The Morbid Pursuit Of The Art Of Murder: R.S.V.P. (2002)

R.S.V.P. (2002)
Rating: ***1/2
Starring: James M. Churchman, Sharon Bruneau, Scott Workman

Picture Alfred Hitchcock's Rope (1948) reimagined as a slasher, written by Kevin Smith and featuring Patrick Bateman from American Psycho (2000) as the killer. This is what R.S.V.P. (2002) is, for better or worse.

Criminology student Nick 'The Prick' Collier (Rick Otto) is hosting a leaving party for his friend Jimmy (Lucas Babin), as the guy prepares to relocate with his girlfriend Jordan (Brandi Andres), who happens to be Nick's ex. One by one, the guests arrive, consisting of their friends (among them Jason Mewes of Jay & Silent Bob fame playing a stoner, because of course), Jimmy's family, as well as their professor, Hal Evans (Glenn Quinn), and it's mostly fun and games with a bit of tarot card reading, weed smoking and cocktail mixing. There is also Hal's discussions circling around the idea of murder being an art form, something that puts plenty of the partygoers on a sour mood seeing how passionate, borderline obsessed he is about it. 

And there's the matter of Jimmy not showing up to his own party which is starting to worry some of the guests. Not to mention Nick acting a little suspicious about a particular piece of decorative chest in the living room. Needless to say, something is very off about the party and things are about to get way worse when Nick begins murdering away one unfortunate soul at a time, seemingly inspired by the very atrocities he learned studying serial killers...

Rather than your routine stalk-and-stab, R.S.V.P. (2002) has its focus more on dark humor and trenchant characters, often delving into situational comedy territory following Nick's attempt to juggle running a party, killing off the guests and then hiding away the bodies just to keep things running as smoothly as he plans it. We're pretty much in on the joke and, frankly, it is a intriguing set-up for a slasher, more so a homage to Rope (1948), as the plot keeps a constant academic yet reckless angle on the murders, mostly within dialogues shared between Nick and Prof. Evans as they pretentiously yet captivatingly run their mouths toward philosophizing serial killing, all in the midst of good acting and writing. It's without a doubt this movie's engaging highlight, though this does mean it can get a bit talky and flaunty in its direction.

The kills themselves have little blood to speak of, preferring showy deaths than over-the-top splatter which may drive away gorehounds, though the film makes up for it with flashy effects and editing, as well as a lot of quirky scenes of our killer finding fun ways to dispose the guests and the troublesome tasks of storing away the remains right after. It isn't long before we're back with the usual slasher climax of a final girl fending off the villain, though this one comes with a rather amusing confession as Nick points out the absurdity of serial killers always needing an alibi for their massacres, and how his killing spree is brag-worthy different as he did it because he simply could. The oddity of it all continues to the film's last few scenes, wherein our survivors relax with a roll of joint after defeating the killer, capping off that night's dreadful experience by stating the dilemma of them needing new friends to hang out with now. It's dumb but, hey, it could be so much worse.

R.S.V.P. (2002) is weird, but it's the agreeable kind of weird! Ostentatious, sure, but it makes for a quaint and eccentric watch! 

Bodycount:

1 male stabbed in the gut with a knife

1 female knifed to death, blood splash seen

1 female brained with a cane

1 male kicked down an elevator shaft

1 female had her neck snapped

1 male shot with a nailgun

1 female shot to death with a nailgun

1 male strangled to death with a guitar string

1 female drowned in a pot of boiling water

1 male stuffed inside a chest, suffocated

1 male found dead inside a garbage bag

1 male shot, stabbed with a broken bong

1 male knocked off a building, lands on a parked car

Total: 13

A Bad Case of Bad Frankie: Toga Party Massacre (1988)

Toga Party Massacre (1988 Short)

Rating: **1/2

Starring: Raymond Whalen, Matt Kolata, Waltt Hunnicutt.

They say that if you dig into the bottom barrel bins deep enough, the bottom barrel bins will dig themselves up for you. When that happens, you'll either be soaked in bad celluloid slurry, or uncover a little gem hidden within the mess of bad lighting and horrible acting. 

That said: Toga Party Massacre (1988).

