Love Hurts, Love Scars: Strange Darling (2023)

Strange Darling (2023)

Rating: ***1/2

Starring: Willa Fitzgerald, Kyle Gallner, Madisen Beaty

It's a classic horror sight to see: a shotgun-toting madman in the woods, his wounded lady prey running for her life. What could be strange about this you ask? Well...

Two characters, simply named "Lady" (Willa Fitzgerald) and "Demon" (Kyle Gallner) meet up at a motel one night for a sexy good time of drugs, smokes and kinks, only for it all go brutal when one of them turns out to be a serial killer, accumulating to a backwoods cat-and-mouse chase where bloody casualties are to be expected. So far, so familiar? Perhaps, but Strange Darling (2023) opted to tell this narrative by chapters. Six of them and an epilogue. Each told in a non-linear path and revealing more of what exactly happened from dusk to dawn in that one motel room, all the while toying with our expectations and subverting what we may have already understood.

This seemingly randomized plot direction practically has the story's tone all over the place, establishing some of the strange aspects of the movie and welcoming a needed sense of uncertainty for what looked like your everyday slasher horror final girl scenario. This, though, isn't the only thing peculiar about Strange Darling (2023) as there's also a notable mumblecore quality to the writing done for the characters here, especially between the Lady and the Demon, echoing elements of toxic relationships and sexual tension tinted with dark humor, sometimes accompanied by a soft yet haunting soundtrack composed by artist Z-Berg. All of which being shot with a dream-like vibrant cinematography which goes so well with the jumbled plotting, no doubt punctuating how much this film is made to build intrigue, and it certainly does its job right down to the chilling finale!

Production for Strange Darling (2023) is said to be a difficult one as producers weren't exactly on board with writer and director JT Mollner's vision for the movie, resulting to momentary shutdowns and even production company Miramax hiring editors to re-work a linear cut of the film behind Mollner's back. Fortunately, creative heads prevailed when test screening of original cut proved to be greatly successful, the end result being this hauntingly captivating indie piece of backwoods violence with a devilish twist. It can get a little talky during some of the slower scenes, borderline being pretentious at times, and the fetishization of sexual violence roleplays-gone-nearly wrong did get rather uncomfortable to sit through until its awkward aftermath, but one cannot deny the thoughtful construction and execution of its increasingly dire and unexpected turns towards cruelty, heartbreak and gore. 

Refreshingly chaotic and fractured, Strange Darling (2023) is a simple movie told in a not-to-simple way, gracefully carried by hot messes of characters over the scenic beauty of forest landscapes, awaiting to be defiled by grit, sleaze and blood splatter. It's an art piece of a horror film, an exercise on cleverness and misdirection, and I, for one, appreciate that. How well one can take said practice of a backwoods horror movie is another question, however. What say you?

Bodycount:

1 male found bashed on the head with a landline phone, knifed in the chest

1 female stabbed in the neck with a buck knife

1 male had his neck bitten open, bled to death

1 female shot on the head

1 male shot

1 female shot, succumbs to her injuries
Total: 6

Double The Booking. Double The Hooking: Bone Lake (2024)

Bone Lake (2024)

Rating: ***

Starring: Alex Roe, Maddie Hasson, Marco Pigossi

When the first scene you see in a movie is a naked couple being chased through the woods by a shadowy figure brandishing a crossbow, hitting one victim through the balls in an unapologetic gratuitous shot, I think it'll be more than understandable to expect nothing but trashy horror in Bone Lake (2024). And, yes, the movie does lean on the sleazy side, but it's also playing a different kind of game. One that's going to test our character's will to commit, to trust, and to survive one night in the damn woods in one piece.

Former teacher and aspiring writer Diego (Marco Pigossi) is hoping to spend a (clothing optional) weekend in a rented lake house with his girlfriend, Sage (Maddie Hasson). Not long after just settling in (and doing each other on a bearskin rug), another more spirited couple, Will (Alex Roe) and Cin (Andra Nechita) show up ready to have their own happy weekend at the same cabin, but are a tad confused to find the house already occupied. It seems a booking screw-up have both couples scheduled to enjoy the forest-bound vacation home and with neither pair wanting to leave, they mutually agreed to spend the weekend together as new friends.

And as friends, the two couples share experiences, little secrets and tips for a spicy relationship, as well as engage in other fun times like sharing scary stories behind the lake's name, 'Bone Lake', which has less to do with the fact that it's a popular sex spot for lovers, and more on the fact that it's a dumping site for victims killed by a serial killer back at the 1950s. There are also the three suspicious rooms the house owner keep locked tickling the couples' curiosity, which they drunkenly proceed to open two, revealing a sex dungeon and a macabre room dedicated to the lake's dark history. What of the third room, though? Well...

As morning comes, trouble starts brewing; Will steals a wedding ring Diego was planning on proposing to Sage with and uses it to propose to Cin. It turns out the girl cheated on Will some time before and, out of desperation, he made the proposal as a way to keep her by his side. Diego, though outraged at first, somewhat understood Will's predicament as Sage also cheated on him early into their relationship, thus forgiving his new buddy so long as he does bring him back the ring before the weekend's end. 

This, unfortunately and unsurprisingly, does little to help with Diego's self-esteem as he fears he's not sexually satisfying enough after catching Sage pleasuring herself in a bathtub the day before, but it appears temptation is rearing its horny head for him as it looks like Cin's up to her old cheating tricks again, this time seducing Diego. To further complicate matters, Will is suddenly taking his shots on Sage, too, while driving to town together for groceries, promising her a good time that nobody else would ever know. 

Will the two take the bait? 

