Sunday, August 12, 2018

(S)Laughter is the Best Medicine: Dr. Giggles (1992)

Dr. Giggles (1992)
Rating: ***1/2
Starring: Larry Drake, Holly Marie Combs, Cliff De Young

Around the late 80s and early 90s, slasher films were struggling to keep it fresh as barrages of sequels cheapened big names like Jason Voorhees and Freddy Krueger into mostly commercialized monsters whose likeness can be licensed into kid lunch boxes, and most of the newer slasher titles coming out then are cheapened clones of said big names and/or do-it-yourself horror movies filmed by some guy with a lot of time in his hand and little money to spend in making his movie making dreams a big production reality.

Still, struggling they may be, the efforts are occasionally rewarded with some titles getting cult followings or even a solid franchising that continues to this day. For this review, I'll be covering one title that gained a cult following for reasons which may include (but not limited to) bad puns and Darkman (1990)'s Larry Drake hamming it up as a homicidal maniac dressed up as a doctor.

So we begin this medical mayhem with an opening credit featuring a 90s CG blood cell merrily making its way through the circulatory system while cartoonish evil music plays in the background. By the time we get to the heart, a hacking sound is heard and a scalpel slices the organ, killing the unfortunate soul it is attached to. This transitions to an impromptu heart surgery perpetrated by none other than our titular psycho Evan Rendell (AKA "Dr. Giggles" due to his habit to spontaneously giggle whilst parading around dressed up as a doctor) who then proceeds to hack and slash his way out of the loonie bin he is kept in, steal a car and drive back to his home town where his father, a bonafide doctor-turned-murderous schizo, is now some sort of boogeyman children would about during a round of jump-rope after being lynched 35 years ago. Guess who's ready to assume the mantle?

All the while, we are introduced to the heroine of our story Jennifer "Jen" Campbell, your typical teen attending Moorehigh High with a bit of a bad heart which prompts her to carry a monitor on her at all times. Despite this, she tries her hardest not to be a downer for everyone, which is considerably getting harder by the minute as she not only has to deal with a stepmom who's not liking her back, but she also has a rival trying to score one with her boyfriend Max who may have succeeded behind her back.

Oh, and there's Dr. Giggles, now garbed in a doctor's get up and armed with a set of pimped-up medical equipment designed for death, making house calls around town in a mission to "cure" them for killing his father. Some gets injected with poison and killed with scalpels, others gets their a stomach pumped and churned with a drilled nozzle, it isn't long though before Giggles encounters Jen and learns of her heart condition, which puts the mad doc in an inspired predicament to stalk her in good hopes he can perfect his heart surgery skills, whether it'll kill her or not.

With a title that should have been enough to tell what's in store for us, Dr. Giggles fully embraces what makes a slasher movie silly and does it in a way that's cheeky, messy and most importantly, fun. In terms of story, this movie has all of the classic slasher trappings from the ole sex-is-a-death-sentence excuse for stabbing a girl with a sharpened thermometer while castrating her boyfriend, to the incredibly goofy one-liners which channel Freddy Kruger's of the latter year Nightmare on Elm Street sequels, though more deadpan and medically inclined here. In turn, the film is predictable at most, but the genuine cheddar aftertaste its humor leaves behind is enough to direct this movie to a lovable guilty pleasure direction.

Much to its appeal includes Larry Drake's performance as our mad general practitioner, having no problem spatting out medical quips with much gusto and over-the-top ferocity when the deal calls for it. His act even benefits from the movie's fair number of plot holes and silly executions as Giggles' impassive nature to the fact that his little medical bag carries all of his weapons (some of which resembling novelty gag props, others straight out of a SAW sequel) and that he has a near-working operating room-cum-lair underneath his old home just adds to Dr. Giggle's wonderfully silly charm. Of course, there's also Holly Marie Combs of TV’s Picket Fences and Charmed as Jennifer Campbell, also delivering a straight face over her melodramatic dialogue in your typical definitive final girl fashion.

On the technical department, Dr. Giggles is fast paced, well shot (love the Hall of Mirrors scene!) and definitely delivers good grue with a chunk of it in theme to the good doctor's mad practice. If he's not waving around a medical tool-turned-weapon, he'll be murdering folks via  malpractices from hell with bloody wet results to show off, courtesy of early days K.N.B. EFX Group. And why stop with murders? How about a scene where a live child slices his way out of his own mother's fresh corpse where he is sewn into, just to escape an angry mob? Only in Dr. Giggles, everybody. Only in Dr. Giggles.

