The Troublesome Production of Harry Penderecki: Brutal Massacre: A Comedy (2007)

Brutal Massacre: A Comedy (2007)
Rating: ***1/2

Starring: David Naughton, Brian O'Halloran, Gerry Bednob

Many a times I cover slasher movies that lean on the comical side, but had I ever cover comical movies that lean on the slasher side? 

Brutal Massacre: A Comedy (2007) is a mockumentary centered around low-budget horror director Harry Penderecki (An American Werewolf in London (1981)'s David Naughton), who hasn’t had a hit since his last opus, I'll take the ring back... And the finger, too!. Itching to make a real name for himself, he sets out to do Brutal Massacre, a backwoods slasher that's going to be his "big one" given everything goes smoothly. Big emphasis on given.

A satire comedy about low-budget horror movie productions, Brutal Massacre's just a real treat from beginning to end as we follow the scenes behind one supposedly infamous (for the more absurd and often hilarious reasons) horror director and his close-knit crew's days of filming, tackling every sorts of mishaps from finding the perfect shooting location and encountering creepy drunk house owners (one of them looking a whole lot like Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)'s Gunnar Hansen. Unless...), to getting the right gore effects guy and surviving workplace hazards. (i.e. firing ranges and the occasional runaway knife) On a lack of a better term, these guys are just screwed with just so much bad luck and bad press that their misfortunes in this one project are simply chuckle-worthy, something the movie wears proudly with its snarky yet kinda intelligent dialogue and a good lot of talent involved.

Aside from the aforementioned David Naughton doing his silliest as an inspired yet very down-on-luck director whose self-praising and over-analyzation of his own shlocky projects bring forth plenty of laughs, we also have the likes of other horror icons like Ken Foree (Dawn of the Dead (1978)) and Ellen Sandweiss (The Evil Dead (1981)), and too familiar faces of comedy like Brian O’Halloran of Clerks (1994) and Gerry Bednob from the Steve Carell comedy The 40-Year-Old Virgin (2005) gracing the screen as assorted friends and/or crews just doing their best to get through the filming in one piece and their sanity intact, with or without the cost of their own frustrations, stupidity or, for some people, both. There are some genuine moments of chemistry and timing among these crowds so when a joke hits, it hits the right way. (running gag Gunnar Hansen anyone?) When a joke misses, however, it's pretty darn noticeable at how distractingly "hard" it wants to be (Yes, the rich Texan is funding this movie because he wants titties. Anything else?), but seeing there are more hits than misses here in my book, I'm willing to overlook these flaws for what's really no more than a fun comedy-of-errors that doesn't completely take itself too seriously.

Perhaps the factor that gets me on a really forgivable stride towards this movie is that despite being played for laughs, it is still a caricature of low budget filmmaking; Brutal Massacre is structured like an actual process, one that revels on highlighting a lot of possible issues one might meet during movie projects and as a horror fan since youth, I have a growing sense of fascination of what goes behind the camera and I kinda admire all the hard work these production crews put in making a single movie to cinematic life. Of course, there's nothing that much insightful going on here save for one or two apparently deep moments, but the matter this movie brought up problems like lazy and inept crew members, obnoxious locals and budget restraints and found ways to make it subtle yet funny earns modest points for me.

Yes, it's lowers its bar a bit due to some irregular jokey moments and sometimes questionable writing, but I'm committed in my words when I say Brutal Massacre: A Comedy (2007) is just in it for the laughs and I understand and appreciate that. It mostly knows the darkly funny side of low budget films and I like that it approached a different angle to exploit. If you have an itch for an independent mockumentary comedy about the happenings during that one shooting of a shlocky $1.99 slasher movie you can pick up at a bargain bin, then go get yourself a copy of this and watch out for short Indian cameramen with anger issues. Apparently they have a tick for the term "shot-on-video"...

Bodycount:

1 male accidentally killed by a tossed knife

Total: 1

Seriously, this dude looks like Gunnar Hansen.
Hmm...

Got to see "Mr. J" today.

And the hype is real, Joker (2019) is one of the most compellingly beautiful films ever to be released in recent years, working so well as a dark character study of a broken man turned anarchic icon who wanted nothing more than to matter in the midst of real world troubles of poverty, mental illness and abuse, set in a glaringly realistic take on 1970s Gotham and starring Joaquin Phoenix in an Oscar-worthy performance.

