WARNING: THIS BLOG CONTAINS BODYCOUNT. HIGH RISK OF SPOILERS. ENTER IF YOU DARE.

Sunday, April 28, 2019

Joy Killed: Killjoy (2000) and Killjoy 2: Deliverance From Evil (2002) Double Bill Review

If only the killjoy we're gonna talk about here is that awesome Lordi song but, as you will later from the garbage we will be looking into, we all can't have good things in life all of the time...

Killjoy (2000)
Rating: 1/2
Starring: Ángel Vargas, Vera Yell, Lee Marks

Made around the time its production company Full Moon Features cut ties from its distributor Paramount (which meant a real downgrade of quality from a company that made and released entertaining cult classics back at the late 80s and early 90s such as the Puppet Master film series and Castle Freak (1995)), Killjoy is a real mess of an urban horror flick and a travesty of a horror icon.

A dork named Michael has the hots for Jada, who in turn is dating a violent thug named Lorenzo and, as anything involving an archetypal douche boyfriend would, this often leads to the doofus getting black and blue all over. He tries summoning a vengeful spirit named Killjoy to get even with Lorenzo and his lackeys, but Michael appears to luck out when, tired of the nerd hitting on his girl, Lorenzo decided to scare him with a gun, only for it to go horribly wrong and ends up shooting our awkward Romeo for real.

Cut to a year later, Jada had broken up with Lorenzo and is now dating a stock black guy character named Jamal. Lorenzo, in turn, is mostly up to his typical gangsta tomfoolery such as smoking dope and getting some ass, while his two henchies get lured inside an ice cream van with a clown inside claiming to have drugs for sale. Clown turns out to be Killjoy, exacting lackluster vengeance against those who killed Michael before going after Jada, Jamal and her buddy Monique because... Reasons.

Que in expositions from a random homeless guy (who might be the holy ghost or some shit) to what we already knew from the first twelve or so, as well as an overly complicated instructions to how they can send Killjoy back to the netherworld. (AKA, a way to pad its running time) Throw in a few zombie ghost minions with lazy make-up effects, cheap CG and terrible acting tainted by an even more terrible script and production quality, and we get this train wreck that is 72 minutes too long.

I honestly cannot fathom how bad this garbage is and I still questions how, in the entire universe, did it spawned four sequels?! (And probably still counting!) Perhaps some people saw it with a "so-bad-its-good" sentiment that apparently made movies like Nail Gun Massacre (1986) and Troll 2 (1990) fondly remembered for their total absurdness? Probably not far off, but as you can tell, I am far from entertained from said absurdness.

Bodycount:
1 male shot
1 male crushed against a wall with an ice cream van
1 male burned alive
1 male shot dead 
Total: 4
Killjoy 2: Deliverance From Evil (2002)
Rating: 1/2
Starring: Wayland Geremy Boyd, Bobby Marsden, Aaron Brown

Despite trying to rack up the kill count slightly higher and with a bit more splash of red and practical grue, Killjoy 2: Deliverance From Evil (2002) still fails overall for how much build up it went through, just for the payoff to fall flat and face-first to a bear trap made up of bad cheese and misery.

On a more supernatural backwoods slasher-inclined set-up, Killjoy 2 has us following five juvenile delinquents and their two detention officers driving to a center, only for their van to break down in the middle of nowhere, with no cell phone reception and no gas stations nearby. One of the closest house to them happens to belong to a shotgun-totting Southern belle, who shoots one of the kids after they try rummaging inside the house looking for help. An officer chaperon shoots back, more gun fire breaks out and before you know it, our group is now staying inside a voodoo woman's house where said spiritualist is making sure their friend doesn't die from a shotgun wound on the chest with a chicken's foot.

