Thursday, November 3, 2011

There was a bear in this shitty woods...: Grizzly Park (2008)

Grizzly Park (2008)
rating: **
starring:  Glenn Morshower, Randy Wayne and Zulay Henao

Grizzly Park is as a Straight-to-DVD slasher featuring (no brainer) a bear killing off people in the woods, set on a tone that promises another enjoyable cheese-fest animal-slasher similar to "Grizzly (1976)".

The story is easy enough to understand as seven hooligans gets a chance to reflect on their actions through a rehabilitation program in the woods (Until now, I fail to see how walking into the deep forest help someone be a better person but if it gets random teens into the woods to be killed, I'm all hands for it!), all the while a grizzly bear just so happens to be around, giving us our first kill by munching on an escaped serial killer before setting its teeth to the unwitting teens.

I guess you could blame me for expecting too much but let's look at the facts here; it's a movie about a (thank God) a non-CGI grizzly bear killing off people. What could go wrong from that? Well, as expected from a straight-to-video flick, plenty.

The acting, for one, is horrid, made worse by a horrible script and the fact that not a single character here is likable enough to root for. (save Ranger Bob (Glenn Morshower)) I don't understand why a lot of writers keep setting up unlikable douches for a slasher to kill coz, the last I heard, we were supposed to feel scared for the victims. I understand that times may have changed but it's pointless to watch these dummkopfs and feel frightened for then if all they talk about is obnoxious lives, with us just wishing someone, or something, will end this. There's no suspense, no (working) comedy, and no character development whatsoever. It's a hollow slasher and none of the good stuff happen until the last ten minutes or so!

The only reason why I passed this is that, while it is a worthless piece of trash, I was entertained at some point; the murders, while some went to the obvious cheats (offscreen mauling, cut-aways), it did feature some decent gore and a few creative ones. They're nothing outlandish, but passable. There's also a decent twist in the end that isn't that big either but good nonetheless.

It maybe almost entirely horrible, but I can see some openings for an improvement. A better script might just do the trick but if not, then they could always splash it with some crazier gore. Until then, I suggest you guys avoid it unless, of course, you want to see it for yourself...

1 male had his neck slit with switchblade
1 male stabbed on the gut with switchblade
1 male had his face bitten off by grizzly bear, mauled offscreen
1 female attacked by a wolf
1 male caught on bear trap, mauled offscreen by grizzly bear
1 male mauled to death by a grizzly bear while he's tripping
1 male had his head clawed in half by the mouth
1 female mauled in half by a grizzly bear
1 male mauled by grizzly bear, arms torn off
1 female mauled by grizzly bear offscreen
1 female had a silicon chest clawed off by a grizzly bear
total: 11

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