WARNING: THIS BLOG CONTAINS BODYCOUNT. HIGH RISK OF SPOILERS. ENTER IF YOU DARE.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Curse You, disgruntled lab employee!!!: A Night To Dismember (1983)

A Night to Dismember (1983)
rating:*
starring:  Samantha Fox, Diane Cummins and Saul Meth

Well, do I consider myself lucky to see a rare cult classic such as this? I've felt nothing but a strange mix of empathy, sympathy and downright horrendous gut churning as I watch this film minute by minute.


The "story", as narrated by our humble narrator, who I would give a damn for at least helping us understand everything through this nightmare, follows a young woman named Vicki, released from an institution she was thrown into after murdering a people unprovoked, having been cured of her dementia. But her bother and sister thinks it's dangerous to have her around, so they concocted a plan to make her crazy again so she would be sent back to the loonie bin. Things took a turn for the worst when people does start to show up dead; naturally Vicki is to blame, but is she really the killer?

A Night to Dismember, as I've read, is a rushed and edited surviving footage of an actual full length film, saved from a fire caused by a disgruntled employee (probably hated the blood and guts in this film. If that's the case, what a wuss). Now whether these are the good or the bad parts is beyond me, but thinned down to 60 minutes lost should already be a blessing for me since, as I picture it, the shorter the film is, the ore they can focus more on what matters in a good horror film and that is to thrill and scare. Sadly, all it gave was the opposite; it's a little overboard on everything as visions after visions of random shots such as mudmen and even a shot of a woman giving birth to a grown man is shown to us in one lazy editing to the next. Strangely, some of these visions are shots from other films like Pieces (1982) and Xtro, a fact that distraught me as it really felt like we've been cheated.

Nothing really adds up, nor are they workable to begin with for that matter; for one, the choice to have the film narrated by some guy with a "Father Christmas" tone and have 5% of the film to actually contain dialogue is really distracting. Then, thanks to the shortage of footage, we have scenes that are repeated over and over again in order to give this film a longer running time, and the score. Oh God, the score! Elevator Music! for sixty minutes! OH GOD, SIXTY MINUTES OF CHEESY ELEVATOR MUSIC! MAKE IT STOP!

Now, to be show at least one shred of kindness for this film, I could praise it for the gore; Cheesy as they may, the gore effects are a really messy set, but if the rest of the film is, well, rubbish? Well, yeah, no. Not worth it.

We may never know if the whole, original film would have been great or not if it wasn't for that damn fire and that damn employee! But I think it was better to had left it alone than create this mish-mashed ground potato of everything wrong in a horror movie. Normally, when I review a film, I take notes of its pros and cons to keep all things fair but, we all do respect, anybody who has already seen this trash can feel for me when I say: Fuck it, if you like incoherent storytelling, a lot of random shots of people's feet and lazy editing , then feel free to digest this shit hole. Frankly speaking, A Night to Dismember is one night best forgotten, For those who're eyeing on this, I think you can do better.

Bodycount:
1 female hacked to death with axe
1 female fell on an axe
1 female knifed on the back
1 male found hanged
1 male machete through the neck
1 male neck repeatedly stabbed with machete
1 male decapitated with machete
1 female head chopped off with machete and placed in a fire place
1 male head split open with hatchet, heart punched out from his chest
1 elderly female ran over by car, head crushed
1 female hacked to death with hatchet
1 female hacked to death with machete and hatchet (dream)
1 male ice pick to the neck
1 female hacked to death with hatchet
1 female found with missing eyes
1 male brained with rock, buried alive
1 female strangled to death
1 male hacked with axe
total: 18

4 comments:

  1. Nice review man, keep up the good work. Somebody's got to watch schlock like this, so others don't have too.

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    Replies
    1. ...why do feel noxious rather than thrilled about that?...DX

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  2. Mr. Bateman has a good point there. K - is the Samantha Fox in the movie the British pop singer?

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    Replies
    1. nope, another Samantha Fox, She starred in eroticas in the 80s.

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