Just a bit disappointed that no one walked out on the theater I was at. That would have been interesting. (A-Hyuck!) Nevertheless, if you are yet to see this, just keep in mind there will be no heroes in Spandex here. Nope. This is pure psychological crime drama with some shocking violence and thought-provoking moments, so if you're easily triggered, here's a puppy.

Otherwise, good luck and Keep Smiling!

Remember when The Fast and The Furious was about car heists and street races...?

And now we got cybernetically enhanced mercenaries working for a cyber-terrorist aiming for world cleansing via biotech virus and two action stars duking out these threats in a Samoan island with nothing but clubs, spears, juiced-up cars and whole lot of boody traps.

My how times have changed. And I love it! (Even though this is my FIRST Fast and Furious movie)

Just saw Detective Pikachu...

And it's exactly what I expected it to be; a fun, funny and adorable feature length adventure centered on a standalone take on a game franchise from Japan that's still running strong to this day. (Including its namesake) I may not have played every game in the series but I can't help but feel a bit of nostalgia seeing most of the pokemons showing up in the film (I say most coz two to three of them, I hardly recognize. Can you blame me? There's 807 of these guys now, not including their alternate and regional forms...) and that's just a fair icing on the cake since the story is, while predictable, does have an entertaining direction and some neat ideas. 

Highlights include a surprisingly hilarious interrogation scene between our two main casts and a mime pokemon called Mr. Mime, and a very expressive take on an adorable pokemon called Psyduck which, honestly, makes me feel proud that one is in my Platinum team. (Although she's a Golduck now, but still, memories!)

Nightmare fuel, though, is this movie's Ditto. Just....see the movie and you'll know...

Overall, I recommend it for the young and young at heart!


Just...Ditto....

Sure, it looks squishy and cute now, but once it transforms...

Today I Saw Alita- Battle Angel...

And, despite knowing very little about the manga and anime series it is based on, I think I found another movie franchise that I'm willing to follow through until the end! Can't wait for the next entry!

A Real Hero: Drive (2011)

Drive (2011)
Rating: ****1/2
Starring:  Ryan Gosling, Carey Mulligan, Bryan Cranston

Yeah, yeah. I know. It's not a slasher. Nor a horror movie. But I like a little variety for this site from time to time and seeing this film surprisingly dished out some slasher flick-worthy kills and its fair share of moments obviously inspired by the bodycount subgenre, it'll be a crime worthy of being forked on the eye and knifed on the throat if I didn't cover this awesome thriller!

Ryan Gosling is The Driver, a mysterious drifter who, as his moniker suggests, has exceptional driving skills and goes through his days as a stunt driver and mechanic. Unknown to many, he moonlights as a getaway driver for heists and other similar dirty jobs, a reputation that will come challenged the moment he meets his new neighbors, Irene and her young son, Benecio.

Encountering the family at a day just like any, the Driver instantly felt connected to them, willingly and happily looking after both until Irine's husband, Standard (yes, his name is "Standard"), finally comes home after serving time. Unfortunately, Standard still has a serious debt to pay as local criminals begin threatening him and his family should he not give in to their demands and help them pull off a robbery, something understandably isn't sitting well with the Driver.

Hoping to aid Standard settle everything and have his family live their lives in peace, the Driver joins him in the gig, only for him to realize that the robbery was botched from the very beginning and a far riskier and deadlier crime is being put into action behind his back, leading to him and everybody else connected to him getting hunted and he, in turn, hunting those responsible back.

Directed by Danish director Nicolas Winding Refn and based on a book by James Sallis, Drive is a modernized swing on pulpy noir crime dramas enriched with a gallery of characters intertwined to a mysterious and unsuspecting protagonist, delivered in an elegant exercise of style and flow best compared to the lull before a storm.

Much of Drive's success as a thriller is within the characterization of the multiple faces intertwined within this gritty and brutal yet oddly captivating play. Gosling fills in the shoes of The Driver channeling lone wolf-type of heroes as we learn really little of his character's past and know almost nothing of his personality save from what can be identified by and underneath his cold and calculating behavior. For a main cast that says little even during scenes where some dialogue could have been called for, with the movie's artistic and superb direction, Gosling's presence and body language made his Driver the walking personification of the term less is more work, even if he starts dishing out kills, torturing for intel or wholeheartedly enjoying a drive through the sunset with his new neighbors.

