Not Enough Blood For: Blood Lake (1987)

Blood Lake (1987)
Rating: *
Starring: Doug Barry, Angela Darter and Mike Kaufman

No, no, no. Absolutely not worthy of our time. Ever. Lend me your eyes, my dear reader, and take a time to read this fair warning as I tell you the horrible tale of a cheap-shag with a dull blade and worthless so-called thrills that tried to be a slasher flick. A shag I would like to call: Blood Lake.

Eight teens (well, six teens and a pair of kids to be more precise) crash at a lake house for some R&R, water skiing, booze drinking, offscreen sex and the occasional friendly chit-chat, eating up about a good hour or so for a film that runs 82 minutes until they decided to kick the slasher parts in, which is nothing but a fat bearded man in an ugly hat and brandishing a steak knife, killing half of the casts before being stabbed into unconsciousness. And surviving. The End.

If that sounds like fun to you then, mate, I'm sorry but you're desperate. Blood Lake looks less than a DIY horror flick and more like a family vacation tape with a bonus snuff flick! The only interesting things I got out of this film were me trying to figure out for 15 minutes whether that one brat is a girl or a boy (it's the hair, man) and the terrible ending where our fat killer watches a dried-up lake in amazement, closing with a caption saying that said lake "special effects" was an act by God.

And somewhere in heaven, the Lord is flushing embarrassed.

While bad acting, cheap effects and improvised scripts are common sins for these kinds of do-it-yourself movies, Blood Lake took a step down from the barrel as it fails to identify itself as a slasher movie, not with its total absence of a plot, the killer having the lamest motivation ever, murder scenes that are hardly lit and a bodycount that's barely doing any numbers. Might as well re-edit the horror scenes away, glue in a happier ending where everybody lives and re-title this one as "How I almost wasted my Ma's family video by making it into a slasher movie" (with the entire Blood Lake movie as a bonus feature!)

I understand this film was probably made all in good fun but, God, I came here to watch a slasher flick. And when I watch a slasher flick, I want bodies dropping in pieces, not peeps water-skiing.

My final verdict to the film...

Unless yer collecting every single slashers out there, I suggest you pass this one off. It may look or sound interesting, but in the end, it's a film begging to be rarely or accidentally rented...

Bodycount:
1 male knifed to death (offscreen)
1 male knifed to death
1 male knifed on the gut
1 male had his throat cut with knife
1 female knifed to death
Total: 5