Saturday, February 2, 2013
Four Hicks and a woman: Wrong Turn 5: Bloodlines (2012)
starring: Doug Bradley, Camilla Arfwedson, Simon Ginty
The crazy inbred cannibals are back again for more gory feasting and cheap-jack exploitative violence in this fifth entry for a franchise I never expected to go this far, and once again fueling my assertion that they should had ended it with Part 2: Dead End.
Before this entry, the Wrong Turn franchise took a jab to doing a prequel showing how the first three original cannibals got in the woods in the first place, which the movie did only for the first ten to fifteen minutes, the rest being your standard survival/slasher flick that we've grown familiar with. It was a hardly a prequel on its own, so I guess that calls for another round of our original trio's cannibalizing adventures, this time dragging Doug Bradley (Hellraiser's Pinhead) into the foray!
A group of young partygoers drives all the way to asmall town in Vrginia to commemorate a makeshift festival in Halloween known as Mountain Men Festival, wherein you have to dress up as an inbred for fun (?), party all night long and leave the town entirely deserted just for the night so you can hook up with some girl inside a police cruiser.
And then there's the three inbred cannibals, One-Eye, Saw tooth and the ever so popular Three-Finger, all of them looking the least like the incarnations of the original due to some awfully cheap make-up, skulking around in the woods looking for people to kill and eat. Also with them is Doug Bradley's character Maynard Odet, who had taken in the brothers as his own sons (or something), teaching them how to hide their murders a lot better to avoid capture. (I pray, though, that this character wouldn't end up being the Grampa character of the first two cuz that's just sad...)
The teens crosses path with Maynard posing as a Hit-and-run victim in hopes of luring them closer to his boys to kill; but after Maynard's own failed attack, and the boys ganging up on him to a beat-down, cops managed to arrive on the scene and take away Maynard and one of the boys, after finding there's drugs in their car. With Maynard captured, the cannibal boys began to sabotage the town and kill off anybody that gets in their way from breaking their father figure out, as well as those that lead to his capture.
B-movie fares with lots of plot holes, Wrong Turn 5's taking the easy way out by providing it's audience the cheapest, and sadly, the lowest excuse of exploitative movie making that is no-logic routine and excessive gore from then and there. For some very odd reason, the whole town's almost deserted, making the place the perfect spot for murdering people with very little witnesses to boot up. Kinda cheating if you ask me, but that had nothing on the resourcefulness and creativity of our three killers, who somehow had the time to break out murder weapons like a corn thresher or even make a large cylinder trap to store an innocent man inside while piling up tins of gasoline just to have it explode moments later, or somehow maneuvering a pulley technique that conveniently hoisted a victim to a live power generator and killing off the power from the entire town. Yep, as if God just decided to make murder easy for this night, and our hillbilly maniacs had took advantage of this by taking the time to come up with elaborate overkills for us. (Just watch that corn thresher scene or the gutting/forced self-cannibalism scene. As much as I love those scenes, it's definitely overkill there)
If gore is all that matters for this movie, then I'll admit, that part's a success, but plot-wise, the movie's a total lost with little likable characters and it's paint-by-number cliches. Acting's fair, but I'll give Doug the benefit of a doubt cuz he just nailed his role as a wanted serial killer, who for some reason ended up in the woods, even if he spent most of his time behind bars and rambling on and on about how his boys are gonna get everyone. Camilla Arfwedson was also good as the sheriff, but everybody else were as disposable as the characters they play.
Just when I thought Part 3 was the lowest this series could go to, this one just had to pop it's ugly rear. With no sign of improvement from the previous package, the least the movie had done was to be entertaining in a braindead way. Unless you're a slasher fan who's completing a collection, or an avid fan of the series, it's worth a rent, but those looking for that same thrill ride the first Wrong Turn or the Second had, look elsewhere, cuz that ship had sailed and sank.
1 female axe to the gut
1 male hunting knife to the neck
1 male electrocuted
1 female gutted with hunting knife
1 male legs smashed with sledgehammers, ran over with truck
1 male buried up to his neck, head shredder through corn thresher
1 male shredded through corn thresher
1 male immolated in explosion
1 male gutted with billhook, hit by a truck
1 female shotgun shot through her head