there's also a sweet slice of ghastliness given to the designs of the plentiful killers featured here, ranging from the ghoulishly simple to the ridiculously creative. (Skincrow and Rotface for the win, baby! Dirty Ken can have a honorable mention, too!) The twist of this whole shebang being a death game, however, complicate matters as it added elements to The Furies (2019)'s otherwise simplistic survival horror route, deconstructing it into something both unique and frustrating.

On one end, it is nice to see something different being done to what could have been another backwoods bodycounter, even if said difference is nothing new with movies like $LA$HER$ (2001) and Paintball (2007) already bagging have the whole "we kill people for sport and viewers" thing within the slasher subgenre. (Among many, I assume) The game's rules did give our characters an interesting strategy to survive, doubling as a source of drama and conflict that eventually blurs the line between allies and monsters. Sadly, the story's deconstructive writing couldn't pick whether it wanted to be serious or outrageously exploitative, so it hardly elevated its tone and characters from more than one to two notes, thus making it hard to genuinely root for anyone (Save for Airlie Dodds, who did her most to make a sympathetic final girl out of Kayla) and the attempted seriousness forced upon us just feels laughable.

For its worth, The Furies (2019) is mercifully quick in pacing and it at least looks capable with the rest of its production past the gore effects; the abandoned gold mine oasis in the middle of a desert is a nice backdrop that we don't often see used around slasher flicks, captured and implemented well enough through a competent camera work. Its expressively booming score may have the tendency to sound a wee bit cartoonish at times, but it works quite alright with the cheesier parts of the movie. All in all, if you can look beyond the lackluster world building and satire, this is a film one can well enjoy for its silliness and strong showcase of gore given they don't mind their slashers lean and swift.

Bodycount:
1 male eviscerated with a scythe
1 female had her face sliced off with an axe
1 female had her arms torn off
1 male had his head explode
1 female hacked on the neck with a machete
1 male impaled with a screw
1 female had her head hacked in half
1 male had his head explode
1 male axed on the chest
1 female had her throat cut
1 male had his head explode
1 male tortured with a hunting knife, killed
Total: 12