A far cry from being the movie that saved the slasher genre, Dr. Giggles is still an underrated cult classic on my and many other's book. It's corny and silly, bombed the box office and panned by critics, but for the right audience with the right mindset, this is a rough gem that exists purely to entertain and entertain it did. So, have a heart and if you're yet to see the good doctor, then it's about time you do!

1 male undergoes impromptu heart surgery, heart sliced with a scalpel
1 female murdered offcamera
1 male had his throat sliced with a scalpel
1 male injected with poison
1 female murdered offcamera
1 female gets a prolonged otoscope shoved into her nostril, skull pierced
1 female stabbed in the mouth with a spiked rectal thermometer
1 male castrated with a scalpel
1 female gets a drill-equipped stomach pump shoved down her gullet, insides shredded and pumped
1 female seen dead from heart failure (flashback)
1 female found smothered to death with a giant band aid over her face
1 male stabbed in the back of the head with a scalpel
1 male strangled to death with a pumped heart pressure cuff
1 male gets a buzzsaw to the back
2 males found with throat cuts
1 female murdered offcamera
1 male gets spiked surgical weapon to the face
1 male electrocuted, stabbed and impaled with surgical weapons
Total:  19

Friday, August 10, 2018

Scream If You Know What I Did At Sneek Two Years Ago: Sneekweek (2016)

Sneekweek (Netherlands, 2016) (AKA "Scream Week")
Rating: ***
Starring: Carolien Spoor, Jelle de Jong, Jord Knotter

Welcome to Sneek. Water sport capital of Friesland. Home of the largest inland water event Sneekweek. And apparently the best city in Netherlands to start killing those responsible for an "I Know What You Did Last Summer"- style accidental murder/cover up something something years ago!

As a form of initiation for new pledges, two college boys and three gal pals have candidates strip down to their willies and sit in an ice bath while singing nursery rhymes, only for one of the candidate's heart to stop from shock, killing the poor naked lad. Panicking for the consequences that awaits them if they admit being responsible for the homicide, dude bros Boris and Thjis, quiet-type new pledge Peter, classic party girl trope Lisa and token black girl Kim agreed to a story that the boy fell ill while sitting in the bath without their knowledge. Googie goodie criminal law student and Thjis' girlfriend Merel was adamant at first, but eventually gives in due to peer pressure, much to the price of her now-haunted conscience.

Two years later, the gaggle of six graduate from college and drive off to Sneek for Sneekweek in hopes of closing their last chapters as drunken teens by partying, drinking and fornicating like there's no tomorrow. (Oh, and yacht racing! Let's not forget about yacht racing!) But as we know, when it comes to this sub-genre, the good times are bound to end methodically as a masked and hooded figure begins prowling the gang's vacation house and follow them everywhere. Soon, a random date bites it after being repeatedly nailed with a nailgun, one of girls gets nearly gutted with a buzzsaw and one of the boys is dead in an apparent suicide.

 All of this and more takes place within the near two hour running time of this Dutch Scream/I Know What You Did Last Summer clone-cum-hybrid as the teens learn that one thing they did that one night that they all gravely regret is coming back to bite them (and everybody else that just happens to be there) in the arse and they're pretty much all alone in this as most of them keep finding reasons to keep quiet about the homicide. (Not altogether good reasons, but reasons nonetheless.) The stupidity factor goes up an ante with the fact that some of our characters are willing to ignore the fact that two of them were attacked and one of them is dead at the 50 minute mark just to enjoy their evenings partying, giving us plenty more fillers of teens getting drowned in booze and bumping uglies before a very rushed finale littered with red herrings, convenient twists and one WTF ending that kinda reminds me of that weird last shot from the 80s Spanish slasher Pieces (1981).

Slasher-wise, Sneekweek has the advantage of looking pretty darn good with its polished high-production, some fairly good writing here and there, fluid pacing and considerably fun stalk-and-chase scenes which are easily the highlights of this movie. The only matter that I'm struggling to come in terms with is that the murders are mostly done offcamera, which is a bit of a downer seeing half of the characters are inconsiderate, thus worthy of having cold steel or unforgiving blunts going into or through flesh. But as if the movie is channeling its inner 90s (even giving us a slight nod as one character watches a dubbed version of Scream (1996)), the only onscreen bloody treatment we get involves a garrote, a throat cut and a water bucket drowning. I guess we should be thankful that we at least got bloody good aftermath bodies and that one boat propeller kill that's kinda cool if only the body parts used didn't look so rubbery.

