Rating: ***
Starring: Mark McLachlan, Caitlin Martin, Chris Solari
Like most horror fans as a child, I was (and still am) into monsters. Though my taste can be somewhat picky then (black and white monster movies didn't do much for me, as did most drive-in creature flicks), if we are to talk about giant mutated animals like Ticks (1993) or Mosquito (1995), something incomprehensible like the worm creatures from Deep Rising (1998) or nature's genetic Chimera from The Relic (1997), or even towering titans destroying cardboard cities with the likes of Godzilla and company, you can bet your two cents that I'll be that one kid who goes unhealthily giggity whenever a monster or monsters appear on screen, even if they may be as simple as the giant reptile from this Tobe "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" Hooper millennial killer animal flick, simply titled Crocodile (2000)!
Taking place in Spring break, the film follows rowdy teens visiting a marshy lake to cruise along and party in their small houseboat. And as any lake-based horror flicks in existence, there also happens to be a local tale about a billionaire who became obsessed with his humongous pet crocodile named "Flat Dog", to the point he made shrines for the beast and worshiped it as a god. Legend has it that the croc is still around, with an appetite to match its size, prowling the lake for a good meaty meal.Now, not only this turns out to be true, but apparently ole' Flat Dog also has a mean and vengeful streak to just about anyone who disturbs their nest, lovingly and bloodily shown to us as the croc munches on two hick fishermen after they ruined most of their eggs. This eventually became the case again when the teens spot what remains of Flat Dog's nest one morning and decided to play a prank on a friend by stuffing her bag with the croc's remaining egg. Flat Dog obviously didn't think this is funny and the giant crocodile now sets their teeth on having these dumb kids for dinner.
Much like Jaws (1975) or Grizzly (1976), Crocodile (2000) is basically a slasher film with the titular killer animal taking the place of a masked knife-wielding psycho. The main run simply has Flat Dog attacking and eating the teens one by one after destroying their houseboat and stranding them in the woods, a similar backdrop to just about a majority of backwoods bodycounters to feature evil on two legs. As gimmicky as this sounds, there really isn't a lot else going on for this treatment apart from an ineffective teen drama at the beginning which, at the end of it, did little for the story as a whole. And with the characters being disposable (one or two of them literally there just to be eaten), the writing's relatively thin with a lackluster finale to follow, a matter that isn't helped by the movie's occasion to slip its low-budget on a few scenes which certainly isn't going to sit well to some horror fans.However, as flawed as it may be, Crocodile (2000) is at least an entertaining one at that. There is a fair amount of cheese tossed around within its pseudo-serious tone, evident on how the film treats its main monster, scripting, and the numerous amount of sort-of genuine and not-so-genuine scares. As of a lot of B-grade monsters, Flat Dog's backstory as a rampaging former pet and religious idol does hark up a few snickers, and the accuracy of its depiction as a real croc is pretty stretched thin considering its vengeful tendencies to stalk and kill the douches (and company) who took their egg! It's the kind of crazy take on an animal that makes every moment it is on screen (or partially on screen) worthwhile and this movie generously tossed in a range of good animatronics and practical gore effects to satisfy a fan's craving for bloody mayhem. (And staying true to the slasher flick premise, the kill count is relatively high, too!)
Tobe Hooper's direction also allowed a more acceptable pacing and transition around the first half of the movie, with a lot of the stalking and animal attacks coming out pretty workable for a B-grade horror flick. The only thing about this is that I wish it retained this vigor around the last act as, while we are still treated to some decent killer croc action, it wasn't as exciting and perhaps even a lot cheesier compared to the grim and bloody feastings we had at the first half. Could have been worse, true, but it still could have been better as well.At the end of it, Crocodile (2000) is simply here to exist as an entertainment piece for anyone who isn't expecting anything above a giant animal snacking on generic slasher film victims. I liked it as a kid, and I still kinda do right now, so while I will admit there are better killer croc films in the game like 2007's Rogue or 1999's Lake Placid, if you wanna see Crocodile (2000), be my guest!
Bodycount:
1 male eaten by a crocodile
1 male repeatedly bitten, eaten by a crocodile
1 male eaten whole by a crocodile
1 male bitten in half, eaten by crocodile
1 male eaten by a crocodile
1 female eaten by a crocodile
1 female eaten by a crocodile
1 male immolated in explosion
1 male eaten by a crocodile
1 male eaten by a crocodile
Total: 10
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