As you can tell by now, Bone Lake (2024) sets itself as a twisty erotic thriller highlighting the flaws of our main casts as both relatable figures and lovers, played with a B-grade tongue firmly pressed in a cheek and fair amount of steamy sex scenes. Yet, the film still finds the time to slow down and properly give our hapless pairs the time to grow as they share their vulnerabilities and insecurities behind their partners' backs, only to eventually face them when shit hits the fan and, by that, I mean the movie delivers a decent twist to what's really happening here, making way for a very backwoods slasher-inspired third act; chainsaws, crossbows, wise-cracking maniacs and all! Without a doubt, it takes a real long while before we do get to the splattery action, but by then insane motives and backstories were monologued, giving us a real demented and icky pair of psychos to terrorize our screens, and the movie does reward our patience with surprisingly decent stalk-and-stab sequences, visually enriched with awesome practical gore and some of the most satisfying kills to grace a forest-bound horror thriller.

Bone Lake (2024) may have the sweet and tangy coating of an inviting eye-candy exploitation and, in a lot of aspects, it is, the movie thankfully remembers to be fun with its horror thriller elements, playing us a genuinely intriguing situation of seductive temptations and moral reproach, then escalating the dangers from emotional and psychological to downright horrific and viscerally messy for our inner gorehounds! Its writing also fascinates the brooding situation without being overly titillating and prude, balancing the sexism and mystery along its well-rounded set of characters to both root for and be wary of, which is something I openly welcome if it means a real fun watch in-between all of the sleaze and slaughter. 

Delirious and debauched, Bone Lake (2024) promises outlandishly bunkum and a savage finale, just a good snatch to catch if you ever see yourself looking for something wilder and more bodacious from your typical horror thriller fix! 

Bodycount:

1 male repeatedly shot with a crossbow

1 female lands gut-first on a dead branch, killed offscreen with a crossbow

1 victim seen murdered, body being dragged and dumped into a lake (flashback)

1 victim mentioned murdered

1 male hacked on the head with an axe, lands face first on a chainsaw

1 female had her jaw whacked off with an axe and her hair caught on a boat propeller, dismembered

Total: 6

Stranger Things Are Abound: Marshmallow (2025)

Marshmallow (2025)

Rating: ***

Starring: Giorgia Whigham, Corbin Bernsen, Pierson Fode

Bullied by neighborhood kids. Suffering from a reoccurring nightmare wherein he's gushing out water from a gut wound like Ole' Faithful. Not to mention witnessing his beloved grandfather croak from a heart attack during a family dinner. Is it any surprise at all that young Morgan is a little too down for a kid his age? 

Hoping to get him out of the doom and gloom, his parents have him packing up for a one-of-a-kind summer adventure at Camp Almar where he, unfortunately, suffers from further bullying not just from a couple of troublesome kids, but also from the more aggressive counselors. As a silver lining, though, he did befriend a small group of nerdy chumps who, in more than one occasion, stood by him. But will this newfound friendship be enough to keep Morgan safe from what's coming to the woods one night?

Camp Almar happens to have its own boogeyman, you see; legend says that a figure known as The Doctor used to bring his wife and kids around these parts to supposedly relax in the cabins, but the fella had a suspicious habit of skulking around the basement at night. His wife soon grew curious about this and followed him down there once, only to horrifically discover that her husband has been sewing people together, creating monstrous freaks. (Here's hoping nothing like The Human Centipede (2009)). To keep his secret hidden, as well as continue doing the mad doctor's deeds, he trapped his own wife and children down the very same basement and sew their limbs together so they can never leave.

Now, it appears this Doctor is roaming the woods once more and Morgan even spots the sickened science man emerging from one of the cabins. His terrified claims, however, are dismissed as nothing more than nightmares, with one friendly counselor even admitting that the story was made up to keep children from sneaking off after lights out. It's not too long, of course, before these doubters are proven wrong when The Doctor, sporting a surgeon's garb and a head lamp, armed with a powerful electric taser, starts an onslaught of attacks at the doomed camp.

Calling Marshmallow (2025) a slasher can be a real stretch; yes, we do have the staple of horny teen counselors boinking their brains out here and there, as well as the obligatory campfire tale featuring a humanoid hulk who would later turn up in the flesh to siege the camp with violence, but there's more of a coming-of-age story here as the plot focuses strongly on the troubles of one forlorn kid and how he deals with them. For a decent while, we navigate through Morgan's day to day at Camp Almar as he tries to survive the anxieties of being harassed by arseholes and the awkward socializing pressure within peers, only occasionally dipping into horror territory via unnerving nightmares. It isn't until we get to the expected twist that The Doctor, or at least someone dressed up like him, is operating inside one of the cabins that the slasher lunacies take effect, sending the kids (and the entire movie) into chaos as the madman finally goes on a spree, targeting anyone on sight. 

Interestingly, Marshmallow (2025) opted to keep the exploitative elements of its slasher attacks to an almost non-existent minimal, with The Doctor, instead of hacking and slashing everyone into sloppy pieces, just shocks their victims unconscious with their taser. The reason for this is where the movie's plot twist comes in and, without spoiling much, it does dive into the fantastical and amazing, which strays the film further away from being a genuine bodycounter, and heads a tad more towards a very emotional and intense feature-length episode of Goosebumps. This, admittedly, may divide those expecting the usual affair of lopped off limbs and flayed faces, the norms of a good slasher movie, but the way the plot took the elements of a backwoods stalk 'n slash and make it their own is admirable in its creativity and imagination. Even more so when its somberness, oddness and even warmth is made effective thanks to the likeable and relatable performances of its young talents.

 

Not the strictest slasher in terms of paint-by-number storytelling and expectations, nor is it the splashiest and kill count heavy, but there is still value to be found here in Marshmallow (2025) with its lush camera work and expressive editing. A real quality work that pushes the boundaries of your typical slasher story, I say try it out! 

Bodycount:

1 elderly male suffers a heart seizure

1 boy drowned (flashback)

1 female seen floating on a lake slaughtered

1 male killed with a knife

Total: 4

Death's A Dance, Make It A Prom!: Fear Street: Prom Queen (2025)

Fear Street: Prom Queen (2025)
Rating: ****
Starring: India Fowler, Suzanna Son, Fina Strazza

The 2021 Fear Street trilogy is, without a doubt, one of the more unique movie events made for the slasher sub-genre. It's practically one five-and-a-half-hour-long film inspired by R.L. Stine's young adult book series of the same name, divided into three parts, each to be played a week from one another. Though each entry has their own strengths and weaknesses, resulting to varying qualities per film, the all-in-all result is still a unique and adventurous blend of supernatural terror, generational trauma and gory slasher action.