In response to the parents heading out for the night, two young ladies hold a toga party with their friends and learn about Frankie Robertson, who was supposedly killed back in 1964 after getting trapped inside and crushed dead by a collapsing house. No body was ever found from the rubbles and a new house was built ten years later at the foundation of the old one. The very same house where the toga party is behind held. Now, seemingly awakened by the noise, Frankie comes back to life, masked up as the Frankenstein Monster and with a real murderous streak.

Just 35 minutes short and made with little to no budget, Toga Party Massacre (1988) shouldn't work considering how thin the story is and there's nothing remotely grand about the massacre itself as not only are most of the kills done offcamera, those we do get to see are hardly splatter masterpieces. And yet, the sheer enthusiasm of the actors and the nonsensical energy of its direction have me laughing a good time, from people warning one another of an impending threat through charades, to wonky war veteran neighbors who the killer would rather walk away from rather than face a second time! This is a slasher parody made out of love for the subgenre and pure do-it-yourself spirit, a production so ineptly bad and carefree that it's comically good, at least in terms of bite-sized horror entertainment! 

While the shoestring quality can be distracting, nothing in this film is meant to be taken seriously and I'm saying that as a compliment! Toga Party Massacre (1988) is the kind of quick-and-easy video shlock one watches with a cool beer on one hand, popcorn bowl on the other, and a gullet full of chuckles!

Bodycount:

1 male slaughtered mostly offscreen, arm torn off

1 female slaughtered offscreen

1 male knifed in the back

1 female murdered offscreen

1 male ran through with a powerdrill

Total: 5

One Hell Of A Date Night: Heart Eyes (2025)

Heart Eyes (2025)

Rating: ****

Starring: Mason Gooding, Olivia Holt, Gigi Zumbado

Did you ever wish, as a slasher fanatic, those run-in-the-mill Hallmark rom-coms would get interrupted by an insane masked killer, chopping down one, two or, hell, maybe even an entire room of annoying characters just for the maniacal fun of it? Well, you lovable yet disturbed creature, set your heart for Heart Eyes (2025)!

For the past two years, a serial killer donning a mask with red cartoon hearts for eyes have been slaying couples every Valentines Day, terrorizing Boston, and then Philadelphia. For this year, the "Heart Eyes Killer" (Or HEK for short) picks Seattle as their next hunting ground, opening the scene with them attacking a hilariously botched, hashtag-worthy proposal at a vineyard, gorily snuffing out a photographer, a random worker, and the unfortunate couple. The media, of course, caught wind of the massacre, which reeks nothing but trouble for young advertising executive Ally (Lauren O’Hara), whose campaign for a jewelry brand includes commercials focusing on doomed couples such as Romeo and Juliet, Bonnie and Clyde, and Titanic (1997)'s Jack and Rose. 

The focus group is disgusted and outraged, calling the campaign exploitative. The company head is upset nobody told her about the masked loon brutally dispatching couples every Valentines for the last two years, thus making her look bad for approving the pitch. Both are practically out for Ally's head but, as luck would have it, she's instead given a chance to save her own arse and all she has to do is help out the new hire Jay (Mason Gooding), an in-demand concept master. Funny thing about this is that both Ally and Jay met earlier at a coffee shop, where the two not-flirt with one another with awkward banter and dad jokes. Now Jay is asking Ally to join him at a fancy restaurant later that night to discuss their plans on fixing the project, a suggestion that gets into Ally's skin as she's practically helping a guy who could easily replace her, not to mention that she's still reeling from a break-up, something not helped by her social media stalking her ex-boyfriend.

With Jay's attempts to make the smooth and suave dinner business talk work not doing too well against Ally's hard front, who sees his romantic act as a sham, the two eventually agrees to just head out for the night. That was until Ally spots her ex and his new girl heading to the same restaurant, thus mindlessly posturing a passionate kiss with Jay in an attempt to make her former beau jealous. A classic rom-com trope, for sure, one that caught the attention of a spying Heart Eyes Killer, mistaking it as a genuine act of love. For the rest of the night, hilarity ensues. As well as a rising bodycount.

