Sunday, April 6, 2014

Bad Spanglish Mayhem: Deranged (2012)

Deranged (Spain/United Kingdom, 2012)
rating: 1/2
starring:Marcia Do ValesCraig FairbrassVictoria Broom
Wow. Just wow. This was an ordeal of horror movie.

A newly engaged Anna drives out to a summer home (in the middle of nowhere. With no cellphone signals) with three of her friends to celebrate. Said lucky gal, however, gets the unfortunate luck of being bitten by a rabies-infected guard dog and later dies from it while they're partying with a hired stripper.

Or so they think.

The DVD cover spoiled much of the twist as the prima-donna isn't really dead and now she's killing them all for reasons so cheesy and overly dramatic, I rolled my eyes, was tempted to end the film then and there, and care very little now on who lives or dies. The way I guess it, the guys in charge of marketing this film probably saw how bad the film is, so they selflessly spoiled the movie thus saving us from a colossal headache. (That or they're just stupid)

So with no mystery, no gore and no likable characters, Deranged is a horror film for the really dim and, well, deranged as anybody who could sit through this and enjoy every minute of it are bound to be bonkers! You would think cheesy lines and a short running time would help lessen the issues but no. It ain't worth it if the actress playing the killer happens to have an annoying voice and a thick accent, coming out something similar to a stereotyped cartoon of a spoiled Hispanic princess whining on how these girls might steal her husband away from her. (She's probably just jealous cuz one of them's top-heavy. Hmm...) 
Dear God, they're perfect!
I think I'm better off listening to a rake being dragged across a chalkboard than to her utter "threatening" lines while swinging an axe. The less I say about this movie the better! Just keep the fuck away from this shit. It's not even worth complaining about!

1 female stabbed on the back with a kitchen knife
1 female knifed on the gut, throat cut
1 male hacked to death with an axe
1 dog hacked with an axe
1 female hacked on the back with an axe
Total: 5

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