While some are unimpressed by the effort (I mean, really. Chicken. Foot) and is understandably upset of their situation, one of the girls can't help but recall the rumors from her town about some nerd exacting revenge against a trio of thugs by summoning a demonic clown called Killjoy. Thinking this might help the odds on beating their friend's increasingly inevitable death (Again, Chicken foot), Killjoy is summoned and, much to everyone's horror, the clown's there to help anybody. Unless said "help" involves carnivorous chattery teeth, telekinetic mutilations and bad (and I mean really bad) one-liners. 

Trailing along a pace as slow as a mentally-challenged snail and boasting acting as extravagant as a toddler trying Shakespeare (Debbie Rochon's presence here is apparently a big deal, but seeing I hardly or yet to see any movies that had her in it, I feel indifferent on the subject), Killjoy 2: Deliverance From Evil (2002) is just as a chore to watch as the first film. The titular demon clown does not appearing until 38 minutes into the movie, which is over half of the total run and meaning I get to spend that time watching flat characters (who looks twice as old as the age they're supposed to be) trying to be interesting by being cliched black characters bitching with one another until our wise-cracking joker arrives to put an end to them. How interesting they ended up you ask? As interesting as a lonely fat slob eating a donut at an alley somewhere: it's sad, pathetic, moist around some areas. Just like the movie! 

The last half, in turn, is your usual A Nightmare on Elm Street-clone shenanigans like fantasy-fueled kills and foul villain one-liners that's somehow worse than the last film (So much so that I'm sure Fred Kruger's facepalming upon hearing each them. Facepalming with his razor gloved hand), only for it to end on a tired note when the last act is really no more than our surviving protagonists and Killjoy just standing there talking and taunting. What the actual fuck? I honestly wasn't expecting Killjoy 2: Deliverance from Evil to be good, but I didn't know it was going to be this level of insufferable boredom that I honestly contemplated on setting myself on fire just so the torture of watching this movie from credits to credits would end!

Long story short, some idiots banked on greenlighting a sequel to a movie that shouldn't exist, ends up creating a sequel that shouldn't exist and I happen to be one of the sad morons who gets the unfortunate opportunity to watch it. Learn from my mistake.

Bodycount:
1 shot on the head
1 female bitten to death by a pair of demonic chattery teeth
1 male bled to death from a shotgun wound on the chest
1 male thrown to and impaled on a water pump
1 male slashed to death with a knife
1 female had her throat cut
Total: 6
~~~

But what of the other Killjoy movies you whine? Well, truth be told, after I took a gander at Killjoy 3 (2010) (which happens to be my first Killjoy movie), the movie hardly danced a supernatural slasher jig and more on a paranormal horror-of-the-demonic-clown swagger. The following sequels Killjoy Goes To Hell (2012) and Killjoy's Psycho Circus (2016) appears to be following that trend (that last one has a demon riding a spaceship...), which is no loss for me as I will always have my to-go movies Stitches (2012) and Terrifier (2018) for that sweet supernatural slasher clown goodness. And, heck, while we're at it, why not throw in Clown (2014) and the 2017 It remake for good measure? Yep, screw off, Killjoy. Screw off~
Yeah, what Killjoy? Come at me, bro!

2 comments:

  1. I've actually watched all five of the Killjoy movies recently so they're all pretty fresh in my mind. Like yourself I didn't care for the first one much at all but the second one I found to be reasonable. It felt like more of a traditional slasher anyway which I appreciated but as you mention it did take a bit too long for Killjoy himself to appear.

    The third film I would say is a slasher but Killjoy Goes to Hell and Psycho Circus I found to be more a mix of fantasy, horror and comedy. Reasonably entertaining though and at least feature recurring characters and touch on the themes and story lines of the earlier movies. I think the guy that plays Killjoy from number 2 onward is a hoot in the role as well in particular in the last couple of films.

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    1. Hmm, I don't see the slasher build at Part 3, honestly. It all feels like Hellbound: Hellraiser II with the teens going inside the hellclown's world and encountering them one by one but not actually dying until the last bit. And even then, it didn't have the stalk and stab formula I was hoping for. Just random deaths happening left and right.

      Trent Haaga, admittedly, was great in Killjoy 3.

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