Contrasting the enigmatic hero includes Ron Perlman as a big-time operator working behind the guise of a regular strip mall pizzeria and Albert Brooks as a crime sidelining B-flick producer the Driver finds himself working for as a stunt driver. These men mean every bit of business they come across to, going as far as double crossing their underlings or biting the hand that feeds them for their own gains, and they're smartly portrayed less like your overly flashy movie villains and more of a realistic hoodlum who're either doing it to prove themselves or cover their arses out of fear of being snuffed out themselves. There's nothing more terrifying than an intimidated and frightened animal and Refn knew how to make this work, albeit the two lacking needed screen time to further develop their characters.

Tirade of perfectly timed extreme violence among its long stretches of calm and/or silent moments eventually follow these casts, making these shots of murder and torment all the more shocking and brutal than your everyday movie splatter for their absence of warning, building tension and anticipation to what comes next. Even better is that a lot of these kills are done wonderfully in practical make-up effects and a gaggle of stylized camera work and editing, particularly an elevator scene that is rumored to have been inspired by the infamous fire hydrant scene from Noe Gaspar's depressing masterpiece Irreversible (2002).

Other endearing technical aspects includes the driving scenes this movie supplies itself often, finding the right balance of sleek and fast to come out as by far the most realistic car chase one could find in cinema. The score used throughout the movie utilizes the alien yet retro feel of vaporwave music, fitting the vintage feel of the plot and visuals, and it even sports one of the finest songs I've heard Hero, sung by College featuring Electric Youth, to hauntingly yet beautifully close a hard hitting action thriller such as Drive.

Drive (2011), with its casting, direction and clear story telling knowledge of what works and what doesn't in a near-existential yet entertaining genre film, does the rarest thing modern film making could do and that is playing majority of its cards right. It plays on emotions, intrigue and action like your casual mainstream movie, all the while reserving enough to establish a style and bring out the best from its director creatively. It's a crime thriller I'm proud to have seen not only for the gore and it's a strong recommendation to all fellow genre fans!

Bodycount:
1 male shot dead
1 female had her head shot off with a shotgun
1 male stabbed with a curtain rod
1 male shot with a shotgun
1 male had his head repeatedly stomped on, crushed
1 male forked on the eye, throat stabbed with a knife
1 male had his wrist slit with a razor, bled to death
1 male killed in car crash
1 male drowned
1 stabbed with a knife
Total: 10

I Finally got to See Bumblebee (2018)...

 ...IT TOOK THEM 12 YEARS TO MAKE ANOTHER ONE THAT WORKS?!

 THEY EVEN GOT MY BOYS SOUNDWAVE AND SHOCKWAVE LOOK RIGHT! WH-WH-WHAT?!

IF YOU'RE YET TO SEE IT, YER MISSING OUT! IT'S PROBABLY THE TRANSFORMERS MOVIE YOU'RE WAITING FOR, OR YOU BIG-HEARTEDLY DESERVE!

ALL CAPS!

So I saw Into The Spider-Verse...

I came for this.

 ENDED UP LOVING EVERYTHING ELSE ABOUT IT!

One of the best Spider-Man movies EVUH!

In Regards to 2016...

I have to admit, a lot of things had happened in this year. Many celebrity deaths (Angus Scrimm and David Bowie hitting me hardest) Numerous disasters and terror attacks. Donald Trump actually winning presidency. Harambe. Some (if not a lot) of people are calling it the worst year EVER and I guess, by reading the title of this post, you're thinking I'm joining the bandwagon regarding 2016 being the worst, correct?

We will miss you, "Major Tom"!

Well, personally, it was just another year and I thought it was...just there.

I guess that's one advantage of living a partially dull life focusing solely on filling my belly, helping my folks with the bills, exercising enough brain power and motivation to go and live through work, and enjoying my personal hobbies as I tend to block out a lot of things around me and just try to live a life best suited to my needs and wants. Yes, I am aware what is happening around me will and always affect my life, and yes there were some personal struggles I went through this year, but what year hadn't? By focusing on the positives, no matter how big or small it is, I believe I got around quite okay and I am looking forward to doing the same next year.

