One Word: M-axe-turbate: Ogroff (1983)

Ogroff (France, 1983) (AKA " Mad Mutilator")
Rating: *1/2
Starring: Robert Alaux, Françoise Deniel and Pierre Pattin

Riddle me this, my dear ole' friends; Who the fuck cares of Ogroff and his silly ends?

It's nice to see France embracing the slasher love as early as the 80s. It's just so awful that this one just had to suck this bad; Ogroff is a cheap, shot-on-video cult classic of sorts for the wrong and, God be damned, hilarious reasons. It start off in a semi-good-semi-bad way as our title killer hacks a bloody axe into the chest of a young boy who wandered off too far from his parent's broken car. Then comes in the dad to investigate, decapitated into a cheap paper mache' head, and then the mum is chased through the countryside until she is murdered. (And I'll be frank, that chase felt like an eternity!)

By the end of the day, however, it seems that ole' Oggie here's as lonely as heck, spending his free time lying in bed masturbating his axe (the sheer mechanics of how is this a thing still eludes me to this day), cannibalizing off the meat from his victims and sharing the morsels with something lurking in his cellar. Once in a while he keeps a captive for the heck of it, though they don't seem to last around as Ogroff just have to chase and murder them whenever they get loose.  

With all those random people entering his forest, it doesn't really look like the bloody work is scarce for the masked mutilator. Though it seems like, lately, he may not be the only boogieman in this neck of the woods. I could go on and keep the surprise fresh for you but, hell, why screw around: there's zombies underneath his fucking hut!

Yes, in an unsuspecting turn, one of Ogroff's surviving victims unwillingly unleashes a horde of zombies which then begin terrorizing a nearby town (Or they at least appear to be terrorizing), leading Ogroff to ride for dear life on a motorcycle while still wearing his mask no less. 

The film concludes with the surviving victims getting killed by random psycho but, in the end, who the fuck cares? I certainly don't and, frankly, I believe I just stumbled upon an hour and twenty minutes of yard work-worthy film-making which got hold of its own army of fans for reasons inexplicably twisted. 

This is normally the part when I ask why? Why would anyone be a fan of this film? Is it because Ogroff is such a charming boogieman? I don't see it! Especially with a mask that cheap and desperate, and his attempt to romance a victims is anything but romantic or horrifying. Ogroff is just hilariously sad and goofy. 

There's barely anything to like about Ogroff, both the titular killer and the movie itself; the gore effects are cheap and there's barely any script. In fact, I don't need subtitles to understand the French, cuz I think there's only ten or fifteen worth of lines spewed out and the actors' body language pretty much handled everything. The lack of plot and dialogue, though, isn't as aggravating as Ogroff (1983)'s last act which feels like a three hour run of repeated stock footage of zombies crawling out of the ground and a ten-mile marathon run with an escaping masked loonie on a fucking motorbike. 

It'll take more than masks and kills to make me love a cheap effort; for me, it has to have style, charm and, well, a tolerable amount of cheesy pizzazz! The only time I get to call Ogroff (1983) a "hit" is when I could add an "s" on the beginning of the word! Am I being too personal? Maybe. Yes. I dunno. I went to watch this to satisfy my curiosity and I am confident to say, the experience is anything but rewarding. I'm simply disappointed with this movie and that's all I can say about that...

Bodycount:
1 boy axed on the chest
1 male decapitated
1 male found murdered
1 female axed on the face
1 male hacked with axe
1 female beaten to a pulp with sledgehammer
1female hacked to death with axe
1 female hacked to death with axe
1 male found hanged
1 male gets a chainsaw to the chest
1 female knifed to death
1 male axed on the back
1 female had her neck bitten, stabbed to death with dagger
Total: 13