Now, the franchise returns with a standalone title set in the same movie universe, this time an adaptation of Stine's book The Prom Queen, done gorier, messier and reeking of pure 80s nostalgia. 

It's 1988 and the small town of Shadyside is getting ready to celebrate one of the few good things to look forward to every year, the high school senior prom and the race for the Prom Queen crown! For this round, the candidates are mostly within the same clique known as The Wolf Pack, led by pompous queen bee Tiffany Falconer. She and her three cohorts are up against street-smart weed dealer Christie, who's just doing it so she can annoy Tiffany, and Lori Granger, the underdog candidate whose mother is rumored to have murdered Lori's father during her own prom many years ago. For Lori, to be crowned Prom Queen is a chance to represent the sunnier side of Shadyside, to break the town's gloomy reputation of being the breeding place of homicidal serial killers and masked psychos, thus hopefully freeing her and her mother from being looked down upon as tragic cases. 

On Lori's side is her horror geek bestie, Megan, rooting from the sides as she go about trying to ruin the Wolf Pack's morale by pranking them with horror effects and magic, from self-dismemberment via prop hand, to life-like replica of Tiffany's head left curiously floating in a punch bowl. However, Megan soon finds herself and Lori are in a horror movie of their own: someone in a red rain slicker and masked-up like a ghoul is out cutting down the competition, hacking up the prom queen candidates and, too, pretty much anybody else who happens to be in their way with an axe. By the end of the night, will there be anyone left alive to be crowned Prom Queen?

A more back-to-basics entry from a film franchise centered around witch curses and maniacs that can regenerate from demonic goo, Prom Queen (2025) is your classic high school bodycounter flick mixing in girl drama with good old-fashioned hack 'n slash, ala Heathers (1988) crossed with Prom Night (1980). Admittedly, this is a direction that isn't going to garner a lot of favorable opinions after the trilogy's more unique swing at the slasher sub-genre, but for those who are not in an overly demanding mood and simply want to watch a dead teenager film for the fun of watching a dead teenager film, this movie serves!

Prom Queen (2025) unfolds quite nicely as we breeze through its high school dramatics and be rewarded for sticking through the scenes with a decent kill or two. Maybe even a dance-off! Yes, the paint-by-number approach is still riddled with slasher tropes like couples repeatedly sneaking away from the party to hook up, only to get a knife buried into a head or being relieved of their limbs with an axe, but the movie isn't one to shy away from doing something shocking and nasty whenever it can to keep everyone on their toes, mainly offing some likable characters, as well as having a madman publicly go after a victim through a crowd while the Prom Queen coronation is happening. The deaths are also a splashy bunch, a real showcase of blood and guts here with a brutal buzzsaw to the face and a savage axe double-murder being among the better examples! 

The throwback aesthetics is workable enough; the snappy soundtrack full of 80s mood classics and modern retrowave is a good hear, plus the fashion sense and lingo here do strike a nostalgic nerve, quite passable attempts for a late-80s slasher tribute such as this. By the near end of the film, we're treated with a twisty set of reveals that, while isn't exactly new or surprising, it still pairs pretty well with the bonkers motivation the killer have for massacring teenagers during prom. It's the kind of crazy slasher finale we've grown to love and I'm all for it! 

Overall, Fear Street: Prom Queen (2025) may not win every horror-living hearts out there, but for those who loves a gruesomely bloody teen slasher with the decent amount of nostalgic ham and craziness, this is a great movie to consider for your slasher viewings! Make it a date! 

Bodycount:

1 female hacked to death with an axe

1 female gutted

1 male had his hands lopped off with a paper guillotine, face smashed against a door

1 male had his face eviscerated with a buzzsaw

1 female startled unto a fusebox, electrocuted to death

1 female hacked on the head with a meat cleaver

1 male jabbed on the head with a knife

1 male found with a hammerclaw buried into his head

1 female had a leg lopped off with an axe, bled to death

1 male decapitated with an axe

1 female fell unto and impaled on a falcon statue

1 female fatally brained with a trophy, dies from her injury 

Total: 12

Is Mac and Cheese A Side Dish or A Main?: The Blackening (2022)

The Blackening (2022)

Rating: ***1/2

Starring: Grace Byers, Jermaine Fowler, Melvin Gregg

For the longest time, the whole trope of Black characters dying first in horror movies baffled me since, being a guy obsessed with slasher films, I can only count maybe five titles out of hundred-ish wherein this instance holds true. (New Year's Evil (1980), Alone in the Dark (1982), Slaughter High (1986), A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988), and Scream 2 (1997), to name a few) I now understand that this is more of a stab at the token minority trope, a problematic movie practice of sacrificing characters of certain ethnicities to the threat as bodycount fodder and/or motivation for the hero (typically a white male) to do better in saving the day. Over the years, through social push, more big-name Black actors are given more access to show off their talents, resulting to horror legends like the late-Tony Todd, Ken Foree, and Keith David, as well as modern horror creators like Jorden Peele and Misha Green, gracing the screen with a great deal of prominent Black characters in memorable leading roles.

With this turn, the "Black guy dies first" trope is occasionally uttered around nowadays as a tongue-in-cheek joke. The same kind of cheekiness that gets us fun and silly terror flicks like this house-in-the-woods survival slasher, The Blackening (2022)!