Now, as a horror blogger, I have to also admit that I hadn't watched a lot of horror flicks this 2016. I believe 2016 was the year I toned down on the horror movies and instead got my horror fix by listening to Youtube narrations of Reddit Let's Not Meet stories and creepypastas. It's mostly due to the fact that I somehow began busying myself with my comic project back at my Deviantart page and I was aiming to do enough strips for a book. Whenever I did got into watching horror movies, though, I was careful and selective, meaning I read through the feedbacks first before heading on and actually seeing the movie, so I kinda cheated my way into the good films and almost left out the bad.

What I was busying myself with...

"Almost" as  I  did managed to see some stinkers like Stephen King's Cell, Before I Wake, Cabin Fever (2016), Friend Request (2016), Smothered (2016) and Light's Out, all of which mishandled potentials, save for Light  that I honestly thought was too generic for my liking. So I still made a few slip-ups on my end, but compared to the number of decent horror movies I saw in turn, I'm gonna say that horror this year, just like my feeling for this year as a whole, was just "okay".

The short was scary. This movie was just "meh".

Ghostbusters 2016 didn't suck as bad as a lot of people made it out to be. Shin Gojira is still a passable watch despite too much SciFi babble and too many characters roaming around. Rob zombie got his old school mojo back with his new movie 31. The Purge 3 is still action packed and interesting. The Conjuring 2 turns out to be a good popcorn companion.  Hush is a simplistic yet effective as home invasion survival horror. Director Fede Alvarez struck genius once again with Don't Breathe. The Shallow is the next greatest shark film for me, next to Jaws. Train to Busan sortah revived my interest in zombie flicks. Fender Bender (2016) was great as a fun throwback slasher flick. The Autopsy of Jane Doe was a passable supernatural thriller. Bodom's twist and turns actually satisfies.

I don't care what the haters say, you gals did alright!

I have a lot more titles I saw under 2016 that I wanna point out as good, if not great, such as non horror flicks like Marvel's  Doctor Strange and the surprisingly fun action flick The Accountant but long story short, I managed to enjoy a lot of this, so much so that I am still planning to see other 2016 titles that got my interest (The Barn and Wolves at the Door being my top priorities.)

The slasher monsters from The Barn. Awesome?!

Am I excited for 2017? Hell yeah! The Mummy reboot, the feature length Terrifer (2017), SAW: Legacy, Get Out!, Keep Watching, The Dark Tapes, the It reboot, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales, Kong: Skull Island (2017), Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2, Thor: Ragnarok, Spiderman: Homecoming, The Lego Batman Movie, so much interesting titles coming up and I can't wait to try as much as I can. I know it's not gonna be easy, both this and living through my life, but again, whose life was ever easy? Best thing we can do right now is to look forward to something better and brighter! So, with this being said, goodbye 2016...

And HELLO, 2017!

The American Scream: Citrus Springs (2016)

Citrus Spings (2016)
Rating: ***
Starring: Christa Campbell, Jesse Luken, Nicole Smolen

How often do you see a horror trailer use the Bonnie Tyler song Total Eclipse of the Heart? Not a lot so, right off the bat, Citrus Springs (2016) easily got my attention from it's strange marketing and I am kinda glad that I saw it, even if the movie turned out to be something totally different.

The quaint town of Citrus Springs has a problem. A home invading serial killer problem. So far, two families already fell victim to this intruder and the entire community is becoming more restless with each massacre, prompting local police to put up curfews and vigilantly patrol the streets, efforts hardly working to prevent the murders and inconveniencing some of the residents.

In the midst of the storm of frightened families and pressured cops, local psychiatrist Jean is tired of her simple small town life and plans on leaving Citrus Springs for the city by setting her house for sale. But with the recent string of murders deterring a lot of her potential buyers and a new break in the case comes in the form of a lone survivor of another current family massacre, Jean is forced to stay and aid the cops in milking out any details of their culprit out of the girl, a task proven to be easier said than done.