Maybe with the magic of editing to cut short a little off the filler scenes and add a bit of skin contact between bodies and murder weapons, Sneekweek could have been more of a treat than what it is right now. It's flawed, right, but is it unwatchable? Hardly. Maybe a tad lengthy, but watchable for a simplistic whodunit slasher.

1 male dies after his heart stops from sitting in an ice bath
1 male found with wrist slits and hanged on a boat's sail
1 female found wrapped alive in plastic wrapping, suffocates
1 female stabbed in the head with a sabersaw
1 male garroted
1 female found with a powerdrill to her back
1 male had his throat cut with a knife
1 male tied to a boat propeller, pulled into and shredded to pieces
1 male drowned in a bucket of water
1 male and 1 female decimated in a blown house
Total: 11

Saturday, August 4, 2018

Slasher Sleepout!: Ruin Me (2017)

Ruin Me (2017)
Rating: **1/2
Starring: Marcienne Dwyer, Matt Dellapina, Chris Hill

The title alone is reason enough for me to see this. I mean, "Ruin Me"? That can only go down in one of two ways: either our victims are gonna be ruined in a manner that we can't recognize them unless we use dental records or they'll be ruined mentally through hardcore psycho-torture. This being advertised as a backwoods slasher, you would expert the former, but, no...

Recovering druggie Alexandra joins her boyfriend Nathan in a campout slasher-themed horror experience game along with four other participants made up of goth-punk couple Pitch and Marina, chubby horror nerd Larry and token mysterious quiet-type Tim. After having the rules explained to them by a very aggressive Redneck-ish host, getting bags over their heads and dropped off in the middle-of-no-where woods, the six quickly learns that the camp's theme is an asylum breakout and their task is to find a trio of escaped mental patients skulking around in them woods.

It's all fun and games (and scares and heartbreak and awkward conversations) until a supposed actor shows up later that night at their camp, warning them of their impending doom and actually cuts one of them at the arm with a real knife before running off into the forest. If that wasn't intense enough, come the following morning and one of them suddenly disappears, with what looks like their severed fingers left for the rest to find. Could this still be a part of the game? Or are really escaped lunatics out there killing people for real?

Now, I find discussing the pros and cons of this movie a tad difficult without spoiling a bit so heed my warnings, dear readers. In a way, Ruin Me is less of an actual backwoods slasher film and more of a psychological survival horror thriller as while it toys with the classic slasher concepts of masked killers in the woods, the story has a stronger focus on playing with our expectations, particularly whether one of our main casts is going crazy or not, and if any of these is really happening.

With this, I will say that it is an interesting slasher for the first half of the film; the dialogue was great, the characters were engaging and interesting to watch (though the drama between some of them can get eye-rolling hammy), and there are some genuine fun scares to get around. The concept of the survival game is, frankly, really neat and personally the best element of Ruin Me from its little puzzles and clever set-up, to nasty surprises and intense moments. But once most of these campers start dying off in really uninspired ways in a matter of minutes, we get a full curveball on our plot and next thing we know, we're watching a scene straight out of early years SAW, which is great on its own but leads to a lot of frustratingly convoluted twists that are honestly been done for quite a while now, this time a lot worse with the boring final reveal that definitely stretched the movie way longer than it needed to be.

I really wanted to care more about this film but after a strong build-up like that, I expected a better payoff than an unfocused mess and another edgy ending for the sake of being edgy. It does very little justice to the good writing and fun from the former half, but I will say that it at least made the idea of whether what's happening is all in a character's noodle slightly stronger, especially during a certain cop scene, leading to some harrowing development albeit at the price of keeping consistency within the film's tone. Marcienne Dwyer perhaps made the most effort to keep this film watchable as she plays her character with the most uniformly through out the film, thus making her a captivating watch, though this doesn't mean she's safe from Ruin Me's occasional scripting hiccups, most of it quite noticeable at the half-point.

In the end, Ruin Me is unnecessarily unsound. It is my earnest opinion that this film could have been a lot better should it grounded a stronger footing on what it really wanted to be: a satirical slasher spoof? A dramatic SAW clone? A pizzazz psychological thriller in the woods? Not gonna put down a film for trying something different for an outcome, but difference should come with style and Ruin Me, while fun for the most part, went through a lot of bumps in the end that I wouldn't consider a "style". Just overdone and cluttered riffraff. Not the worst slasher thriller to happen, not the most memorable, too.