It's a Juneteenth weekend and a group of old college friends are meeting up for the first time after ten years; the assortment includes gal pals Lisa (Antoinette Robertson) and Allison (Grave Byers), and their gay bestie Dewayne (Dewayne Perkins); hunky African-descent Nnamdi (Sinqua Walls) and his former-gangster bro King (Melvin Gregg); life-of-the-party Shanika (X Mayo) and incredibly nerdy Clifton (Jermaine Fowler). They're all invited to a vacation house in the middle of the woods by their friends Shawn and Morgan, who are suspiciously missing the moment they arrived. Nonetheless, the gang starts celebrating like any people in backwoods slashers would, with a whole lot of Spades, diabetic Kool-Aid and a side of troublesome fling that may or may not open old heartbreaks. 

The good times can only go so long before the lights suddenly go out and, on their search to get the power back on, the group stumbles upon a hidden room full of board games. Including an obscenely racist-looking one called "The Blackening", consisting of question cards, a grinning Sambo fella on the middle of the board and, curious enough, game pieces seemingly made based on their specific personalities. When the game centerpiece starts asking them to pick a card and play, this is when things get really screwed up as everybody finds out that Shawn is dead and Morgan is about to be tortured by a masked killer somewhere inside the house. Making matters worse is the game room is rigged close and the only way everyone to get out alive is to beat the The Blackening, or die trying!

Keeping the record straight, The Blackening (2022) is less a horror-comedy and more of a comedy with horror elements. Yes, there are kills and killers, a sense of stake, and a mystery as to who is behind this entire bloody fiasco, though the approach taken here leans closer to satirizing slasher tropes through the eyes of sharply witty and street smart African-Americans. Think a Halloween episode of The Boondocks, only feature length and with a killer masked up to look like a damn minstrel show. This certainly meant that the movie has little in the sense of blood, tension and scares, but the unapologetic energy of its writing and characters when it comes to poking fun at horror tropes, as well as showcasing jokes outside of the horror spectrum, is incredibly infectious down to the funny bones! (A running gag involving conversations through eye contact only being my favorite!) 

A good deal of this workability stems from the incredible chemistry and performances the entire casts have, from the hearty humor surrounding around Lisa and Dewayne's friendship jeopardized by Lisa's love for Nnamdi, to the no-nonsense loudness of Shanika and Carlton's cringe-inducing awkwardness. Their reaction to the bloodshed practically lampoons the roles of Black people in horror media, mainly being quippy, lucky and even straightforward enough to actually best the killer in a lot of encounters despite some painful, embarrassing, and painfully embarrassing blowbacks on their part. (Splitting up. Accidentally hurting themselves with their weapons. Getting high on Molly while being hunted down. Y'know, the usual backwoods horror theatrics) Interestingly, it is through this lampooning that The Blackening (2022) also took its chances to examine how modern culture and its many attempts to define ethnic communities led to harmful judgement within these circles, a lot of it light-heartedly addressed during the times the friends are forced to play The Blackening and test their Black-ness, only to later resurface as a motive in this movie's plot twist. While nowhere a grandeur deconstruction, it is an intriguing insight to pull within the movie's remarkably coherent humor.

The Blackening (2022) is, without a doubt, very "Black" and I just love it for that! It may not do much as a horror flick, but as silly fun little movie you can sit back and relax to, it's a whole party, baby! So grab some Rap Chips, down some King's Kool-Aid, and treat yourself with this roaring riot of a comedy slasher!

Bodycount:

1 male shot on the neck with a crossbow

1 female killed offscreen

1 male repeatedly stabbed with arrow heads

1 male shot through the neck with a crossbow

1 male had his head pulped with a candlestick, stomped dead

1 male shot with a crossbow, kicked into a well (?)

Total: 6 (?)

Feeling A Little Devilish: Hell Of A Summer (2023)

Hell Of A Summer (2023)

Rating: ***
Starring: Adam Pally, Rosebud Baker, Fred Hechinger

At age 24, Jason Hochberg (Fred Hechinger) could have been working a real job. One that probably pays more than a hundred bucks a week. But, no, he prefers to cling on to an adolescent happy place and accept a lead camp counselor gig at his childhood Summer haven, Camp Pineway, after the owners have to take a leave of absence. Genuinely thrilled by this, Jason went on and about trying to befriend the latest turnover of young camp counselors, who are more or less your walking and breathing killcount tropes, only coated here with a fresh paint of Gen Z-stereotyping. Needless to say, Jason's overly-friendly approach to be one with the teen clutter is mostly taken with an awkward stance and a chuckle, maybe a couple of eyerolls at its worse, but this will drastically go South later that evening when someone in a handcrafted devil mask starts to hack aspiring social influencers dead inside their cabins, as well as decapitate vocal vegans with a mean meat cleaver, among many other gruesome bodily atrocities...

It's a backwoods slasher plot as old as time, though the direction and tone here is noticeably more focused on the coming-of-age comedy than throwing dismembered limbs on the air for a splatter-fest. A lot of the jokes and dialogue centers on the generational clash between Jason and the group of junior counselors who would rather speak about meat being murder, gathering online clout, or practicing their death shrieks for a stage play they're working on; occasionally, it's cute and worth the little giggle here and there for how cleverly written and edited some of these sequences are, though a few did fall flat, fumbling whatever gag they're building to, making the whole teen camp comedy angle a hit-or-miss. That said, though, it would be a disservice to the actors to not at least credit their talents as they did manage to pull off the one-note ridiculousness of their characters, yet still making them likeable enough to feel sorry for whenever they're in trouble. May it be from the killer, or their own stupidity. 

For the slasher side of things, it started strongly with two gruesome murders involving a guitar and a knife murder that's executed oh so deliciously, only for it to take a backseat until halfway into the movie when it makes a clumsy comeback; while it has its share of splashy kills like a gnarly axe to the head and a brutal rock beating, its more novel deaths were only teased such as the killer taking a mean-spirited advantage on a victim's nut allergy by dipping their knife in a jar of peanut butter first, though rather than showing the dirty deed, the next thing we see is the poor shmuck's lifeless red-faced body being dragged out. It's kinda frustrating, though not as frustrating as the killer's overused motive of doing it because of a sociopathic need to have eyes and ears on them, though I'll give credit to the twist reveal as I honestly didn't see it coming, plus I do dig the gradeschool craft devil mask and cloak combo! In the end, we're treated with a passable enough final act that ties things as neatly as a standard backwoods slashers would and it's, well, fine.