With more of its focus aimed at the dynamics between the townsfolk and the local authorities as they go about their days and nights contemplating about the murders, Citrus Springs (2016) is hardly a slasher (or horror in general), instead it's a lot more in common with made-for-TV drama thrillers. To be truthful, the closest moment it ever came to being a bodycounter flick was the single onscreen home invasion scene where an entire family gets brutally murdered by a balaclava-wearing loon. It's surprisingly unsettling with its simplicity, but the overly natural tone of the events to follow from the killings is what really got me watching this until the end, but it's also likely to divide its audience.

For the next bulk of the run, Citrus Springs (2016) shifts gear from a potential home invasion horror to a series of police procedural and small town slice-of-life littered with lots of character interactions and developments, hardly showing the killer and any further murders until the near-hour mark when the obscured culprit shows up not commit another killing, but to instead kidnap an unsuspecting victim out of impulse. With this, the killcount is unsurprisingly low and with half of them occurring offcamera, it is all hardly exploitative in nature so dumb teenagers and gratuitous nudity are understandably absent. Yet, I just cant help but enjoy the organic feel of the story from the pacing and direction to the believable characters and just how everything is grounded realistically. Granted, it's not going to break any new grounds as either a horror flick or a drama thriller, but as a simple viewing, Citrus Springs (2016) is darn passable with its workable production quality and for just being that engaging of a watch.

I guess the only thing that is stopping me from giving this film any higher of a rating would be the anti-climactic ending; with the sudden shift of the killer's modus, I was expecting to see more from this new route but, instead, it was just left alone for a while and then brought up again out of the blue with an unexpected death and a whole lot of filler talk not unlike Psycho (1960)'s ending. Not the worse way to end a movie and I try to see this as more in tone to the movie's realistic atmosphere, but one cannot deny that it was still an underwhelming path to go after all the initial build up, feeling no different from being rushed and/or a tad too easy of a conclusion.

Still, So what can I say about Citrus Springs (2016)? It's alright. Not the best but it certainly deserves a quick look if you have the time. Hardcore slasher and horror fans may try to stay away from this one but for those willing to try it, I say go for it!

Bodycount:
1 male and 1 female knifed to death
1 male knifed to death
1 female murdered offcamera with a knife
1 male and 1 female murdered offcamera
1 male stabbed to death with a dagger
Total: 7

Non-Horror Post: Last Wednesday, I chose a side...

And decided to see Captain America: Civil War.

And loved every minute of it!

I'll be honest, after that underwhelming DC mash-up that is Batman V Superman, I was a bit skeptical on seeing another hero-vs-hero movie (and more skeptical now on seeing Suicide Squad when it comes) but Disney/Marvel knows how to make a good superhero movie work!

Where do I begin? I love the thought-provoking realism of this entry and I love the fact that it didn't devolve into mere superhero theatrics at the end with the inclusion of this movie's villain, Zemo. I love the two teams created out of the Avengers. I love the cameos. I love how they'll be slugging each other was perfectly paced for the wait. I love Ant-Man's little distraction. I love that they're hinting a new solo movie for Spiderman. I love that they're hinting a solo Black Panther movie. I love the bromance between Steve, Sam and Bucky. And I love how this movie effectively placed me at the edge of my seat from beginning to end, especially that final battle between Cap, Bucky, and Tony.

I hadn't felt this kind of rush since I saw Jurassic World, Godzilla (2016) and Guardians of the Galaxy, and I am happy to say, waking up 7:00 AM to get my tetanus shot first before walking through an entire town just to see this was well worth it! (I need to get my shots cuz my dog bit my finger for the umpteenth time. Long story for another time...) If you are yet to see this, I will punch a llama for it. I will eat a live rat for it. I will do this and that for it. And I highly recommend it.

See it!

GO, TEAM CAP!

Non-Horror Post: Today I love Skunk-Butt Floor Rugs

 And adorable buddy film with a fox and a rabbit

Right in Zootopia!
(You did well, Disney...)

Welcome the Storm bringer: A Day of Judgement (1981)

A Day of Judgement (AKA "Stormbringer") (1981)

Rating: **

Starring:  William T. Hicks, Harris Bloodworth, Deborah Bloodworth

I say a lot of times around here that I'm a religious skeptic; I believe in a higher power but I don't see and believe in a single true religion or belief, thus making me a very open kind of guy. 

