Sunday, September 18, 2011

Back from the world I will never understood but loved.: Terror Toons (2002)

Terror Toons (2002)
Rating: **1/2
starring: Beverly Lynne, Lizzy Borden and Brandon Ellison

Just in case you don't get the title of my post, try visualizing yourself as an ordinary dork, landing in a new dimension, slay a beast and became their king, only to come back to your real world only to find out it was just a second. Watching Terror Toons is like slaying a beast, and by the time it ends, you turn off your DVD or Laptop and say to yourself "where did I went to that time?"
Just as King Klaus went to an alternate dimension and came back alive to tell about it
I went through the shittiest movie ever, and lived to tell you that I like it...
Now, most of you would know that watching a Brain Damage released movie would either be a reaction similar to "You just wasted a good hour and a half of your life by watching this crap!" or "How did you find it?" For me, Terror Toons was shit. But a good kind of shit for that matter.

Normally that would end my review, but I'm a little loaded with screenshots, so I'm gonna tell the story anyway:

Two teen sisters, Candy and Cindy (Candy being the one with a nice rack. Well, it is for me), was left alone by their parents for a wedding.

Candy later receives a mysterious DVD made by the Devil himself (you don't need to be smart to figure that out...), featuring a poorly animated cartoon horror movie (uh, I think) called Terror Toons! Featuring Dr. Carnage, a green-skinned mad genius and his new creation, Max Assassin, a machine-gun totting purple gorilla. All the while, Cindy invites her friends over a party, which is basically just these people drinking beer andp laying with an Ouija board. (Tell me again why do people kept playing with Ouija boards?! Don't they ever watch the f*(&kin movies?)

Anywho, Candy then left the TV open with the disk still in it, unintentionally released the Toons to the real world. Again...

What would happened next? the toons kill off Candy, two pizza guys, a cartoon cop who came out of the disk to help them out and all of Cindy's party guest, in various cartoonish ways, with excessive gore. When Cindy was all that was left, she finds out that cartoons was made by the devil, and she has anime-magical girl super powers...And she uses them to beat the shit out of the toons and eventually end everything, but it doesn't really turn everything back to normal, as her sister and her friends are dead and now her parents think she's crazy.

what the hell?...wait, that was a pun, right?
Meanwhile, a boy receives a copy of the DVD and watches it, releasing the Evil Toons again. The End.

So guys, waddya think? Stupid? Yes. Awesome? Yes. Good? Uuuuhhhhh...

Okay, production-wise, Terror Toons sucks. The gore effects are the only good think about it, but the "animated" portions sucks, the lighting is amateurish, the audio echoes, the acting is "what?"- enducing and the whole thing is plain, plain Z-grade titty flick material..without the titties. ('cept one.)

But looking pass these (massive number of) drawbacks, it's so silly, that you can't help enjoying it! Yes, the animation is bad, but the villains aren't animated but they're kinda badass and cool-looking at times. This film tries so hard to be creepy, but it only ended up being so funny, super-gory and so over-the-top weird. (We got a drag queen posing as the mother of our two girls, the fakest looking "Hell", and a pink-haired anime-supergirl twist...who would take all of these seriously, WHO?!)

Told true, this film is a frigin waste basket of bad value, but its fun. It's fun and I like it. Like it enough that I gave it half a five-star to pass it. Like it enough to give myself a sense of decency, if I had any, to not give it a rating higher than that, cuz Lord help me I'll be lying to you all saying this is a GREAT movie.

'Least its gory...does that count?
Only those who enjoys a fixin of Thankskilling or Gutterballs can fully enjoy this low-budget, low-value shlock piece (come to think of it, that implies to me, too!), It's darkly funny for the sake of being darkly funny; do not, and I mean DO NOT, attempt to try to make a single sense out of this piece, cuz its a sad world in there, a world without one shred of sense, a world where if you, a serious-minded reader, fallen into, you'll be chewing your toes inside a fridge by the time you finish this.

If any of what I said appeals to you involving the movie, then I ain't holding you back and grab a copy of this horrid horrible horror, Good luck to youse~!

1 male gets disemboweled, had his skull pulled off from his back through his stomach
1 cartoon bird machine gunned
1 female gets an axe to her face
1 female neck broken
1 female back slit open with scalpel, spine pulled off
1 male beheaded with giant scissors
1 male killed with pizza cutter
1 male laughs to death (!), vomits a lung
1 male had his brain surgically removed, brain dead
1 cartoon male blown up to the bones with dynamite
1 female sawed in half
1 cartoon gorilla neck broken, brains stomped off from his skull
1 cartoon male head split open with giant cartoon axe
total: 13


  1. The sequel sucks. Even fans of this one are willing to admit that.

    The "little sister" was played by pornographer Lizzy Borden, who has made stuff so fucked up it caused her to be jailed for obscenity. So that adds to surrealness of it all.

    I watched Forced Entry, a 2002 horror-porno by her, and... it's unsurprising that it's kind of illegal.

  2. Oh shi-