You could say that Heart Eyes (2025) is the best of both worlds; as a slasher, it's brutally red with its murders and killer themselves are an awfully fun callback to gimmicky villains of the old golden days, the first few to come in mind being Ray from He Knows You're Alone (1980), who targets soon-to-wed women, and Harry Warden from My Bloody Valentine (1981), a murderous miner whose urban legend-esque presence terrorizes Valentines Days! Whenever the film decides to go down and bear its bloody teeth, it's played with a straight face as heads get the crossbow and groins get the machete, sidelined with good jump scares and a sweet deal of tight tension. And yet, it's never too hateful. Never too cynical and angry. It knows its assignment as a bloody good popcorn flick and you can pretty much tell this from the fact, again, our killer is wearing a mask with cartoon hearts for eyes and, yes, it all works swimmingly as a romantic comedy, too!

For a comedy to work, it's all about well-crafted jokes and enjoyable characters, and Heart Eyes (2025) has a fair share of both! As the Heart Eyes Killer themselves say, Ally and Jay have great chemistry thanks to O'Hara's and Gooding's stellar performances as the traditional rom-com couple: antagonistic at first, chummy at the halfway point, one chasing down the other at a crowded airport to confess their feelings by the end of it. Or at least around the climax. Though written as satires of chick flick lead couples, the two are given enough wit and wry in their personalities to make enough jokes and odd reactions land on a hilarious mark, the best gag being a running one where the couple keep failing to convince anyone that they're simply friends, killer included! The comedic timing simply feels as natural as the tender moments shared between Ally and Jay, which thankfully the film occasionally slows down for just to give the endangered duo, as well as the audience, a breather to soak in the situation, just be casual and real with one another through gentle heart-to-hearts. It's hammy, but it's a welcoming sweet kind of jovial ham, one that balances out nicely with a chunky kill count piled up by a serial killer's cat-and-mouse game.

If there's anything that is a bit of a letdown, it'll be the reveal of who's behind the Heart Eyes mask; after a romantic, comedic and horrific hide-and-prowl between Heart Eyes and the two lovebirds around a Valentines drive-in, the movie strolls into a rather pedestrian final encounter with the holiday serial killer, whose identity and twist fail to be anywhere as remarkable as it's implying to be. The culprit is partially obvious and their reason for the slayings simply boils down to they do it because they could, and it's fun for them. Still, lackluster unmasking aside, there's enough bloody splatter and a little good brawl in this finale, ending on a time skip, a cheeky sweet gesture and a funny mid-credit scene!

Heart Eyes (2025) is described by some as a 'date movie slasher' and it lives up good on that claim! Its humor focuses more on being cute, its violence is satisfyingly sharp in its edges, an entertaining melting pot of mixed goodies for slasher fans and their dates! 

Bodycount:

1 male stabbed through the eye with a machete

1 male shot on the head with a crossbow

1 male gets a throwing dagger to the face

1 female crushed to death inside a pneumatic press

1 male shot on the head with a crossbow

1 female skewered with a flagpole

1 male had his groin split with a machete, slashed

1 male stabbed with a machete

1 male stabbed in the mouth with a tire iron

1 female impaled through the mouth with a tire iron

1 male slashed across the throat with a machete 

1 male gets a throwing dagger to the back, hacked with a machete

1 female hacked down with a machete

1 male stabbed through with a machete

1 female pushed neck first through a concrete sword, head torn off

1 male shot death with a crossbow

Total: 16

In Search of Darkness presents: SLASHER TRASH!

Alright, brothers and sisters! So listen up!

A good friend of mine, producer Gareth Morgan, who some of you may know as the madman behind indie goodies like Murdercise (2023) and XXX-Mas (2023), is collaborating with the makers of IN SEARCH OF DARKNESS to create a SLASHER TRASH documentary! It's going to be a monumental look into the more obscure slasher titles you love and we need you! Yes, YOU! To show your support and share a feedback for the project! 

👉 The survey only takes a few minutes, but it'll be enough to get this ball rolling!  👈

Once you're done, why not share this to other slasher fanatics, as well? We need all the hands we can get to get this project off the ground! Much appreciated and keep those bodies counting!

And, hey, why not drop by the guy's pages and give them a "hi!?"

Gareth Morgan's Official Twitter Page!