Saturday, March 2, 2013

"Everybody Happy?!": Stitches (2012)

Stitches (Ireland, 2012)
rating: ****
starring:  Ross Noble, Gemma-Leah Devereux, Tommy Knight

I can't remember the last time I actually re-watch a horror flick on the very same day I first saw it; I practically just watch it once and then again after a week or two, but this particular title had me wanting to play it again the moment it ended, but I just had to restrain myself. Honestly, I never had this much fun watching a horror-comedy since Shaun of the Dead!

Meet Stitches, a run-down party clown-by-profession living off on whatever he makes at the parties he performs in, trying to make a living to maintain his a trailer house perilously perched on the edge of a cliff, and provide for his hot lover. Not exactly the best there is, but he's working hard. I'm sure of it.

We begin on that very day where Stitches got a gig to entertain a bunch of snot-nosed brats at a young lad's 10th Birthday party. The kids, one by one, humiliated him to the point they decided to play a nasty prank on him, ending up with the clown face-planting to an erect kitchen knife, impaling him through the head. (Though, that sortah didn't kill him yet, as he tried (and failed) to murder the birthday boy with the same knife he yanked off. Quite a big mess if you hadn't seen it!)

After Stitches' funeral, Young Tommy, le Birthday boy of the beginning, spots a strange procession of clowns mages that night, walking towards a rundown building on the cemetery and doing a ritual involving painted eggs. Tommy follows them and got spotted, yet let go with a warning that a clown's job is not done until the party's over, and Stitches will return to finish it with deadly consequences.

Keeping this in mind, Tom spent the next six years of his life celebrating his birthday without a party. But being sixteen and scared of a clown isn't good for his picture as a teenager, so he reluctantly decided to throw a party after a long hiatus, inviting his close friends and his little crush, and hopes he can get over the past.

But, as you can tell, the past isn't gonna stay buried forever. (literally) Sensing the party, Stitches returns as an undead killer with an inventory of party-goods-turned-weapons behinds his sleeves (also literally) and hunts down those responsible for the worst (and last) day of his job.

Let's put this out of the clear, Stitches is a slasher film that doesn't try to break new grounds, as the plot is  something we'd seen before loads of time from A Nightmare on Elm Street to The House of Sorority Row. A killer coming back from the grave to exact vengeance to those who killed him, may as well be as soggy as an egged face, but Stitches tried to set itself apart from the others by being creative with the premises, and adds some delightfully gory and funny twists on familiar grounds. The only shortcoming for me from this movie is that I was hoping for a larger bodycount and the slaughter ended way too quickly. I maybe just saying that cuz I'm used to high kill counts, but I try not to let that ruin the fact that this is an enjoyable movie. Besides, any movie to pull off some good practical kills and try not to overuse CG ones is more than a respectable film for me.

As by means of comedy, Stitches works well; the jokes are in the kills and in the dialogue, well-written, imaginative with its theme (clown as a religion? Do tell~) and paced to keep us watching in anticipation for the murders, and in laughter while we wait. The casts are likable and colorful, and performances ranges from fair to acceptable. Ross Noble as Stitches has to be a friggin landmark here; he definitely got the character and performance to make this killer clown as memorable as any other with a little more comic relief. He seems to be a big comedy hit in Britain, so I can tell this can its a bit natural from him to play a killer's as silly yet very formidable as a zombie, killer clown with a talent for splatstick. Tommy Knight played the teenager Tom here, and despite his little wussy character, I have to say, he does make it at times to make me root for him.

The film ends with a suggestion Stitches might be back. I'm not entirely hot about the idea of a sequel; as you can tell this film has already got a lot going for it, and I really hate for Stitches to jinx its own success by a pointless sequel, but I'm open-minded, happy and gorily satisfied by this film, so if there's gonna be one, I'll be sure to keep a look-out for it. Now, I suggest you readers try this one out. Claustrophobics, beware! Stitches is destined to be the next killer clown cult classics!

1 male lands face first to an erect knife, impaled through the head
1 male arm torn from socket, head kicked off
1 male stabbed on the head with can opener, brains scooped with icecream scooper
1 female parasol through the head, exit to eye
1 cat beaten to death
1 male gutted with knife, head inflated into exploding with air pump
Total: 6
That van was shaking moments ago.
Wonder what happened if they had a threesome...


  1. I watched this just the other day - liked it but the body count could've been bolstered a little with the love interest's arsey boyfriend and the couple who sneak off for a shag.

    1. Yeah, I was really hoping he would kill that A-hole, but then again, the guy's obviously a wimp (Oh, watch out! His dad's a lawyer! pfft!) so seeing our lead punch him down was satisfactory enough.

      As for the shagsters, well, I guess the two hadn't done the actual shagging yet so i guess they could live...for now!