1 male found murdered, fingers severed
1 male had his throat cut with a hunting knife
1 female murdered offcamera
1 male shot on the gut
1 male disappears into the sea
1 male murdered offcamera, blood splatter seen
1 male shot
1 male murdered with a hunting knife
1 male stabbed on the gut with a hunting knife
1 male stabbed to death with a hunting knife
Total: 10

Military Man, Mad Man: Hollow Man II (2006)

Hollow Man II (2006)
Rating: ***
Starring: Christian Slater, Peter Facinelli, Laura Regan

I fondly remember Hollow Man (2000) as a kid for (its time's) impressive special effects and I still find it a fun watch to these very days for it's easy-to-digest slasher-friendly modernized The Invisible Man plotting and hammy Kevin Bacon acting. Hollow Man II, however, didn't came to my full attention until a year or two ago when I finally decided to give it a whirl as a possible coverage for this blog. I was aware of its existence around its time of release, but after sitting through some terrible DTV sequels back then (namely Mimic 3: Sentinel and House of the Dead 2), this sequel hardly became a priority and, after seeing it, I can honestly say it still isn't.

Still, I wouldn't say it's not without its own set of good notes.

Linking itself to the first Hollow Man film by a shoestring, Hollow Man II follows the desperate and murderous escapades of one Michael Griffin (Christian Slater), a soldier-turned-assassin handpicked by the US government to undergo the same invisibility experiment being perfected back at the first film, as he kills his way to get a cure for his condition, finding himself slowly rotting away as his cells slowly dies as a side effect of having too much sunlight passing through his body.

After crashing a cocktail party attended by a scientist who knows the whereabouts of a formula that can prevent his body from going full mush (and killing him after for good measure), Griffin proceeds to target Maggie Dalton (Laura Regan), the very biologist who can concoct the cure he is looking for. Unbeknownst to him, the military is well aware of his rampage and sends out Detective Frank Turner (Peter Facinelli) as an impromptu bodyguard for Dalton without divulging too much info with what he'll be dealing with, which of course leads to Griffin killing Turner's partner and the detective-biologist duo going on the run.

Comparing this to the original, Hollow Man II's budget is noticeably lower but it did find a way to make it's invisible assassin concept work as well as it can with what little it have. In fact, cut out the matter that this movie is supposed to be a sequel and we still get a solid standalone scifi horror thriller with a few decent kills, passable special effects and a serviceable story expanding the Hollow Man universe quite a bit. With its stable pace and very able casts, the movie's direction gave this direct to video flick a smooth and polished look, all the while evoking a few fair scares and tension so while it is flawed, it is far from being the suspected trash I thought it'll be so many years ago.

I guess a better set of kills and attacks would have made me like this film a lot more, but the real nitpick I have here is Slater's uneven take on his invisible killer: during the scenes he is visible, he does an okay job being a creep, but come the parts he is transparent and he simply sounds like your typical B-grade homicidal thriller villain from the 90s. Cocky and brash with a hint of  cartoonish ham. Nevertheless, it dents the film very lightly so no big deal.

Definitely could have been a lot better, Hollow Man II is a fairly conceptualized either ways and could worth an hour and a half of your time if you have little to do for the moment. Wouldn't say it's a keep, but it does make a fun rental!

1 male had his throat cut with a broken cellphone
1 female bludgeoned with a lamp
3 males seen murdered
1 male stabbed on the eye with a letter opener
1 male seen strangled (flashback)
1 male had his neck broken from falling down a flight of stairs (flashback)
1 male mentioned drowned
1 male had his neck broken
1 male hit by an incoming car
1 male hacked with a shovel
Total: 12

Saturday, July 28, 2018

Death Goes 90s Digital: Ghost In The Machine (1993)

Ghost In The Machine (1993)
Rating: **
Starring: Karen Allen, Chris Mulkey, Ted Marcoux

Ah, the early 90s! When rap music is white-ish, neon baggy jeans make you look ghetto edgy and The Price Is Right is hosted by Bob Barker. Oh, and bulky computers with dial-up! Yeah, how can we 90s babies forget that screeching monstrosity? I mean, what could be worse, right?

Well, how about a horror movie trying to be hip and modern by featuring a killer that's pure data-cum-electrical energy, tossed around like toss salad with all things techno-babbled?