Hell of a Summer (2023) doesn't really need to much to be entertaining. Dare I say it's actually halfway being a decent backwoods bodycounter you can pop in anytime for a simple fun watch, but it held off a bit on the carnage and sets its gums on a more comical venture that only partially works. The end product is a half-and-half attempt, but, frankly, it could have been worse. So much worse.

Bodycount:

1 male found with his mouth impaled with a guitar neck

1 female stabbed in the head with a hunting knife

1 female hacked with a meat cleaver, head found in a refrigerator

1 male stabbed with a peanut butter-tainted kitchen knife, dies from allergic shock

1 female knifed in the back, beaten with a rock

1 male hacked in the head with an axe

1 male stabbed in the neck with a swiss army knife

1 female gets an arrow shot to an eye, stomped

Total: 8

The Douche Who Cried Axe: #ChadGetsTheAxe (2022)

#ChadGetsTheAxe (2022)

Rating: ***1/2

Starring: Spencer Harrison Levin, Michael Bonini, Taneisha Figueroa

Personally, I see fame as more of a bother than a benefit. Sure, you get the riches and recognition, but it comes with the pressure of meeting people's expectations and this often comes with the price of one's self-respect and decency. When fame becomes an obsession for clout, this need for attention can spiral towards notoriety and you'll become trouble. Or be troubled.

Though, I don't believe getting troubled by an axe-wielding maniac is something a fame-hungry moron would need to worry about. 

That much.

Based on a 2019 short film of the same title, #ChadGetsTheAxe (2022) follows vlogger "Spicy Steve" (Michael Bonini), couple Jennifer and Spencer (Taneisha Figueroa and Cameron Vitosh) of the beauty blog 'Spennifer", and uber-popular prankster Chad Ryan (Spencer Harrison Levin) plan a collaborative urban exploration video and stream for the weekend. The place they'll be exploring is one Devil's Manor, a dilapidated backwoods property near a swamp, which is said to be the hotspot of supposed cult activities around the area as a Satanist named William Burrows did have a mass murdering spree there many years ago. The night goes as you would expect it being populated by social media celebrities; they explore the manor while responding to comments, advertise their merch once in a while, and do obnoxious dares whenever their view count reaches a certain number. (One of which echoes the real life sickening stunt influencer Logan Paul did during his visit to Mount Aokigahara)

The fun times could only last long before things start to get unnerving; when one of them gets attacked, it's very well clear then that somebody else is inside the manor. Someone masked up, wielding an axe and not too pleased to have these people roaming around. Chad, unsurprisingly, is ready to dismiss this as a prank plotted by fellow pranksters until, that is, more of his friends disappear and all that's left for the mysterious masked maniac to hunt is him...

Shot through the rarely used Screenlife format, wherein we see the action unfold through the screen of a device via apps and sites (think Unfriended (2014), Spree (2020) and Deadstream (2022)), #ChadGetsTheAxe (2022) gets the benefit of being fun by satirizing the many stereotypes of click chasers while delivering a good dose of creepy imagery and set-pieces. It doesn't waste time getting into the main event, almost immediately throwing the streamers into the supposed haunted manor and simply letting the story develop as it goes by, showing us just what kind of people behind the camera phones are as the situation gravely escalates, as well as the reaction of the community they are catering to. The direction is pretty spot on to what we would normally expect from a weekend night stream hosted by an appalling content creator, pure unhinged and aggravating debauchery, and director Travis Bible practically knows we're here to see these idiots get their comeuppance for giving in to the almighty viewer count at the cost of common sense and a soul. Happy to say, we get what we came to see!

One by one, our streamers are picked off, a few clearly axed dead. Whenever #ChadGetsTheAxe (2022) slides in a creepy scene and build-up, it's all done with a straight face that's greatly effective. The villain doesn't ham it up, making their murderous assaults often jarring, even more so when the story finds opportunities to shed a sympathetic light on the victims, such as moments of clarity among the creators when some of them recognize how messed up the gags and situation are becoming, or slices of commentary on the unhealthy relationship between creators and their fanbases. It's not overly scary, per se, as the film still has its focus more on humor than frights, but it's a satisfying watch as the stalk-and-hunt onslaught with Burrows and his axe add weight to the horror side of this horror-comedy. 

This all leads to a third act where the story puts the hurt on Chad as he becomes an unwilling final boy dodging a masked killer's axe swings. He gets stalked through the woods, his means for escape repeatedly thwarted, and his cries for help dismissed by most of his viewers as either a joke, or just something they can cruelly exploit for fun. It's both cathartic and pathetic, impressively working both in a balance as we see this guy who spent most of his onscreen time being noisome reduced to a helpless whelp, more so on the movie's final act as a good twist reveals a hopeless situation hinted in a blink-and-you-miss moment in the chat. The end result is a grimly satisfying end full of desperation, axe falls and blood flowing on a live stream.

#ChadGetsTheAxe (2022) can be a little rough on the edges, but it understands the culture of online clout and the toxic people surrounding it. It uses those to its advantage, crafting a smart, funny and creepy backwoods slasher that shouldn't work, but did! Chad got the axe and I'm glad to have seen it!

Bodycount:

1 male body found rotting

1 male hacked with an axe

1 male hacked with an axe

1 male killed offscreen with an axe

1 female hacked with an axe

1 male killed offscreen with an axe

1 male hacked with an axe

Total: 7

A Birthday Wish To Perish: The Debutantes (2017)

The Debutantes (Philippines, 2017)
Rating: *
Starring: Sue Ramirez, Miles Ocampo, Michelle Vito

Stop me if you heard this before: a weird lonesome girl gets befriended by someone from a popular clique and then invited to a party where she's humiliated by a prank, resulting to unspeakable horrors to those responsible.

