Oh, That Uncle Roscoe: The Undertaker (1988)

The Undertaker (1988) (AKA Death Merchant)
Rating: **1/2
Starring: Joe Spinell, Rebeca Yaron and Patrick Askin

Uncle Roscoe is a small town undertaker, a necrophiliac, and a vile murderer who collects his killings to set them up in a private wedding diorama set in a secret portion of his own basement. Unfortunately for him, his slayings will not go unnoticed for long as a visiting nephew witness this madness one day and alerts his teacher, much to Roscoe's dismay as two local authorities are already looking into his crimes but were usually held back due to lack of evidence. Then again, with Roscoe's confidence and craziness aiding him and his sick hobby, can he simply murder his way out of these inconveniences?

For a good while, The Undertaker (1988) was long unseen and unreleased enough to be considered a lost film, until fans found out about it some decades later and demanded for an official release.

Taking on the titular role is Joe Spinell of the slasher classic Maniac (1980) fame, playing the undertaker with a personality so compulsive and enthusiastic of his own depravity, it strongly reeks of cheese. Sad to say, despite his character's quirky attitude, I do find Spinell's performance in The Undertaker (1988) quite uneven as most of his deliveries were so slurred it's hard to figure out whether he's just reading from the lines or he's unable to focus. The rest of the cast practically cheesed up the movie further regrettably, with hooky lines and performance underplayed by some pretty weak and forgettable characterization.

The worst aspect of the movie, though, has to come from the "plot" itself, which is awfully thin even for a slasher; it simply revolves around Roscoe's killing spree and some fillers, dully edited that some scenes either end too soon or are prolonged to the point that I'm sure even the actors weren't aware that the cameras were still rolling. If there's gonna be any highlights from this film, it's going to be the kills; machete decapitation, eye-gouging, disembowelment, throat stabbings, drug overdosing, etc. Thankfully the shoddy editing didn't mess up the killings that much and, though I could ask for a better massacre with grander effects, I guess this one bloodily did enough for a late-80s entry.

And then there's the skin. Live ones. The sleaze wouldn't lie as it's all sex and skin for some of the fresher victims in the fray.

As much as I hate to dismiss a lost classic, The Undertaker (1988) is an average movie for my taste. Still, I'm just happy to see the ole Maniac (1980) star one last time before his untimely passing. A cheesy wozzit with little story and lots of kills, this is a must have for all Spinell fans and rare slasher enthusiasts.

Bodycount:
1 female found with throat cut
1 female gets a syringe full of chemicals to the ear
1 female gutted with machete (film)
1 female had her breasts sliced off with knife, gutted
1 female body seen (dream)
1 male gets a syringe full of chemicals injected through his neck
1 female gets a kitchen knife on the gut, face fried on frying pan
1 male gets a pen knife to the eye
1 male knifed through the neck
1 male had his throat cut with a knife
1 female decapitated with machete
1 male hacked on the head with a meat cleaver
1 female pinned to the wall with machete
Total: 13