Thus the story of Lawnmower Man (1992)! I mean, Shocker (1989)! No wait, Ghost In The Machine, a slasher film where a serial killer dubbed as The Address Book Killer (Coz he kills people he looks up from address books. Duh.) gets his soul digitized after catching himself in a car accident and dying whilst being CT scanned during a thunderstorm, thus finding a way to go anywhere and into anything that runs on electricity, making everyday appliances like dishwashers and microwaves murder weapons though in a much more exaggerated manner.

With this new god-like state, our slasher decided to target one of the customers from the computer shop he worked at, a single mother who left a digitized copy of a page from her address book for his techno-rampage, killing his way through friends and acquaintances if not inconveniencing terrorizing our hapless mum and her son with creepy messages, unsolicited purchases and drained bank accounts. It's not long before the feds (well, one guy from the IT division to be more exact) catch wind of the situation and starts investigating, realizing that what they're up against is far from normal.

So, pros: I like how some of the murders here act like proto-Final Destination accidents, such as one involving a car crash testing site with an unexpected (and darkly hilarious) twist, and the whole movie just has this very cheesy vibe to everything despite desperately trying to play itself seriously. Kinda hard to do just that seeing all of this comical-looking 90s CG being passed off as scares and the entire movie just feels like one huge time capsule, complete with the fact that everybody involved in this film doesn't seem to understand how this technology works. Like properly works. (Then again, this is a horror movie so, I guess exaggerated facts are inevitable...)

Sadly, strip away all of the unintentional comedy and a few decent looking kills, The Ghost In The Machine barely do much to make itself work any better, giving us stale, dull and personality-challenged characters (villain included) and a very predictable and tedious story that's been done a couple of times before. Granted that the way they defeated the villain in this is kinda new, the entire execution of the film is just too silly to be worthwhile unless you're the forgiving kind with a strange fascination for bad CG, cringy cheese and a moderate level of blood and gore acquired through near moronic means.

A fine film for a single viewing, but far from something I will recommend keeping with your collection unless, as I've mentioned, you're into bad movies. If you are, then by all means track down this poltergeist and enjoy the movie, ya freak of nature...

2 males and 2 females seen slaughtered
1 male succumbs to car crash wounds
1 male cooked alive in an electronically heated kitchen, hits his head against a kitchen counter
1 dog drowned in a pool
1 male burned alive by a flamethrowing hand dryer
1 female electrocuted by an exploding dishwasher
Total: 9

Saturday, July 21, 2018

Soaking in Bad Cheese: Hot Tub Party Massacre (2016)

Hot Tub Party Massacre (Canada, 2016)
Rating: *
Starring: Chrissy Cooke, Stu Ford, Sarah Foster |

I get it: not all movies exist to be the next big hit or cult classic everyone will be talking about from years on end.  Some films are simple there to entertain us. Distract us from the cruel reality outside our comfort, even if it only lasts for an hour and a half. I get all of that. Still, I cannot distance myself from the fact that the word "entertain" is subjective itself, as one thing that entertains you does not always mean it'll be that entertain for the next guy. 

This being said, Holy Hellions. Did this movie wasted my time. 

Perhaps I myself was to blame: I was looking around my hard drive for a fun movie called "Pool Party Massacre (2017)" and accidentally started watching this one coz it has "party" and "massacre" at the end. Instead of stopping it and go watch my intended viewing for that evening, I decided to give this one a try in case it'll be worth my while and now I'm writing this review to kinda apologize to myself for being curious enough to sit through what could be someone's film school project.

So we start the movie with a news report about an escapee serial killer named Fred Banning, who murdered 18 during his murder spree before he got captured, and is now believed to be making his way back to his old stomping ground to do more killings. Everybody is afraid save for a quartet of college girls who wins a school lottery that landed them a weekend getaway at a luxurious spa. (With a hot tub) As they strip naked and do sexy shower scenes and pillow fights, or get really naughty with their boyfriends who decided to drop by, our killer arms himself with a garden claw and starts hacking random coeds before making his way to the girls and their dates.