Yep, that's Stephen King's Carrie. 

The Debutantes (2017) by Filipino director Prime Cruz is basically this for a good deal of the run, following quiet kid Kate (Sue Ramirez) as she befriends her classmate and neighbor Lara (Mile Ocampo) while helping her out with some math lessons. Grateful for getting her grades up, Lara invites Kate to a debut party (A Filipino celebration of a girl's 18th birthday) where Lara's circle of bullying buddies, unfortunately, decide to traumatize the lonesome girl by undoing the top of her dress, revealing some rather unsettling scars to the entire crowd. Humiliated, Kate rushes home, while Lara, who wasn't in on the so-called prank, chastises the group for their actions.

It isn't long before something is making sure the girls are properly punished for their part on embarrassing Kate, involving ghostly doppelgangers, a creature that kinda looks like a man made from soggy black mush, and deaths. Uncreative, boring, vanilla deaths.

I mean, the first kill was staged pretty okay, with creepy visuals, some good tension with the possessed self-diving car, and a good bloody payoff at the end. But the rest, we have someone getting strangled with a necklace, an abuser suffering a heart attack, and a swimmer getting drowned. Not, uh, not really impressed, sad to say. As if the predictable plotting and twists aren't lame enough to slowly knock me out into sleeping. (A twist character here is only onscreen whenever Kate is around. Who wouldn't connect the dots and see that reveal coming?!)

Cinematography is alright, though, I'll give the movie that. Acting is so-and-so, focusing a lot on the teenage dramatics in the film's attempt to establish some form of depth around its really small casts. (Like, really small. Where the hell are these girls' parents?) The quick pacing of the direction, its paper-thin characters and an abundance of hammy lines, however, didn't do much good for The Debutantes (2017)'s approach on emotional and psychological turmoil, resulting to a very stale horror shlock that's been done better.

Needless to say, The Debutantes (2017) is a supernatural slasher hokum I find hard to praise as there's hardly anything to praise at all. The story is done to death, the deaths lack spectacle, and the spectacle is missing in its execution. What else is there to say but go watch Carrie (1976) instead. Or Evilspeak (1981) if you're in a slasher mood. 

Bodycount:

1 female gets into a car collision against a truck, smashes through a windshield

1 female strangled with a necklace

1 female drowned in a pool

1 male suffers a heart attack (flashback)

1 female stabbed in the gut with a knife

1 female killed offscreen

Total: 6

Bowling Over Dead: The 13th Alley (2008)

The 13th Alley (2008)

Rating: **

Starring: Robert Carradine, Randy Wayne, Bobb Hopkins

Back in 2008, slasher fans were treated with a horror movie that's as cheesy and sleazy as it is vile and gruesome, revolving around a rather obscene rape-and-revenge plot packed with fun gore effects and a hammy yet memorable masked killer, all of which centered around a dirty bowling alley. Some abhorred it, many loved it, overall it's a mini-cult classic of the splattery kind.

There's also The 13th Alley (2008).

Justin, special effects student and manager of Zodos Bowling & Beyond bowling alley, often uses his position and talents to hold private late-night games of "strip bowling", as well as pranking his buddies and their dates with realistic blood and guts. One of these evenings, however, didn't end too well when they tag along a random girl from the arcades to hang out with them, only for her to completely lose her cool upon seeing one of Justin's realistic prop heads rolling out from the ball return as a joke. It turns out the girl has a bit of history concerning her father decapitating his boss out of vengeful spite, a real deal of trauma that have her storming out. 

This incident is mostly brushed off the next night when the gang agree to do another round of "strip bowling", this time inviting over a Jamaican gal who happens to practice Voodoo hypnotism (No. Really.) It's all fun and games (as well as sex and pizza), until someone literally loses a head and a growling cloaked figure wearing an oversized knight helmet begins to stalk the alleys for more victims to behead and dismember with their bloody battle axe.

The 13th Alley (2008), in all honesty, mostly feels like a parody; its writing is as ridiculous as the kooky ensemble of characters, paired alongside gaggles of questionable acting and a direction that hams up a lot. At times the movie tries to play itself straight, usually during its slasher scenes, but it's undoubtedly hard to take any of the story seriously when you have couples making out after seemingly aroused by a prop rat falling down into a pizza oven, or a 'Voodoo' hypnotist trying to put someone in a trance by rolling her eyes over and over. We also have Robert Carradine as a zealous handyman being way too obvious of a red herring by babbling about God and prayers every single time he's on screen, and the Wilhelm Scream on loop as one poor chap loses a hand, I kid you not.

It's ineptly bad, but there's a hypnotic quality to its ineptness, so much so that it almost feels like a throwback to the old days of late night cable horror-thons or weekend drive-in features. Almost. You could say that The 13th Alley (2008)'s shlocky quality and high camp give it a so-bad-it's-good entertainment value, though its overall curiousness can get a tad bit distracting at times, especially when it gets in the way of the movie's more interesting ideas. Or a decent killing spree. Then again, if you're the tolerable and forgiving-type when it comes to horror films oozing with musty cheese, then this is a watchable effort. It's terrible, but at least it has a bit of fun here and there. 

Bodycount:

1 male found decapitated, head seen

1 female found decapitated, head seen

1 female knifed in the gut

1 male hacked in the chest with a battle axe

1 male drilled through the head

1 male hacked on the gut with a battle axe

1 female dismembered offscreen, parts seen

1 male killed with a battle axe

Total: 8

The Morbid Pursuit Of The Art Of Murder: R.S.V.P. (2002)

R.S.V.P. (2002)
Rating: ***1/2
Starring: James M. Churchman, Sharon Bruneau, Scott Workman

Picture Alfred Hitchcock's Rope (1948) reimagined as a slasher, written by Kevin Smith and featuring Patrick Bateman from American Psycho (2000) as the killer. This is what R.S.V.P. (2002) is, for better or worse.