Now, can I say the same for my bodycount viewings? Honestly, though I would like some variation from your standard "teens go to a bad place then die horribly", a movie of this formulaic sub-genre has to do something really worthwhile to satisfy my bloodlust. Thus my curiosity peaked when I read about this Pro-Christian slasher, where most reviews are overwhelmingly negative. Will its preachy taters show me otherwise or will I join the many who consider this as utter garbage?

It's America in the 1920s and we follow a series of individuals who are busy living their lives tainted with sin; we have two scheming lovers, a greedy bank owner who's trying to run out a poor farmer from his home, a businessman who forces his parents to a retirement home in order to get their property, a brother who blames every ill turn in his life at his kin, and a grumpy old woman who poisons a pet goat. This sad display of Godlessness forces a local priest to move out of town but in his journey, he spots a ghostly specter moving towards town in a horse carriage, wielding a huge scythe. This is the Stormbringer and he is in his way to reap the evil out of this town one sinner at a time.

This may sound like your average death counter but A Day of Judgement is less of that and more of your preachy Sunday special, jumping back and forth from one focused character to another, some of them barely interacting with the other and simply going forth on their own story in a direction not entirely different from the anthology Trick'R Treat (2007). With a low-budget look and hasty-looking editing, the movie spends more of its time showing us how deserving these people are of being sent to hell, to the point it's melodramatic and the horror happening only in the last minute in each "segment". Unsurprisingly, said horrors are also rushed and disappointingly dry with only one scene wherein a scythe was put to use and the rest being either tame or done off camera.

With much of its running time (100 minutes!) focusing on building characters and their assorted schemes, it's no surprise why this movie is such a drag for many true slasher fans. Personally, however, I come to appreciate the intentions of the film (I mean how often do you see the Ten Commandments listed for you in a horror movie before the ending credits roll?) but this is one of those times when they overcook the motif and simply messed up the entire movie. I could still give kudos to the props and the wonderful setting they have that sides well with the story's supposed time era (impressive given the budget) but the totality barely done enough to even give A Day of Judgment a passing remark.

I'm not saying this is a bad movie but I really can't recommend this to just anyone. The overly religious theme sided with two-third plot ratio that's made up of pure Sunday school dramatics will surely scurry off viewers who do not share a similar belief, or at least those who don't have the patience to sit through it. But if you're curious to see how Christians take on a cheesy "slasher film" in the early days then this is a fine example that you could check out. 

Of course if you want real Christian-themed slashers then I suggest Alice, Sweet Alice (1976), Babysitter Wanted (2010) or the epic End of The Line (2009). 

Bodycount:

1 elderly female dragged into the earth

1 male shot himself with a shotgun

1 male hits his head on a hearth

1 male murdered offcamera

1 male shot

1 female shot

1 male and 1 female burned to death

1 male beheaded with a scythe

Total: 9

Let's Write a Movie: Baghead (2008)

Baghead (2008)

Rating: ***

Starring:  Ross Partridge, Steve Zissis, Greta Gerwig

When I first saw Baghead (2008), I was completely unaware of the so-called Mumblecore Movement. They're the kind of films that's shot in a low budget and rely heavily on realism through improvised script and amateurish camera work. This film falls into this category and, I must say, it took a while before I get into the story.

Baghead (2008) follows a trip four friends hastily put together after one of them decided to do a movie. And not just any movie, but a good one! But what they got, instead, is a weekend of frustrations and total writer's block that soon devolves into an intense situation as they cabin is apparently stalked by a stalker in a bag mask.

Majority of Baghead is talk and this isn't the kind you would usually get in a horror movie. With touches of comedy and real life subjects, the whole really felt more of a home video documenting one of those days where you and your friends' bond is tested by the hardships of life, work, love life and trust itself, making the story almost relatable by subject. 

Not much of a horror movie for that matter though, as the slasher elements were near absent and only a couple of scenes tapped into the creepy and harrowing. That being said, those expecting a real fright flick is surely disappointed especially once the plot twist happens at the near end. Personally, I couldn't complain much; I love the characters and their sense of realism, so I got around the fact this isn't the purest of slashers and simply appreciate for what it is.



I wouldn't recommend this to just anyone, you had to have an open mind and a mature one to enjoy Baghead. Otherwise, if you are out to look for a horror film, try Entrance (2011) instead, a possible companion piece for your Mumblegore needs.

Bodycount:
1 male stabbed to death
Total: "1"