Rating: *1/2
Starring: Jason Mewes, Richard Riehle and Floyd Abel
Seeing that I enjoyed that "Fishbilly" movie Harpoon: Reykjavik Whale Watching Massacre (2009), I was hoping I'll hit lightning twice and have another exciting gore-fest featuring rampaging madmen in a fishing boat with this one. So, I gave it a swing...And brained myself by the time the film ended.
The Watermen is something like The Zero Boys (1986) in a boat; with the victims trying to survive a trio of unhygienic, murdering, raping "fishbillies" who are picking off stranded teens to grind up into fish bait. Cuz, buying fish bait for chum is expensive. And I guess picking up and grinding road kill is apparently harder than chasing and killing teens with a possible chance of one of them fighting back to kill you first.
That's the gist of what happened here; a group of partying teens in a boat were having a good time soaking up sunshine and enjoying the pleasures of fishing when they find out that someone from the bait shop they stopped by for supplies have stolen most of their fuel and resources, practically trapping them in the middle of the vast, vast waterworld. Help comes days later in the form of a worn out yet fully functioning fishing boat, with the three killer fishermen drugging our teens into unconsciousness, raping some of the women and then killing at least one of them before the rest start fighting back. The kids kill one of fishbilly. The remaining killer fishermen kills two more of the teens. They fight in turns before ultimately leading to a twist ending that's done before and hardly works for this one...
I'll give the killer's dumb motive a little credit for being the most exaggerated reason to commit murder, so much so that it's actually funny. However, I can't ignore this film's lack of anything exciting; I have no beef with high survival count so long as their attempt to live through the night makes it worthwhile, but these teens are hardly interesting, their attempts to fight is mostly them flailing and punching our bad guys into unconsciousness, and the villains fail to make any impact at all! There's also some really odd continuity problems here, like whatever happened to that guy sailing the boat with the kids? He was there for one scene and then right after the kids got stuck in the ocean, he disappears. Then there's the villains' (and even one teen's) uncanny ability to survive anything (including an entire boat exploding) which is kinda pushing the slasher film rule way above the usual level.So yeah, unless you fancy yourself an economically challenged killer who can survive being burned alive, even if it's clear they're human, then go for it. If not, good for you! You can do bloody better...
Bodycount:
1 female impaled by the shoulder with fishing gaft
1 male disappears, presumably dead
1 male dismembered with machete
1 male gets a shovel to the mouth
1 female had her chest cut open with knife, silicon removed
1 female gets a hook to the jaw
Total: 6
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| Seriously, what the fuck happened to this guy? |
Most generic title logo I've seen in a while.
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