Criminology student Nick 'The Prick' Collier (Rick Otto) is hosting a leaving party for his friend Jimmy (Lucas Babin), as the guy prepares to relocate with his girlfriend Jordan (Brandi Andres), who happens to be Nick's ex. One by one, the guests arrive, consisting of their friends (among them Jason Mewes of Jay & Silent Bob fame playing a stoner, because of course), Jimmy's family, as well as their professor, Hal Evans (Glenn Quinn), and it's mostly fun and games with a bit of tarot card reading, weed smoking and cocktail mixing. There is also Hal's discussions circling around the idea of murder being an art form, something that puts plenty of the partygoers on a sour mood seeing how passionate, borderline obsessed he is about it. 

And there's the matter of Jimmy not showing up to his own party which is starting to worry some of the guests. Not to mention Nick acting a little suspicious about a particular piece of decorative chest in the living room. Needless to say, something is very off about the party and things are about to get way worse when Nick begins murdering away one unfortunate soul at a time, seemingly inspired by the very atrocities he learned studying serial killers...

Rather than your routine stalk-and-stab, R.S.V.P. (2002) has its focus more on dark humor and trenchant characters, often delving into situational comedy territory following Nick's attempt to juggle running a party, killing off the guests and then hiding away the bodies just to keep things running as smoothly as he plans it. We're pretty much in on the joke and, frankly, it is a intriguing set-up for a slasher, more so a homage to Rope (1948), as the plot keeps a constant academic yet reckless angle on the murders, mostly within dialogues shared between Nick and Prof. Evans as they pretentiously yet captivatingly run their mouths toward philosophizing serial killing, all in the midst of good acting and writing. It's without a doubt this movie's engaging highlight, though this does mean it can get a bit talky and flaunty in its direction.

The kills themselves have little blood to speak of, preferring showy deaths than over-the-top splatter which may drive away gorehounds, though the film makes up for it with flashy effects and editing, as well as a lot of quirky scenes of our killer finding fun ways to dispose the guests and the troublesome tasks of storing away the remains right after. It isn't long before we're back with the usual slasher climax of a final girl fending off the villain, though this one comes with a rather amusing confession as Nick points out the absurdity of serial killers always needing an alibi for their massacres, and how his killing spree is brag-worthy different as he did it because he simply could. The oddity of it all continues to the film's last few scenes, wherein our survivors relax with a roll of joint after defeating the killer, capping off that night's dreadful experience by stating the dilemma of them needing new friends to hang out with now. It's dumb but, hey, it could be so much worse.

R.S.V.P. (2002) is weird, but it's the agreeable kind of weird! Ostentatious, sure, but it makes for a quaint and eccentric watch! 

Bodycount:

1 male stabbed in the gut with a knife

1 female knifed to death, blood splash seen

1 female brained with a cane

1 male kicked down an elevator shaft

1 female had her neck snapped

1 male shot with a nailgun

1 female shot to death with a nailgun

1 male strangled to death with a guitar string

1 female drowned in a pot of boiling water

1 male stuffed inside a chest, suffocated

1 male found dead inside a garbage bag

1 male shot, stabbed with a broken bong

1 male knocked off a building, lands on a parked car

Total: 13

We Are The Monsters, Babes: Get Away (2024)

Get Away (United Kingdom, 2024)
Rating: ***1/2

Starring: Nick Frost, Aisling Bea, Maisie Ayres

For the Smiths - Daddy Richard (Nick Frost), Mummy Susan (Aisling Bea), and angsty teen siblings Jessie (Maisie Ayres) and Sam (Sebastian Croft) - their holiday vacation to the small Swedish island of Svälta is the bonding experience they need as a family, especially when the divergent dynamics between the parents and the kids make a lot of conversations and activities awkward. The people they come across along the way, though, thinks their plan to visit and stay on Svälta is a terrible idea as the mainlanders there, lead by an ill-tempered crone (Anita Suikkari), doesn't take too kindly to outsiders, especially when their Karantan festival is nearing, celebrating a 19th century British-led massacre that drove its survivors into cannibalism.

And, to no one's surprise, the islanders aren't too pleased to see the family, even more so when they learn that one of Susan's ancestors took part of the massacre and she trivializes their traditions as a simple show to be gawked at. It isn't long before the residents of Svälta start showing up in the middle of the night wearing folk masks and tossing dead animals at the house the Smiths rented, not to mention the odd creaking noises coming from somewhere inside said house and the troubling sight of enough coffins for four being loaded onto boats. Believing the unwanted arrivals are a sign, the island elders ponder on the possibility to do a proper Karantan, a chance to resurrect a dormant tradition involving murder and the taste of fresh human flesh...

For the first hour, Get Away (2024) clashes the likes of folk horror inspired by movies such as The Wicker Man (1973) and Midsommar (2019), with the bumbling comedy of a family under constant confrontations and awkward situations just trying to get through their holiday by being as polite as possible, to the point many obvious red flags are ignored. While some of the jokes are a hit-or-miss with its tired jabs at vegan diets or culture clashes, the story itself is made tolerable by the entertainingly dysfunctional interactions of the Smiths as they get on each other's nerves, but open to surprisingly wholesome moments like Richard sharing his youthful experience with recreational weed with his daughter, or chuckle-worthy conversations about moist waffles during a family breakfast. 

The islanders, sadly, didn't get the same in-depth treatment considering most of them are portrayed as one-note fodder, filling out backgrounds as angry locals glaring daggers and being rude to the Smiths. The only one with any real sense of character is the head Svälta elder, who passionately believes the community she leads has lost its edge over the years, that it's about time they go back and hold the Karantan as it is intended to be, a gory vengeful act upon those who wrong them. We also got one Matts Larsson (Eero Milonoff), who owns the house the Smiths are renting and hinted to have something sinister planned for the family, though he's practically reduced to a creeper with a fetish for lingerie and voyeurism, spending his time on the movie being just pervertedly gross and upsetting. 