I guess we can thank the universe that this film's only an hour and twelve minutes long, which meant my stay was a quick one but, with the way Hot Tub Party Massacre's made, it honestly felt longer than that. Way way longer. With so little other substance going on apart from watching a bunch of 20 somethings attempting to act and be funny (Did I forgot to mention this was a horror comedy? I did? Well that's coz none of the jokes were funny...) or do some horror stuff (And I use the terms "horror" loosely and "stuff" strongly), I vividly recall trying to keep myself awake to see whether this film is going exactly where I expect it to be or if it'll do something relatively new. Sadly, it went with the former, doing exactly what a hundred slasher films or so have done before including that Friday The 13th Part 2 (1981)/A Bay of Blood (1971) sex-a-pade skewering. (You know the one) It's unoriginal, dry and very dull, with kills partially or mostly offcamera leaving little satisfaction for us gorehounds, but I think those looking for some good T&A will got some kick out of this as boobs, butts and bumpin' uglies are ever present in the second half. (Sexy but, no. I came for blood. Not for boobies.)

Perhaps I watched this movie with a wrong mindset as mentioned prior, not all films aim to be great and is simply just there to entertain us. Hot Tub Party Massacre is obviously a film made to entertain, albeit in a very cheap manner, so I am sure there is an audience for this film somewhere out there and I'm just not one of them. Far from memorable, intense, hilarious, gory, or just be good in general, I say this is one dirty hot tub I'll be gladly avoiding and one party I should have turned down.

1 female killed with a garden claw
1 female slaughtered offcamera with a garden claw
1 female hacked with a garden claw
1 male hacked with a garden claw
1 male slashed with a garden claw
1 male had his face crushed/smothered with a plastic bag
1 female had her eyes thumbed
1 male hacked with a garden claw
1 male and 1 female skewered with a pool cue
1 female hacked to death with a garden claw
Total: 11

Friday, July 20, 2018

Scream Parks and Recreation: Talon Falls (2017)

Talon Falls (2017)
Rating: *1/2
Starring:  Brad Bell, Fred Biggs, Lonnie Bloomburg

Based on an actual Halloween horror attraction, Talon Falls Scream Park, in Graves County, Kentucky, Talon Falls is a movie that blends classic slasher tropes with torture porn horror, bringing us the best of both worlds. Or at least it attempted to.

Standard group of teenagers for the killing?
Classic slasher set-up.
To simply put, the film follows two teen couples on their way to a cabin only to get sidetracked when, at a gas stop, an attendant told them about Talon Falls, a popular local scream park attraction. Despite the vocal protest of one of the girls, the gang drives on to the park and gets VIP passes from one of the people working at the park as some form of Southern hospitality seeing they're not from around there.

Not thinking much about any of this, the teens proceed to a haunted house attraction littered with spooky clowns and tortured victims. Of course, it isn't long before they become aware on just how real some of these horrors are and the group soon find themselves fighting to survive or die as a part of the park's sinister attractions and side business of snuff films.

Dirty room full of rust and blood-covered murder weapons?
Classic Tore Porn set-up!
So, we basically have a mix-matched monstrosity of a generic backwoods slasher and a low-rent torture porn, with a side of Turistas (2006) and Vacancy (2007) thrown in for good measure. How exactly does it hold up?

Honestly, the whole roundabout is pretty standard. It's literally the predictability and cliches of two horror sub-genres welded together in a sometimes-steady-sometimes-slow pacing that puts me to sleep on one end and got me sighing in boredom on the other. Granted that some of the torture scenes succeed in grossing me out (really really hate that toe nail torture) and the last act did got me slightly interested with its long yet passable chase scene, Talon Falls just felt cheap, so much so that its entire seventy-plus minute run felt like one overly long commercial promoting what kind of horror you can picture the real Talon Falls park will be doing for you once you put down that ticket money at their booths. It's moderately acted, hardly terrifying and barely exciting, done in a fair budget that is simply "okay".

Put two set-ups together and nothing else and you get:
A barely original horror movie for the rental bins.
I appreciate the effort, but it's an effort that's as stale as a bowl of plain-flavoured corn flakes that nobody wanted to eat coz, well, it's plain. With that, I leave Talon Falls to the rest of the world who may or may not want to take part of its cinematic blandness, as I indulge myself to something better. (And by better, I meant wasting a good near-two hours of my life re-watching Hostel: Part II (2007), a movie that I consider as the best example of a good torture porn next to Saw (2004). Not exactly productive but, hey, least it's something.)

1 male electrocuted to death
1 male mauled to death by a dog
1 male tortured, had his head crushed with a vice
1 male and 1 female electrocuted to death
An entire dump full of corpses found
1 female presumably tortured to death
Total: 6+