WARNING: THIS BLOG CONTAINS BODYCOUNT. HIGH RISK OF SPOILERS. ENTER IF YOU DARE.

Friday, January 10, 2014

World's Most Bodycounting Bodycount: The Summer of Massacre (2011)

The Summer of Massacre (2011)
Rating: *1/2
Starring:  Brinke Stevens, Nick Principe, Cleve Hall

There comes a time when even a hardcore slasher fan must know his/her limitations when watching fantasized/exploited killings and simply understand that sometimes more isn't always good.

I have a friend online who described the club scene from the movie The Collection as "depressing"; the scene itself, for those who hadn't seen this atrocious sequel to the cult hit The Collector, had a heavy number of partying teenagers shredded down by a giant lawnmower-like trap, crushed by giant presses and sliced-diced by spring-loaded swords. His reason for calling it grim was that it's needlessly cruel and overly sadistic, an understandable notion seeing this killing spree leads to little or no point at all. I begin to relate to him on this notion for needless massacres while watching this Guinness Record breaking slasher film (the first I've seen!) that boasts the most bodycount.

The Summer of Massacre is an anthology film consisting of four slasher shorts and a wraparound involving some hostage crisis that takes place in a warehouse, where three serial killers held live captives and the rotting remains of hundreds for some undetermined amount of time. The first story is Rampage, where a jogger was mugged, horribly mutilated and left for dead, only to survive the attack and ends up brain damaged with only one thing in mind: violence. The Second story, titled Lump, follows a group trying to murder a friend's mentally handicapped and utterly deformed invalid sister in the woods, only to end up with said deformed freak surviving and murdering them in revenge. The third had a Son of The Boogyman running for his life when his demonic and murderous father finally caught up with him, hellbent on killing him off and anybody that gets in the way, or rather, anybody around him. The last is another backwoods horror called Burn, which had an entire campsite massacred by a monstrous creature with a penchant for burning people, while those who survived the killing spree are forced to fight their way to survive.

I could have been sold with the high bodycount, but the big problem for The Summer of Massacre is that it failed to offer anything else but that. Not only was the acting unbearably wooden (seeing most of these characters doesn't alive too long onscreen) and, since the entire film's focus is the killings, these shorts really have no true story to tell (well, save Lump. That one tried) worse comes to worse when you realize that the film is uber cheap, with the set and murders apparently generated through CG, done in a way that the film's partly animation and none of the gore effects are that convincing. I might just contemplate that this might bring out the "bad movie" charm from the film, but sadly, it doesn't.

Since lives are devalued in this film, it kinda sucked out the fun in watching a slasher film; the point of a good slasher movie is that we're supposed to be either frightened for the would-be victims as they're to be killed by a madman who's completely out of his mind, or rooting for the villain to kill off dumb teens for being dumb. The Summer of Massacre is missing both of these and completely devolved itself into something I would like to call Death Porn, where multiple killings and deaths are showcased and exploited for the sake of entertaining a supposed target audience, only in this one, it's painfully and obviously effortless, pointless and it gave me hand cramps trying to list down every dead body I see. (This is gonna be the first time I actually complained about listing down a bodycount! Look what you did to me, movie!)

If this is to break another record, it would be the one for the most pointless onscreen massacre ever; with an ad campaign the only thing that's reeling in any sucker to watch this, The Summer of Massacre makes other pointless slasher flicks look like million dollar babies. You can watch it out of curiosity, but if anything, take my advice: Dump on it and dump it!

Bodycount: Oh God, here I go again...
1 male ran through the mouth with blade
1 female impaled on meat hook
29+ victims seen either dead or dying inside a warehouse
2 female bodies seen mutilated
1 female had her head beaten against the pavement, choked on torn scalp
1 male gets a pair of binoculars punched into his eyes
1 male had his head sliced in half with skateboard
1 male had his head torn off
1 female ran through the eye with a cane
1 female had her throat crushed
1 female had her face punched open
1 male had his head crushed open with TV remote
1 male had his head smashed with a bag of ice
1 male gets a wine bottle smashed to his head
1 male crushed underneath a hydraulic jack
1 male ran through the nose with air hose, blown open
1 male had a leg ripped off
1 female hit on the face with a thrown wrench
1 male head seen
1 female beheaded with stucco knife 
1 male shot on the head
1 male shot on the eye
1 male tortured to death
1 male had his face ripped off
1 male lands head first to a rock, eaten by birds
1 male had his head smashed with a log
1 female ran through the head with a log
1 male smothered with a plastic bag, head crushed
1 victim seen shot to death
1 male seen shot to death
1 female seen eviscerated
1 male head seen
1 male seen sliced open
1 female mangled to death
1 male had his head twisted
1 male had his head crushed
1 female repeatedly crushed with a door
1 male had his face smashed to a car door
1 female gets a can of pepper spray shoved into her eye
1 male eviscerated with metal shard
2 males seen mutilated
22+ victims seen either dead or dying
1 male had his face sewn shut
1 male head seen with syringes 
1 male head ripped off
A number of victims immolated and/or burned to death in explosions (flashback)
2 males and 1 female seen burned alive (flashback)
1 female burned to death (flashback)
1 male seen impaled on a pole (flashback)
1 female immolated in explosion (flashback)
1 male burned to death (flashback)
1 male head seen (flashback)
1 male had his head crushed (flashback)
1 male axed on the head (flashback)
1 female pickaxed on the face (flashback)
1 male seen in half (flashback)
1 male burned inside a car (flashback)
1 male burned to death (flashback)
1 male found with half of his face missing
1 male found burned alive
1 male found burned alive
1 male found burned alive
1 male found burned to death
6 burnt bodies found
1 male seen nailed on op of a campfire, burned alive
1 male seen burned to death
3 males and 1 female seen mangled inside a crashed bus
1 male head seen
1 female body seen
1 male stabbed on the face with a javelin
1 female decapitated with metal shard
1 male killed offscreen
15 bodies seen either dead or dying
5 victims set on fire
1 male shot to death
1 male shot to death
1 male decimated by bomb
The Entire City of Los Angeles succumbs to a Nuclear Holocaust via bomb
Total: 155+
How on Earth did three serial killers smuggled a nuclear bomb anyway?

4 comments:

  1. I fucking hated this... "film" so much.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And the worst part is, I can't stop watching. BI

      Delete
  2. 155+?? LOL What the fuck? 2,5 on Imdb? I guess I need to see this ;-)

    ReplyDelete