With only so much material to work around the premise of a hapless family butting heads with angry Swedes, the pacing did get a tad draggy near the film's climax, though this is remedied greatly by Get Away (2024)'s third and final act; without giving away much, let's just say the promised massacre did happen, just not in the way you may have expected. It's a killing spree that saved the movie for me, the sheer lunacy and maniac energy of it all bringing out a dementedly dark humor as the killers hack, stab, gut and decapitate everyone on sight, all the while sharing homely banter and playful teasing, reminiscing about old times and even sing gentle lovelies with one another. Some unfortunates do fight back, even managing to land a jab or two against the maniacs, which keeps the slaying fields all fair and fun, as well as interesting down to the cornball finale. This abrupt turn on who the prey and predators are may not sit well for some folks, but you got to hand it to the film, it's a very good twist on the account of all the shocks and surprises!

From cult-like folk horror to berserker slasher, all done with a British tongue pressed firmly against a cheek, Get Away (2024) may have its shortcomings, but the pay off in the end makes sitting through it worth every minute! Patient gorehounds be delighted!

Bodycount:

1 female stabbed in the neck with a kitchen knife

1 male stabbed in the neck with a kitchen knife

1 male knifed to death

1 male seen dying from a head wound

1 male seen murdered

1 male stabbed in the gut with a butterfly knife 

1 male knifed in the temple

1 female had her throat slashed with daggers

1 male stabbed in the chest with a push knife

4 victims seen dead

1 male gets a thrown hatchet to the back

1 female knifed in the gut

1 male seen being hacked to death

1 victim knifed in the head

1 female slashed across with a knife

1 female repeatedly knifed, ran through with a pike

1 male seen on fire

1 male seen being stabbed to death

1 female slashed across with a razor

1 male decapitated with a sword

1 male ran through with a sword

1 male stabbed to death

1 male knifed in the neck

1 victim seen on fire

5 heads seen 

1 male seen dead from a head wound 

1 male had his throat slashed with a knife

1 female had her head blown off with a shotgun

1 male shot to death

Total: 36

Just North of Michigan, A Hunting Ground: Deer Camp '86 (2022)

Deer Camp '86 (2022)

Rating: ***1/2

Starring: Noah LaLonde, Jay J. Bidwell, Arthur Cartwright

The year is 1986 and it's deer season; after spending some time sulking over a nasty breakup, Wes finally decided to get out of the emotional muck and join his friends on a deer hunting trip out in the Michigan wilderness. We see him and the gang already driving to an old hunting lodge with a freshly killed doe strapped on top of their Chevy Suburban, stopping at roadhouse for some directions, drunken shenanigans and, for Wes, a darling attempt for another love life as he flirts with the feisty Native American bartender named Star. A flirt that she seemingly reciprocates.

Unbeknownst to Wes, sadly, their little spark of romance isn't meant for long when Star gets killed behind the bar by an unknown assailant just as the gang's leaving once again for their trip. He wouldn't know about this tragedy until the following morning, when the local sheriff stops by to speak with them about anything they may have known about the murder. Suspiciously enough, the sheriff isn't all too surprised about the death. In fact, this appears to be an occurrence every deer season and it always ends with even more deaths and mutilation. 

And, true enough, once the group continues on with their deer-shooting escapades, something otherworldly begins to take hold of the hunt; fresh kills are found infested with maggots, electronics going haywire with ghostly voices and, most concerning of them all, an animal skull-wearing figure brandishing a tomahawk is seen prowling the woods, hunting the hunters...

Taking cues from slasher classics like Friday The 13th (1980) and The Burning (1981), Deer Camp '86 (2022) approaches its tale of backwoods massacres building around our band of knuckleheads from Detroit first, focusing on their beer-guzzling, rifle-totting misadventures in deer hunting, as well as broodingly hinting the horrors to come. It's a direction that works swell enough with the crafted caricatures filling out our crew; Wes (Noah LaLonde), our defacto leader, has his occasional swing as a sweetheart despite sometimes coming rather bland; Simon (Arthur Cartwright), the token black guy, characterizes himself as the sensible one, thus knowing when to play it safe; J.B. (Brian Michael Raetz), the group drunk, who can be good with a camcorder and a truck given he's not boozed out; Karlos (Josh Dominguez), a war veteran suffering from a serious case of intensity, making him a bit too into the hunt; Buck (Jay J. Bidwell), a large and rotund fella who's quick with the jokes; and poor Egbert (David Lautman), the meek and dorky butt-monkey in his first hunt. Not everyone is written out to be complex or absolutely likeable, but they're loud, brash and often trashed enough to make themselves entertaining and fun, even more so when the jokes and quips these fellas throw out land a good laugh, if not a giggle at least.

As the good times roll, the danger that seems to have latched unto the group would eventually make its move in the flesh after spending a decent run as a brooding presence, or as a creepy ghostly occurrence. Though the kill count is a little low and it's a swig lacking on the creative side, I do dig the killer's get-up of fur cloaks and a large animal's skull, boasting supernatural prowess that easily establishes themselves as a threat. The lore surrounding them is peppered throughout the film, tying in folklore and even some social commentary regarding the ongoing cycle of prejudice and hate, but the gist of it is that this creature is vengeance on two legs. One that comes with a surprise twist reveal, which is then followed up by a rather confusing final shot.

Truth be told, Deer Camp '86 (2022) isn't winning points for innovating the basic slasher plot. It's more of the same campout-gone-wrong deal we've seen plenty by now, albeit not without a few good turns and ideas. I like the beer-fueled comradery of the group and their over-the-top hijinks. I like how the last act is practically a showcase of the slasher being the bigger predator out in the woods. There's room for improvement, no doubt about that, but the end product is still an agreeable B-grade bodycounter. 

Bodycount:

1 female stabbed in the head with a buck knife

1 male killed offscreen, later found disemboweled

1 male hacked on the head with a tomahawk

1 male hacked on the chest with a tomahawk

1 male stabbed in the head with a buck knife

Total: 5